My Word
Gizelle Bryant
Houston, Texas * Washington, D.C.
My Word © 2019 by Gizelle Bryant
Brown Girls Books LLC ~ www.BrownGirlsBooks.com
ISBN: 978-1-944359-79-9 (ebook)
ISBN: 978-1-944359-80-5 (print)
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means including electronic, mechanical or
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Dedication
This book as well as everything else that I do is dedicated
to the three people that matter most to me. They have
stretched me to be the best version of myself. They have
taught me the power and beauty of unconditional love. They
have brought my life a sense of purpose and internal peace.
I am forever grateful to be the mother of my three
amazing children, Grace, Angel and Adore.
Chapter One
March, 2008
The doors of the church slammed shut and the sound
echoed in my ears. I squirmed a little in my place in the
pew. What was going on?
It almost felt like we were being held hostage the way the
deacons stood, like soldiers, at the closed doors. All the male armor bearers were poised like they were bearing arms—all
aimed at keeping everyone in their place. But for what?
And why had Reverend Lewis, the assistant pastor, just
asked al visitors and non-tithing members to leave the
sanctuary? Why had the ushers scoured the rows in search of
any stragglers who had stayed behind?
The sanctuary was bright with the morning sun that
shined through the stained-glass windows, but the members
of Pilgrim’s Rest Missionary Baptist Church who remained
all sat in a stunned silence.
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6 | Gizel e Bryant
After a few moments, Reverend Ovide Robinson pushed
himself up from the huge oak-framed ornate pulpit chair
and meandered toward the podium. Just before he got to
the pulpit, he reached out his hand, and his wife, First Lady
Alberta Robinson rose from her seat of honor in the first
pew. One of the ushers rushed to her and held her elbow as
she ascended the four steps up the altar to join her husband.
Reverend Robinson took his wife’s hand and then,
together, the two stood before the church. Now, there had
been many times when I’d sat here in Pilgrim’s Rest and every
head had been bowed and every eye had been closed, but this
was not one of those moments. I didn’t have to look to my
left nor to my right to know that every eye was on our Senior
pastor and his wife.
What was going on?
Then in a voice that would have won Reverend Robinson
dozens of Stellar Awards if he’d chosen that path, he boomed,
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned!”
A collective gasp rose through the three-thousand seat
sanctuary.
“I have brought shame to my wife, my children and my
church family.” Reverend Robinson’s voice quaked as he spoke.
There were more gasps, but everyone’s eyes stayed laser-
focused on the Robinsons. My eyes were on our First Lady
more than our Reverend. Lady Robinson, as she preferred
to be called, stood stoic in her navy St. John’s suit, the gold buttons gleaming as if they had just been shined. She looked
My Word | 7
taller than her normal five feet, five inches. It was the way her shoulders were squared, the way her chin jutted forward. And
the four inch stilettos she had on helped, too.
I had to give it to her; while the congregation wore
stunned expressions, Lady Robinson’s face was a blank slate,
the best poker face I’d ever seen. Her glance was straight,
focused on the front door of the church, to escape, perhaps?
Her lips were pressed into a tight line that to me, made her
look like she was holding back a thousand curses.
But those were just small nuances that I saw because I
knew her so well. To everyone else, she was a woman who
was holding her head high even though she’d just been dealt
a low blow.
She was standing in a place where I, as a woman, would
never be.
“I have violated my vows to my wife, to this church and
to God. I have broken my fellowship with the Lord.”
Oh my goodness! I scooted to the edge of the pew as
if getting an inch closer would help me to understand this
better. What was Reverend Robinson saying? What had he
done?
“I will spend the rest of my life atoning for my sins.”
What sins?
“And with that said, I am sad to announce that I am
stepping down.”
Now, mumbles accompanied the gasps and for the third
time I asked myself what was going on? I couldn’t stop asking
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that question because with every word Reverend Robinson
spoke, he gave us a new revelation...and made me ask more
questions.
“I don’t know how long it will take me to get myself
right again, but you, the faithful members of Pilgrim’s Rest
Missionary Baptist Church deserve better. Thank you and
God bless you all.”
God bless you all?! God bless you all? Really? My mouth
opened wide as Reverend Robinson took his wife’s hand, but
before he could turn to exit stage right, Mr. Cowell, one of
the oldest members of the church, pushed himself up from
his seat and held up his hand.
“Reverend Robinson, no disrespect,” Mr. Cowell belted
out in a volume that belied his eighty (or was it ninety) years.
“But you’ve led us for the last twenty-two years. I think we
deserve more of an explanation. We need to know why you’re
stepping down.”
There were mumbles of agreement, though no one else
stood up.
Reverend Robinson shook his head, while Lady Robinson
turned her eyes away. “The details aren’t important,” our
Reverend told Mr. Cowell.
“The hell they aren’t,” the lady on the left side of me,
mumbled.
At any other time, I may have reminded her, in a sisterly
sort of way, that we were sitting in church. But right now, I
was feeling her. How could Reverend Robinson drop that
My Word | 9
piece of news and just leave us sitting in the pews? He’d done something and as the tithing members, we deserved to know
exactly what it was.
Reverend
Robinson said, “The board will immediately
begin a search for my replacement as I go into a cocoon of
reflection.”
Cocoon of reflection? What the hell? Now all I could
think was...this is a MESS.
“My wife has forgiven me,” Reverend Robinson said as
he dabbed at the perspiration that suddenly moistened his
brow. “Now, I need time to seek God’s forgiveness and final y, I must have the space to forgive myself.” He gave us a nod
before he added, “Thank you for understanding.” This time,
when he took his wife’s hand, he didn’t stop moving, even as
the chatter grew louder, even as more questions followed him
through the door.
When he and Lady Robinson disappeared through the
side doors that led to the offices in the back of the church,
I wanted to jump up, run after him, and ask my question to
his face.
Ron, the Minister of Music stood up and though his face
was stiff with shock like the rest of us, he motioned for the
small church band to start playing. But though Pilgrim’s Rest
was known for a rocking choir, the music wasn’t going to calm
our spirits today.
I shifted a bit in my seat so that I could look at Jeremy. His eyes were focused on the pulpit, as if Reverend Robinson was
10 | Gizel e Bryant
still there. I took my best friend’s hand, hoping that would pull him from his trance. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand what
Jeremy had to be feeling—if anyone had to be shocked by this
news, it was Jeremy. Reverend Robinson was his mentor, the
man who’d encouraged him to enter the ministry; he was the
reason Jeremy was on staff here as the youth minister.
But most importantly, Reverend Robinson had come into
Jeremy’s life when he was just a freshman at Dillard, a year
before we met. That had been three and a half years ago and
Jeremy had told me more than a few times that if it had not
been for Reverend Robinson and his encouraging Jeremy to
lean on God during his grief, he was sure he wouldn’t have
made it.
And the Robinsons felt the same way about Jeremy. I
couldn’t count the number of times, Lady Robinson had told
me that Jeremy was the child they’d never had.
“So, I guess you were surprised by this, too,” I whispered,
not sure why I was stating the obvious.
Jeremy didn’t move, as if he was frozen in this moment.
“Jeremy?” I shook his leg.
He blinked a couple of times, then muttered, “Huh?”
before he shifted his shoulders so that he faced me.
“You were surprised, too,” I repeated, wanting to make
sure this hadn’t been a secret he’d kept from me.
He nodded slowly. “I...I don’t. I didn’t see this coming.”
He was telling the truth. I knew because Jeremy’s body
had a built-in lie detector—he’d always get this little eyebrow
My Word | 11
twitch when he was telling a lie, and right now, not a thing
moved on my friend. That meant that Jeremy hadn’t a clue
and if he didn’t know, then no one did. The Robinsons would
have told the man they called, ‘Son’ first.
“Do you want to go back there and talk to him and Lady
Robinson?” I asked.
“And say what?” he replied, over the choir’s singing.
“My help...all of my help cometh from the Lord.”
It was an appropriate song because right now, Pilgrim’s
Rest needed a whole lot of help that would only come
from the Lord. But there didn’t seem to be anyone in the
congregation who noticed our award winning choir. Everyone
was chatting with their pew neighbors as if they were sitting
in their dining room spilling tea over Sunday dinner.
“I...I gotta get out of here.” Before I could react, Jeremy
stood and crossed over the five people to get to the aisle.
Following him, I jumped up and did the same, excusing
myself to the faces that were so familiar since this third row was where Jeremy and I sat for every service.
This New Orleans church was the spiritual home for both
of us. I was a Senior at Xavier University, a college that was about ten minutes away from Dillard. But no matter how
lit our Saturday nights were with my sorority’s events or his
fraternity’s parties, come Sunday morning, we were seated in
this third row in church, standing on the Christian foundation that our parents had laid within us.
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I rushed behind Jeremy as he dashed toward the doors
and for a moment, I wondered if the deacons would let us
out. Not that anyone would have been able to stop Jeremy. He
barged past like he was a speeding locomotive and the deacon
had to jump out of my friend’s way.
I was in a full sprint when I passed by the deacon and
smiled an apology to him before I stepped from the sanctuary
into the lobby.
“Hey,” I shouted out as I ran behind Jeremy, catching him
before he stepped outside. “Are you all right?”
He shook his head. “Reverend Robinson just stepped
down,” he said as if I hadn’t been sitting next to him. “Do
you know what had to happen for him to decide to do this?
After what this church means to him? He built this place,”
Jeremy said, pointing to the stained glass ceiling, just one of the opulent features in the building.
“I know,” I said, keeping my voice soft and soothing
because Jeremy was so agitated. But he was right. Reverend
Robinson had founded Pilgrim’s Rest Missionary Baptist
Church in the eighties and over the last two decades had
grown the membership from a couple of hundred to just
under three thousand.
“I just...I just...I just....”
“Okay, Jeremy. Breathe.” I rubbed my hand over his back.
He inhaled slowly, then exhaled the same way.
“It’s going to be okay,” I told him.
My Word | 13
“How can it be?” Jeremy shook his head. “The world won’t
be the same.”
I thought that was a little dramatic, but I understood
my friend’s sentiments. Jeremy and I had been friends since
we’d met in Charlotte at MEAC. And for the last two years,
everyone called us a couple, though we truly were just friends.
True friends who could laugh together and cry together and
study together. Best friends who’d visited each other’s homes
and met each other’s families during school breaks. But our
real bond came from our love for the Lord. We prayed and
read the Bible together. Nothing was more intimate than that
to me.
It felt so good to have a guy in my life who wasn’t trying
to get into my panties. Jeremy never crossed that line; it was like it never occurred to him. I was his sister-in-Christ and
that was all that mattered.
The friendship zone was perfect for me because Jeremy
wanted to be a pastor and if there was one thing I would never be, it was a pastor’s wife.
“Ginger, I don’t know....”
I looked around the vestibule to make sure no one was
within listening range when I asked, “Do you think he got
>
involved with a man?”
It wasn’t that I’d ever heard anything like that concerning
Reverend Robinson, but my thoughts were that if he’d just
been smashing a woman, it wouldn’t be all that serious...
unfortunately. If he’d had an affair, he’d apologize to Lady
14 | Gizel e Bryant
Robinson, then keep it a secret and keep it moving. He
wouldn’t have walked away from the church.
Jeremy shrugged. “I have no idea what it is.”
“Well,” I began, then paused as one of the doors to the
sanctuary opened and a matriarch of the church, Mother
Madeline Logan wobbled on her cane toward us. Mother
Logan always left about five minutes before the service
was over, so that meant soon the lobby would be filled with
parishioners, all talking about what had gone down in church
this morning.
Mother Logan stopped, leaned her cane against the wall,
then took Jeremy’s hands into her own.
“You all right, Suga?” she asked, cranking her head back
so that she could look into Jeremy’s eyes.
Jeremy half nodded, half shook his head.
“I know Reverend Robinson is like a father to you,” she
said. “It’s a shame what just happened in there.”
Jeremy nodded. “Yes, ma’am. A shame, but I’m fine,” he
lied.
Mother Logan reached toward his neck, though her reach
ended somewhere around Jeremy’s chest. Still, she hugged
him. “You stay strong. We know all things work together for
good to them that love God.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Jeremy said.
“And to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
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After a pause, she said, “God’s purpose, Jeremy. You know
they’re going to be looking for a new pastor.”
I leaned back a little. The way Mother Logan said those
words was like she wanted Jeremy to consider the position.
What was she thinking?
But then, my friend nodded like that had been something
on his mind, too. Now, I wanted to know what he’d been thinking?
Mother Logan winked at him before she grabbed her
cane and then wobbled her way out of the church.
I waited until she was all the way through the doors before
I asked, “What was that about?”
“What do you mean?”
“She winked at you like you two share a secret.”
With a sigh, Jeremy took my hand and we walked to his
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