My Word_Interior.indd

by Gizelle Bryant

  “All right. Let me see what I have in my bag.”

  “Wait.” I held up my hand, looking at Jasmine first, and

  then turning to Jada. “Hot pink is not neutral.”

  “Ugh!” Jada groaned and then turned to Jasmine. “Your

  mother is so 1960.”

  My five-year-old squeezed her face into a frown. “What

  does that mean?”

  “It means Mom’s old,” Jayden said as he strolled into the

  kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and grabbed a small bottle

  of orange juice.

  But before he could make his way out of the kitchen, I

  stopped him. “Hold up.” Jayden spun around. “Since when

  do you just walk in here and grab something out of the

  refrigerator without asking me? Did you get a job that I didn’t hear about?”

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  Jasmine giggled. “Mommy, Jayden can’t get a job. He’s

  only seven,” she told me as if she seriously believed I needed that reminder.

  “Well, he needs to start acting like he’s seven.”

  I gave him a little side-eye and Jayden said, “Mom, can I

  have this juice, please?”

  I waited a beat before I nodded. As he ran out of the

  room, Jada shouted out to him, “Don’t go too far, Jayden.

  I’m gonna do your nails next.” That sent Jasmine into a fit of giggles.

  Jada set out a little manicure set she carried in her purse,

  just as I heard the garage door open. This was going to be

  interesting—interacting with Jeremy while Jada was here.

  I was so glad for her presence; she was the distraction I

  needed to get through one day of my two-day wait for the

  paternity results. Since today was Sunday, Dru had told me

  the results would be in on Tuesday. So I truly thanked God for Jada today because waiting tomorrow was going to be brutal.

  But while she was a great diversion, she was also presented

  me with a dilemma. How was I going to hide everything from

  her? I really didn’t want to talk to Jada about Jeremy; she loved him. And until I knew everything for sure, there was no need

  to damage their relationship by telling her about his affair and the possible pregnancy. No, I had to find some way to keep

  this all from her—for now.

  When the door opened, Jasmine slipped from the chair.

  “Daddy’s home,” she sang and ran into her father’s arms. He

  scooped her into the air. “Daddy, Auntie Jada is here.”

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  “I know,” he said. “I already saw her in church, remember?”

  “Oh, yeah,” Jasmine said before she climbed back into the

  chair to prepare for her manicure.

  Jeremy kissed my cheek and because Jasmine was sitting

  inches from me and because my sister’s eyes were on me, I

  didn’t slap his face away. Then, he turned to Jada. “So what’s up, my favorite sister-in-love?” He pulled her into a one arm

  hug.“Just you. But uh...Lauren said you say the same thing

  to her.”

  He laughed. “I admit to nothing.”

  I wondered if he’d said that on purpose or had that truth

  come from his soul.

  Jada playfully pushed his shoulder. “Just like a man,” she

  kidded him without knowing she was speaking his truth. “So,

  how are things going, Rev?”

  He glanced at me and my mouth opened wide when he

  said, “Not well, but maybe you can talk to your sister about

  that.”

  I couldn’t believe he was putting our business out there

  on Front Street like that. He knew I didn’t believe him about

  Katrina; did he really want me talking to my sister about that?

  And why would he even say that in front of Jasmine, who

  was now looking at the three of us with nothing but curiosity

  in her eyes.

  Jada’s eyes went from Jeremy to me, then back to my

  husband. “Uh…”

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  “He’s just kidding,” I said with a little laugh to Jada,

  though those words were for my daughter’s ears. “We’re fine.

  You know Jeremy’s a jokester.”

  “Yeah.” Jasmine giggled. “Daddy’s a jokester.”

  Jeremy smirked, then walked over, leaned in and kissed my

  cheek once again. But this time, his kiss had an accompanying

  message. “We’re not fine,” he said, his volume revealing that

  his words were meant for my ears only. “But we will be because I will never give up on you, I’ll never give up on us. No matter what I have to do.” Standing up straight he said, “So uh, are

  you taking Jasmine back to the church for the children’s choir anniversary rehearsal, or do you want me to do it?”

  “Oh!” I tapped the heel of my hand on my forehead.

  “I’d forgotten all about that,” I said, while I wondered about Jeremy’s words. I wasn’t sure if what he’d said was meant as a promise or a threat.

  “Why don’t you do it?” Jada said to Jeremy. “It’ll give me

  a chance to have some time with my sister.”

  Before I could protest, Jeremy said, “That sounds great to

  me. Come on, Munchkin.”

  “What about my nails?” Jasmine asked, looking between

  her father and her aunt.

  “We’ll do them later,” Jada told her. “I promise. You go

  on with your dad to church so you can sing like the beautiful

  angel you are.”

  Jasmine’s face brightened. “Mommy said I’m an angel,

  too.”

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  Jeremy held out his hand to our daughter. “So let’s go get

  your sneakers and a sweater and then we’ll head back to New

  Kingdom.”

  With a hop from her chair, Jasmine slid her hand into his.

  She skipped beside Jeremy, all was well in her world. The sight of my husband with our children had always been one that

  filled my heart each time with even more love for him. He

  was a good father, but what was going to happen now? What

  would our lives look like after Tuesday? Would the children

  and I even be here for our anniversary?

  “All right, it’s time to get to talking.”

  Almost that quickly, I’d forgotten my sister was here.

  And when I turned around, by her stare I knew I was in for

  quite an interrogation. But because I had hopes of stalling

  and maybe even changing the conversation altogether, I said,

  “Talking about what?”

  She wagged her finger in front of my face. “Don’t what

  me,” she said. “Jeremy can fake the funk, even though this

  time, he didn’t even try. But you? You can’t fake a thing. First of al , if I wasn’t here, I’m sure a slap may have been the

  answer to his kiss.”

  “You’re so violent,” I said.

  “And next, you never forget anything on your children’s

  schedule. How would you forget Jasmine had practice unless

  there is something seriously on your mind? So talk.” Then,

  after a pause, she said, “Wait. Is this about those First Ladies?

  Are they still getting to you?”

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  I shook my head. “I wish to God they were my problem.”

  Just as I said that, Jasmine skipped back into the room.

  She gave me a hug and then, while she went to hug Jada,

  Jeremy ambushed me with another kiss, this time on my lips.

  It was a gentle kis
s, filled with his kind of love.

  When both of us were sure Jasmine and Jeremy were out

  of the house, Jada asked, “So what is your problem with that

  fine man? I mean, I’m not even attracted to dudes, but anyone

  with eyes can see Jeremy Williams got it going on in all kinds of ways.”

  Her tone sounded like she thought whatever the problem

  was, it was my fault. She needed to know the truth, so I said,

  “I just have one little problem with him—he’s cheating on

  me.”Jada’s lips snapped shut. Then, a moment later, she

  whispered, “No. Way.”

  I nodded and matched her volume, not wanting Jayden

  to overhear anything, though that was hardly possible with

  the way he blasted his TV in his room. I said, “I confronted

  the woman.”

  “Get out.”

  It wasn’t a story that I wanted to repeat, but as Jada sat

  on the edge of the chair, I told her about Katrina Brunson.

  “But it gets worse,” I said, when I got to the end of that story.

  Jada must’ve heard the tears in my voice because she

  scooted her chair closer, held my hand and I continued, “I

  think he may have gotten someone pregnant.”

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  “What?” she screamed.

  “Keep your voice down. Remember, Jayden.”

  “No f ’ing way,” she whispered. “Who? Where she at?”

  “Someone you know.”

  Her mouth was as wide as her eyes.

  “Not directly,” I said and then reminded her of our lunch

  and the mystery of that staring woman. I told her everything,

  from the pregnancy story that came from Sonya and Cecily

  to the baby reality that Dru had uncovered. “But I haven’t said a word to Jeremy about this part.”

  “Why not?” And before I answered, she held up her hand

  and said, “Wait. Mom and her pearls of wisdom.”

  I nodded. “Mom was right about this one. I’m glad I still

  have cards that Jeremy hasn’t seen. I don’t want to give him

  to have time to concoct a story. I just want the truth so that I can do what I have to do. And it’s not going to be an easy

  decision to make.”

  “I know.” She released my hand and leaned back in her

  chair. “Ten years of marriage, two amazing children....”

  “And eight million dollars on the table.”

  “Wait! What?” she whispered as if she didn’t understand.

  I filled her in on the Amazon deal and all she did was

  shake her head. “So there is so much at stake,” I told her.

  “This is crazy,” Jada said. “So what’re you going to do?

  What’re you going to do if it’s true? If he really is Andre’s

  father?”

  “That, my dear sister, is the ten years, two children, eight

  million dollar question.”

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  “Do you think you can walk away from all of that?”

  I shook my head. “It would be hard, but here’s the thing. I

  know that everything I do is not just about me. My children

  are watching. And what would me staying say to Jasmine?”

  Jada shook her head as if she vehemently disagreed with

  me. “No, Jasmine is too young to understand. You don’t have

  to worry about her.”

  “That’s not true. I believe children are always watching.

  Did you notice Jasmine when Jeremy came in here and told

  you that things were not well?”

  The way my sister frowned, I reminded her how Jasmine

  had watched and heard every word we’d said, and then had

  even repeated that Jeremy was a jokester.

  “She doesn’t even know what a jokester is,” I said. “But

  she watches our words, she watches our body language and I

  don’t want my children to grow up in a tense home.” I shook

  my head. “Besides, one day Jasmine will grow up and if Jeremy

  is Andre’s father, she’ll ask me why I stayed. I’d better have a good reason for her if I decide to do that.”

  Jada nodded. “And you’ll have to have an equally good

  reason for leaving.”

  “I agree,” I said and then, I nodded, wanting my sister to

  know that I understood her point. “So, a lot of my decision will be about my children. I’m raising them consciously, knowing

  that every word I speak, every decision I make, every reaction I have impacts them, even now, as young as they are. But this

  is what I know also—breaking vows and disrespecting me is

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  not okay. True or not, Jeremy hasn’t said one word to me about this. All I get are lies on top of lies on top of lies and that speaks to his character. So that is part of my decision, too.”

  She nodded. “That is so true.” A beat and then, “You’re

  really a good mother.”

  “Thanks.”

  “And you know what? Jeremy is a good father.” She

  paused, then with a sideward glance, she said, “And he’s a

  good man.”

  My eyebrows stretched to the top of my forehead. “Wow,

  I didn’t expect this.”

  She shrugged.

  “One of the reasons why I didn’t want to tell you what was

  going on was because I didn’t want to affect your relationship with Jeremy.”

  She waved her hand. “I’ve been involved in enough

  relationships to understand their dysfunction. And this is

  what I know—no one is as bad as the worst thing they’ve ever

  done. If Jeremy is the father, that will be the worst thing. But on the ledger of his life,” she paused, “he’s done so many good things. That’s the problem with people sometimes. Folks al ow

  one bad thing to wipe out a slate that covers ten thousand

  good things.”

  Resting my elbows on the glass table, I folded my hands

  and rested my chin on them. My sister had said more than

  a mouthful.

  She added, “I feel sorry for pastors.”

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  “Why?” I asked.

  “Because they’re held to a higher standard.”

  “Well,” I shrugged, “that’s biblical.”

  “I know. But it seems like those men walk around with a

  target on their backs. I remember how it was for Daddy. Man,

  every Sunday temptation was being thrown his way. Every

  time we went out, there was some woman willing to do some

  thing for Mommy’s man. It was just crazy.”

  My sisters and I didn’t talk about that time of our lives

  very much, but it did surprise me how observant Jada was

  even at that time. I said, “Yeah, but Daddy said no to all of

  that. He didn’t fall.”

  “We don’t know that for sure, Ginger.” She shook her

  head slowly.

  I squinted at her implication.

  She held up her hands as if she was trying to hold off the

  attack that she knew was coming. “I’m not saying he did, I’m

  just saying we don’t know. And let’s say he didn’t fall to that kind of sexual temptation; we do know he fell to something.

  That’s biblical. Because every single one of us sins and falls short.”

  I let her words settle before I asked, “So are you saying...if Jeremy’s the father of Sharonne’s son, I should forgive him?”

  “Well, you’re gonna have to forgive him no matter what.

  Daddy taught us that. The whole Christian doctrine is built

  on forgi
veness, so I don’t understand folks who go to church

  every Sunday talking about, ‘you gonna have to give me time

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  to speak to him again after what he did to me’.” Jada sucked

  her teeth. “I just don’t understand it. Look.” The legs of her chair scraped against the tiles on the kitchen’s floor as she

  turned her chair to face me. Taking both of my hands into

  hers, she said, “I just want you to remember that Jeremy is a

  man who is preaching the word of God. So Satan’s job is to

  bring Jeremy Williams down. Satan’s job is to kill and destroy this man of God.”

  I sighed. “You know, I hate when people bring up Satan.

  It feels like an excuse. Satan didn’t cheat, Jeremy did.”

  “I know that, but hear me out. Now, Jeremy may have

  allowed the devil in and Jeremy may have cheated, but I just

  want you to consider this is not just about a man who cheated

  on his wife. This is about a man of God who is being targeted

  for destruction.”

  I stared at my sister for a moment. We’d all gone through

  so much being a pastor’s kids. But Jada had gone through the

  most. Our father had already passed away when Jada came

  out, but all of us still worshipped at New Faith Missionary

  Baptist Church, the church that my father had built. But

  once news of her being gay spread within the church, men

  and women who’d worked with our parents, men and women

  who’d watched us grow up, men and women who’d given us

  hugs every Sunday, gifts at Christmas, and sincere condolences when our father died, shunned Jada. The hate was enough to

  drive our mother out of D.C. and Jada out of the church

  forever.

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  “What?” Jada asked. “Why are you looking at me like

  that?”

  I shrugged. “It’s just that....”

  “You’re surprised that I’m dropping all this Christian

  wisdom?” She grinned.

  And I laughed, grateful for the weight she’d taken off this

  conversation. “Yeah, I’m a little surprised.”

  “Listen, I know how to separate God’s word from God’s

  people. ‘Cause God’s word is always right, but His people...

  not so much. My not wanting to go to church is about not

  wanting to be around people. But God...I thank Him that

  He’s everywhere.”

  “Whew!” I held up my right hand. “I feel like I just got a

  Sunday sermon.”