way or the other.”
I just stood there staring at the envelope, knowing already
what was inside and Dru just stood there staring at me.
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It felt like we were having a face-off that had lasted for
at least a day. I just couldn’t get my feet, or any part of me for that matter, to move. Just couldn’t take the few steps to
Dru, even though she held her hand out, ready to pass the
envelope to me.
Finally, I spoke my truth in this moment. “I’m afraid.”
She nodded, she swallowed. “I know you are.”
Then, I wondered how had she passed that lump that had
been in her throat to me? Still, I was able to squeak out, “Have you looked at the results?”
“Of course not,” she said in a tone that made me think I’d
asked a stupid question.
“How did you get them?”
“I’d asked for a rush, but I wasn’t sure if I would really
get them today. I didn’t want to get your hopes up...or down
depending on what’s in here.” She waved the envelope.
“So this was the errand you had to run?”
She nodded. “But I don’t want to stand here and have
small talk with you.”
I bit the corner of my lip, almost trying to draw blood.
“I’m only doing this because I’m afraid. I know I said that
already, but I wanted to make sure you heard me.”
“I did and I understand. But this,” she waved the envelope
again, “is what you need.”
Staring at Dru for just a moment more, I turned away
from her, and returned to the chair where just a while ago,
I’d faced off with the Real First Ladies of D.C.. I had to sit
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so that my heart could start beating again. Dru did the same,
sitting across from me. And then, she leaned forward, placing
the envelope in the center of my desk.
My eyes stayed on the packet that held not only the truth,
but my future.
“What do you think is inside?” I asked.
“The results,” Dru said, even though she knew what I
meant. “We don’t have to guess. We don’t have to wait
any longer.” She paused. “You said you didn’t want to wait
anymore.”
“I don’t. But I’m scared.”
“Okay,” her voice was slow, soothing. She spoke to me in
the same tone she used for Jasmine, “so let’s do this. Let’s talk this out. What are you afraid of?”
That was a good question, but it was difficult to articulate.
Because there was so much. But I said, “I’m afraid I’m going
to find out that Jeremy is Andre’s father.”
She nodded. “And if you find that out, what will you do?”
Another great question. “Well, I would do what my
mother said, never make a decision when I’m angry.”
“You’ve told me that before. That’s good Mama advice.”
“Except I won’t be angry. If those are the results, I’ll be so sad. The saddest I’ve ever been in my life.”
“That’s not true.” She shook her head. “Nothing was
sadder than your dad passing away.”
This was why she was my best friend. Dru was helping
me put this into perspective.
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Leaning onto the desk, Dru said, “Look, when you open
this envelope, whatever is inside is between you and me. You
can do whatever you want, either way. You know you will
never have any judgment from me.”
“I know that.”
“I just don’t want that to play into your decision. I just
don’t want you to be afraid.”
I stared at the envelope. Sitting here like this was
ridiculous. I’d tortured myself during the wait and now that
what I’d been waiting for was here, I was doing the same.
It was time.
As if she knew the conclusion I’d just come to, Dru picked
up the envelope, then handed it to me. I still waited a moment, but then, I took it from Dru and held it only for a second or
so before I ripped it open.
It was a single sheet of paper that began with lots of
words. Headings that said: Method, Results and then four
columns filled with dozens of numbers. But I wasn’t interested in any of that. My eyes scanned the paper in search of the
bottom line. And that’s where I found it. Right at the bottom.
I took a breath and read aloud:
“In conclusion, based on our analysis, the alleged father X
cannot be excluded as the biological father of the tested child.
Based on the analysis of STR listed above, the probability
of paternity is....” I paused, swallowed, but the lump stayed
stubborn and stayed in place. And I spoke aloud my greatest
fear. “The probably of paternity is ninety nine point nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine....”
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I couldn’t stop. I just kept saying the number nine. Over
and over. Dru didn’t stop me either. She sat there, and waited for me to run out of nines. And finally I did. Or maybe I
didn’t, maybe there had been nines in me, but I was too
exhausted to continue.
There was nothing left inside of me except for nines and
sorrow. But still, I managed to raise my eyes and look at my
best friend. She sat in the same position that she was in when she’d handed me this news. Only one thing had changed—
there were tears trekking down her cheeks.
I tilted my head and thought about how my best friend
and I were always in sync. Because the tears she had matched
mine exactly.
Chapter Twenty-One
With the remote, Dru parted the slow-opening gates,
then just as slowly, she rolled up my driveway. She
eased the car to a stop, turned off the ignition, then twisted in her seat and faced me.
“Thank you for driving me home,” I said.
“This is what we do.”
I nodded. Dru was right; I would do anything for her, but
she had never had this kind of drama in her life. “I’ll pay for the Uber for you to go back to get your car.”
“You pay me well enough; I can afford it.”
She smiled, or at least she tried to. But it was hard through
the tears in her eyes. Again, my best friend and I were in sync.
When I turned my attention to the palatial home where
Jeremy and I had lived for the last nine years, I sighed. “I loved this house, I loved this neighborhood.”
“You’re speaking in past tense. You still love your home,”
she said. “You still love your neighborhood.”
I nodded.
She asked, “So what now?”
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I shook my head because the thoughts that came with the
answer to that question took my breath away.
“Remember what your mother said about giving yourself
time to make the right decision?”
It took a bit of effort, but words finally croaked out of me.
“This is not about a decision. Not yet. First, I have to speak to Jeremy. And from there, I’ll figure it out.”
I was grateful when Dru said nothing and just allowed
a few moments of silence to sit between us. That was easiest
for me right now. Easier not to have to sp
eak when my head
pounded even harder than my heart.
“I’m going to say something you’re going to find hard to
believe.” When Dru said that, I faced her. “Those First Ladies, I know I’ve called them all kinds of names, and everything
I’ve said about them is true. But the part you told me about
what they said, the part about all that you’ve invested. That’s a good question. Are you ready to let it all go for an affair?”
There was no judgment in her tone, just sincerity, just concern.
This was an easy question for me to answer. “This isn’t an
affair. This is a baby. And this is ridiculous.” My words gave me strength. “I have to go inside now. I have to talk to Jeremy.”
“Are you going to talk to him here? With the kids?”
I half-shrugged. “It’s almost eight.” I couldn’t believe how
much time had gone by. Dru and I had just sat in my office
after I read the results. We’d just sat there crying and talking, talking and crying, until all of those hours had passed by.
“Jasmine’s in bed,” I said, finishing my thought, “and Jayden
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is in his room with the TV blasting because he hopes to be
deaf by the time he turns fourteen.”
She snickered, but then stopped. It was too difficult to
laugh through sorrow. “Do you want me to go in with you?”
“No.” Now, I was the one who turned to her and tried to
smile. “Don’t worry; he’ll be safe. I really don’t want to go to jail.”Any other time, Dru would’ve laughed. But now, more
tears filled her eyes. I leaned in and hugged her.
She whispered, “I love you. And no matter what, I have
your back. I got you.”
“I know and thank you. Stay in the car until Uber comes.
Even this late, it’s too hot to be outside.”
She nodded, and then pulled me into another embrace,
hugging me as if she never wanted to let me go. But then, I
broke away, slid out of my car, and walked what felt like the
green mile to my front door. I inserted the key and pushed
the door open, all in the same motion because I was afraid
that if I hesitated for even a second, I would cut and run and no one would ever see me again. I might have done exactly
that if Jasmine and Jayden weren’t behind these doors. I was
coming home for them.
I’d barely stepped over the threshold before I had to face
my tragedy.
Jeremy took a stutter-step toward me, raising his arms as
if he were going to embrace me. Then, he read the lines on
my face and the tears in my eyes and he stepped back, out of
striking distance. “Where were you?”
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His question surprised me; I thought he’d ask about my
tears, first. But then...maybe he was afraid to know. I told
him, “I had some things I had to take care of. A report I had
to read.”
He hesitated for a moment as if he were waiting for me
to tel him more. When I didn’t add anything, he said, “I tried to call you; Clyde was here with the papers, did you forget?”
There was no anger in his tone, even though I knew $8 million
meant so much to him.
“I did forget.” I left off the part where I would normally
apologize. Because in the past, I would have been sorry. Today, I was not.
He couldn’t hold back his curiosity any longer. “Are you
all right?”
I shook my head.
Again, he stepped toward me as if he thought whatever
was bothering me needed his embrace. Before even one of
his fingers touched me, I moved out of his reach. “We need
to talk.”
He searched my eyes for some clues, I guessed. “Oh...kay.”
“Where are the kids?”
“I just checked on Jasmine. She’s falling asleep and Jayden
is playing video games; I told him he had thirty minutes left
on his clock.”
I nodded. “I want to go someplace where the children
won’t hear us.”
He peered at me as if he was trying to figure it all out and
for the first time, I had a thought—did Jeremy know about
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his son? Had he been taking care of him during these past
months? Had he been there for his birth? Had he gone to
visit since?
“Oh, God,” I moaned.
“Babe?” He sounded like he was on the edge of hysteria.
“What’s wrong?”
It didn’t matter where I talked to Jeremy because our
children were going to find out. They would know in the
next few hours. So I moved with unsteady steps into the living room. Jeremy fol owed and I didn’t have to turn to him to
know that all of his concern was etched on his face.
“Ginger,” he whispered my name.
I dropped my bag onto the carpet and sank into our sofa.
I held my head in my hands wondering how it had come to
this.Jeremy lowered himself onto the couch next to me and
when I final y looked up, the first thing that surprised me
was the civility of this. I could have walked into our home,
grabbed a couple of plates, glasses and knives and used
Jeremy’s head as my target. But I had two children upstairs. I always remembered them and I always remembered that I’d
been raised by Valencia and Theodore Allen. I’d been raised
right and wanted to do the same for my children.
So instead of TV drama, we were going to talk like two
adults, though one of us was an adult who lied and cheated.
“I know about the baby,” I said, not willing to spend
any time going back and forth. I wanted the truth to be out
between us.
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He didn’t even flinch. “What baby?”
If he weren’t breaking my heart, I might have been
impressed. “I know about the baby you had with Sharonne.”
He gave me a long look and then a long sigh. I couldn’t
believe it. Finally, he was going to tell me the truth.
Then, he said, “You know you’re being ridiculous.”
I blinked a couple of times because that was not what I
expected. “What?”
“You’re saying that I had a baby with some chick named
Sharonne?” He chuckled, though it was a sound filled with
pity—for me!
“So you’re saying you don’t know anyone by that name?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. But I am saying that I
have two children and they are both,” he pointed toward the
ceiling, “upstairs in their beds right now. I do not have another child and frankly, Ginger this is getting a bit old.”
“Old?” I popped up from the sofa, forgetting about all of
that civility. “You know what’s old, Jeremy? What’s gotten old is First Ladies from other churches coming to me and telling
me what’s been going on with my husband, what’s been going
on behind my back.”
“Is that what this is about? Gossip from women? You’re
right that is old. That’s as old as time and you need to stop
listening to these people. You know everyone is going to be
coming for us now. The news is out about this.” He reached
over to the end table and grabbed papers that I assumed were
the Amazon contract. He waved the p
ages in the air. “We’re
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about to be multi-million dollar stars and folks all over this city will be coming for us, trying to shoot us down.”
“Do you think Sonya Douglas, Reverend Douglas’s wife
is a liar who’s trying to shoot us down?” There was a little
twitch in his eyebrow. I continued, “Because she’s the one
who told me. I don’t know who told her.” I paused. “Maybe
her husband? Maybe you confided in him.”
Again, a pause. Then, “I don’t know where she got what,
but what I know is that you know me. You’ve known me for
a long time.”
“I thought I did.”
“And so, you have to trust me. But even if you don’t....”
I leaned back a little. “What’s a marriage without trust?”
He shook his head. “At this point, you and I are a team.
We’re in this together and both of us need to have a single
focus. Both of us need to cut out all the noise. We don’t need to listen to anyone or anything. Both of us need to ignore it
all.”I folded my arms, and looked down at him, still sitting
on our sofa. “And is that what you’re doing, Jeremy? You’re
ignoring your son?”
“My son,” he pushed himself up, moving slowly and
speaking at the same speed, “is upstairs.” He said that without a flinch or a blink. He said that looking me dead in my eyes.
“And I don’t have time right now for you to be coming at me
with rumors and lies. Not when there is so much at stake.”
I let so many silent seconds pass, that Jeremy began to
shift his feet.
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“It’s amazing,” I finally began, “how you think you know
someone and you really don’t.”
He looked into my eyes. “You know me, Ginger.” He took
a step toward me. “Think about it. Think about where we’ve
come from.” Now, only inches separated us.
This time, I would not be moved. This time, I wasn’t going
to duck from his touch. This time, I was going to stand.
He said, “We’ve built this together. We have a family, we
have a church, we have a ministry that is growing and about
to explode.” He sounded like he was acting as his own defense
attorney. “And one other thing that we have; we have love.”
When he rested his hands on my shoulders, I didn’t flinch. “I
have never loved a woman the way I’ve loved you.”
He leaned forward, his lips aimed toward mine. He was
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