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by Gizelle Bryant


  “You already had a pretty good one with that man you

  married.”

  I hesitated—the man I married. “Yeah,” I said, and even

  I could hear the sadness in my voice.

  Jada leaned over and hugged me. “I’m so sorry you’re

  going through this, but I know one thing, you’re a strong

  woman and no matter what you decide, you won’t be broken.”

  Chapter Twenty

  This morning, when I got out of bed, I weighed my

  options. How did I want to spend this day of waiting? I

  could have easily stayed home, but I’d only end up pacing the

  halls and watching the clock. I’d even thought about booking

  the day at the spa, but that would be a waste of a good hot

  stone massage.

  So after Carmen got the kids off to camp and after a

  leisurely breakfast of toast and coffee with Jada, I’d hugged my sister goodbye, listened to her admonishment that I should

  not worry, then watched her drive off before I’d made my way

  here, to New Kingdom, where it would take me less than a

  minute to walk the few hundred feet from my office to the

  altar. But as I sat at my desk, these minutes were ticking by

  exactly the way I feared—so slowly. And with each tick of

  the clock, another thought tried to take over me, making me

  question my future even more.

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  Swiveling my chair toward the window, I gazed out at my

  view of the front of our church. It was Monday morning, so

  there were no cars, just mine. Mondays were our Saturdays; not even Jeremy came to the church. This morning, my husband

  had risen before the sun even breeched the horizon, on his

  way to his weekly golf foursome with three other pastors. That was how he spent this free day in the spring and summer. In

  the winter, he’d play chess, all of it his way of decompressing from the blessing of his spiritual responsibilities and the curse that was the weight that came with all of that.

  So I was home alone, though I expected Lizzy to show

  up at any time; she used these days to catch up on paperwork

  without interruptions from the phone or staff. Dru also

  sometimes came in on these light days, but when she’d called

  this morning to review my calendar, she’d told me she had a

  few errands to catch up on.

  So what was I going to do? How was I supposed to spend

  this time as I waited for still another twenty-four hours for

  the results that would tell me what I knew my husband never

  would—the truth.

  “Oh, God,” I whispered as I lowered my head. I needed

  to pray, needed to ask God for patience and peace as I waited.

  But just as I rose to take my cares into the sanctuary, the bell rang from the side door that led to our offices.

  That made me frown. The only person I was expecting

  was Lizzy and she had her key. Moving from my office to the

  hallway and to the security panel right beside the door, I hit

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  the button to turn on the outside camera. Our church was

  in a changing neighborhood, near R and 13th Streets in the

  Northwest section of the district. Still, we were a church, as vulnerable as anyone with the way the world and guns were

  set up today.

  As the camera scanned the area and settled on the heads

  of the two women, I sighed. My first instinct was to pretend

  no one was home. But when she heard the whir of the camera,

  Sonya looked up and wiggled her fingers in a wave. Plus, the

  two would’ve walked past my car to get to the door. I was

  stuck.

  So I hit the buzzer, and watched the door open before

  Sonya and Cecily stepped inside.

  “Good morning, First Lady Ginger,” they said in unison

  as if their greeting had been rehearsed.

  My eyes narrowed. What was this about? They’d never

  addressed me this way. “Good morning,” I said, making

  no move to invite them further into the church. “I wasn’t

  expecting you ladies.”

  “Oh, we know that,” Sonya said. “But Cecily and I were

  talking last night and we wanted to check on you.”

  “Okay...I’m fine. Check complete.” I stopped there,

  wanting them to get the hint, knowing they wouldn’t.

  “Ginger, honey, would you mind if we had a word with

  you in your office?” Sonya asked.

  There were only two reasons why this wish would be

  granted. One was because it was Sonya, and not Cecily asking.

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  And the second—I’d been raised by Valencia and Theodore

  Allen. I’d been raised right.

  So, with a smile I didn’t feel, I pivoted and led them

  down the hall, the sound of their footsteps marching on the

  parquet floor behind me. Inside my office, I glanced first at

  the loveseat and two chairs on the far end of the room, the

  place where I often had meetings. But I kept moving, offering

  instead, the less comfortable chairs in front of my desk to

  Sonya and Cecily.

  Once they were settled, I planted my arms on the desk as

  if I were preparing to speak at a formal meeting. “So ladies,

  how can I help you?”

  “That’s the question we have for you,” Cecily said as she

  peered over her ivy-green diamond studded glasses. Today’s

  eyepiece was the exact shade of the two-piece sleeveless

  pantsuit Cecily wore. She inched up a bit, from her seat and

  leaned across the desk, reaching for my hand.

  I didn’t move and after several moments, Cecily cleared

  her throat, then dropped her hand to her lap and her butt

  back in the seat. Still, she said, “I wasn’t sure you understood the other day when we told you we were family.”

  “No, I understood,” I said, “I speak perfect English.”

  Cecily’s smile faded, and now, Sonya leaned forward,

  though she didn’t reach for me. “We know it can’t be easy for

  you with Jeremy’s baby on the way.”

  I stayed silent, having no intention of telling them they

  were just two gossiping biddies with wrong information.

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  “But here’s the thing,” Sonya picked up where Cecily left

  off and I wondered if these two practiced with each other the

  way Jeremy and I did before an interview.

  When Cecily nodded at Sonya, my wonder turned to

  certainty.

  “You’ll be fine, Ginger. You won’t be the first woman in

  the middle of something like this and unless Jesus plans to

  return at this moment, you unfortunately won’t be the last.

  The key is to get on top of it before it gets on top of you. Get ahead of it before it becomes news.”

  “Isn’t it news already?” I asked, matter-of-factly. “I mean,

  Sonya, you heard it from someone and Cecily, once you heard

  it, you told it, I’m sure. You’re the best news reporter in the business.”

  Cecily narrowed her eyes, pursed her lips and for the first

  time since they’d entered my office, I smiled. I’d managed to

  shut Cecily up, but Sonya would not be deterred.

  “We know you’re angry, Ginger and we understand that.

  But truly, we’re here to help. You cannot let too much time get past you on this. I
t’s just a matter of how you make it go away.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Uh, no. It’s a matter of how I go

  away.”

  Sonya and Cecily did that exchanging-glance thing again.

  It was Cecily who said, “Are you serious?” with so much

  attitude, I wondered why she was taking this so seriously.

  “I can’t stay with Jeremy if he has a baby outside of our

  marriage.”

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  Cecily wiggled her hips to the edge of her seat but before

  she could say anything, Sonya touched her arm and she spoke.

  “Are you hearing what you’re saying, Ginger?”

  “Not only am I hearing it, but I thought about it before

  I said it. I’m sorry, Sonya. I know how you feel about this; I was there when you told Rena she had to stay after she had

  proof of her husband’s infidelity. But if that’s what one has to do as a First Lady, then I’m not cut out for the job.”

  “You’re more than cut out for this, Ginger,” she said. It

  was the first time that she’d spoke to me with such sternness.

  “You helped build this church.” Her arm swooped through

  the air like she was Vanna White. “Even Reverend Williams

  gives you accolades whenever he speaks. He always says that

  New Kingdom Temple wouldn’t have happened without you.”

  “And he’s right.” I nodded. “We built this church together.”

  “So then explain to me why you would want to leave all

  that you’ve built because some woman, and I’m using that

  term loosely, on the side got pregnant?”

  I didn’t really need to answer Sonya. Because if she had

  just repeated the question, she would have had her answer. I

  said, “You know, Sonya, I really don’t feel comfortable talking about my personal business with you.” I paused, looking at

  both of them. “But how you start is how you finish in life and since this all started with what you told me, I have to finish it because this is the last conversation I will have about my

  husband and my business with you.” I paused long enough

  for the two of them to glance at each other again.

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  I continued, “I don’t know yet what I’m going to do

  because I haven’t yet found out everything that I need to

  know, but it would be hard for me to see a way where I would

  stay with Jeremy if I found out that he fathered a child outside of our marriage. And not only because that would be blatantly

  disrespectful to me, but to our children as well. And what

  would I say to my daughter one day? How would I tell her

  that I want her to be with a man who respects her if I stayed

  with a man who didn’t respect me?”

  “Jeremy hoping into bed with a woman has nothing to do

  with respect. Trust me. But what we’re saying is that it just

  doesn’t make any sense that you would risk all that you’ve

  built....”

  “I didn’t risk anything.” I pressed my hand against my

  chest. “I never stepped out on my husband. Never have, never

  would. I took those vows seriously.”

  “I’m talking about you just walking away from all of this.

  If you were to leave, it would cause quite a scandal in the

  DMV.”

  “And beyond, really,” Cecily jumped in as if she’d been

  itching to get back into this fight. “You know the African

  American religious community may be spread out over this

  country, but what happens to one, affects us all. If a pastor

  steps down under suspicious circumstances, it shines a bad

  light on all pastors. If a First Lady leaves her husband, again, it shines a bad light on all pastors because obviously, the pastor must have done something wrong.” She shook her head. “This

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  is bigger than you, First Lady. There are so many others that

  you must consider in this situation.”

  “Nope,” I said in a tone that I knew would put them more

  on edge. But it was because I was so pissed. Who did they

  think they were to come into my office and make demands

  on my life? “The only people I’m considering in this matter

  are me, Jasmine and Jayden. Not even Jeremy counts in this

  situation. This is all about me and my children.”

  “And I’m telling you it can’t just be about that.” Cecily

  slammed her palm on my desk and I was just a little too

  happy when she flinched. “That’s the most selfish thing I’ve

  ever heard.”

  “I’m sure it’s not. I’m sure you’ve heard other things that

  are truly selfish.” I sighed and shook my head at the same

  time. “Ladies, I don’t know what else to tell you. I don’t have another way of saying this.” I stood up, but neither Sonya nor Cecily followed. “But I thank you for all of your concern, and now, I have so much work to do.”

  “And we have work to do, as well,” Sonya said. “We are

  the black church trying to make a difference in this world for our people. On the First Ladies Council, we’ve done so many

  things, but much of what we do depends on outside donations

  and financing.”

  I folded my arms and tilted my head. “What does that

  have to do with what’s going on with me and Jeremy?”

  “This is what you don’t understand. It is all intertwined.”

  She clasped her hands together. “We are al connected. If this

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  were to get out, if New Kingdom Temple were to fall because

  of you....”

  Because of me? Me? I did nothing wrong! I held up my

  hand, stopping her. “I doubt if that would happen.” It took

  everything in me not to roll my eyes.

  “Don’t underestimate your power or the force of this kind

  of scandal. There’s a church not too far from here who lost

  seventy percent of their membership behind an embezzlement

  scandal.”

  “Exactly!” Cecily said, sounding like she was cheering

  Sonya on. “And there’s a church in Los Angeles that split

  right in half after their pastor had a scandal similar to this.”

  Sonya picked up the tag-team. “And both of these

  examples were rising churches, much like New Kingdom.

  Your membership roll is ten thousand today, but with all the

  deals you have on the table....” When I frowned, Sonya added

  quickly, “Jeremy confides in Charles about a lot. My husband

  is a sort of mentor to him, you know that. I know what’s on

  the table for you. I know what you’d be walking away from.

  But the bottom line is, we would all lose because of you. The

  First Ladies Council has a reputation to uphold and in the

  22 years since this council started, only one of us has filed for divorce. And she did it very quietly....”

  “And she came to regret it,” Cecily said. “Within a month

  she was asking herself what had she done. She lost everything.

  Yes, she got some money at first through the divorce, but her

  husband fought her all the way, leaving her in the end with

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  virtual y nothing. Al because she couldn’t find it in her heart to forgive her husband for a little indiscretion.”

  A little indiscretion? Is that what they thought this was?

  These women made Stepford wives look like a light-hearted

  show on the Comedy chan
nel.

  Sonya nodded as if she was fine with Cecily’s words.

  “The bottom line is this, Ginger, because of your stature, you leaving Jeremy could ruin everything and just cannot happen.”

  “With all due respect, First Lady Sonya, you cannot tell

  me what to do in my marriage or in my life. That’s the real

  bottom line. And that’s my final word.”

  This time, after Sonya and Cecily exchanged glances,

  Sonya nodded and they both stood. Wordlessly, they grabbed

  their purses and turned toward my door.

  But right before they crossed the threshold, Sonya turned

  back. “I hope you’ll give serious consideration to our words.

  You cannot even think about getting a divorce. You cannot

  leave your husband because if you do...I’m afraid you will

  regret it. And that’s not a threat, that’s a promise.”

  My eyes narrowed as I watched them walk through my

  door and then out of my sight.

  Still, I stayed in place for a moment, not believing their

  audacity. It was all about the pastoral community, something

  I didn’t know until this moment. They had no cares about the

  wives and how we were affected by all of this.

  Shaking my head, I strolled into the hallway, wanting to

  make sure the door was locked behind the First Ladies. But

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  when I was just a few feet away, the door opened suddenly,

  shocking me.

  “Oh, my God!”

  “What?” Dru said.

  “You scared me. I was just coming out here to make sure

  the door was locked.”

  “Yeah, I just saw those ladies leaving. What did they

  want?”

  “They told me I had to stay married to Jeremy no matter

  what or else I’d bring down the whole black church religious

  community.” I motioned with my hands to make my point.

  “Lies! Did they say that?”

  “Practically. Seriously, Dru,” I said, turning back to my

  office. “I just cannot wait for this to be over tomorrow. I don’t even know how I’m going to sleep tonight. The wait is killing

  me when all I want to do is move forward one way or the

  other.”

  “Well then,” Dru said over my shoulder. “Let’s just go

  ahead and move forward.”

  It took a moment for me to understand her words, but

  still when I did, I was confused. Pivoting to face her, I said,

  “What are you....”

  Dru stood behind me, holding up a manila envelope. “One

 

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