Don't Make Plans

by Ava Armstrong

  Once back in his cell, he noticed the other dude was gone. Great. It was better to be alone like this. No one yelling at him, no one bugging him. He just needed to sleep. His head throbbed with another migraine headache. The whole block was alive with fights and howling tonight. Shuteye would not come easy. Plus, he was excited about tomorrow. He tossed and turned and drifted in and out of sleep. The dream was always the same. He was back with Paige.

  As the morning bed check began, Jeremy stretched and turned over. Today was Friday – the day he was getting out of this hell hole, if all went according to the plan. His attorney was talented for a state-appointed one. She was a liberal, and knew how to work the laws in his favor. He flirted with her and knew she liked him a little bit. She used every trick in the book to help him. Irony was, he was getting out early for good behavior. Ha! That caused him to smile. He was pleased with his Pollyanna attorney. He took his last prison shower and collected his thoughts.

  Before breakfast, he was brought to the room where his lawyer would meet him. He sat there for some time picking at his fingernail. He’d broken it in the fight last night. His attorney opened the door and sat across from him at the table bolted to the floor.

  “Jeremy? Okay – we’re all set. Just some paperwork to go through and your parole officer wants to meet you. It’s a formality.

  “Yeah, I know. This ain’t my first rodeo.”

  “Okay. Good. Do you have anyone to pick you up?”

  “Yeah. A friend of mind. She knows I’m getting out.”

  After dispensing with the formalities, Jeremy received his few belongings and stepped out into the sunlight. It was a beautiful Spring day – birds singing, flowers blooming, the sound of lawnmowers humming.

  The car pulled up and Jeremy slipped inside.

  “What took you so damned long? Why weren’t you here waiting for me?”

  “I was sick this morning.”

  “Oh. Okay.”

  “No, it’s not okay, Jeremy. I’m pregnant.”

  Here we go again, Jeremy thought to himself. Don’t say anything. Don’t even know if it’s mine. Don’t talk.

  CHAPTER 6

  As bright sunshine lit up her mirror the next morning, Paige examined herself. That was a bold move calling Kent like that last night. She wondered if he thought she was too forward. She imagined his grandfather told him about her being single and all. What impressed her most was that he accepted her invitation without hesitation. She sensed he was eager to be with her. But, she reminded herself to take it slowly. Her ugly marriage with Jeremy hung like a dark cloud over every relationship she had. Even her relationship with her son was affected by it.

  “Is dad ever coming to see me again?”

  “I don’t think he will be around for a long time.” Paige had to give him some sort of answer.

  “Do you think he’s in jail, mom?”

  “Yes.”

  “How long do you figure he’ll be in there?”

  “I don’t know for sure. But he can’t set foot here. Court orders, Justin – remember? We talked about this.”

  It broke her heart every time Justin brought up the subject of his father. Paige could never forgive Jeremy for hurting Justin. She couldn’t forgive him for sucker punching her even though he was drunk. That was no excuse. But it was even worse to strike an innocent defenseless child – his own son. That was unforgivable. She’d said those very words to Doctor Westin, then got a lecture about harboring bitterness – how it hurts you more than the other person. Doctor Westin said it was like drinking poison and hoping it would kill the other person. Paige didn’t buy that explanation. She’d thought long and hard about Jeremy and what she’d like to do to him. Poisoning would be too good for him. Maybe those thoughts were dark, but she couldn’t repress them. They were there, instinctively. She would always protect her son from harm, no matter what it took.

  Paige had been harboring a lot of resentment lately. Maybe that was why she couldn’t find the motivation to move forward with her life and meet another man. She was tired, worn out, from fighting with Jeremy. He’d wanted visitation with Justin, but Paige refused. After the incident, she demanded full custody of her son. And, when she told Jeremy that, he blew a gasket. Because of the domestic violence and a few other charges, Jeremy ended up doing time in the state prison. His absence gave her some welcomed breathing room, however. The divorce was arranged and took place while he was locked away. Paige felt safe with him behind bars. But she knew he’d be out, eventually. And she struggled with the fact that Justin still loved his father, no matter how much of a monster he was. And, that just broke her heart every time her son asked about him.

  “Come on, Justin. I’ve got to get you to school. Please get into the car.”

  As Paige stood in her driveway, stashing her briefcase in the backseat, along with Justin’s backpack, she noticed a lawnmower humming a few houses down. She craned her neck and noticed Kent, minus a shirt, mowing his grandfather’s overgrown front yard. It wasn’t even 7:00 AM yet, and there he was halfway done. He waved to her when she drove by the house, and Paige smiled. She immediately realized she hadn’t smiled much lately. Even Justin noticed.

  “You like him, don’t you, mom.”

  “Yes, he seems nice.”

  “No. I mean you really like him – you know – like a boyfriend.”

  “What?” Paige turned to her son and he was beaming, too.

  “No. We’re just friends. That’s all. He’s a nice guy, mowing his grandfather’s lawn like that. I think he’s staying for a little while to help out.”

  Paige hoped that would suffice. Her son was all too aware of her interest in Kent. How did this kid know so much?

  After dropping Justin at school, Paige made her way to her jail cell, also known as an office. She put her lunch in the communal fridge and bumped into Stephanie.

  “Don’t forget, charity auction May 2nd, there will be a special night on the town package including dinner, adjoining rooms, even cute bachelors there.” Paige was advertising already.

  “Really – you’re not kidding, are you?” Stephanie was suddenly interested.

  “I’m not kidding. Wait until you see these guys.”

  “I’ll be there. You can bet on it, girl.” Stephanie smiled.

  As the day progressed, Paige had invited every girlfriend she knew and some she didn’t really know at all. There were thirty phone calls and texts, at least. Each one said they’d purchase a ticket. Lisa called at lunchtime and said she sold even more tickets, all females.

  Paige finished her salad in the lunch room which had no windows. She scrolled through her phone scanning for jobs in decorating. The ones she found required a Bachelor of Arts degree plus experience, and she had a Bachelor of Science and no experience in the design world. For a moment, she wished she’d never listened to her parents and gone to art school as she’d wanted. But, it wouldn’t fly with them. Her parents had told her she’d never be able to earn enough money to live on if she had a job in the arts. She still looked anyway, hoping for a miracle – a job doing something she loved – one with which she could actually support herself and her son.

  An alert chimed on her phone. When she opened it, she saw her bank account had dropped below the low point. What was she thinking? She’d never be able to change jobs. She needed her paycheck more than ever. Back to work.

  The rest of the afternoon was spent talking to coworkers about underwriting – it was boring, and she drank grape juice to keep her blood sugar up. On this job, she talked so much on the phone, she had to wear a headset with an earpiece. More than once, she walked to her car and drove home with it on. Mind-numbing. That’s what corporate life was. She no longer used the right side of her brain at all. Maybe it would wither and die and, eventually, she’d just rattle off numbers, percentages, and cost-benefit analyses with a robot voice. Her days were filled with the likelihood of a heart attack for this person or an accident for that person. Argh! If only she could bre
ak out of this dungeon and feel the sun on her face.

  Finally, 5:00 PM arrived. She closed her computer and headed off to fight traffic for the better part of an hour to pick up Justin. As she drove, she heard her phone chime. At a stoplight, she looked at the message and tossed the phone back down on the car seat. Tears began to well in her eyes. Jeremy was getting out of prison early for good behavior. Her heart sank.

  How she wished she had a strong shoulder to lean on at this very moment. But she felt totally alone. It was odd how she was constantly surrounded by people, hundreds of them, but was so incredibly lonely. Tears flowed and she dabbed at her face with a tissue. She had to stop feeling sorry for herself. It certainly wasn’t an attractive quality. What guy would even want to be with her? She was a weakling, afraid of her ex-husband, unsure she was an inadequate mother, fearful of being alone the rest of her life.

  There was no one in her life who loved her. Yes, she had Justin and he lit up her day. But, there was no partner, no hand to hold, no one to go to the movies with, watch TV with, eat dinner with…no one to kiss her neck, just before making love. That’s what she missed the most. Not just the orgasmic experience of mind-blowing sex, although that was wonderful, but what came afterward. Being cuddled, caressed, by a man. Someone not afraid to show emotion. Someone not embarrassed to tell her he’s in love with her. Did that sort of man even exist? Jeremy never knew how to do that. He’d roll over and fall asleep immediately afterward. She wondered if she’d watched too many movies as a young woman. Maybe she was looking for something that wasn’t even real – a man unafraid to display affection – a mythical creature.

  * * *

  Kent woke Thursday morning, brushed his teeth, slipped into yesterday’s clothes, and guzzled a cup of coffee before heading out to the old barn. He was searching for hedge trimmers. He found them, but they were a little bit rusty. He decided to make a trip to the local hardware store for some gas, oil, and a few other items. Just before backing out of the driveway, he saw Paige taking off for work. He waved to her and she waved back and smiled. Little did she know how much he was looking forward to 4:00 PM on Friday. He wanted nothing more than to go over to her place and sit with her outside, but he watched her from afar. He had imagined how he could drop in on her without being obvious. Walking by? Jogging by? He did one night and she was working with her son on something. It looked like she was reading a book to him. She appeared to be a devoted mother. That somehow made her even more appealing, having missed that as a child himself. The fact that Paige seemed tender, caring, and gave of herself was enormously attractive.

  After finding the supplies he needed, he paid the cashier and picked up an arrangement of fresh flowers at the farmer’s market. They were beautiful, just picked, and he planned to leave them on Paige’s back porch in a fancy glass vase he found in his grandfather’s kitchen cabinet. No note. He wondered about that. But, then decided against it. He got to work in the bright sun trimming every tree and bush on his grandfather’s property. Around noontime, he was ravenous and parched. Gramps made baloney sandwiches and lemonade.

  “Heh, just like old times, eh Kent?”

  “Yup.”

  Kent could barely talk as he was stuffing his mouth. Baloney never tasted so good. And Gramps slathered them with sandwich spread, some sort of blend with mayo with diced pickles. The flavor brought back memories of the summers he spent there with Gramps as a young boy. Sheila’s idea, no doubt, to ship him to Maine for the summer, out of her hair. But, it was the best favor she could’ve done for him. Gramps taught him everything, from how to change the oil in a car to how to do yard work, properly. There were many other lessons, too. How to treat a woman with respect was high on the list. In fact, thinking back on it, he realized his grandfather was the strongest influence on him as a child.

  Gramps was standing on the front porch when Kent was finished with his yard and there was a big smile on his face.

  “I’ll be back in a bit, Gramps. Not quite done yet.”

  Kent rolled the mower down to Paige’s yard and kept an eye on the time as he mowed her lawn. He wanted it to be a surprise for her. He put fuel in her old John Deere and parked it in the garage. Once he finished flawlessly mowing her lawn, he placed the vase filled with fresh flowers on her back stairs.

  Sunburnt and tired, Kent dropped into the rocking chair next to Gramps on the front porch. Gramps stood up to get something.

  “Sit down for a while, Gramps. That chore is done.”

  “You did a fine job. Nice of you to do Paige’s lawn. I’ve got to get something for that sunburn.”

  “Nah, sit down. I’ll take a cold shower and it will be fine. I suffered way more than this in Iraq.”

  As he said the words, Kent realized it was the first time he’d mentioned his deployment. Even at the VFW the other night, the guys all talked about the ball game they were watching and some hot new chick who stopped by on Thursday nights. They didn’t talk about their service often.

  Most of them wore baseball caps that had some reference to what war they fought. Some were still fighting a battle. Several Nam vets had cancer suspected to be caused by Agent Orange. The World War II guys were all aging, most of them in their 80’s and some in their 90’s. They’d get into their wheelchairs and show up and nurse one beer for hours. It was the company they sought, not the liquor. They missed the comradery, and many of them missed their wives. Some were living alone due to the fact their spouses predeceased them, or they had divorced and never remarried.

  For a moment, Kent looked at his grandfather’s profile and wondered if this was how he would live the rest of his life. Alone. Shot up, beaten up, and broken. A survivor of a war.

  As if Gramps could read his mind, he whispered, “Ever wonder why you made it – and other guys didn’t?”

  “Yeah. I think about that every day…”

  “Me, too. But, I figured it out after a while.” Gramps was staring off toward the setting sun. “I was supposed to live. My journey here was not complete. There was more service that I had to do. Hanging with the guys, listening to their problems, that’s sort of a service. You know?”

  “Yeah. I do know. You’d be lonely without them. And, they’d be lonely without you. You are still a team, a unit, of sorts.”

  “I have given a lot of my money away to them. Your father is currently pissed at me. But, you probably know that. Sometimes, these guys run out of heating oil, or food. There was one friend of mine, oh…we go way back…he had medical bills…VA didn’t help him. They figured he’s gonna die anyway. That made me so mad. I’m not rich, but I gave him some money to tide him over. It’s amazing how this government uses veterans, Kent. They chew them up and spit them out – then put ‘em at the back of the line while they cater to illegal aliens and refugees. They’ve forgotten about us.” Gramps’ voice had an undertone of anger.

  “I know. I’ve got friends who’ve been waiting three months now to see a doctor at the VA. They put these dudes on a list – and it’s a three-month wait – then they get on another list. The government bureaucracy is ridiculous. A guy I know went in for his appointment one day and no one was there in the office. The place was empty. He wondered if there had been a bomb threat or something. Nope. Everyone was out to lunch and it was 10 AM. He waited for two hours and no one was in the building. The door was wide open.”

  “How about you? Did they treat you well?” Gramps turned toward him with a look of concern.

  “Yeah, I can’t complain. I had a great group of surgeons, rehab, physical therapy, the works. But, now I’m on my own.”

  “You getting paid?”

  “Yeah, I get a monthly amount of money – it’s not enough to live on.”

  “How you gonna live?”

  “I’ll work.”

  “What do you think you want to do?” Gramps stared back at the sunset, which was now purple streaked with pink.

  “Not sure yet, Gramps. Not sure. I’ve got to help Paige, I think.”

>   “Help her – or help her take her clothes off?”

  “Damn, I’m not like that. I respect her.”

  “Good. She’s a special woman. She’s going through a tough time right now. She needs a friend, not a bedfellow. Remember that when you get feeling all randy and ready.”

  “I’m helping her.” Kent poked his grandfather’s arm. “Really, I am.”

  “Yup.” Gramps laughed and stretched. His weathered hand touched Kent’s shoulder. “I’m turning in, squirt.”

  CHAPTER 7

  Paige woke Friday with the thought of meeting Kent at 4:00 PM on her mind. She saw him jogging by one night and imagined he did a lot of running to maintain that level of physical fitness. It had to be difficult to run with a prosthetic. She had never been in the company of a military man other than McCabe, and was nervous about saying the wrong thing. Even Justin noticed something was different today.

  “Mom, I need those papers for my backpack. Are you listening to me? You need to sign them.”

  “Oh, sorry, honey.” Paige signed the papers and put them into Justin’s backpack. “Come on. Don’t want to be late, the traffic is terrible if we wait even another five minutes.”

  “You seem nervous today, mom. What’s going on?”

  “Oh, nothing. I’m just meeting Kent at 4:00 PM.”

  “You have a date?”

  “He’s going to help me with the charity event.”

  “Oh, okay. I like him.”

  “You don’t even know him.”

  “I think he likes you.” Justin whispered.

  “Okay. Enough about Kent. Aunt Sadie will pick you up today, don’t forget, you’re staying overnight.”

  “I know, mom. She’s going to give me a test today.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. She thinks this test might be hard for me, but I’ll bet I can do it.”

  “Good. You’re smart. You can do it, I’m sure.”