Falling Out of Focus

by Brynn Myers

  Oliver shook his head. “Why are you here, Novaleigh?”

  “I have no idea, Oliver. Why am I here?”

  “You know the reason. You just choose not to accept it.”

  I opened one eye and stared at him. “No, I do not. One minute I was standing on the bridge by my grandparent’s place, and then next I was here. Nothing more, nothing less.”

  “And what exactly lead to you being there?” Oliver jibed.

  I sat there in silence, thinking about his question. What had brought me so close to the water’s edge? How did I get here? I know I wasn’t pushed, I was alone. I also know I didn’t jump. Could I have slipped? Moments passed as I recounted all the events that led me back to Scotland in the first place. I had been in New York, working at my job, until the day I decided I needed and wanted more. I thought that was what we were supposed to do as humans, follow a path but stray a bit so we could grow. I swear, that was all I was trying to do, but everything went wrong––everything.

  Two and a half months had passed since I enthusiastically decided to give my boss an ultimatum and ended up without a job. And exactly four weeks and three days since I found my jackass boyfriend banging his secretary. The final nail in the coffin, though, was the day I realized that no matter what I did to pursue other employment, I’d never work in New York again. Mr. Kline had successfully blackballed me with every potential employer. I was finished.

  “Are you hungry? I was going to fix us something to eat. We have a long day’s journey tomorrow, and we’ll need our strength,” Oliver asked, interrupting my little jaunt down memory lane.

  I sat up and nodded. “Yes, please.”

  “So have you figured out why you are here?”

  “I lost my job and my boyfriend cheated on me, but I hardly think those things are reasons to end up in a friggin’ magical wonderland, do you?” I asked, not really expecting an answer.

  “Again. That is not why you are here. Look deeper.”

  “Ugh,” I sighed as I flopped back onto the couch.

  Oliver went back to what he was doing, and I was left to dwell on my own thoughts. I grew up in a small town just outside of New York. My parents were teachers and we lived a quaint, peaceful life. We spent summers at my dad’s parents in Scotland and I loved it there too. It wasn’t until my parents separated that my mom decided to move us to Scotland permanently. We lived in the guest house on my grandparents’ property while my mom went back to school to get her Master’s degree. After graduation, she accepted a teaching position at the University of Glasgow, but I wanted to move back to New York and work for one of the big publishing houses instead of following her. It had always been my dream, for as long as I could remember. I even had a map with strings and pins over my bed of all the places in the city I would visit once I was an official resident again. I was drunk with the idea. It’s not that I didn’t love Scotland. I did. I wanted to live fast paced, though, in the city that didn’t sleep, not in a town that rolled up the sidewalks before 10pm. I had a plan, and I wasn’t going to be swayed from it for anything or anyone.

  My heart clenched. Gavin had been the one thing that gave me pause, but we were young and stupid. What were we gonna do, stay on the path we were on which had me married at twenty-two and most likely a mother by twenty-five? I didn’t think so. My heart clenched again. I loved Gavin, and he was the hardest thing I had to give up when I made my choice, but I had to do it for me. Selfish. I broke his heart when I left, but he wasn’t the only one. My mom and grandparents had hoped for more too, and I let them all down. The joke was on me, though, because I gave them all up just to end up with nothing. I lost more than just a lousy boyfriend and a shitty boss too. My pappa had a stroke one spring, and I hadn’t been there for my nanna after he passed. I couldn’t get the time off and so when she needed me the most, I wasn’t there. Mom drove the distance from Glasgow to Isle of Skye weekly to help out, and they had help from Gavin and his dad, but me, nope, I wasn’t available. I was living my dream.

  Tears started to well in my eyes as thoughts of all the things I should have been there for and the reasons why I wasn’t hit me like a tidal wave. I didn’t have time to wallow in it, though, because Oliver walked over and handed me a plate of corned beef and cabbage with a side of steaming carrots and potatoes. And if that wasn’t good enough, he had two slices of freshly baked soda bread with butter on the plate as well.

  “How did you know this was my favorite?” I asked.

  Oliver shrugged. “I didn’t. I made my favorite and hoped you’d like it.”

  I started slow at first, savoring every bite, but then I couldn’t help myself. I mashed the potatoes and carrots and turned the whole meal into a makeshift hash. It was the way I used to eat it as a kid when Nanna used to make it.

  When I took the last bite, and my plate was spotless, I turned to Oliver who was happily sated as well. “You know, if this guardian gig doesn’t continue to work out, maybe you should consider a career as a chef.”

  We both chuckled and then sighed happily at our full bellies.

  Neither of us said anything for a bit. Instead we both just sat in silence and enjoyed the peace of the moment. Eventually, Oliver moved, grabbing up our plates and walking into the kitchen.

  “Hey, let me do the dishes. It’s the least I can do.”

  “I’ll meet you halfway,” he said as he grabbed a dishtowel out of the cupboard. “I’ll dry.”

  I grinned. “Deal.”

  We started on the plates, but by the time we got to the pots and pans, Oliver started asking me questions again. “Did you learn anything while I was cooking?”

  I gave him a downward glance. “No.”

  “Have you always been so stubborn?” he asked as he took the pan out of my hand to dry.

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that you must like all this confusion and being here in Sacrife, otherwise you’d try harder to uncover the root of your pain.”

  I dropped the pot I was washing. “How do you know I’m in pain?”

  “Because the only reason your kind end up in Sacrife is from some sort of pain, and it’s usually self-inflicted. I was given to you as a gift by the queens because they said you were special, that your arrival had been prophesied. You were to come here, and I am to get you home.”

  “What?!”

  “Look, I can understand your frustration, but if we work together we can get you home.”

  My shoulders dropped. “I’m not special. Far from it. Why me? Why here?”

  “That I don’t know, Novi. The instructions I was given was to take you wherever you want to go and to keep you safe.”

  “So let me understand this...anyone, other than me, does not get a welcome wagon from the queens and is now currently roaming around Sacrife struggling to find their way without someone like yourself to guide them?”

  Oliver took off his glasses, wiped them on his shirt and put them back on. “Yes. That is what I am saying. Some of your kind die here, Novi, and some are trapped in limbo. There is, however, the rare individual that manages to find their way out on their own, but that usually never happens without a specific motivation.”

  “Everything is just as screwed up here as it was at home. This place has no answers. I’m not going to find anything here.”

  Oliver reached up for my hand and led me back into the living room area. “Can we try something?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Do I really have a choice?”

  “You always have a choice, Novi,” Oliver said as he pointed towards the chair next to the couch. “Sit. I know a way for you to open your mind to the places you keep hidden.”

  “Oliver, I told you. I had normal problems stemming from poor choices. I’ll get past it. The world will move on. I will move on.”

  “Humor me?” Oliver asked as he walked over to his satchel and pulled out a vibrant blue stone. “Lay your head back on the cushion and get comfortable.”

  “You are a very odd
otter, Oliver.”

  He laughed and then placed the stone on my forehead. “Close your eyes.”

  “Care to explain?” I asked.

  “No. The stone will begin to work soon enough.”

  “What is this…thing?”

  “It’s a lapis lazuli and it will help us, I mean you, get to the source of what’s bothering you. Once we do that, then I can better guide you on this journey. So close your eyes, and let’s begin.”

  I sighed and did as he asked. I really don’t want to do this, but then again, I really don’t want to spend the rest of my days trapped in this whacked out dream and living in limbo either. Maybe I fell and hit my head and am in a coma. Yeah, that seems logical.

  “Quiet your mind, Novaleigh. The stone cannot work if you continue to be resistant to it,” Oliver advised.

  “But I didn’t say a word. How did you know?”

  “Shhhhh,” he whispered.

  Chapter Five

  Whatever this lapis lazuli was, it began to work–or at least I thought it was doing something––almost immediately. It had turned ice cold then warmed slightly until it was comfortably cool against my skin. Visions of water began to rush through my mind, and I drifted into a deep sleep, lulled by the gentle waves of energy flowing through me. Now that I was in a calm state, I was halted, unsure of what I was supposed to do next. I heard a muffled voice echo in my mind but couldn’t identify who it was. The voice grew closer but remained muted.

  “What? I can’t hear you. What are you saying?”

  “Follow the water. Follow the light.”

  “I don’t understand. Follow the what?”

  “Water, light, flame, purify.”

  “That makes no sense.”

  “Breathe.”

  I took a deep breath and was transported to a memory.

  Susan: Are you seriously going to follow through with this?

  I picked up my phone and texted back.

  Novi: Yep! If I don’t I’ll be lost forever.

  Susan: Drama queen.

  Novi: LOL. See you at work.

  I left my house and drove to the office still debating my plan, but like I told Susan, if I didn’t do this now, I never would. I don’t want to be stuck in a dead-end job with nothing to claim as an adventure under my belt. There will always be other jobs. Besides, it’s not as if I don’t deserve this. I work my ass off for Mr. Kline, and he knows I cannot be replaced, yet he still continues to screw me on the bonuses and advances.

  I’m going on vacation to visit my mom next week, hell or high water. Mr. Kline can either give me the time off, or I’ll quit.

  My forehead warmed and my mind flashed forward.

  “Hi, this is Novaleigh Darrow. May I speak with Allison Simmons?”

  “Please hold.”

  “Hey, Novi. How are you?”

  “I’m good, but I wanted to give a heads up. You’ve always been more than just a client, and I couldn’t in good faith just leave you in the dark.”

  “Okay, you’re freaking me out. What’s going on?”

  “I gave Mr. Kline a chance to prove he was a decent human being today, but he failed miserably. I gave him my notice.”

  “Are you kidding me? What asshole move did he pull now?”

  “I asked for two weeks vacation.” I laughed.

  “Mr. Kline is such a greedy bastard. He’ll never find anyone to replace you. He’s a moron.”

  “Yeah, I know, but he doesn’t see it that way.”

  “When is your last day?” Allison sighed.

  “Today. Mr. Kline said if I wasn’t willing to play ball the way he wanted it played, then I could leave. I’m actually calling you from the Starbucks down the street from your office.”

  “Don’t move. I’ll be there in five.”

  Allison walked in the door and made her way to the counter to order her usual––venti green tea latte, before making a beeline to where I was sitting by the window.

  “All right, I have a plan,” Allison said as she dropped her bags on the table.

  I laughed. “You always do.”

  My body shivered, and I felt like I was going to throw up. I took another deep breath and tried to focus again. A few moments and a few more waves of nausea hit me before I was able to regain my internal balance. Then my mind flashed again.

  I’m a confidant young woman and skilled at my job, but Mr. Kline was a stodgy old man who liked to bark simply for the fun of it. I had worked tirelessly for that man for two years. Two years of out-working the other assistants and yet every time they were the ones to get the bonuses. They were the ones to get time off and special consideration when it came to advancement. Mr. Kline always chose everyone else above me, and I’d finally had enough. In fact, the months prior to this whole ordeal had been hellacious. I decided to ask for some time off and a raise for all my efforts. I’d added three new clients to our publishing house’s roster in the last three weeks, so again, I didn’t think asking for few days off for myself was anything exorbitant. Unfortunately, what I didn’t know was that the other three assistants had beaten me to the punch and already put in for their days off.

  Mr. Kline was a stickler for unwavering dedication and didn’t feel vacation time was necessary, but since the law required it, he had to comply. By the time I’d worked up the nerve to ask, Mr. Kline was thoroughly irritated.

  And then there had been Ethan, my jackass of a boyfriend, and the skank from his office. Since I’d lost my job I admit that I’d been a bit difficult to be around, but I was trying to make amends and decided to surprise Ethan with dinner at the office. He’d been working late a lot, but I thought that is what junior associates did to try and make partner. Boy, how wrong I was. Ethan was just screwing his way through his office instead. I should’ve been shocked or angry, but I was neither. When I walked in and saw the two of them going at it, I just stood there and watched for a second before I dropped the food containers drawing their attention to me. Liza choked out a scream and Ethan proceeded to make excuses.

  “Wait Novaleigh! It’s not what you think!”

  “Not what I think? No, you’re right. It looked like the two of you were knitting.” I grabbed the umbrella in the stand next to the door and chucked it at him. “Fuck off, Ethan. We’re done.”

  “But wait. I can explain.”

  “No need. I know all I need to know.”

  He tried to chase after me but tripped over the pants around his ankles. It would’ve been humorous if the truth of what I’d just witnessed hadn’t hit me so hard. I’d wasted a year and a half with a man who lacked the ability to be faithful and spent two years busting my ass for another man who couldn’t see my worth. Those two events had been the beginning of my downward spiral. Normally, I’m a strong person, difficult to break, but with them both happening back to back, it felt as though the universe was rising up against me.

  Everything happens in threes, my nanna always used to say. I spent the next few weeks waiting for the third thing to knock me on my ass so I could finally pick myself up, but what do they say when you’re in the midst of hell? That there is something better ahead? I get the concept, but the idea is completely screwed up when all you want to do is rage and eat pints and pints of ice cream to drown the sorrow and self-pity.

  I coughed and my eyes flew open. I stared at Oliver who was staring back at me with concern.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “What was that? It’s like I was reliving everything.”

  “Lapis lazuli is a powerful crystal with amazing healing properties. I chose it for you so you can tap into the thoughts you need to unblock.”

  I sat up and got dizzy. “Whoa.”

  “I think that is enough for tonight. We can try again tomorrow. You probably should just go to bed now.”

  “Okay.” I nodded. “Is here on the couch all right?”

  “Actually there is a room at the top of the stairs waiting for you. Pillows, blankets, and anything you might need.�
�

  “Wow. Thank you, again. I know I keep saying that, but that’s truly how I feel. Thank you for taking care of me, Oliver.”

  “It’s no bother, Novi.”

  I stood and headed for the stairs but stopped and turned back to Oliver. “Sorry I gave you and your dad such a hard time when I first arrived. It was all a lot to take in, you know?”

  He grinned. “I do. Sleep well.”

  “You too, Oliver.”

  Chapter Six

  Dawn arrived before I knew it, and Oliver and I were out the door. I had no idea where we were going, but we certainly seemed to be in a hurry to get there.

  “Why the rush?” I asked as we made our way down the stone steps.

  “We have to meet with Golar, the Autumn Fae Queen, by a quarter till. We have to hurry. We slept in when we should have been on our way a half hour ago,” Oliver said as he tossed a handful of a chalky substance into the air near the base of the steps. In an instant, the cottage we were staying in vanished.

  “Why do we have to meet the queen?” I asked as we continued to hurry down the leaf littered path.

  “It is customary when you visit her land to join her in a feast. We arrived too late yesterday. She is an early riser and prefers to celebrate early. Hence, the rushing,” he said as he picked up his pace. “She abhors late. I don’t want to be late.”

  I walked faster because the panic in his voice demanded it. We had been walking through a picturesque version of fall. I mean, snap a photo of your ideal November day and you were where we were, but as we rounded the bend, the landscape changed. The trees were as high as the sky with their bark appearing almost black and the leaves were varying shades of burgundy and red. It was stunning but alarming. I’d never seen this much vibrancy, and it was breathtaking.

  “Is this where we’re going?” I asked.

  “Yes. Just down that path and we’ll have arrived,” Oliver said as he pulled out his watch, “and on time as well.” He grinned.