by Cachet
My heart sinks and my eyes open wide when I see the female is going to town on Terry’s car with whatever it is that she’s holding in her hand. She swings with all her might, and repeatedly brings it down on his front windshield, before moving around to the side windows. The guy rushes her and snatches, what I now see is a bat from her grasp. It’s only then that I realize who he is.
“What the fuck?!” I yell, not believing my eyes.
It takes me no time to grab a pair of jeans out my drawer. I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I’m damn sure about to find out. I discard my house shoes, and race down the hallway toward the stairs, only stopping to hop into my pants along the way. By the time I make it to the bottom, I see that my front door is wide open. Oh yeah, this muthafucka has lost his goddamn mind! My tennis shoes are by the door, so I grab them and slip them on, not even bothering to untie them. Right now my only concern is finding out what the hell is going on, and why there is a bitch outside my house tearing my man’s car up.
“Terry!” I yell, when I rush out of the door. The rain is pouring down so hard, that it makes it difficult to see.
“Shanair, go back in the house. I got this!” he responds, walking over toward me. His arms are outstretched and in the direction of the female, who’s attempting to come my way. “Just go back in the house baby.”
His hoodie is soaked, and his voice has a pleading tone, but I don’t have plans on obeying his commands.
“Baby? That bitch wasn’t baby the other day!” the female screams. “Don’t play with me Terry, because I will whip your and her ass out here tonight!”
“What the fuck is going on and who the hell is she?” Although I hear her threats, I don’t have to time to listen to them, because I want to get to the bottom of this shit right now.
“Just go in the house Nair, I’ll explain as soon as I—”
“No! You’re going to explain this shit right now!” I interrupt. “Now tell me what the fuck is going on. Why is she outside my house yelling and breaking your windows?”
“Because I can, bitch!” the chick shouts.
“Shut the fuck up Brittany!” Terry scolds her.
Brittany…why does that name sound so familiar?
“No, she needs to hear this,” Brittany laughs. “Your, better yet, our man ain’t shit boo. He’s been fucking me with no problems for months, and now that I’ve told him I’m pregnant, he wants to play crazy. Ain’t that right Terry?” She turns to him with a smirk.
“Take yo’ ass on Brittany. I ain’t gone tell you again,” Terry warns, but she ignores him and continues talking.
“Tell her how you were sweating me that night about giving you my number.” Brittany takes a step in Terry’s direction. “Tell her how you took me out and spent money on me, trying to get the pussy.” She takes another step. “Tell her how you swore to me that you weren’t fucking with nobody else. You told me that I was the only one!” When she was close enough, she hauled off and punched him dead in the face.
“Bitch! What I tell you about putting your fucking hands on me?” Terry roars, before shoving her backwards roughly.
“Tell her,” Brittany says urging him to spill the beans. “Tell her about all the times you told me you loved me,” she says, and I can hear the pain in her voice. My heart is in my stomach. “Tell her how when I finally found out about her, you told me that she wasn’t an issue and how it was basically over between the two of you. You said that you were just living here because she didn’t have anyone else.” Brittany starts to walk toward Terry once again. “Don’t be scared now Terry, tell your woman how you told me that my pussy is so much better than hers. Tell her Terry!”
“Why you out here lying and shit?!” Terry asks throwing his arms up in the air.
With the rain beating down on me, I wipe the wetness from my face with both of my hands. I squint and look at Terry as best I can through the downpour. Although he’s calling her a liar, his expression is a guilty one. It’s then that it hits me. I’m not sure what triggered it, but I now remember why the chick’s name sounds so familiar. Brittany is the one that Terry was speaking to on the phone just a few months ago. She was female that he told that he would be there soon, and the same one that he left out of our house for in the middle of the night. He beat my ass behind this bitch, all because I threatened to call her and ask her how he knew her. Now he’s standing here calling her a liar, as if he hasn’t been fucking with her at all.
When Terry sees me looking at him, he shakes his head as if to say that what she is saying is not true. I don’t say a word; only continue to stare at him. He drops his head pitifully, before taking a few steps in my direction. I’m not sure if he can tell that although my face is covered with rain drops, there are quite a few tears mixed in as well. I’m heartbroken and can’t believe this shit. He’s done it again, even though he promised that he would never hurt me this bad again. It never fails. Terry always finds some way to make me look like a fucking fool. When he’s close enough, he reaches out and attempts to pull me close, but I smack his hands away.
“Don’t touch me!” I warn, while giving him the evil eye.
“Don’t play the good man now!” Brittany yells, obviously upset by him trying to console me.
Terry pleads with me with only his eyes, takes another step closer, before turning his back to Brittany. His gesture lets me know that I am the only person that he’s concerned with at the moment. Usually I would feel a little better about the situation, because it was his way of showing me that my feelings trump hers, but after hearing that not only has he been fucking her, but that she’s pregnant, there ain’t shit he can say to make me feel better. Brittany must have felt disrespected, because instantly a scowl covers her face. In no time she’s rushing over toward us with her fists balled up. As soon as she’s close enough to Terry, she swings and begins to punch him anywhere she can land a hit.
Not wanting to be struck, I jump back and move out of the way. Usually I would have put my foot off in her ass for hitting on my man, but I know that this here is not my fight. Why would I further embarrass myself? Terry is dead wrong for this, and I’ll be damned if I get caught up in even more of his drama. I watch as Brittany scratches and claws at Terry’s face. He pushes her backwards, but she continues to run up on him swinging wildly. When she throws a punch and hits him square in the eye, Terry responds by throwing one of his own. Upon impact, Brittany’s head jerks back and she stumbles, before falling flat on her ass on the ground in the small patch of grass near the side of the house.
“Shit, I didn’t mean to do that!” Terry shouts, moving quickly to help her up.
“Did you just hit me?” Brittany asks, as if she didn’t already know. “Mutha’fucka you don’t know who you’re fucking with!” She lies on her back and kicks her feet out at him. “Stay the fuck away from me. Don’t you ever fucking touch me again.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you,” Terry tells her sincerely. “You kept hitting me after I asked you to stop.”
“Nah, fuck that! You hit me in my fucking face like I was a man. I’m pregnant you dip shit, and you gone punch me? I promise you’re going to pay for this here,” Brittany warns. “You just wait and fucking see.” She rolls over onto her knees and pushes herself into a standing position. When Terry attempts to help, she smacks his hands away. “Bitch, I said don’t touch me.”
I watch as the man I love continues to try to help his lover off the ground. It makes me sick to my stomach to hear him apologize for hitting her. Don’t get me wrong, I know that hitting woman is a big no-no, and I don’t condone it at all. The thing is that Terry hits and punches me all the time, and doesn’t show this much concern for me or my wellbeing. He’s even choked me until I’ve passed out one day, and I still didn’t get this type of treatment, so what makes this bitch so important?
Does he really love her like she claims?
I can’t take it anymore. The scene in front of me is too much to bear. I tu
rn and walk away, leaving them in my front yard still arguing. As I step into my house, I overhear Brittany threaten to call the police. Like I said before, I don’t want any part of it, so I close and lock my door behind me, leaving Terry to deal with his mistress, or better yet, baby momma alone.
*****
Brittany made good on her threat to call the police, because two squad cars showed up about ten minutes later. Right before they pulled up, Terry knocked on the door and begged me to let him in, but I refused. I sat inside the house, peeping out of the window as the police spoke to both Brittany and Terry. One of the officers even knocked on the door, but again I refused to open it. I figured I didn’t have to, because I hadn’t done anything wrong. By then a few of my neighbors had come outside. As I witnessed it all, all I could do was shake my head, because you have to be one nosy muthafucka to come outside with an umbrella in the pouring rain just to see what was going on. A few of them just watched, while others gave details of what they saw from either their windows or doors. Apparently, most of their stories must have matched Brittany’s, because it didn’t take long for the police to put handcuffs on Terry’s wrists and place him in the back of the squad car.
From what I was able to hear, the officer advised Terry that he was going to be charged with domestic violence for hitting Brittany. They didn’t care anything about the fact that she had damaged his property right in front of his house. As much as Terry tried to let them know that he was only defending himself, they paid him no mind. To them, he was just a black man who couldn’t keep his hands to himself. It’s crazy because as many times that Terry has beaten my ass over the years, I’ve never put the law in our business. One, I never wanted him to go to jail, and two was because I knew that I wasn’t going to leave him, so what really would have been the point? Now the one time that he has put his hands on someone else, they lock his ass up. I guess that’s his karma coming back to bite him in the ass.
I watched out of the window as the ambulance pulled up and tended to Brittany. I’m not sure what she was saying, but from where I was standing, it looked like she was putting on one hell of a show. From walking around with her hand on the spot where she was hit, to holding on to her back as she walked, as if she was a woman about to give birth any day. Now I’m not sure how far along she was, but just by looking at her, I could tell that she wasn’t more than a few weeks. So to see her cutting up outside had me both pissed and amused, because this was the bitch that Terry chose to fuck up his life for.
After the EMT’s cleared Brittany to go, she walked back to her car and was preparing to climb into the driver’s seat, when she stopped and looked my way. I’m not sure just how she knew exactly where I was standing, but our eyes locked; she smirked and winked her eye. That corny shit right there made my blood boil and I instantly regretted not getting in her ass while I had the chance. No sooner than she pulled off, the police cruiser carrying Terry drove away as well. As soon as they were out of sight, I broke down and cried hard. It’s a good thing that Kendrick was with Naomi for the weekend, because I’m sure that all of the ruckus would have surely woken him up.
As soon as Terry was booked, he used his one free call to reach out to me. When I answered the phone and heard his voice on the other end, I hung up. I didn’t even give him a chance to explain, because I already knew that he was going to attempt to feed me nothing but lies, and I didn’t want to deal with him at all. There was nothing for us to talk about. He made his bed and he was now going to lie in it. I’d be damned if I went down there and bailed him out for hitting his fucking pregnant mistress. Yeah, that shit wasn’t going to happen. Plus I knew the shit that Brittany was saying was the truth, because Terry has said some of the same things to other women before.
He tells them that we are not together, and that he uses me for money. Why, I don’t know, but apparently he says these things. Each of them I’ve heard numerous times before, and each time Terry swears that they are all lies. Well I know that there aren’t that many damn lies in the world. He’s saying that shit to these hoes, and they are sucking it all up. I don’t know about you, but if a man is living with a woman, no matter what he claims the situation is, you are dumb for believing that nothing is happening. There is no way in hell that a man will live with a woman and they ain’t fucking. If you’re in a situation like this, and actually believe the guys lies, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you that you really need a reality check.
Also, if you allow a man to be with you both mentally and physically who says that he’s only using another woman for money, you my friend are a damn fool, because that would make a man look weak in my eyes. Any man who needs a woman’s money, and can’t stand on his own two feet, isn’t a man at all. Because of this, I fault the woman that he cheats with as well, because they are all dummies.
Now I’m not too smart myself, because I know that Terry is saying these things to these women, yet I stick around. I continue to allow him to step out of our relationship and fuck other women; like I said, I’m afraid to be alone. I guess I’m also afraid to lose, even though I can’t really see what I would be losing. I’m constantly finding out about other bitches, yet I don’t do anything about it. Well, I’m no longer afraid. I’d rather be alone than to deal with shit like this. I’d rather sleep in bed alone every single night, than to wonder what my man is doing when he’s not lying there beside me. This shit is exhausting and I’m just tired of being tired.
I’m calling it quits, and as soon as they release Terry from jail, I want him to come and get his shit out of my house. That way he can be free to do what he chooses. He will be able to finally speak the truth when he tells these hoes that we are not together. I mean it, I’m finished. I don’t want to do this back and forth shit anymore. I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to feel like shit for staying with a man who can’t love me even half as much as I love him. I don’t want to feel self-conscience when we’re out in public, because I think that every chick we see is laughing at me, because she knows that my man isn’t faithful.
I’m done.
Just thinking about leaving Terry alone has me almost to the point of hyperventilating. My chest is tight and it’s hard for me to breathe. Here I am heartbroken and about ready to pass the fuck out, and my man has been not only having his cake, but eating the shit out of it to. Then he went and got the bitch pregnant. I refuse to deal with another baby mother, and child. I can’t deal with another Katrina situation. Just thinking about female carrying my man’s child, and isn’t me, makes me sick to my stomach. Oh no, I cannot and will not be Terry’s fool for any longer. This needs to be done.
Climbing out of my bed, I head downstairs and retrieve the box of garbage bags and bring them back up to my room. With tears rolling down my face, I grab everything of Terry’s that I see. One by one I fill each of the black bags with his belongings, which is something that I’ve never done before. Even though I swore that I was done with him, it never got to the point of him actually moving out. I toss in everything from his clothes, to his toiletries. When I’m finished putting the last of his shoes inside one, I look around and see that there are close to ten bags sitting in my room. After lugging them all into the hallway, I run me a hot bath because I’m exhausted.
As I sit in this tub, all I can think about is how much time I’ve wasted. All the years I’ve given, and for what? To turn around and walk away after Terry has done something that he’s done numerous times? Like I said before, I should have left in the beginning. Maybe if I did, I wouldn’t feel so horrible now. This shit hurts my heart.
I know you’re probably reading this book and judging me for being “weak”, but I’m sure you’ve been here before. As a matter of fact you’re probably here right now. While I’m crying and heartbroken about my man fucking around, you’re probably wondering where yours is at this moment. If you’re lucky he’s at work, and not laid up over some bitch’s house. It’s not like you would admit it anyway. Instead you’ll continue to play as if everything
is perfect, knowing damn well it ain’t. So you can judge me all you want. I may be dumb, but at least I’m not blind and live my life in denial.
Terry has treated me like shit for the last time and I’m walking away. That doesn’t make me love him any less. You can’t turn off love like a faucet. I know this is going to be a process, and even though I’m terrified, I’m making a stand to move on. I just hope Terry is ready to let me go. I don’t know what I’ll do if he decides to fight hard for what we have.
Chapter 18
Shanair
“Shanair, it’s Terry again. Call me when you get a chance. It’s important and I really—” I quickly press the seven digit, not even bothering to hear the rest of the message.
Your message has been deleted.
That was about the hundredth voicemail that Terry has left for me in a little over a month. This one will be just like the other ninety-nine, and will not be returned. He’s called and said just about everything. It’s either that he missed me or that it’s something very important that he needs to talk to me about. I swear each time he calls the messages seem more urgent, but I know that it’s because he wants me to call him back. I have yet to do that though, because I know Terry. He will get me on the phone under false pretenses, only to work his way back in to my good graces. I’m not that strong yet, and because of this, I refuse to speak to him at all. In fact I haven’t spoken to him since the day he came to pick up his things.
It was a few days after he was arrested. I’m not sure if the charges were dropped or he bonded out; either way, I never asked. I still don’t know how he got here, but when he knocked on the door I didn’t even bother to open it; instead I let up the garage where I had stored all of his bags. Terry looked at me like I was crazy, when I told him that I was done fucking with him. It was right before I handed him his keys –minus my house key of course—and told him to get the fuck on. I originally had plans to let him come home to the locks being changed, but when I realized that he had left his keys behind hanging on the hook in the kitchen, I figured there was no point in wasting money.