Kitty's Countryside Dream

by Christie Barlow

  ‘I’m so glad you’re here,’ I murmured.

  ‘I’m so glad to be here.’

  I closed my eyes and began to explore his body with my hands, every inch of him, savouring every touch, every moment.

  Alfie jumped onto the bed and startled us both. ‘He nearly gave me a heart attack.’

  ‘Me too.’ I smiled.

  ‘Did you finally sleep?’ Tom asked.

  ‘Yes, I must have eventually, but, Tom, what am I going to do?’

  He pulled back. Looking me straight in the eyes, he moved my hair away from my face and tucked it gently behind my ear.

  ‘Whatever you do, it’s going to set the cat amongst the pigeons, there’s no doubt about that.’

  ‘I know, but I need answers, and you know who I need to speak to, but I’m scared; I’m scared of his reaction.’

  ‘I’m assuming you mean Ted?’

  ‘Yes. Do you think he knows I exist?’

  ‘Well, to be honest, Kitty, there’s only one way to find out. Whether he does or whether he doesn’t, you need to decide what you’re hoping to gain from this situation. Yes, I know you want answers but the truth will also rock their world too. It isn’t going to be easy.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Whether or not Ted knows you exist, Jeannie and Robin are also going to discover they have a sibling, and that their father conducted an affair with a sixteen-year-old girl behind their mother’s back. They have a good relationship with Ted, and who knows what damage it may cause. All I’m saying, Kitty, is don’t do anything hasty. Just think about it carefully, and of course whatever you decide to do, I’ll be by your side.’

  Letting out a huge sigh, I slumped back onto my pillow. Tom patted my arm. ‘I’ll go and feed Alfie and make us a drink.’ Throwing back the covers, he strode out of the bedroom with Alfie close at his heels. Looking up at the ceiling, my head was whirling, a question burning fiercely inside me: where was Violet? I wanted to find her.

  Tom wandered back into the room holding two steaming-hot mugs of tea. I felt myself smiling while I watched him. It was strange having company but also very comforting knowing I wasn’t on my own.

  Tom perched on the edge of the bed and passed me a drink. ‘What’s the plan of action then? Have you decided on anything?’

  I stared up at him and held my breath.

  Tom sat in silence, waiting for me to answer.

  ‘I think … I’m going to visit Ted today. I’m going to find out whether my father knows I exist.’

  ‘Do you want me to come too, Kitty?’

  ‘What about the Lodge? Don’t you need to sort out the animals first?’

  ‘Yes, I can nip there now to check on things, but no doubt the farmhands will have it all running like clockwork. I’ll pick you up after I’ve finished. I know Robin is collecting Jeannie from the hospital at 2 p.m., so the coast will be clear and we can gauge from Ted’s reaction what to do next.’

  I nodded.

  ‘Are you sure this is what you want, Kitty? Because once you’ve revealed who you are there’ll be no going back.’

  Of course I was nervous, though that was an understatement. However, there was a burning desire inside me; I needed to know what had happened to Violet and I wasn’t going to surrender that need anytime soon.

  ‘Yes, I’m sure.’ I let out a long sigh. I met Tom’s gaze and managed a nervous smile.

  Tom took the last gulp of his tea and touched my arm. ‘I’ll be back within the hour.’ He kissed me lightly on the lips.

  ‘I’ll be ready. Well, as ready as I’ll ever be.’

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Tom was waiting for me outside in the van. I grabbed my bag and my keys from the table and I was just about to follow him when the phone rang.

  It was Jeannie.

  Hearing her voice, I felt strange. It was confusing knowing that my relationship with Jeannie had changed overnight yet she had no clue she was now ringing her sister and not just a friend.

  ‘Hi, Kitty, it’s only me. Robin is collecting me in an hour or so but do you fancy coming over to the house tonight? I could do with some company and, to be honest, if you’re there it saves me from the constant fussing of Dad.’

  I hesitated for a moment. I wasn’t expecting the invitation.

  ‘Are you still there, Kitty?’

  ‘Sorry, Jeannie, there’s someone knocking on the door. Can I ring you back when you’re home? Will that be OK?’ I asked, not knowing how to answer.

  ‘Yes, of course, speak to you later. But first tell me, have you spoken to Tom?’

  ‘I have indeed.’

  ‘Is everything OK between you two? Are you finally an item?’

  I laughed. ‘Yes and yes.’

  I could hear Jeannie let out a huge cheer before she clicked the phone off.

  As Tom drove me to Ted’s farm, we travelled in silence. I was feeling apprehensive.

  He pulled the van up in front of the farmhouse. We both sat and stared at the quaint old building for a moment. Tom placed his hand on my knee. ‘Do you want me to come in with you?’

  ‘This is something I need to do myself, Tom, but will you wait here for me?’

  ‘I will, I promise.’

  I paused and took a deep breath.

  Walking towards the front door, not only could I feel Tom’s eyes watching my every step, but my heart was thumping so loud I was convinced he must have been able to hear it. For the last hour or so I had imagined the conversation between Ted and I, but now I was here I hadn’t a clue what I was going to say when he opened the door. I felt terrified.

  Rapping the lion door knocker with my sweaty hand, I waited. I heard the patter of a dog’s paws running along the wooden floor, followed by the sound of sniffing. ‘Come here, boy, in the kitchen.’ The paws clattered back up the hallway, and a door slammed. Then I heard footsteps approaching the front door.

  I felt my heartbeat quicken and a feeling of nausea surged through my body.

  Glancing back at Tom, he gave me a reassuring smile. Turning back round, I saw Ted standing in front of me in the open doorway. Our eyes met for the first time. Looking up at the man standing in front of me I saw the resemblance between us was striking. We stared at each other and my heart was pounding. His face didn’t falter. I waited for him to speak; I waited for him to ask who I was and what I wanted but he didn’t. I couldn’t speak. I bit down on my lip; I could feel it beginning to tremble and I could feel my eyes filling with tears.

  I thrust my hand towards his; I didn’t know what else to do. He shook it but still he didn’t speak – he just watched me. ‘Pleased to meet you.’ My voice was shaking. ‘I think you may have known my mother.’

  ‘Violet?’ he questioned yet didn’t look surprised.

  I gasped.

  ‘Come on in.’ He opened the front door wide. I followed Ted towards the living room, where he gestured for me to take a seat. Nervously, I sat down. The view from the living-room window was spectacular. It looked out towards the back of the farm with fields that went on for acres and acres. Cobbled walls criss-crossed the fields, disappearing into the distance.

  ‘Can I get you anything?’ Ted asked politely. He wasn’t what I was expecting. Even though there appeared to be a strange tension in the air, he had still welcomed me into his house. From reading Violet’s diary I thought he might be a little standoffish, however, even though he was watching me carefully, the relief on his face that I was there seemed apparent.

  ‘No thanks, I’m fine,’ I replied.

  I reached into my bag and pulled out Violet’s diary and placed it on the wooden table that separated the pair of us.

  ‘What’s this?’ Ted asked, picking up the diary and thumbing through the pages.

  ‘Violet Porter’s diary – she wrote it when she was sixteen,’ I answered firmly.

  The colour instantly drained from Ted’s face and he buried his face into his hands. He took a minute to look up and asked, ‘Your mother
’s diary?’

  I nodded.

  ‘Do you know who I am, Ted?’ There – I’d said it now.

  He nodded. ‘Yes, I do.’

  I hesitated. ‘Now that I’m here, I have no idea what to say to you.’

  Ted paused and glanced out of the window. His face seemed to soften as he began talking.

  ‘Shall I go first?’ he asked softly.

  I could only manage a nod.

  ‘I heard you were here. As soon as Jeannie mentioned the new Lodge manager named Kitty, I knew it had to be you. It was the Easter-egg hunt. I sneaked into Tom’s cottage and watched you from behind the curtains; there was no mistaking you were Violet’s daughter.’

  ‘So that was you sneaking around in the cottage?’

  He nodded.

  ‘It wasn’t long after that I went to visit Tom at the cottage. It was one lunchtime and I noticed you sitting on the bench outside the office with Jeannie.’

  ‘Why did you visit Tom?’

  ‘Because you were on my mind all the time. I was trying to discover whether you knew or not. Tom must have thought I was acting strangely, popping in with no real reason. I asked him a few questions, but it was obvious he didn’t know anything. You knocked on the door and I watched you walk back up the path and cycle down the drive towards the gate. I didn’t say anything to Tom and left shortly after.’

  ‘How did you meet Violet?’

  ‘I first met Violet one summer’s evening at the local bandstand. She was leaning against an old oak tree wearing a beautiful dress and she was the most stunning girl I’d ever set eyes on. I’d never seen her before, but all through the evening my eyes kept flicking over in her direction. She was enjoying the evening with her friend. Her eyes sparkled, she was young and vibrant, and her laugh was infectious. I was mesmerised. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I wanted to find out more about her; I wanted to know her name, and as the evening went on I found myself staring at her more and more. I was married and had a child, and more to the point it wasn’t right, but I was drawn to Violet. Eventually she noticed me and smiled back. As soon as the band had finished playing, the crowds began to filter away. I lost sight of her for a brief moment but once the hordes had dispersed, she was standing there, smiling back at me. I plucked up the courage to walk over and we began chatting. Not only was she beautiful, but we also clicked straightaway. It wasn’t my usual style, chatting up women in the park, but there was something different about her. She told me she’d seen me about; she told me she saw me every morning as I drove past her in my van. Violet looked up at me with her beautiful eyes and made me promise I would look out for her on Monday morning, and of course I did. I couldn’t believe my luck that morning – she was standing on the edge of the pavement smiling at me. I pulled my van over, she climbed in and we chatted some more. I felt so at ease with Violet. It became a frequent occurrence. Every morning I would pull the van over for a chat unless I had one of the farm boys with me. Violet made me feel alive; she made me feel young again, although obviously I was quite a bit older.’

  ‘You also had a wife,’ I blurted out.

  Ted and I stared at each other; there was a strange tension in the air. Looking me straight in the eye, he continued, ‘I’m not proud of what I did, far from it. There are also no excuses. Violet ignited a flame in me. I felt like I was myself whenever I was around her; there were no demands. She made me feel like me. Does that sound weak, Kitty?’

  Our eyes locked. Ted continued, ‘Yes, I know who you are, but honestly I didn’t know what had happened to you until your mother died. That’s when I found out you’d inherited the Lodge.’

  My heart felt like it had been ripped from my chest. ‘Violet’s dead?’ I gasped.

  ‘No, Kitty, I mean your mother – Alice.’

  Ted stood up and walked around the table and sat next to me. ‘This is going to be difficult for all of us.’

  ‘All?’

  ‘Yes – Robin and Jeannie. I knew one day the truth would come out. It always does.’

  ‘Did you ever want to look for me?’

  ‘I did, Kitty, I promise I did. Let me make us a pot of tea and I can explain. You do like tea, don’t you?’

  ‘Yes,’ I answered.

  ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’

  I watched him walk out of the living room. I was a bag of nerves; looking down at my hands I could see them shaking.

  Five minutes later Ted returned with a pot of tea on a tray with a couple of mugs. Placing the tray on the table, he poured the tea and handed me a drink.

  ‘I don’t know about you, but I’ve thought about this moment on many occasions – what I would say to you. I’ve played the conversation over and over in my head.’

  I shook my head. ‘I only found out yesterday that the people who I thought were my parents were actually my aunt and uncle. I’m still in complete shock.’

  I could see the tears welling up in Ted’s eyes. ‘How did you find out?’ he asked.

  I raised my eyebrows and nodded towards the diary on the table.

  ‘Where did you find it?’

  ‘It was locked in the safe up at the Lodge. I had no idea who Violet Porter was or that she even existed. No one in my family had ever spoken of her.’

  It took a few seconds for either of us to speak, and then Ted continued.

  ‘I didn’t realise Violet was so young when we first met. The way she held herself, her knowledge of the world, led me to believe she was older. You know I was married at the time. I’d been married to Bea for five years; we were childhood sweethearts, swept away with the romantic notion we were soulmates and would spend the rest of our days together. Bea’s parents gave us this house, this farm,’ he said, looking all around him. ‘And what a magnificent wedding present it was. We had friends who couldn’t even afford their first house. We had well and truly landed on out feet.’

  I took another sip of my tea and let him continue.

  ‘Once Bea had given birth to Robin, family life became more strained. I imagine everyone goes through their rough patches; new home, new child, but Robin never slept. Bea was up most of the night every night and, as for me, I was that tired with the work on the farm that nothing or no one would disturb my sleep. Bea began to struggle; looking back she was more than likely suffering from post-natal depression, but things like that were taboo back in the day. My escape route from it all was Violet. I was dishonest with Violet and it’s something I’ve never forgiven myself for.’

  ‘What do you mean? Why were you dishonest?’

  ‘I promised her the world, Kitty, yet I lied to her. I never told her I was married. I made Violet believe the reason we couldn’t be together was due to the age gap between us. I made her think if she waited until she was eighteen it wouldn’t be a shock for her parents, but of course I couldn’t ever be with Violet because I was married.’

  ‘Why couldn’t you just have been honest with her?’

  ‘I had my reasons, but the simple answer to that, Kitty, is that I didn’t want to lose her. I knew the minute she found out she would be off and I could never imagine life without her.’

  ‘But you thought it was OK to have another baby with Bea. How was that fair on Violet?’ I was now struggling to get my feelings under control. ‘It sounds like you were in love with Violet but couldn’t give up Bea?’

  Ted gave a knowing nod. ‘I think you may be right. I loved Bea, of course I did, but it was a different love; it was comfortable. However, I was in love with Violet. When I was at home, Violet was the one on my mind constantly; she was the last person I would think about at night and the first thing I would think about when I opened my eyes. She was the woman I loved. It was the timing – the timing was all wrong. I couldn’t leave my wife and baby. I knew what the right thing to do was, but I couldn’t do it. I loved Violet. In a way, a part of me will always love Violet.’

  ‘You broke her heart the day she saw you in the hospital with your wife, holding your new baby daughter in
your arms. How could you do that to anyone?’

  ‘I didn’t have a clue Violet was at the hospital that day. I remember looking up and she was standing in the doorway of the maternity ward. She didn’t utter a word. I think that was the moment it hit me.’

  ‘She was at the hospital because my mother, Alice, had just come out of surgery. She’d suffered an ectopic pregnancy. The result of the surgery meant she could never have children.’

  ‘I am so sorry to hear that. I honestly didn’t know. I made the heartbreaking decision to put my family first – we had the children and I threw myself into life at the farm. I broke down on many occasions; the pain of not seeing Violet ever again was unbearable, but I had no choice. Then I heard through the grapevine she was ill. I was distraught; I remember I risked everything to get a note to her. I told her she must remember I would always love her. I did mean it.’

  ‘Violet was already pregnant then.’

  Ted shook his head; his eyes were blurred with tears. ‘I never knew she was pregnant.’

  ‘I don’t understand. You said you knew I existed.’

  ‘Bea was close friends with Alice. My wife had asked her if she would do us the honour of being Jeannie’s godmother. At the time, I wasn’t aware that Alice was Violet’s sister. It all came as a bit of a shock when I walked into her living room before Jeannie’s christening to find Violet holding my daughter in her arms. She looked just as shocked as me and dropped Jeannie. I went berserk. I panicked and thought she was going to tell everyone I’d been having an affair with her. I wasn’t ready for my marriage to crumble all around me. I wasn’t prepared. I’m ashamed of my actions and how I treated Violet that day. I shouted at her.’ Quickly he added, ‘I didn’t mean it; I still loved her.’

  The knots in my stomach took my breath away. This was like a tragic love story: two people that seemed besotted with each other but could never be together.

  Ted looked exhausted from reliving the past, but he still hadn’t answered my question: how did he know I existed.