Kitty's Countryside Dream

by Christie Barlow

  ‘And what about you, Jeannie? What’s it like living with Danny?’

  ‘Is it my turn to blush now? I feel like I’m about to burst, literally,’ she said, patting her stomach ‘I’ve got everything – a man, a baby on the way and I think we’ll go the distance too.’

  More squeals of delight were interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell.

  ‘Who are we expecting now?’ Jeannie asked, looking around the room.

  ‘I’ll get it; you ladies sit there,’ Ted shouted as he walked up the hall to open the door.

  ‘How are you girls doing?’ Tom enquired as he passed through the living room.

  ‘Are you skiving from the dishes already?’ Jeannie joked.

  ‘What, me? No!’ Tom answered, bringing his hand up to his chest in mock outrage. ‘I’m just off to the little boys’ room.’

  ‘Any excuse,’ I teased.

  Once Tom had left the room we all laughed.

  ‘What about baby names, any ideas yet?’ Lucinda asked.

  Jeannie shook her head.

  ‘I have no clue. Every time I think I like a name I change my mind a week later. We are so indecisive. I think we’ll wait until the baby’s born and see what comes to us at the time. We’ve got a while yet.’

  ‘It’ll be here before you know it, but at least you have all of us fussing around you waiting for cuddles from the new arrival. I can’t wait!’

  ‘You aren’t getting broody, are you, Kitty?’

  ‘She is – look at that face!’

  ‘Stop teasing. There’s plenty of time for all that,’ I said, laughing.

  Just then Tom opened the living-room door. He stood there in silence, staring at me. ‘Don’t worry, Tom, I’m not broody! It’s only this lot pulling my leg.’

  His face didn’t falter; he turned pale and looked in shock.

  There was silence.

  ‘Tom, what is it?’

  We all stared at him, willing him to speak.

  ‘There was a woman at the door. I overheard her talking to Ted. She said she saw you this morning at the graveyard.’

  ‘Where is she now?’ I stammered.

  ‘She’s in the front room with Ted.’

  Chapter Fifty

  Bursting through the front-room door, the adrenaline was pumping through my body. Both Ted and the woman looked up, startled, and stared at me. I recognised her immediately: she was the woman who’d disappeared on the bus, the woman I’d seen crying at the graveyard. Scattered over the coffee table were numerous papers and letters. Ted looked solemn.

  Tom was standing directly behind me, peering over my shoulder, followed by Jeannie and Lucinda.

  ‘Come on in, Kitty and Tom. Jeannie, Lucinda, would you kindly leave us alone for a while.’ Ted gave them a stern look. His voice was shaky. They both glanced at each other and left the room quickly, shutting the door behind them and leaving Tom and I standing there.

  My eyes met Ted’s. I was searching for answers but none were forthcoming.

  ‘Come and sit, Kitty.’ Ted patted the chair next to him. My legs felt like they were about to buckle underneath me as I immediately sat down. Tom perched next to me on the arm of the chair and held my hand. The woman smiled at me.

  ‘Hello, Kitty.’ Her voice was soft. My tears were threatening to break through at any moment.

  ‘Are you – are you Violet?’ I stuttered.

  I was blinking back the tears. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, waiting for the answer.

  There was a startled silence.

  ‘Tell her,’ I heard Ted say, giving the woman his approval to answer.

  I held my breath.

  ‘No, Kitty, I’m not Violet,’ the woman answered warmly in a Canadian accent.

  I gasped, then opened my eyes. I slumped back in the chair, not knowing whether I was relieved or not.

  I shrugged helplessly.

  ‘Then who are you?’

  ‘I’m Lizzie and I’m really pleased to meet you.’ She smiled at me.

  ‘Why? Why are you pleased to meet me?’

  ‘Jean is my mother.’

  I shook my head; I didn’t understand. ‘Who’s Jean?’

  ‘Jean is Arthur’s sister, your granddad’s sister. Violet was sent to live with her, well us, when she was sixteen.’

  Trying to take in this information, I felt Tom’s reassuring touch as he squeezed my hand.

  ‘So that makes you Violet’s cousin?’

  She nodded. ‘Yes, Kitty, and Alice’s.’

  Then she paused.

  I could feel the emotion rising inside me; my breath caught in my throat.

  ‘Why do I think there’s something wrong? Why do I get the awful feeling you’re trying to tell me something?’

  I glanced at Ted. He was staring at the floor. His face looked defeated.

  For a second no one said a thing.

  ‘Ted, talk to me.’

  Ted shook his head. ‘I’m so sorry, Kitty.’

  Anxiety ran through my body. My eyes widened with dread.

  ‘Kitty, I’m so sorry. Violet has passed away unexpectedly,’ Lizzie said softly, her eyes now brimmed with tears.

  I heard the words but didn’t believe her. I shook my head. ‘No, it can’t be true, it can’t, please, Ted, tell me someone has got this wrong?’

  Ted shook his head, his eyes gleaming with unshed tears. ‘I wish I could, Kitty, but I can’t,’ he said, placing his hand on my knee.

  My throat became tight and heaviness surged through my chest followed by a pain around my heart. I gasped for breath.

  ‘No, no, I was going to find her. We were going to find her,’ I screamed at Tom. He clutched my hand tightly.

  ‘I’m so sorry.’

  The tears fell, my eyes were blurred and nausea had taken over my body.

  ‘How – how did she die?’

  ‘It was very sudden. Violet loved to read; it was her passion. She would spend her time reading anything and everything. One evening, early last month, she began to complain of a headache and we joked that maybe now she was getting a little older it was probably her eyesight. She told me not to be so daft. We were sitting in the living room, the night was drawing in, and as usual Violet had settled down with her book, switching on the lamp beside her. I was watching the television at the far end of the room. I heard a crash and turned round to find that Violet had knocked over a drink of water. The glass smashed on the wooden floor. I stood up to fetch the dustpan and brush but then Violet slumped forward and placed her head in her hands. At first I thought she’d cut herself on the broken glass but then she vomited everywhere. She began to scream that she couldn’t see and had severe pain in her head. I immediately called for help. When we got to the hospital she was taken straight in for a scan and then transferred to the specialist neurology unit. She lost consciousness and slipped away soon after due to the bleeding around her brain. It was confirmed that her death was caused by a brain aneurysm bursting. She’d suffered a head injury from a skiing trip and they think it’s possible that was the cause. There was nothing anyone could do. I’m so sorry, Kitty – it was too late.’

  Tom put his arms around me and held me tight.

  ‘Here, drink this,’ I heard Ted’s voice. Looking up through my tears, he passed me a small glass filled with liquid. Without thinking about it, I swigged it back with one gulp and passed the glass back to him.

  ‘Please tell me everything, absolutely everything. I need to know – did she marry, have a family, what happened in her life?’ I asked.

  ‘Kitty, Violet was the loveliest person I’ve ever known. She was beautiful, loyal and instantly became my best friend the moment she walked through the door of our home. My mother, Jean, welcomed her with open arms. In all honesty she brought happiness to my life every day; you would think we were sisters not cousins. Violet never married or had a family. She never recovered from her broken heart.’

  ‘Do you mean Ted?’

  ‘Yes.’ Lizzie nodded in Te
d’s direction. His eyes were filled with tears and he placed his head in his hands.

  ‘Violet loved Ted with all her heart; no one ever came close to the love that she felt for him. She used to say that she would never settle for second best, and if she couldn’t have her true love then she would have no love at all.’

  ‘I’m so sorry.’

  Ted was clearly distraught. I’d forgotten about him in all of this but Violet’s loss must have hit him hard too and yet here he was comforting me. Standing up, he walked towards the fireplace. He examined his face in the mirror before placing his hands on the mantel and hanging his head low, staring at the floor. Turning back towards us, he spoke softly. ‘I honestly thought we would find her, Kitty; I honestly thought I would see Violet again.’

  I could feel a terrible sadness bleeding through the room.

  ‘Why didn’t she come back, Lizzie?’

  ‘Oh, Kitty, don’t think we haven’t had many late-night conversations about this. I’ve stayed up numerous times while Violet wept through the night in my arms, wanting to come back to England. But she couldn’t – she didn’t come back because of you.’

  ‘Me, why me?’

  ‘It was too late. Alice and Julian loved you with all their heart and she knew that. You’d grown up with the security of a loving family. If she came back after all these years she didn’t know what to expect. Her worst fear was rejection; the upset it would cause to everyone – Alice, Julian and you. She put everyone’s happiness before her own. She thought it was better for everyone if she was unhappy and the rest of you were happy, if that makes sense. Her love for you, Kitty, never diminished.’

  I nodded.

  ‘I lived with Violet all these years. Even though she had a troubled life as far as you were concerned, she was happy in other ways. She loved her work.’

  ‘What did she do?’

  ‘She was a librarian. Books were her life – she could lose herself in the pages and she did.’ Lizzie smiled.

  I managed a weak smile too. Maybe that was where my love of books stemmed from?

  ‘Have you got a family, Lizzie?’

  ‘No, I haven’t. I’m a workaholic, no time for that caper, and to be honest I rather liked living with Violet. Don’t get me wrong – I have had a fair few relationships, but I’m quite happy doing my own thing.’ She smiled again.

  ‘Why are you here, Lizzie?’

  Ted sat back down next to me and Tom perched back on the arm of a chair.

  ‘It was a difficult call. There should have been two of us on this trip: me and Violet. But I decided to still make the trip, for Violet.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ My lips were trembling and my whole body ached with pain.

  ‘We were coming to find you, Kitty; we booked the plane tickets at the end of May.’ At this point Lizzie broke down and the tears rolled down her face. Quickly she leant down to her handbag and grabbed a packet of tissues then dabbed her eyes. ‘I’m sorry – it’s all very raw for me too.’

  ‘That’s OK, take your time,’ I said softly, my heart twisting for her grief too.

  Lizzie nodded towards the letters on the table. ‘Word came through to us when Agnes passed away. Violet was unaware that Alice and Julian had also passed until recently. Agnes had lodged a letter with a solicitor and instructed that on her death the letter must be forwarded to Violet. Even though Violet was sad to hear of Julian’s tragic death and your mother’s illness, it was a huge relief for her receiving this letter – she saw it as a way of return. The only thing we were never sure of was whether you knew the truth.’

  I shook my head. ‘I didn’t until very recently.’

  ‘The letter revealed that the Lodge, her old family home, had been left to you. We knew where to find you – that was the easy part – but the hard part was guessing your reaction. Also, Violet had to lay some ghosts to rest. The relationship between her and Agnes was always a strained one, and the minute she left for Canada they never spoke again. My mum, Jean, would keep Agnes updated with how things were on a regular basis. Violet never forgave Agnes for sending her away like the black sheep of the family, but we did know that Agnes found out Ted was your father, though we never knew how.

  I looked up at Ted but he remained silent.

  ‘I think she knew it was Ted from Violet’s diary – she must have worked it out.’

  ‘Agnes never said a word to me.’

  ‘She would have been protecting your family and children too.’

  Ted nodded.

  Lizzie fumbled about on the table with the papers that were laid out. ‘Here, read this, Kitty. It’s a letter from Agnes to Violet. It was passed to her from the solicitor. Violet read this just before she died.’

  Taking the letter from Lizzie, my heart was thumping and my hands were shaking.

  ‘Do you want me to read it to you?’ Tom asked gently.

  ‘Would you mind?’

  ‘No, give it here.’

  I exhaled and settled back on the chair. I closed my eyes while Tom read.

  * * *

  To my dearest darling Violet,

  * * *

  I am struggling to decide how to begin this letter. The pain is twisting in my heart while I put pen to paper.

  All this time you have always remained in my thoughts and prayers. I have never forgotten you and times have been so difficult without you and Alice in my life. Alice and Julian made the decision to cut all families ties; they loved Kitty so much that they were scared the family secret would be revealed if they stayed in contact.

  Being pregnant without a husband carried a great deal of shame back then, more than I think it is possible to remember today. I had to make a decision and I hope you understand what it was like in a different era. It was even more shameful that your baby’s father was a married man living in the village. I didn’t have the strength or wherewithal to figure out what to do quickly. It seemed like an easy option to pass the baby to Alice – she was family and could provide for Kitty in a loving home alongside Julian.

  It is my sorrow that I have never seen any of you again. Over the years I began to realise it doesn’t matter what anyone else ever thinks about you as long as you’re happy within. I have never been happy within since losing all of you. My life has been one of existence.

  You are receiving this letter because I have passed. The Lodge has been left to Kitty in my will; she will no doubt discover the truth very soon. This is my only way to make amends for my cruel actions all those years ago and bring you two back together, the way it should be.

  My heart was shattered into tiny pieces after reading your diary and I couldn’t bring myself to destroy it. It was the only part of you I had left. The diary is stored in the safe at the Lodge and the combination code is 1507 – Kitty’s birthday.

  Please believe me when I write I have always loved you.

  * * *

  Your mother,

  Agnes

  * * *

  My breathing had become more erratic; I had to concentrate hard to get my natural rhythm going again. I wiped the tears of frustration away. I felt drained and battered. It was plain to see that Agnes regretted her decision; she too was pained and had lost everything and everyone.

  ‘Are you OK?’ Tom asked gently.

  ‘Things could have been so different.’

  ‘Yes, but we can’t change it now,’ Tom replied softly.

  I nodded. ‘I know, and out of all of this I was the one who had a loving childhood. Mother and Father did me proud.’

  ‘That’s right,’ he agreed.

  ‘Why were you at my parents’ grave this morning?’ I asked Lizzie, fumbling in my pocket and taking the card out and placing it on the table. ‘And who wrote this?’

  ‘Violet wrote the card. She had everything prepared for the visit. Once Violet knew that Agnes and Alice had died she thought she would take her chance to return. She wasn’t going to turn your world upside down. She planned to visit Ted first to see how the land
lay. The trip coincided with your birthday; she wanted to see you, Kitty, and it was more than likely you would visit your parents’ grave today. We were going to sit nearby, watch and wait. Violet wanted to see with her own eyes what a beautiful young woman her daughter had become. I brought the card with me and placed it on the grave just like Violet was going to do and bought the flowers on the way. Violet even remembered which flowers your mother loved. I’d been at the churchyard for most of the morning. I sat on the bench and thought about Violet the whole time. She was truly thankful for the way Alice and Julian treasured you. As I climbed on the bus, I heard you shout but it was too late – the bus was pulling away and I saw you slump to your knees. I didn’t mean to unveil all this on such a day but something was telling me to come to you here.’

  Biting down on my bottom lip, I paused for a moment trying to take everything in.

  ‘I’m glad you did, Lizzie. The hardest part has been trying to piece everything together. I’m heart broken that I’ll never ever meet Violet, but I know she’ll always be in my heart.’

  Lizzie stood up; the tears were rolling down her cheeks. She walked towards me with her arms open wide. ‘I know I’m not Violet, but I hope I can be the next best thing,’ she said and smiled.

  I fell in to her arms. We hugged tight.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Five months later …

  * * *

  The world appeared silent and still except for the snow falling lightly all around as we drove up towards the farmhouse. All the fields around were veiled in a layer of white candyfloss snow and the frost had polished the trees and bushes with its glittering silver sheen. There was something about this time of year I loved; there was something about Christmas.

  Tom pulled up and parked the car. I watched the lights twinkling away on the two Christmas trees that adorned either side of the steps up to the front door.

  I noticed the smoke was spiralling out of the chimney pot and disappearing amongst the greyness of the sky. I was glad to soon be stepping inside, into the warmth. I climbed out of the car and watched the flakes fall. Tom switched off the engine and joined me. He pulled me in close, wrapping his arm around my body while we looked up at the sky. My heart swelled with happiness. I held tight to the necklace around my neck – Agnes’s necklace. Tom had kindly taken it to the local jewellers and the chain had been fixed. As the snow fell all around us I thought about the last year of my life and how it had changed so dramatically in such a short space of time. I smiled and even though I would never ever be able to tell Violet that I knew about her, I hoped she somehow knew that she would have a special place in my heart forever.