Lustly

by Jennifer Foor

  Fresh tears filled my eyes as I imagined it being empty forever. I wondered if I could do something to make him stop his illustrious affair. I thought about letting him know that I knew what had been going on. Maybe if I confronted him he’d feel so terrible that he’d push Kate away. Then again, she lived next door. Unless I wanted to uproot my family, or burn her house to the ground, there was no permanent solution. Besides all of that, I’d be constantly reminded of what he’d done behind my back. Realizing that trust is the key to a healthy marriage, I knew in my heart I’d never have that with him again.

  Then my mind went back to Ms. Cybil. She’d created this life for herself, this world of lavish possessions and endless possibilities. Out of her own desperate situation she’d won the battle. Not only was she not homeless, but she was reigning in the money. She’d built an empire out of nothing but sex. As much as I wanted to hate the idea, I was utterly amazed by it.

  Plus the woman was still being satisfied with men half her age. I was no saint so imagining that someone half my age would find me attractive was unbelievable. It was also very weird. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to see someone the same age as one of my children. High five to her though.

  My irrational thinking didn’t end when I climbed out of bed that morning. Days passed and soon my husband came home from his fake business trip. He blamed the airport parking lot for destroying the paint job on his vehicle, but conveniently dismissed it when I offered to call them and raise hell.

  His first night back he came on to me. It was after we’d eaten dinner, in which I’d made my famous chicken and dumplings.

  Yes, we ate chicken a lot.

  It was cheap.

  Once the dishes were done, and the lights were turned out, I got comfortable on the couch and started reading a new book, about a famous wrestler falling in love with an average girl. If only life were so perfect that people met by chance and fell deeply in love like that. I wanted that kind of excitement, and I thought I’d had it before. Now I knew different.

  Love bites, just like the Def Leppard song from the eighties said it did.

  My husband cozied his way on the couch and flipped on a sports network before drawing his attention to me. First his hand was on my leg, running it up my shorts until he hit panties. I pulled away. “What are you doing?”

  “I missed you. The kids are upstairs, Lil. Come on. They won’t hear us.”

  I felt like slapping the shit out of him. Did he really just spend days fucking my neighbor only to come home and want to stick that dirty thing in me? I wondered how many times he’d done it before. I may as well have been fucking Kate myself.

  Maybe if I went over there and came on to her I’d feel better about it all.

  Yeah right.

  “I’m not in the mood, Charlie.”

  “You’re never in the mood anymore.” He got up mumbling something under his breath.

  I pulled a throw cover over my legs and watched him head upstairs. The nerve that he had thinking I would happily spread my legs as soon as he walked in the door. Perhaps if things were different I would have, but not anymore.

  That night I waited for him to fall asleep before I made my way to bed. Going through the motions was difficult. When I looked at him I saw failure. My hate for him continued to grow as the affair became more apparent. Clearly he was juggling his sexual activities with Kate, while trying to be the family man when he was at home.

  By the end of that next week I’d pushed away my thoughts about Ms. Cybil, and was focused on seeing what the lawyer had to say. I walked into his office feeling confident that I could pretend to live happy with my husband, until I figured out another way to be able to afford both the lawyer and a new place to call home, that would have enough room for all three of my children.

  Mr. Polleras was sitting at his desk on the phone when I entered. Unlike the last time we’d met, he was dressed in a polo shirt and a pair of gray slacks. He spun his chair around to face me when he heard me come in, and held up his finger letting me know he’d be another second. I waited patiently, trying not to notice that he was staring at me.

  When he finally hung up the phone he opened my folder and got right down to business. “Okay, how have things been going since the last time we spoke?”

  I shrugged even though he wasn’t looking at me anymore. “Same. He’s still cheating.”

  “Have you thought about proceeding with papers? Separating?”

  I shook my head. “I can’t put my kids through that right now. I guess I’m here today to find out what it’s going to cost me, first. I need to know how much money I’m going to need to save to be able to walk away with you paid and a place to call home for me and my children.”

  “Have you considered that you could take the house from him?”

  “Yes, but he’s having an affair with the next door neighbor, so unless you can come up with a way to make her disappear or move to another country, I can’t go that route.” I paused for a moment. “Mr. Polleras, I -.”

  “Eli. Just call me Eli.” His smile was beautiful. It was as if it let off pheromones that caused instant happiness.

  “Fine, Eli. I have to think about my children first. I’ve never been one to consider myself a charity case, so please just give me some numbers.”

  He stuck his pen behind his ear and leaned back in his chair. I was surprised when he folded his legs and leaned them on the desk. “The first thing you need to do to protect yourself in all of this is to get proof of his affair. While you’re working things out you need to be covered in case he comes to you for a divorce first.”

  The thought had never dawned on me, and hearing him say that caused me to breakdown. I felt so awkward crying in front of this stranger, and as I tried to regain my composure, I heard his chair moving and him approaching me. He touched my arm and crouched down in front of me. I looked up and saw that he had a box of tissues. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s nothing. It happens a lot. Don’t even worry about it.” He waited until I patted my eyes. “I know it’s hard to talk about, but I’m giving it to you straight. If you’re going to be my client then we need to be in the know. I’m not saying that this will ever come out in court. Most of the time the husbands will walk away before they let their dirty little secrets out of the bag.”

  I tried to smile, out of appreciation for this man giving me his free time. “I will find a way to repay you.”

  “Let’s just talk about what needs to happen. I recommend letting my guys follow your husband and getting photographs, as well as audio to help us prove without a doubt that he is in fact having the affair. It’s not that I don’t believe you, but, need be, we will require undeniable proof. Once we have that, we’ll have leverage.”

  I folded up the tissue and finally looked at him. He was so close to me, and his features really were magnificent. His dark eyes looked like he was wearing makeup, when I knew he wasn’t. He hadn’t shaved and his whiskers were dark with hints of gray throughout. When the room got quiet he stood up and kept talking to me. “For the most part, if you want to go about it how you say you do, we need to keep quiet. You can’t tell your closest friends or even your family members about what’s going on. Have you done that?”

  I shook my head. “No. I don’t want anyone to know. I can’t hurt my kids.”

  “Good. Keep it that way. No matter how hard it is, Lily, it’s important that you keep it under lock and key. Then of course, you’ll need to find some source of income. I recommend getting a day job where you can work around anyone knowing and bank all of the money. I get that you’re inexperienced, but there are jobs out there for anyone, if you look hard enough. Push comes to shove I could probably offer you something here to pay for my time.”

  “Like what?” My eyes lit up with excitement to be offered a job.

  “Filing and organizing. I share this place with several other attorneys and we aren’t that neat. Our front desk girls are good, but they don’t have the time to
do it. I can talk to the guys and see if something like that will work for you, then we can make up a schedule, if you’re interested of course.”

  “You do realize that I’d have to work a month to pay for one hour of your time?” I wasn’t an idiot. Attorneys were expensive.

  He smiled. “I don’t do this for the money, Mrs. Ross. I get that you’re in a hard place. To be perfectly honest, I do well for myself. I’m to a point where my plate is full. Helping out a few clients won’t hurt me. Besides, you’re not the first woman to come in here with nothing to go on.” I couldn’t help but wonder if he ever slept with a client. Obviously women would have noticed how handsome he was. I was only natural to assume. “I get how hard it is. I see firsthand what women and even some men have to go through.”

  “I don’t want a handout. I can work.”

  He put up his hand. “Before you get too excited keep in mind that working here will only pay for my services. You’re still going to need to figure out a way to secure a place for you and your children to live.” Way to be professional and make me feel like every other hard up wife that walked through the door.

  He was right. Working for him only paid for me to have a lawyer. How in the hell was I going to be able to work off my attorney fees and have a job to save up for a place, without anyone finding out?

  “I understand.” I knew how hard this was all going to get, but I wasn’t willing to live my life with a liar and cheater. I had to find a way to make all of this happen for me.

  For the next forty minutes we discussed the process of divorce, and how legally everything worked. Eli convinced me that getting proof of the affair would only protect me in the long run. He told me that he’d talk to his associates and get back to me on when I could start helping him. In the meantime, I had other things to worry about, like finding a job.

  For the next seven days I spent my time split between being a mother and wife, and desperately trying to find a means to an income. On the first day I visited the local outlets and put in an application at every single shop that allowed me to. The second and third day I went to the local doctors offices, and grocery stores, minus the one that I’d embarrassed myself in. By the fourth and fifth day I’d stopped at every little restaurant around in hopes of maybe being able to waitress. My last two days were hard. Since I’d heard nothing from any of the places, I went to the fast food establishments and filled out applications. Then I sat in my vehicle and cried, because I was in such a tough situation.

  I was so sick of crying. It got me nowhere, and made my eyes puffy.

  Charlie seemed to be even hornier than usual, or maybe I’d just never noticed it before. Aside from trying to get me into the sack, he also went out of his way to cater to the kids, buying them gifts for no reason, and over compensating for being the lying son of a bitch that he really was.

  Ironically, after pretending that I was going through some kind of hormonal changes, I started to feel bad. I’d made an appointment to see my doctor when I got the call back from one of the places that I’d applied to. I was offered a position being a hostess at a local diner. The pay was seven dollars an hour. Reflecting on the fact that my husband made a healthy six digit salary, the idea of starting so low was not very appeasing, yet I had no other choice, or did I?

  It had been quite some time since I’d thought about Ms. Cybil and the offer to make me a high-dollar whore. Of course, each time I imagined it, my stomach churned and I hated myself for considering. There was no way I’d ever be able to sleep with a stranger and live with my actions. It was wrong and I knew better.

  Sure, there had always been a secretly kinky side to me, where I imagined doing dirty things and being great at it, but that’s all it was.

  My imagination.

  So I took the job as hostess, working the morning and afternoon hours so that my family wouldn’t know. I clipped double the amount of coupons and bought Visa gift cards at the store so that I could save the cash that I was stealing from the grocery funds. My husband didn’t have a clue about either, and staying busy was helping me deal with the constant reminder of his indiscretions.

  After almost two months passed, I’d saved over eight-hundred dollars and worked plenty of hours at the attorney’s office. I no longer needed to schedule appointments with him since I saw him a few times a week. Eli was very kind. He’d order us food and we’d chat while we ate in his office. Doing so gave us time to get to know each other on a more personal level. In those two months we became fast friends, and it never hurt that he was so easy on the eyes.

  Eli wasn’t just my attorney. He had become my only friend during this time, the only one I could trust with my secret agenda to rid myself of Charles Ross, aka Mr. Shit Stains, the lying, cheating, piece of shit that he was.

  Speaking of the asshole, Eli’s goons were able to get enough evidence on my husband and Kate to nail him to the floor. It was up to me when I let the cat out of the bag and left the bastard.

  Things were good at first working at both places and still managing my home life. The doctor’s office called and let me know that I had a yeast infection. It was gone after two days on antibiotics, but I milked it for the next two weeks. I knew in time he’d expect me to perform, and the idea of being with him made me cringe. One day while at the attorney’s office, I told Eli about my predicament. After he laughed at me for a few minutes, he did something that caught me off guard.

  He asked me to have dinner with him.

  As flattered as I was, I knew that Eli was my only friend, who was also helping me with my impending divorce. I couldn’t complicate things by leading him on, no matter how sexy he was. The last thing on my mind was starting up a new relationship, when I still wasn’t free and clear from my current one. Okay, for the record it wasn’t the last thing on my mind. Secretly I replayed him asking me out over and over again. It was definitely something that brought an immediate smile to my face.

  After I turned Eli down I felt annoyed with myself. Here was this handsome man that obviously enjoyed my company. As much as I appreciated it, I wasn’t willing to let myself go there with another man.

  My kids kept me grounded, while driving me bat-shit crazy at the same time. I ran them everywhere they needed to be, and pretended to be happy-go-lucky whenever I was near them. My focus was always on what they needed, which was more than they were used to. I’d always put my husband’s needs over everyone else’s, and now things were different. I couldn’t care less if he had clean matched up socks, and the last thing on my mind was finding alone time to cuddle up next to that asshole. Every part of him made me sick.

  I no longer looked into his eyes and saw myself. His dark thinned hair that never bothered me before made me laugh now every time I looked at it.

  It wasn’t until he got sick that things started to drastically worry me. He’d stayed home from work, which he’d never done before. In turn, I had to call out of my job so that he didn’t find out. While he grabbed a hot shower, I called Eli and let him know that I may not be able to stop by for my normal hours in the afternoon. Then I put myself into the caring wife mode that I’d lived with for so many years. I got him something to eat and went to the pharmacy to get him medication to alleviate his symptoms. When I came home I found him crying.

  Out of instinct I rushed to his side. “Charlie, what’s wrong?”

  He looked at me with sad eyes. “Do you still love me, Lil?”

  “Of course,” I replied, not really even thinking about it. In regards to my feelings, I hated him for so many reasons, but he would always be the father to my children, and for that reason I’d love him.

  “I feel like we’re falling apart. You haven’t touched me in months.”

  I sat down on the bed next to him and looked down at my hands. Why did he want to be with me when he had Kate next door to fulfill his every desire? Obviously I wasn’t enough for him. “I’ve been going through something. My doctor says that it’s early signs of change of life.” She’d really told
me that my problems were derived from stress.

  “I miss you, Lil. I miss making you smile, and the way you feel when I’m holding you.”

  Was he lying? I felt so conflicted.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Come here. It’s just us. The kids won’t be home for a few more hours.” He shook his head and reached out his hand.

  “What about your cold?”

  “Nothing can keep me from wanting my wife.”

  Admittedly my heart skipped a beat hearing him say that to me. I’d felt so rejected and he was emotionally pleading with me to spend time with him. As much as he’d broken me, I needed to feel like I wasn’t worthless. I wanted to feel what was once only mine.

  My body fell against his chest as he wrapped his arms around me, kissing the top of my head. I looked up to find his eyes fixed on mine, his lips coming down to kiss me. Tears filled my eyes as my emotions ran wild.

  I needed this.

  I needed to feel like I was the only woman he was in love with, even if I knew it was only a temporary fixation.

  Charlie removed my clothes with little effort, exposing my naked body before him. He nestled his mouth over one of my nipples, sucking hard on it and then licking at the tip. I let my head fall back as my desire to be with him again began taking over the decision making. I reached down and tugged on his boxers, wanting so much for him to be inside of me. We wrestled around until I was lying on my back. Charlie pushed down his boxers and climbed on top of me. He entered me without a single kiss or affectionate embrace. I watched the veins in his forehead protrude as he pumped into me. He lurched his head forward, finally touching my lips for the first time. While his pace began, so did the rationalization of what was happening.

  I’d denied myself pleasure for so long that I was enabling the man that had betrayed me to have his way. I pitied myself and immediately became an emotional wreck. Charlie never noticed my breakdown as he pounded inside of me. Nearly two minutes later, and I’m not even kidding about that, he collapsed and fell beside me on the bed. I rolled over and cried silently as he ran his fingers through my hair. “I needed that.”