Where You Are

by Alla Kar

  I roll my eyes. I’m jumping to conclusions. I’m not sure what’s going to happen, and worrying isn’t going to make it better.

  The music echoes down the hallway as we get closer to the door. Alcohol swarms my nose when Aiden pushes the door opened. The music is thumping from the speakers, people are scattered around. Their dining room table has been transformed into a beer pong table. Several fraternity guys from school are hooting around it, cheering an almost topless girl to chug the rest of her beer.

  When my eyes adjust to the light in the living room, I see him. He is sitting on the loveseat, hands outstretched behind him. The brunette from the Cook Off is snuggled into his arm. Red flashes over me, but I push it down my throat.

  I’m not here for him. And, obviously, he isn’t here for me. “There’s Savannah, let’s go say hi.”

  Savannah is sitting on Lucas’s lap, who is sitting on the couch across from Lachlan. Aiden pulls me alongside of him until we’re standing in the living room.

  “Savannah,” he says.

  Savannah jumps up and wraps him in a hug. “I’m so glad you could make it.” Her eyes drag to me, and I see her size me up. She didn’t tell, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care. She knows. I can see it. “Hi, Laney,” she says before pulling me into a soft hug. Is that pity in her eyes? Does she know?

  I mumble my hello under my breath and keep my eyes focused on the floor. Aiden’s hand has dropped down to my lower hip, his palm almost cupping my ass. When did he get a drink?

  The heat from Lachlan’s glare is on the side of my face. I feel it, it’s hot, scorching, even. My mouth is dry, bone dry. I don’t want to be here. I want to go back and crawl into my bed.

  I don’t know how long I’ve stood here, waiting for an out. Aiden’s on his second cup of beer and I smell it on his breath. When I finally get the nerve to glance up, Lachlan is staring at me. His light green eyes dare me to look away. He knows I can’t. He knows I want him. Just like he wants me.

  The brunette starts to tug on his arm, but he doesn’t move. Eyes fixated on mine. Aiden’s hot breath on my neck brings me back to reality. “Let’s dance, baby. Come down with me, please?” He’s slurring his words.

  The heaviness of his weight is making me nearly fall over. “You’re getting a little tipsy, Aiden. Maybe we should slow down on the drinks, huh? You do have to drive me home.”

  He laughs, and pushes more weight on me. “Puh-lease, baby. We can crash here tonight. Let’s get drunk and dance. I want you to let go with me. You’re so guarded.”

  Do you blame me? Straightening him the best I can, I lead him toward the couch. Savannah grumbles when he lands, hard, beside her. “I’m going to the bathroom. Stay here, okay.”

  I turn on my heel, leaving Aiden mumbling incoherently. Pushing my way through the swaying bodies, I lock myself in the bathroom. A weight is lifted off of my shoulder. I pull my cell from the short, blue jeans jacket and dial Heather’s number.

  She picks up on the third ring. “Where are you? I came home and you’re gone.”

  “At Lucas’s house.”

  Silence. “Who is Lucas?”

  “Lachlan’s best friend. Aiden’s cousin Savannah’s husband. They’re having a party for Lachlan. I was coming to break up with Aiden, but he pulled me here. Now he’s drunk and I want to come home. I can’t do this. I feel like my throat is closing up.”

  I hear Heather’s car keys in the background. “Where are you at?”

  “Duncan Street. It’s the apartments close by that little store you like on the corner.”

  “Yep, know exactly where that is. It’ll take me about twenty minutes to get there. Especially with the traffic. Will you be okay until then?”

  I nod vigorously into the phone. “Yes. Call me when you get here. I’m going to stay in the bathroom.”

  Sliding down against the counter, I hide my face in my palms. The cool tile floor is Heaven against the burning skin of my legs. Standing up, I take a small cup from the cabinet, and fill it up. I down it, not caring that the bathroom water is nasty. I need to cool down.

  A slight thump on the door makes me jump. “Someone is in here. I’m sick.” Which is the truth. I feel like barfing all over the place.

  “Let me in,” Aiden slurs, pounding harder.

  Growling, I open the door a small fraction, enough for him to get inside. He staggers in, slumping over the cabinet.

  “Baby, where did you go-gooo,” he whines, gripping my hips and bringing me toward him. I feel his erection against my stomach.

  No. Nope. Not going to happen. “Aiden, you’re fucking drunk. Shit-faced. I need you to stay here tonight. Heather is coming to get me.”

  “No,” he yells, bringing his hot mouth down to my neck. “You taste too fucking sweet,” he mumbles. “Please, let me have you.”

  Grabbing his wrist, I try to remove his hands, but he tightens his hold. “Aiden,” I warn.

  “No, you’re not going anywhere. You’re mine. I want you. I need you, Laney. You’re so good for me. You’re so warm, nice, funny…sexy as fuck. Please, let me take you back to my dorm. I’ll be gentle.”

  What. The. Fuck. If he think I’m going anywhere with him drunk as a skunk, he must be more wasted than I thought.

  “Aiden,” I drop my voice, hoping he hears the plea in it. “I don’t want to. I need to go home. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Let’s go get Savannah, okay?”

  He groans and grips my ass, pushing me around until I’m trapped between him and the counter. Oh, no. His eyes are glazed over, his lips spreading into a smile. He is so drunk. Too drunk.

  “Aiden,” I whisper. “I need you to let me go. I’ll see you tomorrow when you’re sober.”

  He chuckles, bringing his fingers to my hair. “I always thought you were so hot. But, you never seemed interested. Then, that night at the club, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you…and that ass. Damn, girl. Why are you doing this to me? I want you so bad.” He presses his erection harder into my stomach. “Feel that? Please, I’m begging. Let me in.”

  Pushing against his chest, he holds me closer. “No, you’re not leaving this room,” he slurs, his voice rising. “I want to feel you.”

  He’s really drunk. Sliding my hands up his shoulders, he gives me a grin. I wait until his mouth is on my neck before I push with all my might. He stumbles into the bathroom wall, letting out a loud grunt. “Damn, Laney. Fuck.” He seems a little more coherent now, but I can still see him sway a bit. I’m halfway out the door when I’m pulled back in.

  No. No! “Come on, this doesn’t have to be hard. Just let me have you. I’ll keep you safe. Keep you with me.”

  “No, Aiden, please.” I shove my elbow back into his side, and he lets out a grunt. My heart rate is speeding up. God, no. This can’t be happening. Kicking and yanking at him, I beg him to let me go. “Aiden, just sober up, please.” He bites my neck, gently, and moans. The alcohol on his breath is heavy, scorching my nose. The spot between my breasts is bare; the necklace with the camera is tucked tightly in my desk drawer at home. I screw my eyes shut and kick at his shin.

  I’m helplessly fighting him when the door swings opened. My entire being lights on fire. Lachlan’s face is calm, but I see the tightness in his jaw.

  “Let her go, you bloody twit.”

  Aiden barks out a laugh. “Wrong door, mate. You need to go on. I’m trying to have a private session with my girlfriend.” Aiden slurs his voice in a terrible mock accent.

  Tears are scorching my eyes, and I know Lachlan sees them. “Is that right, mate?” Lachlan steps forward and grips my arm, slinging me into the hallway. I bump into a guy and beer soaks my shirt. I don’t care.

  Before I can get all the way around, Lachlan has pushed Aiden from the bathroom, past me, and into the living room. It isn’t long before the entire party is staring at them.

  Lachlan’s fists tighten at his sides and he throws one into the side of Aiden’s face. The crunch makes my stomach hurt.

 
; “Lachlan,” I say, pushing through the people. “He’s drunk. Just stop.” Another fist to his jaw. Blood is running from his lip and eyebrow. He’s still sobering up, but it’s coming quicker. Aiden stumbles and throws a pathetic punch at Lachlan.

  Someone grabs me around the waist and keeps me from running toward them. I’m yelling, beating at the person’s arm. When he releases me, Lucas walks out from around me and grabs Lachlan’s hands, holding him back.

  “Stop, Lachlan. He’s had enough. He’s fucking drunk.”

  Lachlan wiggles and tries to get free, his eyes boring into Aiden’s. “I don’t bloody care. Let me go, I’m going to beat his bloody arse.”

  “You already have. Just drop it.”

  Aiden staggers up, eyes searching the room. “I want to know what the fuck is going on!” he screams. “This guy attacked me. What is going on?”

  My mouth goes dry, a shiver of fear riding along my skin. Lachlan turns toward me and lifts an eyebrow. “I would love to know that, too, luv. Tell us, what the fuck is going on? Tell him the truth.”

  Oh, God. My entire body is shivering. A pain strikes my chest. “I kissed Lachlan,” I say, knowing that’s not even breaking the surface of the truth.

  Aiden’s face is suddenly sober. All trace of drunkenness gone. “I used to date him in high school. It—it just happened.”

  Aiden swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “Okay, we can talk about this later. Come on, let’s go home.”

  I shake my head quickly. “No, there is more. I—”

  “You fucked him?” Aiden is screaming, his fists clenched at his sides. He doesn’t dare move, I see it. He’s scared of Lachlan.

  “No,” I choke out. “I…can we go somewhere else to talk?”

  He is pacing, hands twisted into his blond hair. His strong shoulders look fragile. “No, tell me right now. Right. Fucking. Now.”

  Anger is rising in my throat. I shove my finger at him. “I went out with you on a bet. You screwed my friend Bethany and ignored her. She wanted to get you back and I told her it was too late. She’d already given it up. Then we made a deal that night at the club. I’d date you and break your heart.” I’m yelling and I hadn’t realized it.

  The entire party is quiet. A pen drop would have comforted me. Aiden grips his hair and a loud laugh rips from his throat. “A bet? You went out with me for a bet?”

  I nod. “Then Lachlan showed up…and…it’s fucked up, I know! I told her I didn’t want to do it and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry! She cried over you! You didn’t even remember her name. It hurt me to see her hurt. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

  “But you did!”

  “Yes, I did! I’m sorry. I wanted to stop but she threatened to tell you. I didn’t want to see that look on your face. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore than I already had.”

  Aiden straightened his shoulders. His glare makes me want to crawl into a hole and lose myself in it. “Well, congratulations. You fucking did it. You broke my heart.” He turns on his heel and slams the door. It rattles the picture frames on the wall.

  Every eye is on me. No one says anything for a few moments. Silence. Torture. Guilt is burying me alive.

  “Get out,” Lachlan whispers. No one moves. “Everyone get your arses out of here. Now!”

  Like cops were pounding on the door, everyone scrams around until the entire room is empty, besides Savannah, Lucas, Lachlan, and me.

  “Lachlan, I—”

  “Stop. Can you two give us a minute?” Lachlan asks.

  Savannah grabs her coat and Lucas’s hand. Lucas is staring at me. My friend from high school. Our friend from high school. I can see the sadness in his eyes. He is disappointed. I grip my knees and try to catch my breath. The silence is tearing at me. I hear the door shut behind Savannah and Lucas a few seconds later.

  “You dated him for a bet?” Lachlan asks.

  I don’t answer. It’s rhetorical, I’m sure. I keep my eyes down at the floor. The smooth wood beneath me.

  “What happened to you?” His voice rises. “You were never like this in high school. Never.”

  Shaking, I glance up at him. His eyes are orbs. “I—I was sick of seeing him fuck girls and break their hearts.”

  “So you made him feel the same pain those girls felt.”

  God, it sounds so sick. A tear slides down my cheek and hits the floor. “Yes.”

  “You feel better about yourself now?” His voice is closer, the heat from his body close.

  “No.”

  A deep laugh slips through his lips. “Laney, you’ve got to let it out. You’ve held it in for years. Say it.”

  I don’t. Biting my lip, I screw my eyes shut. I can’t take the chance of falling into his eyes like I had in the past.

  “Laney,” his voice is closer. “Talk to me. We both went through this, you don’t have to keep it in. You don’t have to do this alone anymore.”

  A sob breaks from my throat, sending pain, guilt, and torment in my lungs. “No!” I scream, shoving back from him. “I did it. I can’t forgive myself. I was so fucking selfish. I hate myself.” Vomit is rising from my stomach. The words are there…I want to say them so bad.

  “Talk. Say it. Say it out loud.”

  A scream breaks from my lips and I fall onto the floor. “I aborted our baby. I killed it! Just kill me,” I cry. “Just take my life and give his back.” I’m shaking, my body shivering from pain. Guilt. An emotion that will eat you from the inside out until you’re a shell of the person you used to be.

  Lachlan reaches out and wraps an arm around me.

  “No,” I whisper. “I can’t. I see what I wanted our life to be when I look at you. I wanted to keep it, but I was too fucking selfish. I abandoned you and him. I left you sitting there, hands cupping your face. You begged me to keep him.” Another sob breaks from my chest. “Please, just take me instead.”

  Lachlan’s arms are trying to pull me up but my legs are trembling, my body on fire. I haven’t told anyone this. Only Lachlan. Not Heather. Not my mom. The day threatens to break through my guarded door. The door I shoved it behind.

  Lachlan is cradling me in his arms, holding me tight. I don’t deserve it. My mother once told me that a heart can’t be loved unless it knows it deserves it.

  I don’t.

  Pushing away from his arms, I stand on wobbling legs. My eyes lock on his for the first time. Tears are pouring down his face. I caused this pain. I caused the heartache in his chest. Me.

  Wiping my tears, I shake when I hear my phone ring. Heather is on the other end. I mumble something into the phone and shove it back into my pocket. “I’m sorry, Lachlan. I have to go.”

  “What? No, luv.” Standing up now, he presses his palm against my cheek. “Stay with me, Lane. Stay with me.”

  Fighting back the ache, I shake my head. “I can’t. I’ve hurt you so much, I don’t want to anymore. I’m sorry for my mistakes. I will hate myself every day from here on out because of it. I took something so precious away from both of us. I don’t deserve your love, Lachlan.”

  His eyes widen, and he grips my shoulders, shaking me slightly. “No, don’t you dare close up. Don’t you bloody dare. I want you. I always have. I never stopped thinking about you.”

  “Or him,” I mumble. “I caused you that heartache. You asked me not to and I did it anyway. I aborted our baby.” It feels so foreign on my tongue.

  “No. I’ve forgiven you. You were seventeen and scared. You made a mistake. I’ve forgiven you, please forgive yourself or it will eat you alive.”

  “I have to go.” I run from the room, unable to look back. I feel Lachlan on my heels, his cries screaming down my neck. I don’t give him a chance to answer. Because I don’t deserve it.

  I run and don’t stop.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Lachlan

  “On my knees, I’ll ask

  Last chance for one last dance” – Nickleback

  The place is bloody packed. When Cy
nthia said there was quite a buzz about this place, I didn’t realize it would be this much of one.

  The dining area is overflowing. People are on the waiting list for up to an hour. My palms are sweaty as I toss some pepper into the noodles.

  “You’re doing great, chef,” Cynthia says from behind me. I glance over my shoulder and give her an easy smile.

  “Don’t you have to say that, luv?”

  She giggles and nods. “Sure, but I’m telling the truth. The customers are bragging on you already. They’re loving it.”

  A smile rises from the corner of my mouth. I can’t believe I’m the head chef here. I’d always wanted it, yet it always seemed so out of reach. Cynthia places her hands on my shoulder. “You should go say hi to your guests. I’m sure the others can take care of this.”

  Glancing around, I see several other workers working hard. They’re all great to work with and actually care about the food. Wiping my hands, I shove my towel into my shirt pocket and snatch the hat from my head. “I think that’s a great idea. I’ll be out in a minute.”

  Nerves swarm my body, but I push them back down. Stop being a pussy. Swinging the double doors opened, I stand looking out at all of the guests. I had been sneaking peeks all night through the window but seeing it like this…wow. I head for the first table and thank them for coming. Everyone is splendid.

  I’m heading toward the balcony when I hear her laugh. So charismatic. So lovely. My chest throbs with pain. She hasn’t answered my calls since that night. Finally admitting out loud what she had done, I even felt the weight lift from her shoulders.

  She had been so sad that day. So, broken.

  ***

  I nuzzled her neck, trying to get a response out of her. She only looked into the distance, her feet hanging from the tailgate of my dad’s old pickup.

  “Laney, what’s wrong, luv? You sick? Want to go home?”