An Unsuitable Mother

by Sheelagh Kelly

  ‘Yes, thank you, I would!’ Looking down at Nina’s eager smile, Nell took no time at all to respond.

  And, after that day, her life began to take on a wholly different outlook.

  The instant Nell turned up on the day of the outing, Nina raced to show her the souvenirs of the Coronation party. One was a paint box in the shape of a crown, the other a mug bearing a portrait of the Queen. ‘I got this from school, full of sweets! I’ve been saving it for you!’

  Nell was touched, and bent to receive the mug. ‘How kind!’ Then she found that it was empty.

  ‘I ate all the goodies,’ explained Nina. ‘But I thought you could have that,’ cause I don’t really like the picture of the lady.’

  ‘I think that might be high treason,’ observed her father.

  The laughing recipient gave thanks, and said she would leave the mug here for later, as an equally amused Joe directed his hand towards the bottom of the terrace, where there stood a red double-decker bus.

  Amongst the other residents of the street, there were quite a few members of the Melody and Kilmaster families here to enjoy the excursion. Nina asked Nell if they could ride on the upper deck. Though pleased to be asked, Nell said the child must ask her father; and with Joe’s permission, to the upper one they were to clamber. Nell had had second thoughts about going to Scarborough, and not because she was straight off night shift and had had no sleep. The last time she had gone there it had been with Bill. But one could not keep avoiding places and people that reminded her of what she had lost. And besides, she was so very happy in her present company.

  The bus seemed barely to have set off when it arrived at its destination. This was because, Joe explained with a laugh, that she had slept for most of the way. Blinking away her confusion, Nell apologised profusely to him and his daughter, and swore to give them her full attention from now on.

  Thankfully, Beata had also managed to be there, helping her sister Gussie to look after the other children, as soon as they got off the bus, doling out pennies to insert in the slot machines, and generally spoiling each and every one, so allowing Nell to devote herself to the one who had stolen her heart. In spite of the inclement weather, which required that they kept their coats on, Nina wanted to go on the sands straight away, so with Joe collecting deckchairs, not just for him and Nell, but for Mick and Gussie too, this was where they went.

  Whilst her own canvas chair flapped in the wind, and the rest of the group looked on, a happy Nell dropped to her knees on the sand and set to helping the little girl make castles, tipping out a dozen or more from the bucket, and placing them at Nina’s instruction in a semi-circle to hem the deckchairs in. Then came a paddle, and screams as the icy waves rippled over blue toes, the woman and child scurry ing away, then back for more; then they searched for shells, finally to head back with pink, gleeful faces to those in the deckchairs.

  Gussie had taken out her knitting, the wool disappearing into a bag at her side, and the pattern about to blow away across the sand. Nell made a grab for it at the same time as Joe, the latter showing amusement over the male model on the front. ‘Who’s the jumper for, Gus?’

  ‘You,’ she told him.

  ‘Very nice. But do I have to stand like the bloke on the front?’ He struck up an exaggerated pose, hoisting one foot onto the deckchair, one hand on his hip, the other shading his eyes, and his narrowed gaze fixed on the horizon.

  Nell gave a laugh as, at last, she flopped into her deckchair. Though in the main her attention was for the little girl who was once again playing amongst her sandcastles, this time studding them with the shells she and Nell had collected.

  Joe was saying something. Nell allowed him a moment’s consideration, in between helping the child. ‘Sorry, what was that, Joe?’

  ‘I was just asking if you come from York originally,’

  She dealt him a smiling nod, though was instantly draw back to Nina.

  ‘I wasn’t sure,’ said Joe. ‘You sound too posh.’ When she laughed, he told her, ‘We’re West Riding wallahs – at least most of us. Gussie was born in Dover – me father was an RSM in the York and Lancs, you see, and we moved around all over the place.’

  Nell said, ‘That must have been interesting,’ then was diverted yet again by the arrival of Beata and the other children, come to steal Nina away, though she continued watching her fondly during the rest of the day.

  And such a lovely day it was: fish and chips for dinner, laughter with the one she loved, donkey rides and ice-cream in the afternoon – why did Nell have to go and ruin it with tears?

  At first Joe did not see them, and maintained a string of wisecracks with which to entertain her, until he realised she was abnormally quiet, and craned his neck to see what was wrong.

  In the absence of Nina, who had gone off to the amusements with her cousins, Nell had been granted space to think. Feeling her eyes suddenly well up, she had averted them, but not in time.

  His smile froze as he saw the moisture in her eyes. ‘I know they’re not the funniest jokes but—’

  ‘It’s not you!’ Nell was quick to say, with a half-laugh. ‘I feel so stupid – it was just that I was having such a lovely time and it brought back memories. I last came here during the war, with Bill, the boy I was to marry. I never saw him again.’

  ‘Killed, was he?’ asked Joe softly. To which he received a nod.

  ‘Not in the fighting.’ She quickly dashed her eyes with a handkerchief and blew her nose. ‘He went into a bombed house to rescue a child and it fell on him. He wasn’t even twenty-one. But then there were thousands like him. Sorry for being so wet.’

  ‘No, no, you’re not.’ It was obvious Joe was thinking of Grette, his face thoughtful and grave as he leaned forward in his deckchair. ‘I suppose I should count myself lucky. At least I had a few years with the one I loved, and got a child out of it. A lot more than you were left with.’

  Nell flinched at the thought of William, but he did not see it, his mind far away as he sifted a handful of cool sand from one fist to the other. ‘Sometimes I’ve felt like giving up this past year. I would’ve done if it hadn’t been for Neen. She deserves better than I can give her. Thank God for our Beat and Gussie, who look after her while I’m at work.’

  He seemed to regret discussing such deep things, then, in the middle of a crowded beach, for he broke off with a self-conscious laugh, and would have reverted to flippancy had not Nell pressed the issue.

  ‘I’d like to help with Nina too, if you’d allow it.’

  ‘Oh, there’s no need to put yourself out.’ He glanced at his eldest sister, who sat a few yards away alongside her husband, both snoozing in their deckchairs. ‘Gussie doesn’t mind …’

  ‘I’m sure not, but it would mean she had one less to think about,’ pressed Nell. ‘And, truth be known, it’s you who’d be helping me, not the other way around. I’m at such a loose end on my days off.’

  ‘Haven’t you any nieces and nephews of your own – not that I’m saying you should be taking them out. I’m very grateful you’ve shown such kindness to my lass.’

  ‘It’s my pleasure. She’s a joy. And no, I’m an only child.’ Here Nell gave a little laugh, and revealed, ‘Actually, I believed I was adopted until I was twenty, because that’s what I’d always been told.’ At his keen look of interest, she went further. ‘I don’t suppose I’m breaking any confidence now, with my parents being dead. As a matter of fact they were killed only hours after Mother revealed her secret. I won’t go into her personal reasons –’ nor mine either, thought Nell, ‘but it certainly came as a shock. So, I’m the only one left of my family – direct family, that is.’

  Watching her intently, Joe gave a compassionate nod. Then he lightened the mood with another quip. ‘I sometimes wish I was, when it comes to buying Christmas presents.’ But immediately he smiled and contradicted himself. ‘No, not really. They’re grand sisters for any man to have.’

  ‘Do you see your brothers at all?’ From Beata,
Nell knew there were two more.

  Joe’s face altered, and she glimpsed a much harder side of him as he shook his head. ‘Once in a blue moon. Only the girls kept in contact when the family split up. If it wasn’t for their efforts I’d be cast adrift God knows where. Men are like that.’ He forced himself to grin at her, then looked away across the grey North Sea.

  Nell was used to examining patients closely, to check for signs of change, and her intellect soon detected an unspoken pain. She was curious to know what had rent the family apart, and guessed it was something to do with the cruel stepmother Beata had mentioned, but she was more hesitant over poking her nose into other people’s business than she would have been in her youth. It must have been something in her attitude that alerted Joe, for he said, ‘I might tell you about it one day …’

  ‘Oh, I’m sure it’s none of my affair,’ rushed Nell with a smile, upon realising she had been peering too intimately at him. ‘But to get back to what I was saying before, I’d really count it an honour to look after Nina on my days off.’

  At that point the child in question came rushing back with a prize she had won, managing to draw Nell’s attention straight away, though having quite a job to distract her father and in the end throwing herself into the sand at his feet.

  ‘Ow! Behave yourself – I’m talking to Nurse!’ With a frown, he saw that his trouser leg had ridden up to expose the suspender that held up his sock, but he was laughing as he rebuked Nina for twanging it. ‘An honour, you say?’ he portrayed disbelief at Nell. She laughed, and her repeated offer appeared so genuine that Joe decided, ‘Well, it would be a help, with the school holidays coming up.’

  ‘That’s settled then.’ She made the sunny announcement, both to him and the more important one. ‘I shall be Aunty Nell from now on!’

  Taking Joe at his word, during the school holidays Nell wasted no time in calling again at the Melody house, to divest Gussie of at least one of her young burdens and take her into town. There was no danger of the other children being put out. Being older, they were allowed to stray further from home, and had left Nina behind to play with friends of their own age. Nell thanked providence that they had, for she had been looking forward to this, and had no desire to share her companion with anyone else.

  Elated, she set off into the dazzling sunshine, planning to spend a few hours looking around the toy shops, then take Nina for lunch at a café. But come twelve o’clock, they were still amongst the toys, a particular one seeming to hold Nina’s gaze.

  ‘Come on now, let’s go have some fish and chips,’ said Nell, feeling hungry herself.

  The child peered up from beneath the floppy rim of her sun bonnet. ‘Can we have pickled onions as well?’

  ‘If you want,’ came the gay reply.

  ‘I love ’em, but me dad won’t let me have ’em.’

  Nell looked dubious. ‘Oh, in that case –’

  ‘It’s only ’cause they make me trump,’ explained Nina quickly. ‘Me Aunty Beat buys me them when I go out with her. She doesn’t mind trumping. So if you don’t mind either, it’ll be all right for you to buy me ’em.’

  Nell broke into giggles. ‘As long as you try not to do it whilst we’re in the café.’

  The child was pleased at having her wish answered, though still reluctant to leave the shop, staring intently at that one particular toy, a ray gun.

  With a patient smile, Nell waited a while longer, then tried to lead her little charge towards the exit. ‘Come on, let’s go get those pickles, then.’

  Dragging her feet, Nina gave a long backwards glance as she went obediently. But when her hint failed to register, she looked up at Nell to proffer an even heavier one, jabbing her finger at the coveted gun. ‘I’m not being cheeky, but if I’d been with me Aunty Beat she would’ve bought me that.’

  Nell bubbled with laughter. How could one win against such charming cajolery? So, even though it would take the money that was earmarked for household necessities, she heaved a sigh of surrender. ‘Go on then! Let me see if I can afford it …’

  A radiant Nina darted back to claim the ray gun from the low shelf, and handed it to her benefactress. But the moment Nell turned it over, she found that it was made in Japan.

  Instantly her mind was altered, and she replaced it on the shelf. ‘I’m sorry, love, but I can’t buy you that. I don’t buy anything made in that country, because of what the Japs did to our lads in the war.’

  Thoroughly confused and disappointed, Nina hung her head and began to sulk. Unable to bear that crestfallen face, Nell quickly began to pick over the countless other toys displayed. ‘But let’s see if we can find something similar …’

  Nina stood on tiptoe to examine them too, turning each over, just as Nell was doing. She eventually pounced on a small chariot, with a detachable Roman in charge of its two black horses. ‘Am I allowed this’n?’

  Nell winced at the price. It was half a crown. ‘Would you not rather have something more feminine?’ she asked, forgetting that the little girl might not understand the word.

  But Nina clung to her desire. ‘It says …’ she tried to display her prowess at reading, and mouthed the letters, ‘E-m-p-’

  ‘Empire made,’ Nell provided. ‘Oh well, that one’s fine – if you really want it?’ At Nina’s pleased nod, she took it around to the till, intending to have it wrapped, but Nina requested to carry it as it was. Glad to have made her so happy, Nell asked as they were leaving the shop, ‘What are you going to call the horses?’

  Nina gave this some thought. ‘Blackie and Rex.’ She disengaged the Roman soldier’s foot from its loop of plastic. ‘And he’s called Dave.’

  ‘Very fitting,’ approved Nell, smiling down at the one whose hand slipped so naturally into hers, and thinking her heart would burst with happiness. ‘Right, I think we’d better go and have dinner before you wangle anything else out of me, you little monkey.’

  The little girl’s father was slightly reproving of the purchase. ‘I hope she didn’t con you into spending too much money on it?’ he quizzed Nell, upon his return home from the factory.

  ‘I was allowed it ’cause it’s Empire made,’ Nina butted in to tell him. Then, after a pause, she asked, ‘What is Empire made?’

  ‘It refers to one of the countries that make up our British Empire,’ began Nell, but was interrupted by Joe’s bitter laugh.

  ‘What ruddy Empire? This mob are falling over themselves to give it all away. Centuries we took to build it up, me dad’d turn in his grave …’ Then he gave a more genuine chuckle. ‘Sorry, I was ranting, wasn’t I? And getting off the subject. Thank you very much for buying it for her, Aunty Nell, but it must have left you out of pocket?’ He immediately fished into his own, but Nell was swift to refuse.

  ‘No, honestly, I came out with the full intention of buying her a little gift. She’s such good company.’

  ‘Oh, well, if that’s the case, you can take her out whenever you want!’ offered Joe, with a nod at his eldest sister who was preparing tea in the scullery. ‘I’m sure Aunty Gus’d be glad to get rid, and I know I would!’

  ‘And me,’ donated old Mick from his fireside chair. But a sly wink at Nina showed he was only teasing.

  However, Nell was quick to accept the offer. ‘You might be sorry you said that, I could be round every week.’

  ‘You come as often as you like,’ invited Gussie.

  Joe agreed. ‘But, if you insist on making a habit of it, make sure it’s not an expensive trip. Instead of taking her to town, why not the Castle Museum, she loves that, or a walk round Heslington …’

  ‘Sounds good to me,’ beamed Nell, delighted to be given such access to the one she loved. ‘I’ll come as often as work allows.’

  13

  Thus were the following months some of the happiest Nell had known, she and Nina getting together almost every week, at least until the school holidays came to an end. Even in the autumn there was conkering to enjoy, and if the outings happened to fal
l on a Sunday they would be joined by Joe, who seemed to enjoy Nell’s company as much as his daughter, and made great effort to entertain her with his down-to-earth wit.

  By the time winter came, though, and the days were short, their outings were inevitably curtailed. Not only that, but things had become busier at the hospital, and with other staff falling prey to coughs and colds, Nell had been forced to stand in for them on her days off. Because of this, she had not dared to make regular appointments with Nina. Treasuring her, as Nell did, the separation was awful.

  But once the pressures of work had eased, after catching up on her sleep, her first act was to make an impromptu visit. She had come through town, and was hurrying along Lawrence Street on this dark and damp early evening, with her head lowered against the drizzle, and still half a mile to the Melody residence. Taking up where Walmgate left off Lawrence Street was an extension of the main road that continued all the way to Hull. It was made up of pubs and warehouses, a tannery, shops, narrow lanes and dingy archways, an ancient graveyard and a Norman church tower, almshouses, an ice-cream factory and a convent. In between were many categories of dwelling, including asbestos prefabs erected since the war. To each side, between pavement and road, was a strand of cobblestones, which, on certain days of the week, would be invaded by herds of cattle being driven to the nearby market – though not on this horrible night. Intimate with all its landmarks, Nell forged on with her head down, when who should she almost bump into but Nina and her father.

  ‘Fancy meeting you here!’ Both she and Joe made the same exclamation, then laughed aloud, Nina too.

  Replacing the hat he had doffed to her, Joe asked, ‘What finds you over this side of town?’

  ‘Were you coming to see us?’ Clad in, tweed coat with, velvet collar, and, knitted bonnet against the damp cold, Nina was jumping up and down more from excitement than from chill. ‘’Cause we’ve moved house.’