An Unsuitable Mother

by Sheelagh Kelly

  ‘In all you do,’ added Nell, joining the toast.

  Once emptied, the glasses were topped up a few times during the course of the evening, Romy and Nina remaining till nine.

  As they left, with Joe heaping more congratulations on his granddaughter, Nell diverted Nina’s attention and whispered, ‘So, she’s moving in with Steve then?’

  ‘Hayden,’ muttered Nina, and rolled her eyes, as if to say, another.

  ‘You don’t approve,’ deduced Nell.

  ‘Well, do you?’ retorted her daughter.

  ‘It’s what they do these days.’ Age had taught Nell to be philosophical, though with all those dreadful television adverts about Aids with which they were bombarded, she could not help but worry. She had played it down in front of Joe, who would have been even more concerned had he known of all these sexual partners. ‘As long as she’s happy …’

  ‘He’d have a lot more to say.’ Nina referred to her father, who was showing Romy around his large, well-kept garden.

  ‘Yes, well, your father’s old-fashioned.’

  ‘You always take things in your stride, don’t you?’ It was said in the way of an insult.

  ‘You have to, with your children,’ said Nell.

  ‘You don’t! I was as mad as hell when she told me. She’s only known him five minutes.’

  ‘Well, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt,’ was the grandmother’s suggestion.

  ‘Don’t tell me dad, I’ll never hear the last of it.’

  Nell said she would discourage Joe from visiting. Then she sought to deliver the same amount of praise her husband was, again, heaping on their granddaughter. ‘Oh, and I’m so thrilled about your book! It’s such a splendid accomplishment, love, many, many congratulations – and to you, too, Romy,’ she called as both left.

  But once inside, Nell was to rebuke Joe for his unsentimental treatment of Nina. ‘You should have made more of it, Joe.’

  He looked taken aback. ‘You performed enough song and dance for both of us! She made it plain she doesn’t want attention …’

  ‘There’s none so blind as those who will not see,’ Nell quoted at him.

  ‘How does that refer to me?’

  ‘Think about it,’ sighed Nell.

  23

  Apparently Joe did think about it, during the months that were to pass, because he put a cross on the calendar to mark the publication date of their daughter’s novel, and was also to make an expedient request to the author. ‘About your book – will you be able to get it at cost price?’

  Her chair being near the phone, Nell was able to hear the voice at the other end of the receiver, and thought it sounded peeved: ‘You don’t need to pay, you’ll be getting one free!’

  ‘Aye, but I’m thinking of the relatives,’ Joe said into the phone. ‘If you can get it at cost, order me seventeen copies. So it’ll give you a good start.’ And he glanced at Nell as if to say, Look, I’m doing what you said.

  As much as she could not fathom Joe’s reluctance to praise outright, Nell was even more perplexed by Nina’s embarrassment upon finally handing over a personal copy to each of her parents.

  That is, until she read it. After only a couple of pages her heart was to sink – not because it was bad, on the contrary it was exceedingly moving – yet the autobiographical element left her dismayed at how Joe would react.

  Stealing a look between turning her own pages, she saw him fully immersed in his copy. Did he recognise himself, as the father who craved a son instead of the daughter he had?

  No more than a hundred and fifty pages, the book was to be devoured by both in a single day. The first to complete it, Nell crept off to make a start on tea, leaving her husband still engrossed. Not until her re-entry some time later was she to break the silence.

  ‘Ah, I didn’t want to disturb you … tea’s almost ready.’ She studied her husband, who had been very quiet since turning the final page a moment ago, and, not knowing what to say, she jabbered, ‘I feel awful reading it so quickly when it took such a long time and so much effort went into it! It was just so gripping …’

  ‘Yes, very, very interesting,’ affirmed Joe, without the rancour she had expected, just a deeply pensive expression on his face.

  She was not to get anything more out of him than that, nor was she to request it, nor even to discuss it with their daughter, the subject being far too sensitive – and Nell did wonder what must be going through Nina’s mind, now that publication day was finally upon them. What would she say if anyone asked outright if the characters were based on someone she knew?

  That there had been not the slightest recrimination from Joe made Nell wonder if, in fact, he had even seen himself as the inspiration for Nina’s book. But that was Joe, he’d bumble on about all manner of political frippery, but he’d rarely let out about anything deeper. At any rate, his manners were impeccable at the book launch, which was held in one of the best hotels in York, the author’s father saying how big an honour it was to be invited, convincing everyone he was enjoying himself, chatting to those from the strange world of publishing, even though Nell knew it was not his cup of tea, nor hers either. Perhaps best for her and Joe was that, on top of witnessing Nina’s success, they got to see their granddaughter again, Romy bringing along Hayden, whom neither of them had met before. He was very good looking in a roguish kind of way, and charming too. Perhaps a little too charming, thought Nell, watching him trying to impress the star author, but kept her thoughts to herself, lest she mar Nina’s day.

  Joe didn’t have a very high opinion of him either, Nell was to find out afterwards when he drove her home – though not until after they had exhausted talk about Romy herself.

  ‘Well, I’m glad to see she’s got rid of that puce haircut! I was dreading her showing us up in front of them London folks. So … is she living with fella me lad then?’

  Nell turned to him in slight surprise.

  ‘Aye, I thought so,’ nodded Joe. ‘You all think I’m a silly old bugger.’

  ‘No we don’t, love,’ she rushed to mollify. ‘The reason we didn’t tell you was because we didn’t want you to be upset.’

  ‘They told you, though.’ He sounded hurt.

  ‘Well …’ Not knowing what to say, for anything would be insulting, Nell shrugged it off, to ask, ‘What did you think to him?’

  ‘Bit of a wide-boy if you ask me,’ growled Joe.

  His wife offered a nod of agreement, and turned her eyes to the traffic. ‘He’d better not hurt her …’

  For now, though, the spotlight was to remain on Nina, Joe maintaining the effort he had shown on the afternoon of the launch, and phoning the author a day later to exclaim, ‘Your book’s in the Press!’

  ‘Don’t sound so surprised,’ came the faint reply. ‘It’s not exactly Time magazine, is it? If you can’t expect support from your local newspaper there’s not much hope for anybody.’

  ‘No, but it has a good write-up,’ complimented Joe. ‘That’s not bad for somebody who never got to grammar school. You should be proud of yourself.’

  Tell her you’re proud, Nell wanted to urge.

  Though this he failed to do – even after a great deal of publicity and favourable critique had seen Nina’s book ascend the bestseller charts. And Nell felt their daughter was in some part to blame, for to any praise that was offered, Nina made out she could not have cared less, responding in her usual unenthusiastic tone:

  ‘I suppose I’ll have everybody tapping me up for cash now, thinking I’m worth millions.’

  Nell, who was thoroughly delighted for her, asked, ‘And would it be cheeky to ask, have you made a lot of money?’

  ‘I’ve seen nothing yet. Only a thousand advance.’

  ‘A thousand?’ Joe shrieked. ‘For that?’

  ‘Joe!’ Nell was almost as offended as Nina.

  The rheumy eyes looked momentarily blank, then Joe realised how he had come across. ‘No, I didn’t mean it that way! I meant, well, it’s
only a thin book, isn’t it. It’s very good, though. You’ve really surprised us.’

  ‘Not me,’ said Nell. ‘I always knew she had it in her.’ Then she rose with dignity. ‘I’ll put the kettle on.’

  ‘I’ll do it, Mam.’ Even though Nell said it was all right, Nina followed her into the kitchen as Joe shambled off upstairs.

  ‘I don’t think he ever really expected it to sell more than the seventeen copies he handed round to relatives,’ she muttered with a fake laugh.

  Nell tried to make light of it too. ‘I know it doesn’t sound like it, but he is really proud of you. And on top of that, it lets him get one up on Mary when she’s wittering about how wonderful her daughter has it in America. We were in the paper shop the other day, looking to see if they had your book – which they did, I’m glad to say, and you should have heard your father: “My daughter wrote that!” It’s ingenious how he manages to wangle it into the most unlikely conversation – I think if somebody was talking to him about quantum physics he could even slip it in.’ Nell shook her head in amusement as she sluiced hot water around the teapot. ‘You ought to hear him going round telling everyone …’

  Everyone except me, Nina’s expression said. But her lips said something completely different. ‘I want to ask you something, Mam, but I don’t want you to be sad.’

  Nell turned anxious then, and put down the teapot to devote all her attention to what Nina had to say. But when her daughter appeared reluctant to impart her question, she prompted, ‘Well, we won’t know unless you spit it out.’

  ‘All right, here goes.’ Nina took a deep breath and looked her in the eye. ‘Would you like to go to Australia and look for your son?’

  It took only a second for Nell to burst into tears.

  Nina swore. ‘I knew I should have kept me gob shut!’

  Her mother waved aside any apology, hardly able to speak. ‘No,’ she finally managed to say, sniffing and wiping her eyes, ‘I’m just so touched that you’ve thought of me above everything else.’

  ‘Of course I have, you’re my mam.’

  ‘Oh, let me give you a hug!’ Nell enveloped Nina in an embrace, totally overwhelmed by her gesture. ‘Most people in your position would treat themselves first –’

  ‘Well, I did buy a pair of earrings,’ admitted Nina.

  ‘– but your first thought was to do this for me,’ wept Nell, her dark head pressed to the blonde one. ‘I can’t tell you what that means.’

  ‘You don’t have to.’ Still trapped in her arms, Nina gave an affectionate series of pats to the much plumper frame. ‘If somebody’d forced me to give up Romy, I’d move heaven and earth to get her back.’

  ‘But I can’t,’ said Nell, all of a sudden pulling away, and her eyes pouring regret into the other’s face. ‘It might hurt your father. I know he wouldn’t stop me, but I couldn’t leave him on his own …’

  ‘Well, I was going to pay for both of you,’ chuckled Nina.

  ‘Ooh, I can’t let you blow your hard-earned money!’ Nell looked horrified. ‘No, no, I won’t hear of it!’ She gripped her daughter’s arms and looked right into her face. ‘God bless you, darling, for thinking of me. Please don’t think I’m being ungrateful, but it would be a total waste of time. Australia’s a massive country, and I haven’t the slightest idea to which part of it he went. So, you spend that money on yourself, or your daughter – help her buy that car so we can see more of her. Thank you a thousand times for the offer, but we’ll say no more about it – and not a word of this to your father.’

  No matter how her would-be benefactress might reason, Nell stubbornly refused to accept, and so Nina put the money to other use. By the time that year was out she had begun to earn royalties – enough for a deposit on a house. Joe nagged at her, of course, for putting it to this purpose, repeating his adage that she would be out on her ear if she couldn’t keep up the mortgage repayments. Nell schooled him into being more civil when they received an invitation to come to tea at their daughter’s new abode – which he could not fail to compliment, for both house and garden had been impeccably kept by the previous owner. The peaceful district was conducive to artistic talent too, as Nell was to point out.

  ‘So, do you think you’ll write another book, Neen?’

  Nina showed more patience than if her father had asked this question. ‘I already have – at least I’m halfway through. I’m hoping after the next lot of royalties I’ll be able to hand my notice in and write full time.’

  Joe looked worried. ‘Jack it in? You’ve just got a mortgage!’

  ‘Which I’ll be able to pay off much quicker if I concentrate on my writing.’

  Joe remained sceptical. ‘You never know what’s around the corner …’

  ‘Listen to him,’ sighed Nell, and wished Nina good luck with her chosen path. ‘And how’s Romy doing with her career?’ Their granddaughter had decided to go in for accountancy.

  ‘Great,’ said Nina. ‘So you don’t have to worry about me money, Dad, I’ll have my own personal accountant.’

  ‘Eh, I don’t know, who would have thought it …’ Joe noticed then that the house had a granny flat, and joked to his wife, ‘Is that for us when we get infirm?’

  ‘It bloody is not,’ parried Nina in similar vein, before supplying the true reason she had bought this particular house. ‘I hoped Romy might want to come home if she had separate accommodation, but it’s not to be …’

  ‘Still with me laddo, is she?’ enquired Joe, receiving a less than enthusiastic nod, before Nina summoned them to view the interior.

  Whilst Nell proceeded to comment on the décor, Joe made a beeline for something else.

  ‘Is this one of them personal computers?’ He had donned his glasses to peruse it more closely.

  Nina moved to stand beside him at the desk. ‘Yes – I can’t tell you how much easier it is than a typewriter.’

  ‘How much did it cost?’ asked Joe. And when she told him, he screamed in disbelief.

  ‘Well, look at it this way: I’m saving on about fifteen gallons of Tippex a week, so I’ll soon recoup the layout. I can’t type to save my life,’ added Nina.

  ‘But you worked on a keyboard for years at Rowntrees!’ said Joe.

  ‘Those machines were mainly numerical, though – look, I’ll show you what I mean about this.’ She turned on the Amstrad, pulled out a chair and sat down, then proceeded to demonstrate, inserting discs, her fingers going clickety-click over the keys and writing appearing on the screen.

  It was all beyond Nell, but Joe was fascinated. ‘Fancy! If you could do that in real life, correct all your mistakes with the click of a button …’ Looking over her shoulder, Nina saw that her elderly father was dying to touch the keys, and bade him take her place.

  ‘At least I know what to buy him for his birthday,’ she muttered to Nell, as they left him to it.

  Joe could hardly believe it when he unwrapped the large box that had come from his daughter.

  ‘Well, you’re always bloody moaning that you can’t get in the garden at this time of year,’ said Nina, in her usual offhand manner. ‘So I thought this might spare our lugs – makes a change from socks, anyway.’

  Her father was like a child then in his eagerness to remove it from its packing, a mountain of cardboard and polystyrene growing on the sitting-room carpet, and once Nina had helped him to set it up, it was impossible to tear him away. In fact, he was to spend not just his birthday, but the entire winter playing on it, only emerging to mow his lawn in the spring, and doing the minimum amount of pruning and weeding before hurrying back to his desk in the spare bedroom.

  ‘I don’t know what on earth he finds to type on it,’ Nell was to say to Nina, the two of them enjoying one of their regular weekly trips to town, made possible by Joe’s addiction. ‘It certainly takes something to get him away from his garden. He’s never off the blessed thing – not that I’m complaining if it means he doesn’t want to come into town with us. I hate going with your fat
her, he always races round the shops, gets what he wants, then goes home. He refuses to browse.’ That’s what she and Nina were doing at the moment. ‘Ooh, there’s a display of your new book!’ Her face lit up at the window display, and her voice was proud as she recited from the placard: ‘Exclusive, Nina Kilmaster will be signing copies of her latest book on –’

  ‘All right, Mam, keep it down.’ With a gentle nudge, Nina moved her on.

  Nell gave a disappointed laugh. ‘It’s a good thing you’ve got others to sing your praises.’

  Then, at her daughter’s self-deprecating shrug, she looked closer, to perceive an underlying concern. ‘You don’t seem very excited …’

  ‘No, well,’ Nina puffed out her cheeks, ‘I wasn’t going to tell you, but I’ve nobody else to unload it on … That bastard our Romy lives with, he’s been seeing somebody else.’

  ‘I knew he was that type the minute I laid eyes on him!’ Nell felt a stab of pain, everything else around her disappearing as she asked anxiously of Nina, ‘Will she be coming home, then?’

  The other shook her head. ‘She says they’re working it out – I’d work it out all right, I’d plunge a bloody screwdriver into his chest. I’ve begged her to move into the granny flat, I’ve told her it doesn’t have to be permanent, just a bolthole till she finds another place of her own. But she says she loves him – and she says he loves her and doesn’t want to finish.’

  Nell felt sad and angry. ‘I can’t understand how anybody can say they love a person then betray them like that.’

  ‘Well, that’s just it, Mam, he doesn’t love her! I told her, he’ll do it again, but she won’t have it.’

  ‘Should I write to her?’ asked the concerned grandmother. ‘I don’t mean to interfere, I just mean to let her know we’re here if she wants us.’

  Nina shrugged, and said she was at liberty to try.

  In the end, though, Nell decided to stay out of it, and to hope Romy would come to the right decision by herself – though she did confide in Joe, which was a huge mistake, for he immediately resolved to smash Hayden’s face in, just the threat causing his blood pressure to soar. That the matter was eventually resolved by the young couple was of no comfort to either of them, or Nina, for Romy was subsequently to present them with an even bigger worry.