Just Hold Me: Carrington Cousins

by Summers, Amy

  Thawn spun around and headed in the opposite direction. She didn't know where she was going, but she couldn't go home yet. She needed to move, to take out some of her hurt and anger in physical exertion. She ran through the trees. When she reached the sandy beach, she ran to the water's edge and splashed along the tide line, heedless of the waves and the gulls that rose out of her way, complaining loudly. She ran on and on until she finally dropped, exhausted, onto the cold, wet sand.

  A long time passed before she could gather the strength to return home. Her little house seemed cold and lonely now that she knew Rafe would never again fill it with his laughter.

  But life would go on. It had after Mark; it would now, after Rafe. She set her shoulders with determination and began fixing herself an evening meal for which she had absolutely no appetite. All the joy had gone from her, all the emotion, and she felt curiously flat.

  She got up the next morning and went to work as though nothing had happened. Everything went smoothly. No one seemed to notice her pain.

  But she felt as if she were moving in a perpetual fog. People complained that she wasn't listening to them, that they called as she passed and received no answer. Her boss unbent from his usual frigid dignity and asked if she would like to take her vacation a little early, since she seemed to be at work only in body and not in mind anyway. She shrugged off their comments. She was a little absentminded, and she seemed to have lost her sense of humor, but she was all right.

  She expected Rafe to call, if only to say a final goodbye. She thought he might have second thoughts once he'd had time to think it all over, once he realized she would never have accepted money in exchange for discussing Mark.

  When the days dragged by and Rafe didn't call, Thawn tried to tell herself that it was for the best. They'd been headed for a split anyway. Why not now, before he had to join his fellow workers on the new film project.

  She wondered resentfully if he thought she might give that secret to the press as well. Too bad he hadn't been a bit more careful to keep her away from the strategy session. But then he hadn't known about her supposed treachery at the time.

  She felt very badly about Carly. Would Rafe's sister understand why she had suddenly stopped coming? One day, almost a week after the argument, she tried to learn something from Tom.

  "How's Carly these days?" she asked one afternoon, stopping by his office on her way to the copy machine with an armload of reports. Her attempt to sound casual apparently failed. He stared at her curiously.

  "She's fine," he answered. "Why don't you go out and see for yourself?"

  Thawn bit her lower lip. "Has she been asking where I am?" she asked softly.

  Tom's unblinking stare was disconcerting. "Why? Should she have?”

  "I haven't been around for quite a while," she said defensively.

  He looked down at his work and shrugged. "Oh, really? I hadn't noticed."

  So much for that. Thawn decided he was playing games. She would have to go there herself, but she'd be sure to choose a time when Rafe would be gone.

  Excited by the idea, she couldn't get it out of her mind. The next day she skipped lunch and left work early to drive across the rolling hills toward the trailer.

  Rafe's car wasn't there. Thawn wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed. She pulled her own car up to the parking spot and turned off the engine, then sat for a moment looking around her.

  She had so many good memories of this place. A lump rose in her throat, and she hastily pushed open her door and made her way to the entrance of the trailer.

  "Thawn!" Carly looked surprised but glad to see her. "I'm so happy you came. I didn't expect to see you again."

  "Really? Why not?"

  "Well..." Carly looked embarrassed. "You and Rafe... I thought it was over between you."

  Thawn swallowed. "Did he tell you that?"

  "No, but he hasn't mentioned you all week, and when he left for Hollywood the other day, 1 just assumed..."

  She shrugged, then reached for Thawn to give her a quick hug. "We've become such good friends. I'm glad you're not going to let Rafe come between us."

  Thawn searched Carly's candid gaze. The younger woman assumed it was over between her and Rafe. The pattern of his romances was as well known to Carly as to anyone else. She knew they never lasted, and as much as she liked Thawn, she'd had no doubts that Rafe would tire of her, too.

  "He left you here all alone?" she asked, instead of pursuing the painful subject.

  Carly smiled. "I've stayed here alone before. Now that I have Brandy, and Tom comes to check on me every day, there's no problem." She took Thawn by the hand. "But you've got to see how the house is coming along. You'll be so surprised."

  It was amazing to see how quickly the workmen had turned a blank space into a gorgeous home. The walls were up, the roof had been started, the shell was almost complete. With a bit more finishing work, a family could live in it. Thawn turned toward the endless sea to hide the sudden misting of her eyes.

  "Isn't it wonderful?" Carly cried, dancing from room to room. Thawn was surprised to see her so uninhibited in front of other people until she realized that the workmen were all on the far side of the terrace, preparing to leave for the day.

  "Wonderful," Thawn echoed, noting the sunken area in the living room where the solarium would be built. Rafe's plans would bring the best parts of the outdoors right into the house.

  "But even better," Carly bubbled, grabbing Thawn's hand again, "is a surprise I've been saving for you. Come on, follow me." She led Thawn down the cliff to the shore and then out toward the point. "Be quiet now," Carly admonished as they went. "I hope they're home."

  They jumped from rock to rock until they were out of sight of the house and trailer, with only the surging sea before them.

  "There they are!"

  Hugging the rock ledge, they looked down into a calm cove cut into the sandstone cliffs by the waves, where a small clan of sea otters was swimming. Thawn smiled at the sight of two black-nosed babies, their curious, bewhiskered faces alive with fun.

  "Be careful," Carly warned as softly as she could against the noise of the surf smashing into the rocks. "When they see people they tend to hide in the little caves."

  Thawn nodded, watching the engaging creatures with pleasure. Their thick fur shone in the sunlight. She couldn't watch their antics without chuckling.

  "I knew you'd love to see the babies," Carly said later as they made their way back over the rocks. "This colony has been here longer than the one Tom and I first found. I hope they stay for the rest of the summer."

  "They'll probably remain as long as they can find a good supply of shellfish to eat," Thawn answered. "But you know how ravenous those little devils are. That's what gets them into so much trouble."

  Carly nodded. "You mean with the people in the shellfish industry?"

  "Yes. As loveable as the animals are, some people wish they'd really become extinct. A colony can come into an abalone bed and decimate it in a day. The abalone fishermen can lose up to a whole year's harvest."

  "I know," Carly told her. "Tom explained it all to me. But we're still on the side of the sea otter." She shot Thawn a quick look. "Aren't you?"

  Thawn shook her head. "I'm not on anyone's side." They had come to the turn at the top of the rise, and she stood looking out at the sea as she spoke. "It's a problem that calls for compromise, not taking sides and fighting."

  "Sometimes compromise is impossible." A deeper voice spoke the words, and Thawn froze, her hand still shading her eyes as she gazed out to sea. "Sometimes it's better to fight it out and find a solution."

  She turned slowly and met Rafe's accusing eyes. "Maybe you're right," she said faintly.

  "I'll go on to the trailer," Carly chirped, running off.

  Thawn looked up at Rafe, thinking how tall he appeared, how he seemed to tower over her, his dark hair swept by the wind, his eyes the color of pewter. He was dressed in dark slacks with a wide belt and a ra
w silk shirt that was open at the neck, and he was holding a gray sports coat slung over his shoulder.

  She could detect no warmth in his face. It was hard as the stone on which they stood. Nervously she pushed her hair out of her eyes. "I thought you were in Los Angeles," she said.

  He nodded slowly. "We're starting work on the Western. From now on I'll be spending most of my time in L.A."

  She glanced at him, then out to sea. "Did you say you wanted to fight something out?" she asked, her voice low and husky.

  When he didn't answer, she turned back to him. His lightning gaze seared her, yet she couldn't look away. The wind filled her cotton skirt and sent it billowing about her legs.

  "Do you want to fight something out?" he asked at

  She shook her head, her eyes still captured in his steely gaze.

  "Then why did you come?"

  She lifted her chin with brave defiance. "I didn't come to see you," she declared. "Just because you and I don't... I couldn't desert Carly. I couldn't let her think I didn't care."

  His shoulders rose and fell in an elegantly disdainful shrug. "She likes you, of course, but she won't fall apart without you."

  Thawn swallowed the lump in her throat. "She's still so shy. She needs a friend."

  "She has Tom."

  "Yes."

  "She's asked me to let Tom take her down to Los Angeles for her skin graft next week."

  Had Carly gone so far beyond needing Thawn, or even her brother, that she could run off to the city for a day with Tom? Suddenly Thawn knew that she'd been counting on Carly's dependence to serve as a link between herself and Rafe. Without that she had no excuse to come to the trailer. A wave of desolation swept over her.

  It took all her strength to tear her gaze from Rafe. "I guess I'll go then," she said softly.

  He didn't answer. She had to step close to him to get back on the path, and she kept her eyes turned away.

  "Thawn."

  He didn't touch her, but his voice stopped her just as effectively. She stood inches from him, waiting, her head raised, her eyes on the distant hills.

  "What is it?" she whispered.

  "Don't go." There was the suggestion of a catch in his low voice, and she turned toward him, her eyes wide with amazement.

  The hard mask had fallen from his face, and in its place was a longing such as she'd never seen before, though she'd felt it in her own heart.

  "Thawn." His voice sounded oddly husky as he pulled her against his chest and buried his face in her wind-tossed hair. "Oh, Thawn, I've missed breathing in the scent of you."

  He held her tightly, his fingers hard on her soft flesh. "I'm starved for the feel of you. I can't let you leave me."

  A small sob tore from her throat as she turned her face to find his lips. His kiss was hot and fierce and determined. "Stay with me," he said.

  She nodded mutely.

  "Come on," he said roughly, curling an arm around her shoulders. "Let's go home."

  The unfinished house cast a giant shadow in the late-aftemoon sun. As they walked past it, the wind whistled softly through the rafters, creating a siren song. They walked on until they reached the trailer. A car was driving off. Thawn recognized Tom's dusty VW with Cariy in the passenger's seat.

  "She's really better, isn't she?" she said as they entered the trailer.

  Rafe nodded. 'Tom's been very good for her." He gestured toward the couch. "Would you like a drink?"

  She didn't want a drink. All she wanted was him. But she nodded and sat down on the couch, letting him fix her a bourbon and water that she knew she wouldn't touch.

  Instead of sitting beside her, he sat down on the chair that faced the couch. He took a long drink of the amber-color liquid in his glass, then sat back, watching her through narrowed eyes.

  She stared back, half-defiant, half-shy, not knowing what he was thinking, wishing she could throw herself into his arms and close her eyes.

  "Okay," he said at last. "This time tell me all about it."

  A spark of resentment kindled inside her. "All about how I plan to expose your private life to the world?" she asked tartly.

  He shook his head. "I'm sorry I accused you of that," he said softly. "I know it isn't true." He frowned. "But I'm not sure I understand the rest. And I want to."

  She turned her head, avoiding his penetrating gaze.

  "Thawn," he said urgently, sitting forward in his chair, "I trust you. But there are questions only you can answer. I think you owe me that much."

  Of course she did. She'd tried to explain before, but the words hadn't come out right. This time she would work harder at it.

  As quickly and succinctly as she could, staring down at her hands twisted together in her lap, she told him what had happened—how she had loved and trusted Mark, how she had discovered the lengths to which he would go to further his career, how she had opened up her heart to the wrong person.

  "I made a series of bad judgments," she said. "I seem to have a proclivity for those." She smiled ruefully, but Rafe didn't laugh.

  "It's too bad it happened," he said shortly. "It put Mark's career in a tailspin for quite a while.”

  "It's funny," he went on, not waiting for her to answer. "When I first decided to build up here, 1 thought it would be a perfect way to hide from the world. I thought I'd be immune from everything and everyone." His smile was almost bitter. "But nothing makes you immune from life, Thawn. Even if you turn your back on it, it comes up from behind and tackles you."

  She smiled in agreement. "It seems that way sometimes."

  His eyes were warm. "I guess it takes time to learn to defend yourself against it."

  Thawn felt as though a tremendous burden had been lifted from her. He understood now, and he didn't condemn her.

  He rose and put down his glass before coming toward her. "I've missed you so much," he told her softly. "We have a lot of lost time to make up for." He swept her into his arms and carried her to his bedroom.

  She snuggled into his embrace, closing her eyes as a thrill of happiness washed over her. She would have no more doubts— at least not for tonight.

  He placed her carefully on the bed, then looked down at her, smiling gently. He seemed entranced by the picture she made with her golden hair spread out across the royal blue quilt, and she smiled back, welcoming him. With sure, deft movements he unfastened the buttons on her blouse and reached underneath to release her bra. She arched her back to him, reveling in the freedom of unconstraint and delighting in the feel of the cool air against her skin. Then Rafe's warm hand covered her and heat grew like a bonfire within her. He molded her breasts to his palms and caressed her nipples into hard, rosy peaks. When his mouth replaced his hands, she gasped as excitement flooded her.

  In a moment he had removed the rest of her clothes.

  Her heart pounding, she fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, eager to feel all his warmth against her. She ran trembling, restless hands across his chest, shoulders, and back, thrilling to his hard muscles and soft chest hair, overwhelmed with the shape, texture, and scent of him. Her breath came uneven as his hands and mouth trailed burning paths across her fevered flesh. Then their mouths met in a wild union as their bodies came together with sweet urgency.

  "I love you, Thawn," Rafe rasped breathlessly against her lips. "You're mine."

  He wasn't asking her, he was telling her. But this wasn't the moment to protest, to ask him to be realistic. She knew he only meant it for the moment, for as long as the pleasure lasted. And she was climbing toward ecstasy, too enthralled to think. They took wing together, and Thawn clutched him to her, crying out her fulfillment, holding him against her heart. She would never let him go.

  Chapter 11

  "I love you," he'd said. Did she dare believe that?

  She waited to hear it again over the next three days, but she was disappointed. Rafe flew down to Los Angeles each morning in a chartered plane, but he was back by eight o'clock. They spent each of the three evenings at Tha
wn's house. Neither of them spoke of the future or of what they would do when production started on Rafe's new film and he wouldn't have time to fly up and down the coast.

  Did he really love her?

  He seemed to want to spend every free moment with her. One night when she suggested that they bring Carly along, he told her no. "Carly's got Tom now," he said. "She needs a rest from the two of us. She's so much more sure of herself, she can manage on her own."

  For Sunday they planned a picnic to be shared with Tom and Carly on the slope in front of the nearly finished house. Rafe went home to spend Saturday night with his sister, and Thawn drove herself to the site the following morning. When she turned onto the dirt road that led to the trailer, she had to pull to the side to make room for a car coming from the opposite direction. Instead of passing, the car stopped beside hers. In it was Terry Barnes, the tall writer who worked with Rafe, the man who'd recognized Thawn's name in connection with Mark's.

  "Hello there, Thawn," he said, regarding her levelly. "I've been wanting to have a talk with you."

  She could tell by his tone of voice and the glint in his eyes that while Rafe might have forgiven her for the article about Mark, Terry hadn't.

  "How nice," she murmured. "What did you want to discuss?"

  He frowned. "This is an awkward setting, so I'm going to be blunt. I wish you'd leave Rafe alone."

  Despite her inner turmoil, Thawn smiled. "I see. Anything else?"

  "I'll tell you why I say that. When Rafe is working on a project, he throws himself into it body and soul. He's a creative genius. The world recognizes that and expects it from him." Terry smiled crookedly. "Creative geniuses don't tie themselves down in little white cottages by the sea. Creative geniuses need space and freedom from mundane responsibilities in order to do what they do best." He shrugged. "In short, you're stifling Rafe. If you don't leave him alone, he'll never make the film he's capable of making."