Just Hold Me: Carrington Cousins

by Summers, Amy

  He shrugged. "It doesn't matter. What's done is done."

  She glared at him defiantly. "It was the truth, after all. You did do the things the article accused you of. What right have you to be so self-righteous toward me?"

  His eyes narrowed with anger, and his hands balled into fists at his sides. "Why don't you get on back to Rafe and tell him his little plan fell through? You and I don't need to talk. All we need to do is forget we ever knew each other."

  "Right," she spit out, then whirled and started away. She saw Rafe waiting up the road. All alone, he looked lost and desolate standing there, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, his shoulders hunched. Surprised, Thawn stopped dead in her tracks.

  But she hardly had time to take in the picture when a hand caught her arm. "Thawn." Mark was beside her once again. "Listen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bark at you that way."

  He was trying. It was only fair that she make the same effort. "I'm sorry too," she said, swallowing hard and meeting his blue eyes.

  "Let's start over again," Mark said lightly, slipping an arm around her shoulders and drawing her back to the open place where they'd been talking before. She glanced back over her shoulder to where Rafe had been standing, but he was gone.

  Mark was still talking. "I had to express some of my anger. But that's over now. Instead of telling you how you've mined my life, I should have been telling you how you saved it."

  She gazed up at him, openmouthed, as he nodded.

  "I was heading down a dangerous road and I couldn't see it for myself. I was ready to pay any price for what I wanted. When the article came out, everything stopped cold. I had a good long time to think, to take stock, to reevaluate my goals and methods."

  He ran a careless hand through his blond curls. 'Things have really changed for me now. I know I can make it on my own talent and hard work. And who knows? If it hadn't been for you, I might never have discovered that." They looked into each other's eyes for a long moment. Then Thawn tried a tentative smile.

  "Oh, Mark." She reached out to take his hand. "I never wanted anyone to write anything about you. I was devastated by what happened, and I turned to the wrong person to sob my heart out to. If I'd dreamed what she would do with it..."

  Suddenly it was like talking to the old Mark, only better. They could laugh again, and that was nice. But she didn't love him anymore. The emotion she'd once felt had been totally obscured by what she felt for Rafe.

  "He's crazy about you, you know," Mark said, as though reading her mind. "When he called me last night to tell me he was bringing you up here, he told me he was going to marry you." He grinned. "Believe it or not, I told him he couldn't have made a better choice."

  Marry her. Thawn's heart began to thump at the words. Could he really have said that? Why would Mark mention it if it wasn't true?

  Rafe had offered to marry her the day before. He'd used it to tease her today. But she'd never really believed in his intention. She'd taken it as a ploy to avert a breakup when he wasn't ready for one. But if he was telling other people...

  As soon as she could, Thawn excused herself from the conversation. It was nice to know that she and Mark were no longer enemies, but her first priority was the man she had seen standing all alone a few minutes before. Suddenly she wanted to find him very badly.

  People were milling everywhere, some wearing costumes for some sort of party scene, others dressed like technicians. She pushed her way past them, searching for the face she loved.

  They were about to film a scene. Directors were hurrying people into place and yelling for everyone to be quiet. Thawn stopped a moment to watch as the lights and cameras, like giant insects, focused on the two people playing the scene.

  "Quiet on the set!"

  "Rolling!"

  "Take six."

  "Action!"

  Thawn was impressed by the professionalism. Now that she understood more about what went into making a film, she saw what part each onlooker played in the event. So many people, so much equipment, so very much work to get each scene shot. She shook her head, marveling. It really was a fascinating way to make a living.

  "Thawn Carrington?"

  She turned toward the voice and smiled expectantly at the short, dark-eyed woman before her. Of middle years, she had the sharp, predatory look of a carnivorous bird.

  "I thought that was you." The woman grinned companionably, as though the two of them were old friends. "How have you been, dear?"

  Thawn endured the brush of the woman's lips against her cheek, sure she'd never seen her before in her life.

  "Where have you been hiding yourself? I'm so glad we're going to have a chance to get to know each other after all."

  At least the woman admitted she wasn't the long-lost friend she had first pretended to be.

  "I'm afraid I don't know who you are," Thawn said bluntly. Something about this woman told her that being direct was the only way to handle the situation.

  "Don't you?" The woman pouted. "Here's my card."

  She handed Thawn a pale blue rectangle on which was embossed: Sally Creaston, Show Business Editor, Star Spy. Thawn looked up quickly. Here was another Jacqui Blatts, another scandal hound, an employee of a rival paper.

  "Thanks," said Thawn crisply, "but no thanks." She handed the card calmly back to the woman and turned to leave.

  "Wait a minute, honey. I think you'll be interested in this."

  With a gilt pen she quickly dashed off a message on the card and tucked it into the pocket of Thawn's dark corduroy slacks. "That's how much I could get for you on an exclusive about Rafe Armstrong," she hissed "Star Spy will pay, honey. Just give me a chance to..."

  Thawn was backing away, her hands spread as though to keep from touching poison. "Stay away from me," she said hoarsely. "Don't even speak to me again. Ever."

  Turning, she ran down the dirt road, back toward the trees, gripped by a strange, overwhelming compulsion to find Rafe. She had to touch him, to make sure he was real.

  Finally she saw him, still surrounded by people. Her heart lurched as she realized that the crowd around him consisted almost exclusively of beautiful women. He was smiling in answer to some comment a stunning brunet had made into his ear. At that moment he caught sight of Thawn, and the smile on his face became an expression that tore at her heart.

  He loved her. Could it really be true? In that moment she knew she would stay with him for as long as he wanted her. Whether the love she saw was for the moment, for the week, or for a lifetime, she would stay as long as it lasted.

  She watched him come toward her, his eyes full of emotion, and she held out her hands to him. He took her in his arms and held her close.

  "Is it all right?" he whispered.

  "Yes," she answered happily.

  "Good." He released her. "Then let's get out of here."

  "On with the honeymoon?" she teased.

  "Absolutely." He led her back to where the car was parked, and soon they were roaring up the highway again.

  She knew he was curious about what had happened between her and Mark, but she couldn't tell him about it yet. Soon, but not just now. She settled back in her seat and reached out to ruffle the hair at his collar line.

  "Now will you tell me where we're going?"

  Chapter 12

  Rafe sent Thawn a long sideways look. "I hope you're not expecting some swank resort motel with chandeliers and maid service," he warned.

  She pretended indignation. "Of course I am. This is a honeymoon, isn't it?"

  He moved uncomfortably in the driver's seat. "This is a different sort of honeymoon," he said evasively. "You like different things, don't you?"

  She cocked an eyebrow. "Only if they're nice. Is this nice?"

  He shrugged. "It's a cabin in the woods," he admitted.

  She thought that over for a moment. "A nice cabin in the woods?"

  He smiled. "You're the nature girl. You should be able to rough it for a few days."

  "A few days! I ha
ve to get back to work."

  He shook his head. "Tom promised to fix that for you. Don't give it another thought."

  "Just what do you have in mind?"

  His long, expressive sigh gave ample evidence of what his plans included. "This is the last chance we'll have to spend time together," he told her. "By the end of the week, I'll be leaving for Wyoming to begin full-time work on the Western. I won't have much time to go off on honeymoons then."

  Thawn turned and watched the dark tree trunks whiz by the window. So he was leaving after all. At least he was putting off his departure for a few days so that they could have some time together before he left.

  Neither of them spoke for a long while. Thawn watched as the countryside changed from forested mountains to rolling hills covered with cattle, from farmland to rugged headlands.

  "Here we are," Rafe finally announced.

  Suddenly the car was plunging down a very steep road that had been cut into the face of the cliff. They seemed to be hurtling toward the sea.

  "Rafe!" Thawn cried, planting her feet firmly against the floorboard and holding on tightly.

  "Don't worry," he answered calmly as he slowed the car to make a sudden turn. "You've got to learn to love these steep descents if you want to build your house on a cliff overlooking the surf."

  He parked behind a wooden structure hidden by a stand of huge ponderosa pine, Thawn wasn't sure her legs would hold her up after the harrowing trip down the mountain, but when she got out of the car, she found them strong enough, if shaky.

  "Here's our cabin."

  She looked up and gasped. Instead of the rustic building she'd been expecting, she saw a stunning modem home of tinted glass and redwood that was cantilevered out over the sea.

  Rafe put an arm around her shoulders as they walked toward the house. "How do you like it, nature girl?" he asked softly.

  "Cabin in the woods?" she reminded him mockingly. "You didn't get this through State Park Reservations. Whose place is this?"

  "A friend of mine. A director I know." He produced a key and opened the door to the entryway. "I told him I needed a hideaway for a few days, and he offered us unlimited use."

  The interior was as impressive as the exterior, with tan and white Peruvian rugs on polished hardwood floors, a tremendous natural granite fireplace, and Mayan murals and Aztec wall hangings.

  The house looked out onto the sea. Standing at the dark glass windows that formed the forward wall, all Thawn could see below was the white foam of crashing surf as it pounded the jagged rocks.

  "I hope we've got good moorings," she murmured, looking down into the chilly ocean. "I'd hate to wake up with my bed floating in that water."

  "Don't worry." Rafe pulled her close and kissed her gently. "We'll just set sail for Hawaii and continue our honeymoon there."

  "We won't have time for Hawaii," she replied, trying to keep her voice light as he left her embrace to pace around the room. "After all, you'll be starting on the Western, You'll have to get back to all your Hollywood cronies."

  He stopped at her words and turned toward her. She could feel his gaze on her. She ran her fingers across the warm, well-polished wood of the guardrail in front of the window and waited.

  "You really don't feel comfortable with those people, do you, Thawn?" he asked quietly. "I never realized that before, but I saw it right away at the set. You didn't like being there."

  Her fingers tightened on the wood, and she closed her eyes. He'd finally realized that she wouldn't fit in. He knew now how impossible it was for them ever to have a lasting relationship. His life was his work. It was a life she could never share.

  There was no point in trying to pretend. "No," she admitted, her voice surprisingly strong, "I didn't particularly like it." She turned to face him. "I don't like the pushing and shoving for attention. I don't like the constant feeling that everyone is putting himself on the auction block, up for sale to the highest bidder." She shrugged. "That was one of the reasons Mark and I split up."

  There. It was all out in the open. He couldn't ignore the truth any longer.

  "It's too bad," Rafe said softly. "Really too bad." He turned again. "I'm going out to the car to get the bags."

  Thawn stayed where she was, tears stinging her eyes. But she wouldn't cry. She'd known from the beginning how it would end. Why not make the best of this moment? It was probably all she had left.

  By the time Rafe returned, she'd managed to put a smile back on her face. "You get full suitcases, but what am 1 supposed to do for clothes?" she complained good-naturedly.

  He cocked a dark eyebrow at her. "You wouldn't consider going nude?"

  She laughed. "No, I would not. Not with this stiff wind blowing off the Pacific."

  He dropped the bags and came over to take her face in his hands. "We could stay inside," he murmured, nibbling at one earlobe, then the other. "We could keep the windows closed."

  She circled him with her arms, holding him loosely. "Not on your life," she answered pleasantly but firmly.

  "Then it's a good thing I brought you a whole suitcase full of clothes." He grinned at her startled reaction. "I had Carly pack up things you'd left at the trailer. She added items of her own that you'd be missing."

  "You're wonderful!" She hugged him. "Does this little cabin in the woods have running water? I'd love to take a bath."

  Rafe started a blaze in the fireplace while she scrubbed away the day's dirt. She pulled back on her tight-fitting corduroy pants and a clean silky blue blouse before rejoining him.

  She found him staring moodily out to sea, just as she'd been doing a short time ago. Stopping for a moment before he could hear her approach, she watched him.

  How she loved the long, lanky grace of him, the suppressed energy, the humor that so often lit his gray eyes. He was dressed in jeans and a dark sweater over a yellow cotton shirt that set off his dark tan and crisp, dark brown hair in a way that looked clean and compelling.

  As she watched, he lowered his head and rubbed his hands across his face as though he was very tired. When he raised his head again, he caught sight of her, and for just a moment they stared at one another without smiling.

  What was he thinking, Thawn wondered. She walked slowly toward him, and he reached out to touch her cheek.

  "I've just had a thought," he said lightly. "You showed me your blackberries and your cave. I know a place here that's magic too."

  She tried to smile in response. "Really? Where is it?"

  "Come on," he told her, becoming excited. "I'll show you. It's only a short hike from here."

  The sun was hanging low in the sky, but it was still strong enough to warm their backs as they made their way up the incline.

  "We'll cut in here through these redwoods," he told her, steering her into a dark, forested patch of wilderness.

  "You've visited here before, haven't you?" she asked idly as they climbed, then slid down a rocky incline, then climbed again.

  "The house? Sure. Jerry's a good friend. I've been to some of his holiday weekends out here, and he's let me use his place before when he wasn't going to be coming out." He helped her up a jagged rock, then led her through a stand of cypress. "Just a little farther," he assured her. "We're almost there."

  She knew immediately when they arrived at the location. The place was perfect, a fitting reward for the hike. Water fell like diamond spears from a small waterfall in the rock wall above their heads. Pale green ferns grew from the black cliff face. The stream tumbled noisily as it started its journey down to the sea.

  A sudden hush had filled the air as they entered the little grotto, which was enclosed all around by redwoods and California laurel. Thawn felt as if there should be organ music playing, as though no one should speak above a whisper.

  Rafe's arms slipped around her from behind. "How do you think this stacks up against your special places?" he asked.

  She smiled at him over her shoulder. "At the head of the list. I love this place, Rafe. There's a s
pecial stillness here. I feel as though I should be praying."

  He nuzzled into the hollow of her shoulder. "That's the way I feel about it, too. That's why I brought you here—to give you a present."

  "A present?"

  He released her and reached into the pocket of his slacks. "Here." He offered the little box awkwardly, as though he was suddenly uncomfortable. "This is for you."

  She took the box and opened it. Inside, on a bed of white cotton, lay a small sea otter carved out of jade. The style was much like that of bone carvings done by the Alaskan Indians, and Thawn gasped at its beauty.

  "Is this the piece of jade you found that day you were diving off your property?" she asked, delighted.

  He nodded. "The piece you handed back to me so angrily. I heard about an artist in Cambria who does this sort of thing. I took a look at his work and decided I wanted him to do it for you."

  She cradled the lovely little animal in the palm of her hand. "It's beautiful." Her voice was choked, and tears filled her eyes. Avoiding Rafe's scrutiny, she put the carving back into the box and tried to stuff it into the pocket of her pants. Something fell out as she did so— a blue rectangle; Sally Creaston's card.

  Rafe bent and picked up the card. As Thawn watched, time seemed to slow down so that she could see each movement in slow motion—his strong fingers against the dark green moss as he touched the card; the slow, inexorable path of the card as it came up to where he could begin to read it; his frown as the message written on the back became clear to him.

  She closed her eyes and turned away. She knew what he would think when he saw whose card it was and noted the payment price written on the back. Did she really have to defend herself all over again? Maybe the best thing would be to have an argument now that would be so bad, so overwhelming, they would know it was over between them. Perhaps that would be better than a long drawn-out period of indecision and separation.

  She knew what Rafe was thinking. This suspicion would always be there. She didn't want to wait around to hear the accusations.

  She began to follow the stream toward the waterfall. The silver liquid looked cool and refreshing. She wanted to stand under its shower and let the water cleanse away her heartache.