Wine & Whiskey: Everything for You (Surviving Absolution Book 2)

by Nikki Belaire

  He has never met this woman, but knows he can’t stand her. There’s no way in hell he’ll let her get to Shae. “No, she’s not doing that. She doesn’t need her shit too.”

  “I’m keeping her phone from her, and I’ll put Gail off for as long as I can. You’ve got to dial down the crazy on your side, and then, I think we can get her through this.”

  Carrie’s loyalty never wavers, but he isn’t her only struggle. “What about Nathan?”

  She lets out a long breath before shaking her head, her confidence dipping at the mention of her fiancé’s name. “You keep her safe, and I’ll try and figure out the rest.”

  * * * *

  Nick raps on the door before pushing it open. “How is it?”

  Shae sits covered in bubbles, the scent of raspberries vibrant in the steamy air. “Thank you for all of this. It’s wonderful.”

  She gives him her posed smile. Pretends to be okay for him, when nothing about what she’s gone through, what he’s done to her, is fucking all right. Yet, she never blames him, never severs the connection between them. “You don’t look so sure.”

  “I’m scared.” Her voice catches as her head drops forward, her doubt slicing through his chest like a blade. “I want everything to be okay between us.”

  Fuck this. Quiet since they left the hospital, she worries about something he has to absolve her of. The only person who deserves guilt is him. Kicking off his shoes and throwing his phone on the counter, he steps into the whirlpool tub and squats in front of her. “It is.”

  A sob catches in her throat as she laughs through her tears. “What are you doing?”

  “I had to be with you.” His thumbs rub across her cheeks, the silky skin warm under his touch. “Don’t cry. We’re going to get through this.”

  “It’s just with Evan, I didn’t—”

  Fury flames through his veins at the mention of that motherfucker’s name. He knew the asshole was behind her fear. None of that matters, though, until she trusts him again. “I love you. Do you love me?”

  “Yes.” She nods, breathless with the certainty of her answer. “More than I can explain.”

  He sits down and pulls her onto his lap. Cupping her face, he touches his forehead to hers, ensuring his intention is clear. “This is it. We’re together. Nothing and no one will change that.”

  “But…” Both her body and voice shake. “I—”

  “I mean it. No matter what happens, nothing’s going to separate us.”

  “You sound so confident.”

  “I am. We belong together. I’m never letting you go.”

  “But you don’t know what I’ve done.”

  He can’t help but stiffen under her trembling body. She clings to him, her breath heavy against his neck. Unwilling to meet his gaze, she conveys a fear that churns his gut. It’s time to know the truth. “Did you sleep with him?”

  Long hair rustles against his damp shoulder as she shakes her head.

  Relief loosens his clenched muscles. He would forgive her for it after he was such a bastard to her, but he would never be able to erase the image from his mind. “Then what is it? Don’t be afraid to tell me.”

  The back of his shirt lifts from his drenched skin, her hands kneading the fabric between her fingers. “I know the timing is terrible, and I didn’t do it on purpose. I—”

  Nope. There’s no way in hell he’s going to let her suffer even an ounce of guilt. Not over the gift she gives him. “I don’t think any of that. Just say it.”

  “I’m pregnant.” She lifts up from his chest, but keeps her face tilted down, biting her lip. “Are you mad?”

  “I’ve been ecstatic ever since Nathan let it slip at the hospital.”

  Her head flies up, her beautiful, blue eyes wide as she stares at him. “You knew?”

  “Yeah. But you’ve been through so much, I wanted to let you tell me when you were ready.” He slides his hands under her chin, meeting her expectant gaze. “I love it. You give me everything I’ve ever wanted.”

  “Me too.” Pink tints her cheeks as she gives him her shy smile. “I was shocked but excited when I found out.” The sentiment fades before trepidation lines her forehead. “And a little scared. I wasn’t sure how you’d take it.”

  “You know you never have to be afraid.” He cups her face, brightening at his touch, matching the elation rolling through him. “But you know, you’re stuck with me now. You have to marry me, and I…”

  The words choke in his throat as the realization hits him—the real reason for her fear. Fucking shit. Not of telling him, but of keeping it from him. She and Evan. That son of a bitch. “You weren’t going to tell me, were you? That’s why Evan was pressuring you so much. You were going to marry him and raise our child without me ever finding out.”

  Delicate fingers grasp his own as she shakes her head. “I wasn’t. I swear. I love you too much to be with someone else. I just needed time to think. You were so upset—”

  She says the words he longs to hear, but they can’t hold back the avalanche as the truth comes crashing down, suffocating with her doubt in him. “Why would you do that to me?” He curls his fists into his eyes. “Don’t bother answering. I already know. I’m a fucking monster. You think I’ll hurt you again. Or the baby.”

  “No!” She pushes down his hands and grasps his cheeks, her gaze boring into his with a vehemence he’s not seen before. “I never, ever thought that. Not once. I was just trying to protect you. I knew how upset you were about what happened after Spencer drugged you. I didn’t want the stress of protecting a baby to push you over the edge.”

  Shame steals all his strength, his head falling forward, unable to withstand her resolute certainty. But she lifts it back up. “Worrying about me was destroying you, and I didn’t want to make it worse. That’s the only reason. I know you would never hurt either of us. Please, Nick. Please say you believe me.”

  Chapter Two

  Purple tinted foam speckles her body as she stands in front of him, her shoulders slumped in defeat, her eyes shiny with tears. The pounding of his head and heart almost drowns out her soft plea. “I wish you would believe me.”

  With trembling hands, she grabs a towel and wraps it around herself before turning to step out of the tub. He jumps to his feet and grasps her elbow to help her. What the hell is he doing? She was released from the hospital less than an hour ago, and he’s already driven her to fucking begging, to running away from him. “Of course I do. Come here.”

  Gurgling water circles their legs, yet she remains motionless, rolling the thick, white cotton between her fingers. All of her vulnerability exposed with his bullshit irrational reaction to her secrets. His hand curls around her waist, and he draws her against him, cradling her head. “No more freaking out. I promise.”

  She clutches the dripping fabric clinging to his chest. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.”

  “You never have to apologize to me. I let you down, and you did the best you could.”

  He rubs her back, soothing both of them until her breathing calms and her small fist unclenches. Damp fingers slide under his shirt and around his waist, returning the ferocity of his embrace. The feel of her delicate touch sears his skin, grounding his turmoil and bringing him back to the simplest truth he knows. He cannot survive without her. “You know me too well. You thought I’d lose it, and that’s exactly what I did. I don’t know why you put up with me.”

  “Because I know you’re hurting over Carter.”

  Emotions he doesn’t want to feel well up in his chest, aching with loss he doesn’t want to admit. Nothing can come from thinking about that motherfucker’s betrayal, except making her even more fearful. “I don’t want to talk about that bastard.”

  “Okay, maybe not right now. But, you’re going to have to. We both are. We can’t ignore what happened.”

  That’s all he wants to do—hide away with her from the rest of the world. At least for a little bit longer. Then, he and Max will finis
h their plans, and everyone threatening her happiness will be eliminated.

  Another minute passes before she speaks again. “I also know you’re loving and protective and generous.” Although he can’t see her angelic face, a smile radiates through her voice and her words. “No one else makes me feel the way you do. I love you.”

  Even when he puts her through hell, she always finds a way to bring him back to heaven. “I love you more.” At her soft laughter, he raises his head from the crook of her neck. “What?”

  “We aren’t going to be one of those lame couples who fight over who loves whom more, are we?”

  Her humor is just a cover for her insecurity. His Jekyll and Hyde behavior must end. She needs stability in her life, so she can trust in his love for her and their baby. He presses his lips against her ear. “No, I’m going to be the man who stops fucking up and spends the rest of his life making up for what he’s done to you.”

  “I know you’re worried, but I’m fine.” Her face glows with happiness as she steps back and puts her ring-less hand on her stomach. He has so much to make right with her. “I’ve only known I’m pregnant for a short time, and I already love this baby more than I ever thought possible. It’s not just about me anymore. If I didn’t trust you completely, I wouldn’t be here.”

  Only a few inches separate their bodies, yet the distance between them is too vast for his arms aching to hold her again. One last barrier to overcome before he can allow himself to accept the absolute faith she places in him, hoping it’s strong enough for both of them. “Promise me if I ever do anything to scare you, you’ll leave.”

  Worry flickers in her huge eyes as she shakes her head. “You won’t.”

  As the mother of his child, she needs to know he’ll do what’s best for her. No matter how much it destroys him. “I swear I won’t fight you on it. I have to know you’ll do whatever you have to do to protect yourself and the baby. If you ever have any doubts—”

  “I don’t. Not about you.” Wrinkles of uncertainty line her face, her body tense, waiting for his answer. A consequence of his panic, he must earn back her confidence in his commitment to her.

  “Me neither.”

  A genuine smile lights up her beautiful face while she watches him yank off his wet clothes and wad them into a ball before throwing them onto her towel now crumpled on the floor. Fizzy water laps against his stomach from his body sinking down into the tub and pulling her between his legs. Her contented sigh as she relaxes against his chest releases all the tension gripping his body, and he kisses the top of her head. “I’ve been waiting for this for a long time.”

  She entwines her small hand with his, making their connection complete. “I didn’t think you were a bubble bath kind of man.”

  “For you, I’m anything you want.”

  Still in awe his baby grows inside the woman he loves, he caresses her stomach as they cuddle. Imagining the roundness that will develop soon, only intensifying her natural beauty. Just a few days ago, he was alone, living in a hell of his own making. Now, she gives him a family, creating an unbreakable bond between the three of them.

  His lips curl into a smile despite himself. How did she describe it before? A wife, kids, and a dog chewing up your shoes. All he needs is a ‘yes’ and a puppy to make her perfect dream come true.

  “I went to the doctor yesterday and had my first ultrasound.”

  Hesitation coils through her voice rather than the excitement it should convey. He forces himself not to react, not to give in to the guilt coursing through him. Unable to blame anyone but himself for that bastard seeing his baby before he did. Fucking father of the year. Motherfucker took her to the doctor while he tried to use drunken, meaningless sex to numb the pain of ripping out his heart and watching her walk away with it.

  Her limitless ability to forgive is the only reason she’s wrapped in his arms instead of Evan’s. His grip tightens around her waist, and he kisses her delicate shoulder before whispering in her ear. “I’m sorry I wasn’t where I should’ve been.”

  “I shouldn’t have gone without you. I thought it was over between us, and I was grasping for anything that would make me feel closer to you. The whole time all I thought about was you, wishing you were there with me.”

  “You’ve always had me, even when I was too fucking stubborn to admit it.” Strands of her hair float around them, and he curls one around his finger, blowing out a deep breath. “What was it like?”

  “It’s too early to really see anything yet. So, I fell in love with a black circle wiggling on a white screen.” Her hand glides through the water, cupping bubbles before letting them trickle through her fingers. “I had a little bit of a scare when the doctor couldn’t find the heartbeat.”

  Her voice cracks with worry, making every nerve flame in his body. He slides his palms to her shoulders and turns her around. “What?”

  She nods, a tight smile unable to conceal her anxiety or relieve his. “But everything should be fine. She ran some tests, and my levels are good. I have to go back tomorrow to check them again.”

  He may have fucked up at the beginning, but he won’t miss anything else. Her belief in his support will never be in question. Especially when they both fear what neither one wants to say. “I’m going with you this time.”

  Some of the apprehension churning in her eyes dissipates as her face brightens. “I was hoping you would. I want you to be a part of everything.”

  “I’ll always be there. I promise.” He lifts her onto his lap with her legs straddling his and slides a finger under her chin, tipping up her head. “But no more secrets, okay? Always come to me no matter how scared you are. That’s the only way we won’t end up like that again.”

  “Okay.” Her gaze drops, and pink flushes her face. “I blackmailed Evan.”

  A few seconds pass before he fully comprehends the three words she confesses. He can’t hold back from laughing. Not that the asshole didn’t deserve it, but he never expected his sweet angel to go rogue without him. “I can’t believe it. How?”

  She fidgets against him, curling her hands under her chin before wrapping them around herself and brushing over the bruises on her arm. “I told him I would have him charged with assault and ruin his practice if he didn’t drop the charges against you and Max.”

  His humor instantly dies. The marks were bad enough when he thought they were from Carter, who received his punishment, although not nearly severe enough. What kind of motherfucker manhandles a woman, especially one who’s pregnant? Fucking shit. He should have fucking killed that bastard when he had the chance. He takes a deep breath and relaxes his furled fists, unwilling to show her his fury. She’s had enough drama for a lifetime, let alone today.

  “I couldn’t let him punish you because he was mad at me. I had to protect you. I know you would have done the same for me.”

  Blown away. No other way to describe it. She pushes herself beyond her limits to save him from himself. Yet, he can’t let her force herself to be something she isn’t. Not for him. “I would do anything for you, but I don’t want you to be like me. I’m not a person you should imitate.”

  “Yes, you are.” She brushes her hands across his biceps, making his muscles twitch. Without realizing it, she tempts him with both her touch and her words. “Being with you has made me stronger. I feel like I can do anything now because of your love.”

  Unable to comprehend how she feels anything other than pain from him, he sighs and shakes his head. “It’s hard for me to believe that. All I do is hurt you.”

  Her lips part, and she pauses before she speaks again, but her voice still comes out as a whisper. “I know I’ve hurt you too. But not anymore. We’re letting that go and only focusing on the good things in front of us.”

  “Yeah, that’s right, sweetness. Only good things.”

  She wraps her arms around his neck, nuzzling his shoulder. He strokes her back again, cementing their agreement. Protecting her from what she doesn’t need to know about
in his fucked up world ensures she receives all the happiness she deserves.

  After a few minutes, she stares up at him. A playful smile twitches on her lips. “One more thing.”

  “What?”

  “You’ve got bubbles on your head.”

  He swipes at his hair before leaning down to her. “I love you.”

  “I know. I love you too.” Gentle kisses press against his lips, growing more urgent as his body responds to her touch, betraying the gentleman he tries to be for her.

  An involuntary shudder shakes his body from her hand trailing down his chest to the throbbing between his legs. He blows out a long breath, trying to cool the fire she stokes in him. A cocktail of guilt and desire burns from his lips to his groin. Only a bastard would take advantage of a woman who’s been through hell from his own hands. “Wait, sweetness.” His voice thickens with longing he can’t disguise. “Are you sure it’s okay? What about the baby?”

  “We’re fine. After everything with…” Her deep breath ends in a whisper, “I’ve missed you, and I just want to feel normal again. Like us.”

  This time she holds out her hand, and he’s at her mercy for whatever she needs from him. He follows her out of the tub, leaving trails of watery bubbles across the tile. After leading him into the bedroom, she pushes the gray comforter out of the way before stretching out across the cool, white sheets. Her joyous laughter fills the room as he nestles between her legs, placing kisses across her stomach. “Your sweet mommy protects both of us. Otherwise, that son of a bitch would be dead for trying to keep you from me.”

  “You know, you’re going to have to stop swearing before the baby comes.”

  “Fucking hell, she asks a lot.” He smiles against her silky skin, breathing in an intoxicating mix of lilacs and raspberries. “But for her, I’ll try to do better.”