Keep Me

by Leah Holt

  The engine hummed softly, creating voices and sounds that were only in my head. I heard my sister scream again, I heard my mother calling out for help when she finally got herself loose. I heard my heartbeat and my lungs as they pounded so fiercely my eardrums rang with the worst music ever.

  I kept tugging my hands, spinning them around and around, hoping they would break free. My skin burned as if I had just stuffed my hands into a bee hive, but I didn't care. I wasn't going to stop trying.

  Dane turned the car off, cutting out the lights. The blackness folded over me like a thick blanket, pressing on my chest. I chose not to speak, I chose to not give him the pleasure of hearing my voice, hearing me beg or curse. But not being able to see him, not knowing what he was doing. . .

  Have you ever felt pure terror?

  It's not just a feeling, it's in all your muscles, turning them to stone. It's in your brain, making you to forget how to breathe. And when that passes, when fear turns to panic and you're shaking so violently, so uncontrollably, that you feel weak and frail. . .

  That was me.

  A cold breeze sprawled over my body as he opened the door, forcing a subtle gasp to escape my lungs.

  “This place brings back memories.” His voice cut through the darkness, slicing the air into thin strips. “When I was a kid, my father used to the pack the car on a long weekend, and drive me and my brother up here to go fishing.” Dane sat in silence as his breathing turned heavy. “I used to hate it back then, it was boring as fuck. But now this place is different, I have good memories to come back to, all those girls, all the screams and cries that I pretended were you. . . But this, having you here, it changes everything. This place just got ten times better.”

  The door creaked open wider and shut with a gentle pop, leaving me alone inside a cocoon that felt more like a coffin than a safety barrier.

  My eyes scanned the darkness, unable to focus on anything but the bright snaps of color left over from the dashboard lights.

  I have to get out, I need to get the fuck out of here!

  Yanking one last time, I felt my left hand break free, releasing the tension between my wrists.

  Where is he? Which way did he go?

  Slowing down my breathing, I tried to listen for him. I couldn't hear footsteps or talking, I couldn't hear him walking around the car or the sound of his heart that beat black death through his veins.

  The wind whipped around outside, cracking limbs and rustling leaves. It whirred through the thin cracks in the windows and zipped under the car, whistling across metal pipes and the rusty frame.

  Just go! Run, Locke! Run!

  Forcing one last deep breath in through my nose, I held the handle in my fingers and counted inside my head. One. . . Two. . . Three!

  Throwing the door open, I let my bare feet hit the harsh dirt floor, and I ran. I ran as fast as I could, I ran as if it was the last time I would ever have use of my legs.

  And if he got me, if he caught me. . . I knew I wouldn't be wrong.

  “Where are you going?” Dane called out, his tone playful and teasing. “Time is ticking, Hanna, run run run as fast as you can!”

  Night had swooped down and swallowed the forest around me. Holding my hands up in front of my face, I kept charging forward. Branches slapped my cheeks, they sliced my skin and whipped my legs.

  But I didn't look back, I didn't stop.

  I couldn't feel the ground beneath my feet, I couldn't feel the cold air or the harsh smack of barbs and thorns, limbs and leaves. I was numb from the inside out, lost in an upside down world where paranoia wasn't just in my head, it had become reality all over again.

  His voice echoed through the trees, surrounding me as I kept pressing forward. “I guess you haven't forgotten about me! You can run, but don't get excited, I'm coming for you! Hanna can't win tonight, not this time!”

  My legs stumbled over fallen branches, kicking sharp rocks and prickly pine needles.

  He's wrong. He's the one who's going to lose.

  My entire life had led up to this moment. Every nightmare, every look over my shoulder and wall I created; it all came down to this, to right then.

  Running never felt more welcomed.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Locke

  My voice cut out, dropping to nothing. A man was standing at the edge of my bed, holding a knife. His hand shook, swaying the sharp silver blade side to side. Except he wasn't shaking with fear, his hand moved with excitement.

  “Don't move, you understand me, little girl?”

  Glancing over his shoulder, my sister was still on her bed, nodding at me to agree. Shaking my head yes, he stepped back. “Good.” Reaching into the back of his pants, he pulled out a handful of wire ties. “Give me your hands.”

  The plastic clicked like death against my skin, sealing my arms together and binding my ankles. Slamming a heavy hand into the top of my shoulder, he pushed me down to the floor.

  “Stay right here, don't do a fucking thing, and this will all be over soon.”

  I could hear the soft whimpers of Vanessa as she cried into her chest. She wouldn't look up, she just kept sobbing.

  The man held a finger to his lips as he gently opened our door and disappeared into the house. I couldn't hear his feet, I couldn't hear which way he went, and it scared the hell out of me.

  “Vanessa,” I whispered, doing my best to keep my voice a mere flutter in the air.

  Her head lifted up, face red and streaked in fresh tears. Sniffling, the water flowed down over her cheeks in waves.

  “What do we do?” I asked, as my chest hurt and the air between us grew thick. “We need to do something.”

  Shaking her head no, her eyes grew wide with fear. “Do what he says, Locke. That's it, that's what we do.”

  I didn't like her answer, but I trusted her. It wasn't like I was jumping with ideas or had any other option laying itself at my feet.

  We were just kids. . . And deep down I knew, we wouldn't be the same kids any longer.

  He seemed to be gone forever, but I was sure it was probably only minutes. During something like that, time turns into a slow drip, peeling away in thin layers. Seconds seem like minutes, minutes seem like hours, and the fear doesn't change.

  It grows, it renders you helpless and paralyzed inside yourself.

  I saw his foot first as he crossed the threshold back into our room. “Your mom is scared, I didn't hurt her, but don't make me do something I don't want to.” Stalking forward, the blade appeared again, shining like a piece of jewelry he wore proudly.

  His tongue slithered across his lips as he made a loud slurping sound. “You,” he said, pointing the weapon at my sister. “You've been teasing me for days now, I can't take it anymore.”

  Days?

  What the hell does he mean days?

  His feet moved lightly over the carpet, eyes staying firmly on Vanessa. I wanted to ask him what he wanted, I wanted to tell him to take whatever the hell he could and just go.

  Only I didn't. I stayed silent, just watching this monster as he moved around our room like he knew it inside and out.

  “I have a diamond necklace in my jewelry box, you can take it, it's yours.” Vanessa's voice hiccuped as she spoke, trying to stay calm and relaxed.

  “Honey, I'm taking something tonight, but it's not your necklace.” Laughing softly, his tone morphed into a deep growl. “I'm taking what you've been flaunting every time I sat outside your window.”

  He's been watching us?

  When? For how long?

  The thought made me shiver, it made my skin crawl like ants were marching over my flesh in droves. We weren't always alone in our room, our safe haven wasn't safe.

  He had been watching us.

  And deep inside I knew I had felt him there. I hadn't seen anyone out there when I looked, I never caught a fleeting shape or black flash in the darkness. I kept telling myself it was just my imagination, that there was nothing outside.

  But I felt h
im.

  Looming over my sister, he slid his knife up and down her neck, forcing her to arch her head up. “You should tell your sister to close her eyes now, I don't think she'll want to see this.”

  Her skin split as he pressed the knife in place, blood trickling down her throat as a smile emerged on his face. “Tell her, Vanessa, tell her to close her eyes.” Slicing his knife down her cheek, she let out a weak cry as more blood coated her skin.

  Vanessa looked between the man and me, droplets of tears suspended on her lashes like fresh rain drops, waiting for her to move so they could break free. Our eyes connected, hers pleading with me to listen, knowing exactly what was about to happen.

  She was doing her best to be strong, to not show me the intense fear and panic that she was feeling on the inside. I was proud of her for trying to protect me from what she knew was about to happen.

  I wanted so desperately to say thank you, to tell her I was grateful for how strong she was being. I wanted to tell her to hide inside herself so she wouldn't have to be there in the moment.

  I wanted to tell her I loved her. I didn't.

  I did what she asked, I sealed my lids shut, her face still readily visible in the darkness of my mind.

  Not seeing did nothing to help. I heard her cries, I heard her soft whimpers and muffled screams.

  That man, that creature from hell, was raping my sister.

  And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

  I had never felt so powerless.

  Chapter Twenty

  Locke

  Crouching in a bush, I could see the sun hit the horizon and start to take shape. The charcoal black sky started to turn a misty orange, lifting the blindfold that had kept me still.

  Lifting my hands to my face, I could actually pick out each individual finger. Tall trees and leafy brush became more clear, the sky had a shape of its own, no longer blending in as one giant mass with the rest of my surroundings. The world finally had an up and down.

  I wasn't sure how much time had gone by or how long I had sat tucked away in the leaves; but I knew he was still out there, watching quietly, waiting patiently for me to make a move.

  Shifting on my knees, I pushed some of the branches away from my face and tried to look around. Listening cautiously for the sound of feet or the heavy thrust of deep breathing, I scanned the trees around me.

  Nothing; not a noise, not a shuffle from the chipmunks and squirrels as they jumped between branches and clung to the treetops. There were no crickets chirping or early morning birds singing their songs. The forest was still sleeping, dormant and slumbering like it had gone into hibernation.

  Backing out of the bush, I did my best to tiptoe over the fallen leaves and debris without disturbing the silence.

  A game trail emerged, opening up wide enough for me to follow. Walking heel to toe, I gingerly stepped down the path, keeping my eyes and ears open. The forest opened to a small clearing with a crystal clear pool sitting at its feet.

  The cold mud sunk in between my toes, covering my feet in brown sludge. Dropping to my knees, I looked over my shoulders and at the trees in front of me before leaning down and stealing a handful of water to drink.

  If I had been out there for any other reason, anything else at all, that place would have looked so beautiful in the most delicate way.

  The water was still, mirroring the surrounding foliage and giant red trees. A glimmer of the sun was being cast across the top, causing the surface to twinkle like it was full of fallen stars.

  Dipping my fingertips into the icy liquid, I brushed them back and forth, creating ripples and small waves over the glassy surface.

  How the hell do I find my way out?

  Which way do I go?

  I knew I didn't want to go backwards, I knew that going in the direction I had come from was probably the worst choice I could make. It would only lead me back to him; to the man that decided I was the root of his problems, that I was the reason he had lost his fucking mind and decided to kill.

  He wanted to blame me for everything, like I was the one who forced him to hurt and violate my sister in ways that were unspeakable. It was easier for him to force blame on me than to accept the reality of what he had done and the chain reaction he had caused.

  I wasn't going to bow to him, I would never give in and let an apology slip out of my mouth.

  I had done nothing wrong.

  Taking the stand wasn't easy, having to see him again, having to stare down the eyes of pure evil was nothing less than terrifying. But I did it.

  And I would do it again and again if I had to.

  Sipping water out of my palm, I stayed squatted by the edge, trying to watch and listen, trying to drink and keep my barrings.

  He could be anywhere. He could be watching me, stalking me like a wild animal. I felt like a deer, drawn to a vital source for survival, that could ultimately lead to my capture.

  Prey was at its weakest when it was vulnerable, I was vulnerable right then. Out in the open, at the mercy of a wall-less cage, and in reality, still trapped.

  Standing up quickly, my knotted hair whipped over my cheeks as I took one more look to see if I was alone. Everything was still quiet and peaceful, but it didn't last long. It didn't stay in a moment of rest.

  “Hanna?!” a voice called out, echoing through the tree tops. “Hanna!?”

  Slamming my feet into the dirt, I took off in the opposite direction of the yell, and back into the cover of the forest. I didn't plan on dying there, I didn't plan on giving up. I was going to run until I couldn't run anymore.

  There was nothing that was going to stop me from fighting for myself. My legs would have to give out beneath me and force me to fall before I would give up on myself.

  My breathing heaved in and out, chest aching for me to just slow down and take a rest. But I couldn't. Stopping meant giving him the chance to catch up, it would give him time to find me.

  If he wanted to kill me, I was going to make him work for it.

  Branches struck my face, breaking open my skin in thin slits and raw patches. My feet were filthy and covered in a mixture of dried blood and dirt. Finding another thick bush to hide in, I curled my knees into my chest and tried to slow down my heart.

  It was beating so hard it hurt, causing my lungs to wheeze and pop with every breath.

  Fuck! Dropping my head into my hands, I cupped my skull and rubbed my scalp. I hope Cole is okay. Please be alright.

  I hated not knowing if he was alive or not. When Dane had knocked him out, everything that came after happened so fast, and I blacked out.

  When I came to, I was in his car, trapped in a state of loss. I had lost everything all over again and it all felt the same.

  That feeling of helplessness, that rush of emotions and wild thoughts that crashed through my brain and held me hostage; it all came back.

  I had gone back in time, back to that young girl who had no way out, no escape; no chance to stop it.

  A stick cracked somewhere behind me, making me jump. I did my best to not make a sound, holding my breath so nothing trickled out.

  “You can't hide from me forever, Hanna, you never could.” His voice stabbed me in the chest and seeped into my veins, turning my blood thick as tar. “I've been keeping my eye on you for years. Even behind bars I knew where you were.” Another stick snapped, closer and louder.

  Holding my hands over my mouth, I tried to peer out between the leaves to see where he was. There was nothing, only his voice to keep me stagnant. My muscles were frozen, seized up and tense as I tucked my knees deeper into my chest and made myself as small as possible.

  “You did a great job changing your name, burying your numbers and addresses. But you forgot one important thing, one very important thing. . .” His voice trailed off as he tisked under his breath. “Your mother. You never changed her name, she stayed the same and I knew you weren't far behind her. One phone call to the hospital was all it took to get your number.”

 
It was him.

  He had been on the other end of those calls.

  My gut had been right, it had tried to tell me it was Dane, it tried to warn me that what I was thinking hadn't been just in my head.

  The ground rumbled beneath me as his steps grew heavier, closing in on the bush. “I'll give you some credit, it did take me a little longer than I expected to really find you. The girls in between were just to hold me over until I got to you.”

  Leaves and dirt kicked up like a dust ball, his voice threatening to expose where I was. My body was trembling the more he encroached on me, shaking the branches around me.

  “When I saw you the first time, you were getting on the bus, I wasn't sure at first, because you changed that hair of yours—black is not your color by the way.” The edge of his boot slipped by the leaves, stopping right beside me.

  I could hear his breathing as he took in long breaths, I could feel his pulse through the forest floor as it picked up, like he could sense I was close by.

  “I hope Cole doesn't get too pissed at me for what I have to do. You need to be punished, Hanna, you ruined my life. I didn't do anything to your sister she didn't want.”

  He knows Cole's name. . .

  He's been watching for a while.

  I knew he was trying to get a rise out of me, trying to make me react so he could catch me and destroy me. I wasn't going to let him get his way. Staying quiet, I let my breath trickle out with as much sound as the wings of a butterfly as they were propelled through the air.

  “You have to come out sometime, you know you do.” His feet stayed put, heels digging into the dirt. “I can't promise I'll make this quick, but if you come out now, I'll let my brother think it was.”

  His brother?

  Who's his brother? What the hell is he talking about?

  Clearing his throat, I watched his hip shift in place as he looked around. “Cole was such a fucking pussy, he couldn't even bring himself to talk to you back then. I tried to help him, I really did, he just wouldn't listen. I did my best to guide him, just like a good older brother should. I even took him to your house. We watched you and your sister for a bit, but I'm sure he already told you all about that.”