Mrs. Lieutenant: A Sharon Gold Novel

by Phyllis Zimbler Miller

  Kim stares at herself in the reflection from the new piece of glass, her cheeks blotched with red and her eyelids puffy above watery eyes. One curl strand sticks to her damp forehead. She remembers the children's rhyme from kindergarten – a favorite of her teacher Miss Jefferson:

  There once was a girl with a curl

  Right in the middle of her forehead.

  When she was good she was very very good,

  But when she was bad she was horrid.

  If Kim had been good would this have happened to her?

  WENDY – VI – July 6

  Senate adopts, 58-37, the Cooper-Church amendment to limit U.S. troop involvement in Cambodia, the first such limitation on a President's powers as commander-in-chief during a war situation ... June 30, 1970

  “Your dress will be determined by the time of day.” Mrs. Lieutenant booklet

  After hours of driving Wendy and Kim arrive at Kim's sister's apartment. Diane clasps Kim, holding her close, then turns to Wendy. "Come on in," Diane says.

  Wendy searches Diane's face for any surprise about seeing a black person with Kim. There is none. Kim must have warned her.

  "I'll call my parents and they can come get me tonight rather than tomorrow," Wendy offers. "That's if my staying for the funeral is a problem."

  "I want you to stay," Kim says. Diane smiles her agreement.

  They carry Kim and Jim's possessions into the apartment. Kim places the gift from Sharon on the coffee table.

  They sit around the kitchen table, drinking iced tea.It's obvious to Wendy that Diane and Kim, with their similar coloring and facial features, are sisters.

  "How did it happen? You didn't say on the phone," Diane says.

  "A training accident," Kim says, staring down at Squeaky in his cage on the floor.

  Wendy glances briefly at Kim’s face. Yes, it’s better this way. There’s no need to tell the truth when the truth will cause more anguish.

  After dinner Wendy calls Nelson collect to tell him they arrived. Then she drives with Kim and Diane to the funeral home.

  Cars fill the small lot to the side of a large white frame building. It looks like an antebellum manor house surrounded by magnolia trees whose branches beckon them forward.

  A carpeted hall leads past the viewing rooms. Diane stops outside a door halfway down the hall. Then the three women walk through the open door.

  Inside Wendy looks at the circle of white faces. Are they whispering about her or about Jim's death?

  Jim's coffin lid is closed. "It's probably not open because he doesn't look so good," Diane whispers to Wendy as everyone hugs on Kim.

  "This is my friend from the army, Wendy Johnson," Kim tells a middle-age woman in a black dress and a middle-age man in a black suit standing next to her. "Wendy, these are Jim's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Benton." Neither Benton offers a hand.

  Wendy and Diane stand at Kim's side for the better part of an hour, listening to the Bentons' friends murmur at Kim. When Kim turns to Diane and says, "Please, let's go home," they leave.

  Kim gets ready for bed while Wendy and Diane sit together in the living room. Diane looks at her watch and says, "We'd better go to bed too. We have to get up early. I’ll get the sheets for the couch."

  Wendy stretches a white sheet across the couch as Diane heads towards the bedroom to share the double bed with Kim.

  At the bedroom door Diane turns around. "Thanks for helping Kim. I know she appreciates it."

  **

  In the morning they eat breakfast before driving to the church. "It's not too hot yet," Wendy says.

  "In another hour it'll be hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk," Diane says.

  Kim slides her eggs around her plate. She looks up. "I wish Sharon and Donna were here too. I'm sorry I told them not to come." There's a catch in her voice.

  "Their thoughts will be with you today," Wendy says, visualizing the four of them standing together. Just what this small Southern town needs. A black, a Jew and a Puerto Rican alongside one of their own.

  "It's time to go," Diane says.

  Outside the church more people hug on Kim. Wendy stays a few steps behind, letting Diane guide Kim through the throng of people.

  A car engine sliding to a stop on the gravel road causes Wendy to turn around. Surely the yellow Fiat is a mirage brought on by the heat and dust.

  Sharon and Donna climb out of the car.

  Wendy touches Kim on the sleeve, and Kim turns in the direction Wendy indicates. Kim pulls away from Diane and runs back towards the churchyard gate. Screams and sobs trail her.

  Sharon and Donna wrap their arms around Kim who buries her head in their embrace.

  "How come you’re here?" Wendy says as she joins them.

  "We had to come," Sharon says.

  "Kim, we have to go in," Diane says, tugging on her sister's arm.

  As Wendy walks back up the path behind the others, she glances at Jim's parents waiting outside the church door. Wendy would swear Jim's parents are surprised that Kim has such good friends, friends who would drive all the way here to be with her today. Even if they are a black, a Jew and a Puerto Rican.

  Inside the church Kim sits in the front pew with the Bentons and Diane while Wendy, Sharon and Donna sit in the pew right behind Kim. Even inside the humidity causes perspiration pools around Wendy's neck. Sharon and Donna sit on either side of her. Is this the first time Sharon has been in a church?

  At least the stares at their row can't only be for her; some of the curiosity must be for Sharon and Donna too.

  Into the humid air the preacher talks of the sacrifice of young men during wartime. "Jim Benton is one more fine American who gave up his life in the service of his country."

  Wendy imagines Nelson lying in Jim's coffin, then shuts her eyes to banish the mental picture.

  "I knew this young man well," the preacher continues. "He came to church regularly. And when he married, his wife Kim also became active in our church. We will all miss him."

  At the end of the service Sharon leans over the front seat. "Kim, may I ask the minister permission to speak at the cemetery?"

  "If you want," Kim says. Her sister leads her out into the sunlight.

  "He's called a preacher, not a minister," Wendy whispers to Sharon.

  Sharon steps over to speak to him.

  At the cemetery Diane and Wendy stand on either side of Kim, their arms linked through hers. Sharon and Donna stand behind them. The sun explodes needles of heat as the preacher recites the 23rd Psalm:

  Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

  I will fear no evil…

  As the preacher recites these words, Wendy visualizes a Vietnamese jungle valley between two low mountains, the tranquility of green grass below blue sky. Then the scene cracks apart with rifle fire and mortars and men screaming.

  With her free arm Wendy wipes her eyes with a handkerchief. Donna has the comfort that her first husband died a hero for his country. Kim doesn't have that comfort. Jim died because of his own weaknesses – jealousy and prejudice.

  The preacher motions Sharon forward.

  Sharon nods at the preacher. "Thank you for allowing me to speak."

  She next nods at the mourners. "I drove from Ft. Knox to be here today," she says, then pauses.

  "I don't know how many of you men have ever served in the armed forces – or you women have been married to a man who is serving. If you haven't personally experienced military life, it's hard to imagine the pressures and expectations."

  Sharon's gaze circles her audience. "Jim was an officer, with all the additional obligations that brings. He voluntarily made a commitment to fight for his country. And, if necessary, he was willing to give his life to do that. This makes him a hero."

  Wendy looks at Donna to see her reaction to Sharon’s words. Listening to Sharon, Wendy can almost believe Jim is a hero.

  "There are also obligations that come with being an officer's wife. In fact, the army is fon
d of saying that it just doesn't get one person with a married officer, it gets two people – the officer and his wife.

  "Kim Benton is an officer's wife. She supported her husband 100 percent. She accepted her husband's commitment and fulfilled her obligations in her new role."

  Sharon hesitates. "There is such a thing as quiet heroism. The kind that doesn't bring attention to itself. The kind that just does a good job. That's Kim Benton – a true hero."

  The others look at Kim now as Sharon steps back. Wendy's eyes sweep Jim's parents' faces. What do they think of Kim being called a hero?

  Is Kim a hero? If so, are they all heroes – Sharon, Donna, and Wendy herself – for supporting their husbands' commitment to serve their country, no matter what they as wives feel about the army or the war?

  The preacher motions to Kim. She leans forward and throws a handful of dirt onto Jim's coffin. "I'm sorry, Jim. So sorry," she whispers.

  Afterwards they drive to Jim's parents' house, a frame structure pinched in the middle of a quiet block. The humidity hangs in the air as they walk towards the front door.

  Inside the room air conditioner can't cool the cramped living room. Jim's mother offers around iced tea as visitors perch on chairs fanning themselves.

  Wendy stands next to Donna. "Why did you bring the Fiat instead of your bigger car? Then I could have gone back with you two."

  "We didn't want your parents to be disappointed at not spending time with you.”

  Wendy nods as Sharon comes over to them.

  "Sharon, did you really mean what you said about Kim being a hero?" Wendy asks. "Or did you only say it to make Kim feel better?"

  Sharon looks around the room. Then she says, "It is a kind of heroism for the wives of officers – and enlisted men – to just get through each day without dwelling on what can happen. If we thought about everything that could happen, we'd never leave our houses or do anything except take care of our basic needs."

  Diane comes up to Wendy. "There are two ... people just sitting outside in a car – a man and a woman. Must be your parents."

  Wendy looks out the window, then goes over to Kim. Together they walk outside, followed by Sharon and Donna. Wendy carries her suitcase she’s brought from Diane’s apartment. As she comes down the sidewalk, her parents get out of the car.

  Her parents smile at all of them and don't seem surprised to see Sharon and Donna. Wendy's mama takes Kim's hands. "I'm so sorry, my dear."

  Her papa says, "May God watch over you."

  Wendy hugs Kim, tears flowing down both their faces. "Take care," Wendy says.

  "Thank you for everything," Kim says.

  Wendy waves good-bye as Kim stands between the other two women. Sharon and Donna will drive back in time to pick up Wendy at the Louisville airport tomorrow.

  In the car, as soon as the women fade from sight, Wendy's mother says, "Have you heard anything about Nelson having to go to ... to Vietnam?"

  "No, Mama," she says, "we haven't heard anything." Which is true as far as it goes.

  She can't bring herself to tell them that Nelson is going Regular Army. She's promised Sharon that she'll return and she doesn't want anything to weaken her resolve now.

  At home that evening after dinner Wendy's mama cleans up the kitchen. Wendy finds her father in his study. "Papa, do you have any pictures of Arthur Henry?"

  Her papa unlocks the desk drawer that she has never before seen open. He lifts up a black cardboard-cover album and places it on his desk. Then he opens the cover.

  A baby lies in the arms of her younger mama, smiling out at the camera. Her younger papa has his arms around both mother and baby. Wendy searches the baby's face for any similarities to hers.

  He was my brother

  Tears can't bring him back to me

  He was my brother

  SHARON – XVI – July 9

  Defense Department announces need for 10,000 men in August, lowest since December 1969 ... July 1, 1970

  “In the afternoon, or before retreat, a suit or dress with hat and gloves will be considered appropriate.” Mrs. Lieutenant booklet

  Back from the funeral, Sharon remains without wheels again if she doesn't drive Robert to the post.

  “Mrs. Lieutenant” might be a silly book with silly rules. Yet these are rules she'll have to live by if she doesn't want to embarrass herself or her husband at their first permanent duty station.

  Following the advice of the booklet, she keeps the car today and drives to a print shop to order calling cards. Robert's cards read "Lieutenant Robert Gold." Her cards read "Mrs. Robert Gold."

  Robert's are 3 1/4 x 1 1/4 inches in shaded Roman engraving and hers are in the larger 3 1/4 x 2 1/4 in the recommended matching black engraving on white parchment. Why are the women's cards larger? Sharon has no idea. Perhaps because men leave more cards than women when making an official call.

  Sharon visualizes handing her card and her husband's to the head of MSU's SDS chapter. "These go with your monogrammed shirt," she tells him.

  She isn't selling out. She now realizes that appearing correct – "strac" as Robert calls it in army jargon – can help them get through this time. "It's the image they care about. Look the part and they'll leave us alone," Robert says.

  Later the same day she goes to the post transportation office and arranges for their belongings – "household goods" – to be sent to Ft. Holabird. They'll take the most important possessions with them on the drive north; the things Howard brought will be sent.

  On the way back from the transportation office she turns off the main road and drives through the troop area to the ice cream parlor. She sings a song popular when she was in 9th grade, when Vietnam was a Southeast Asian country she'd never heard of:

  Soldier Boy, oh my little Soldier Boy,

  I'll be true to you.

  Here in the troop area she sees no soldier boys – no enlisted men. They are all on duty, training for war.

  She pulls into the parking lot of the ice cream parlor, the place that Jim wouldn't allow her and Kim to go. Inside it's empty except for two women with their kids. Sharon orders a banana split with one scoop each of chocolate, vanilla and strawberry ice cream topped with hot fudge sauce and whipped cream. The works.

  She raises the spoon before taking the first bite. "Kim, this is for what we didn't get to do together."

  Then to complete the day she drives to the Officers Country Club to swim. She eats a hamburger and fries at the snack bar, then walks towards the door leading to the pool. The man in suntans placing his order at the counter turns around.

  It's Mark Williamson!

  He’s wearing his warrant officer insignia on his uniform. What does this mean in connection with his decision? Her eyes ask the question.

  "I accepted the commission,” he says. “I'm going back to Nam."

  He's volunteering to risk his life again! Does being an officer mean that much to him?

  "Where's your sidekick?" he asks when she doesn't reply. "I've never seen you apart."

  "Kim. She's ..."

  She can’t tell Mark without breaking into tears.

  Mark says, “I ... I want to ask you a question.” He hesitates. “Would you have married me if I’d asked you?”

  This shocks Sharon. “We had just graduated from high school when we broke up,” she says.

  “When you broke up with me,” he says.

  “I was going away to college; you were staying home and going to community college.”

  He stares into her eyes. “If I’d asked you then to marry me after college, would you have said yes?”

  A fly lands on Sharon’s arm. She swats it away.

  What should she say that won’t make him feel badly? She can’t say she didn’t love him enough to marry him. She could say she wouldn’t marry a non-Jew. Or that from her perspective he wasn’t going places – Vietnam excluded, of course.

  “I don’t really know what that person I was at age 18 would have said then. Why do you ask
?”

  Mark shifts from foot to foot. “I wanted to ask you that day at the quarry. My mother had pressured me not to.”

  “Because I’m Jewish.”

  He nods.

  “Your mother gave you good advice,” Sharon says.

  “If you had said yes, you’d be here with me now instead of with your husband.”

  She smiles. “Does this mean I was destined to come to Ft. Knox?”

  Mark smiles too, the tense moment past.

  She holds out her hand to him. “I wish you the best of luck as an officer.”

  They shake hands.

  **

  The next day Sharon dons a two-piece linen suit for the graduation luncheon. It’s show time.

  Thirty minutes later Sharon enters the Officers Club carrying a bag with the props for the skit. She stashes her bag behind the divider the entertainment committee requested for scene changes before she mingles with the other wives sipping vile sherry.

  "Why is sherry the protocol pre-luncheon drink?" Sharon says to Donna.

  "I hear the refreshment committee wanted something else,” Donna says. “They were told, 'The general's wife likes sherry.' End discussion."

  The women take their assigned seats for chicken slathered with sauce. On the luncheon tables miniature American flags stick up from oatmeal cylinders decorated with colored paper to represent regimental drums. One senior woman across from Sharon says, "The decorations committee has outdone itself this time."

  Now, during the dessert course of ice cream also decorated with miniature American flags, Sharon, Donna, and Wendy exchange their dresses for their husbands' starched and pressed fatigues. They roll the shirts' long sleeves up and push the blouson pant legs into their husbands' second pair of combat boots, their faces reflecting in the boots' black shine.

  A senior officer's wife in a pale blue dress and matching blue hat walks up to the microphone. "And now I would like to introduce Mrs. Robert Gold to start the entertainment."