Billi Jean

by Running Scared

  “Get out.”

  “Been there, done that, huh, baby? No problem. We could try something new.”

  “You bastard. Do you seriously think for one minute I want a man who can’t wait one day for me? Can’t even make it home to me before he gets his dick off? You go take that post-ops problem back to the bar, asshole. And get out!” She was screaming by the end, but that gun never wavered, not once. “I will shoot you, Russell. Don’t push me. Get out.”

  “Come on, now, we can do this. I’ve got the right tool, baby, I know you like it—”

  “Fuck you!”

  “That’s what I’m trying to do, baby.”

  She jerked at that. The pistol lifted a fraction from his chest, but she steadied it, inched back towards the bedside table and picked up the phone without taking her eyes off him. “I’m calling the police, Russell. Out.”

  Now, that was rough. There was no way she was serious. Whatever had her so mad was really not important, but getting that gun out of her hands and his mouth on her was. Before he could take more than a step, she had him staggering back again.

  “Hello, I have an intruder. Yes, I know him. Russell Ryland. He’s drunk, obscene, and won’t leave. All right. Thank you.”

  Suddenly his head was a lot clearer. What the hell? He shot her a look he hoped made it clear how pissed off that little stunt had made him, then left the room. He nearly killed himself on a piece of furniture, and that made him cuss even more. A light went on and the room was suddenly too bright.

  Her table was set beautifully. Candles had burned down into red puddles of wax. A cold, still delicious-looking roast was in the centre of the table on a platter next to a bowl of fresh, but wilted green beans. A salad stood off to one side, and a basket of some homemade rolls Susan knew he liked were in a basket by a plate. Wine stood near one end. She’d laid down a silk tablecloth, too, and a small vase with a single rose—limp and lifeless, now—was next to one setting.

  This was not what a woman that screwed around did, was it?

  “Get out, and don’t ever break into my house again, Russell.”

  He didn’t turn, but he didn’t need to. What was the point? He shouldn’t have come here. Fists clenched, he shook his head, trying to make sense of the woman.

  “Fuck, Susan, why do this? How long? How many? Just tell me that.”

  Sirens filled the emptiness and he cussed again. He jerked open her front door and came face to face with Eagle and, behind him, Mac.

  “Get out.” Susan didn’t shout, but he heard her whisper, and something more painful than a shot hit his gut.

  Whoever was at the door needed to die.

  Lacey was considering it, actually looking around her half-packed home for a weapon. Nothing jumped out as something she could use, though, so she satisfied her anger by nearly ripping the door off its hinges.

  Katya tumbled in.

  “What the fu—oh, Susan, Geez, woman.” Katya broke off and some of Lacey’s hurt and anger lessened. Katya looked like she’d been crying. Her green eyes were red and swollen. Over her shoulder, she was carrying a green, military-style duffel bag nearly as big as Katya was.

  “Katya? What happened?”

  For the first time since she’d met Katya, the other woman looked hesitant, even uncertain. “Can I come in?”

  Lacey held in a sigh. She really didn’t want to deal with this right now. The hurt was still too raw. She didn’t want to discuss any of it. She didn’t want to face anyone. And with Katya here, she knew she’d have to not only face it, but talk about it. And there was really nothing to talk about.

  Russell’s betrayal was painful. Merely thinking of having to talk about it made her nose burn and her eyes start to sting. She would not cry. Not again. Not over a man that had tricked her so horribly, used her, and then moved on. And come here for one more fuck for old times’ sake.

  “Ah, yeah, come on in.” She opened the door more and shut it after her friend. Her friend, who was now wide-eyed and shocked at the state of the house.

  “You’re leaving? You can’t! You can’t. Damn it to hell, Susan, you can’t do that!” Katya threw her bag down and paced the room. She glared at the boxes, then over at Lacey as if she’d done something horrible.

  A little stunned at the outburst, Lacey stood there for a full minute. Katya was tense, obviously upset and visibly shaking. What had happened? Had Eagle done something?

  “I… Listen, Katya, why don’t you come and sit down? Tell me what’s wrong? Why the duffel bag?”

  Katya didn’t move, but she tensed up. “Are you leaving?”

  “Yeah, I thought I should. Move to Spokane, you know? Work is there—”

  “Bullshit! You’re running. Again.”

  Lacey struggled for control and won it after several moments. This woman had been a friend to her. Helped her through Russell being gone all those weeks, and she deserved more than she was getting. Lacey hated women who revolved their lives around men and ignored their friends. She’d been too often on that side of things to do it to someone else. But how could she stay here with Russell here? The town was too small, and every single time she closed her eyes, she saw him again, with that blonde on his lap.

  “I can’t stay. I can’t,” she whispered, but held up a hand when Katya would have spoken. Fighting the tears was useless. It hurt. She hurt. And there was nothing she could do about it. Nothing. She feared she would always see that blonde sitting on Russell’s lap. Always see his hand on the woman’s stomach while the blonde hung all over him. The fear of that was making her sick. More than the attack, more than her father’s death, Russell’s betrayal hurt like nothing she had ever known.

  “Susan, please, I—you need to—”

  “No, please, you have to understand. It wasn’t an affair for me. Some downtime for me, it was… I was stupid, I see that now. I thought…” She broke off at the ragged sound of her own voice. “If I had known, Katya, if he hadn’t led me to believe it was more, maybe I could have done it. Kept my heart out of it, you know? But he did make me feel like it was more. Even when I was confused, I think I trusted him, I believed in him. How could I have known? And now…” She waved at the house—the couch she’d loved Russell on, the kitchen where they’d sat and eaten, made love and talked, the bedroom, the garage, all of it. It was too full of him for her to stay. So, yeah, she was running. There was no other way. She wasn’t strong enough. “I don’t know how to forget him when he’s everywhere. I don’t. He made his choice with the blonde; he got laid. End of story. I was a fuck, nothing more.” Tears fell, even though she tried to stop them. It hurt too much. Raw and torn, her heart felt gutted. Torn out and stomped on.

  Katya cursed again, hugged her. “Sweet, you don’t have to forget him. He’s an ass. Eagle had to drag his ass out of the bar for fighting. He was so drunk, he was fighting with everyone. He’s been drunk for days.”

  It took a long time before she dared speak. Katya was a friend and wanted her happy, she knew that, but she couldn’t erase what she’d seen.

  “Katya, I saw him. I saw him with her on his lap. He’s a man. What else explains him not coming here? What else, but that he found a new flavour for his post-ops hard-on?” She practically wailed the last, and hated herself for saying it.

  “Let it out. Get mad, and then let’s go kick his ass. All right?”

  She pushed Katya away for that.

  “No, I don’t beg. And he was with that woman. She was all over him. And you weren’t there. Do you think I don’t know what a quick fuck is? What happens with men after weeks away? In restrooms, or in trucks, for that matter?”

  She was not going to forget this. Not going to forgive him. He’d let that blonde all over him. He’d been rubbing her arm. Up and down, his hand had gone. Up and down. He’d lied to her, Mr High-and-Mighty. SEALs didn’t lie, her ass. If her dad had taught her one thing, it was to give a person the rope. If they used it to hang themselves, then deal with the results. She would deal with t
he results, not her pathetic little dreams. There was no such thing as happily ever after. No knights in shining armour. The agents had taught her that much.

  Katya reached up, tugged her red hair off her face and blew out an explosion of air. “Susan! God, all right. Listen to me. Please, Susan?” Katya frowned and then ducked her head. “God, Eagle is so busted for this. I left him, ya know? I left him because of what he did, Susan. And I’m not going back to him until this is fixed between you and Russell.”

  Lacey couldn’t quite process that quickly enough. Katya had left Eagle? “What are you talking about? Why did—”

  “We saw you in Spokane with two guys. Eagle told Ace. Ace believed him when he said you went into the hotel with them. He thought you’d been with both men.”

  What. The. Fuck?

  She couldn’t process Katya’s words for a few vital seconds. Her stomach heaved and she fought it. She would not throw up. She’d not eaten, and thank God, because this was not right. “What did you say?”

  “Ace thought you cheated on him.”

  “Ace thought I cheated on him.”

  Katya gave her a half-fearful look, but nodded. “Eagle told him about the guys. But I tried to tell Ace that it wasn’t that…”

  Suddenly, the rage began to melt the ice in her body. How dare he? What kind of a woman did that bastard think she was?

  She cut Katya off with a snarl. “Wasn’t that I wasn’t fucking two guys when he was coming home? Home, like in two days? Is that what you tried to tell that stupid-ass Navy fuckin’ SEAL bastard? That I didn’t jump in bed with someone else? Like him? Like he did?”

  “Holy shit, Susan, calm down.”

  Calm down? Russell had not only fucked some bimbo, taken her, covered her with all that male, hard body, but he thought she had let another man—no, not man, two men—touch her.

  She was going to lose it. She was. The laughter built up, filling the empty spaces he’d ripped out, and she was going to lose it. She gripped her stomach and laughed. Laughed until it hurt. Hurt more than the pain of his words, his betrayal.

  Katya reached out and touched her arm. “Holy shit, Susan, uh… What’s so funny?”

  “Oh, my fucking God. I’m going to kill him. That stupid, no good, stupid bastard. You’re telling me not only did he fuck someone else, but he thought I let two men—not one, but two men fuck me? Two days, Katya, two days from when he was coming home?”

  She didn’t wait for an answer. She was pissed off, and there was going to be some damage done. She was through hurting. Through with running scared. There would be no more running. She was going to let him have it. But not yet. No. She’d show him. He wanted to fuck that blonde? Replace her with another? Good luck, Major Ryland, Mr Navy SEAL, because she was pretty fucking nifty and he didn’t deserve her anyway.

  “What are you thinking, Susan? And what’s with the laugh?”

  “Oh, baby. Major Ryland is going to be one sorry bastard.”

  Katya’s green eyes widened. “Does that mean you’re going to forgive him? Because I’d really like to go home.”

  Hell, no. “No—no, I’m not forgiving him. He slept with that blonde.” Katya tried to say something, and Lacey cut her off with an upraised palm. “Don’t start with me. He did. So he can go fuck her again. He’s not touching me.”

  Katya slouched down against the side of the couch and folded her arms over her chest. “Great. Just great.”

  Lacey felt a little bad. “Sorry, Katya, I don’t think I can forgive a man for sleeping around.”

  Her friend nodded. “Yeah, I wouldn’t forgive Eagle either. If he slept with someone, then fuck him. Or not, I mean. I didn’t want this to end if he was thinking—”

  What little control she’d managed to gain over herself evaporated. He’d taken another woman with his body. Filled and found pleasure with someone else. Why? Because he was so insecure he’d believe anything. He didn’t know her. How could he love her? If he’d known one thing about her, it had been that she meant what she said. She’d missed him. She’d said she’d wait for him. And that meant loyalty. Six fucking weeks, she’d missed his sorry ass, and this was what he’d done? Believed that she’d slept with two men right before he’d come home? The same night she’d had phone sex with him, for God’s sake.

  “He shouldn’t have even been thinking that! He shouldn’t have even considered it. He should have come here and asked me about the guys, not done this.” And he shouldn’t have fucked that blonde, either. Jealousy was eating her, tearing her up, and with it, anger that he would think so little of her. So much so that she didn’t even hear her door open, didn’t even see Katya’s eyes widen or feel Russell behind her until his hand landed on her shoulder.

  “So tell me about the guys.”

  His deep voice made her want to retch. She actually felt bile rise, jerked away from him and turned, ready for battle. He was here. In her home. With Eagle behind him.

  “Bring re-enforcements, Major? Or did Eagle have to drag you here?” He looked like he’d been dragged here. He looked like shit. Unshaven, tousled, red-eyed and pissed off. Very, very pissed off.

  Well, good. They both were.

  “I don’t need re-enforcements to deal with you, Sunshine.”

  She snorted. Tossed her head and turned her back on him. “You can leave. All of you. I’m busy and don’t have time—” She broke off when he grabbed her again, twisting her around so quickly she stumbled.

  Rage exploded behind her eyes. “Don’t fucking touch me. Don’t you ever touch me again. Go fuck your little blonde, Russell. Just leave. I have zero tolerance for cheating bastard liars.”

  He stared at her. He didn’t speak, but she knew he was beyond speaking, he was so angry.

  “Hey now, there’s no—” Eagle started, but Russell interrupted.

  “Eagle, shut the fuck up,” Russell said quietly. Too quietly.

  She jerked her arm but he held on tight, not hurting but not letting go either.

  “Who were the guys?”

  She didn’t answer. Why should she?

  “Russell, listen—”

  “Katya, this is personal. You and Eagle have done enough.”

  “Don’t you dare lay the blame on them, Major Ryland, not when you’re the dumbass who didn’t seem to trust me. Me. Like I would hop from hot phone sex to another man’s—oh, sorry, correction, two men’s bed. And how the hell would that work? Would I pick up two guys while I’m out shopping? Kind of a deal, buy-one-get-one-free kinda thing?”

  “Ah, fuck.” Eagle backed up a step, and she included him in her glare.

  “That’s right, Eagle. Ah, fuck. As in, your buddy is a minute away from talking soprano. And then what would your new little toy do for fun, huh, Major?”

  If Russell could have got scarier she didn’t know how, because suddenly she felt like she’d gone a bit too far. But the pain, the hurt was so big, so real and he was here, like he’d been before. But he wasn’t hers now. Big, warm Russell, with his dark hair and tough face and those bright grey eyes, wasn’t hers. He’d made love to another woman while she’d been here, waiting on him, hurting and worried.

  “Sunshine, don’t ever threaten me again, because I’ll paddle your ass so hard you won’t sit for a month.”

  His arrogance did it. It was his enormous arrogance that did it. She jerked her hand and he loosened his grip enough for her to pull free and smack his face with such force it hurt her hand. The crack sounded throughout the house like a shot. Then silence. He didn’t move. The slap hadn’t even made him blink, and he could have stopped it. She saw that. She knew it.

  “That’s for thinking I’m a whore. And I’ll hit you again if you don’t leave, because I have never been a whore, Russell. And I’ve never lied to you. Not about us. Not about this. And you should have known it, asshole. You should have known. This isn’t about me. It’s about you. You don’t trust me. And you know what? That sucks. Because I thought you knew me. Knew me like no one ever had,
Russell.” Her voice dipped down to a whisper at the end and she couldn’t stop the way her voice wavered, how her lips trembled and her eyes smarted.

  She would not cry. She would not let him see her cry.

  He met her eyes with such intensity a shiver raced down her spine. Reaching up, he touched his face, lingering over his lip where a drop of blood had sprung up.

  Her stomach lurched again. She’d never hit anyone in her life. Never.

  “I didn’t sleep with the blonde,” he gritted past a clenched jaw, then turned and walked out through her wide open door, his big shoulders back, his body filled with tension.

  He was leaving. She knew it. She’d never see him again, she knew that, too.

  He’d not slept with the blonde.

  Was that the truth? He’d never lied to her before. Not until he’d called that night and told her he was too tired to come by…then gone to a bar to pick up another woman.

  The door shut quietly. The lock clicked into place, resounding through the house louder than the slap. And it hurt more. The ice around her heart was completely gone, so was Russell, and that hurt. Hurt all over again. Tears fell without her blinking, running down her face unheeded, and she didn’t even bother to wipe them off.

  Eagle and Katya were gone, too. They must have left with the first shouting. Her house was empty, and she was leaving town in tears. Again. Turning, she barely registered the door opening again before she heard Russell cursing and his big arms around her, holding her to his big, Russell-scented body.

  “I’m sorry. So fucking sorry. I didn’t let that woman touch me. Not for more than it took me to get her off my lap. Damn it, Susan, don’t do this to us. Don’t end this because I was an insecure idiot. A stupid fool.”

  “A stupid fool bastard,” she managed around her tears. She was sobbing now, so hurt she wanted to be held, to feel him. To believe him. She was so weak.

  “Yeah, a bastard, baby. A stupid, fool bastard.” With a heavy sigh, she felt him rest his cheek to her hair.