Plain Outsider

by Alison Stone

  “I don’t mean to cause any trouble for you. Please, if you ever need anything from outside the Amish community, consider me a friend.”

  Mary bowed her head briefly, then looked back up. “I’d like that.” Her cheeks reddened as if her desire didn’t match what the strict rules allowed. In her heart, Becky cheered the small victories. Their friendship could never be what it was, but maybe they could stop and chat at the market when their paths crossed. Becky would learn the names of her children. Maybe help the next generation know it’s okay to reach out if they need help from an Englischer.

  “Is Paul in the barn?” Becky asked, feeling like the silence had stretched into awkward territory.

  “Yah.” A line marred the flawless skin of her forehead.

  “I’m just going to say hello.” Becky gave her old friend a quick nod, then strode toward the barn before she tried to stop her. Becky found Paul brushing a horse. He paused, looked at her with an even expression, then went back to his task.

  Becky glanced around the barn. Gone was the cage holding the dogs. The space was tidy. The horses seemed well cared for. “How are you, Paul?”

  “Fine.” His eyes shifted skeptically. “Spying on me to see if I’ve broken your rules?”

  Becky didn’t answer, knowing he wouldn’t take kindly to her patronizing him. “At lot has gone on in the community these past few weeks. Law enforcement and the Amish stay separate, but with the beating of Elijah Lapp and the intertwining of our families, that hasn’t been possible.” She took off her hat and touched her braids that were neatly pinned on top of her head. “I hope despite our past, there are no hard feelings. If there is anything I can ever do for your family, please let me know.” Part of her hope for being a deputy and staying in Quail Hollow was to bridge the gap between the two worlds. A difficult task, for sure, but a necessary one.

  “Yah.” Paul’s mouth twitched as if he wanted to say more, but he turned and went back to brushing the horse in silence. She’d have to take what she could get.

  “Have a good afternoon.” She spun on the heel of her boot and decided it was time to face her family because that was the fence she truly wanted to mend.

  Becky cut through the path connecting the neighboring properties. When she was about thirty feet from her parents’ house, a cute little white fur ball ran across the yard to greet her. Becky bent down and patted his head. “Well, hello there. Who are you?”

  She straightened and glanced around. Mag came running out of the barn and stopped short when she saw her big sister playing with the dog. “Yours?” Becky asked.

  “Yah! Can you believe Dat let me get him?” She glanced around and lowered her voice. “Sometimes I even sneak him into my room.” Her parents had always believed animals belonged outside or in the barn.

  “Does that mean you don’t want Chewie?”

  Mag’s eyes widened. “I thought you loved him.”

  “I do.” Becky couldn’t contain her smile.

  Mag’s expression relaxed. “Well, gut, because now we both have dogs we love.”

  Becky was pleased that the dog situation had been easily resolved.

  “Are Mem and Dat around?”

  “In the house.” Mag’s gaze drifted to their well-maintained, nondescript home. A row of pale blue and gray dresses flapped in the wind on the clothesline. A sense of loss pinged her heart.

  Will I ever get past the feelings of loss?

  “And Abram?” Becky asked, forcing a cheeriness into her tone.

  “He went to a cattle auction. Should be home later tonight.” After hesitating a moment Mag said, “Come on in.”

  Words never sounded so sweet, but Becky wasn’t naive enough to believe her parents, especially her dat, would feel the same way.

  Mag led the way, the folds of her gown flapping against her legs. They found their parents in the kitchen. Mem at the stove. Dat at the table working on the reel of his fishing rod.

  The sight, the familiar sounds, the fragrant smells, were like a punch to Becky’s gut. She hadn’t realized how much she missed family until she was back in the heart of her home.

  Former home.

  They both looked up at their daughters at the same time. Curiosity lit her mother’s expression. Stoicism defined his.

  “Hello,” Becky said, feeling very much like the eighteen-year-old Amish girl who had left in the middle of the night. “Um...I got my job back.”

  Her father ran his hand down his unkempt beard. “I can see that,” he said, indicating her crisp uniform. Even though they didn’t discuss it, she suspected they experienced their share of shame over the news stories suggesting Becky had beat an Amish boy and for that, she was sorry. But she was even more sorry that their estrangement meant she hadn’t had her family to rely on during the lowest point in her career.

  They’d never understand their daughter’s career. Harrison’s handsome smile came to mind. He might have been the one to stand by her side moving forward, if only his plans included staying in town. Since they didn’t, she couldn’t risk her heart. She had already experienced too much loss in her life.

  Becky quickly shoved thoughts of Harrison aside. “I was cleared of all charges in the Elijah Lapp incident.” She needed her parents to hear it from her. To know that even though their daughter left the Amish faith, she hadn’t abandoned the morals that they had instilled in her.

  “Yah, I heard. I never believed you were capable of that,” her mother said. She’d probably never realize how much those words meant to her oldest daughter.

  “Is that what you came here to say?” her father said, wiping off the fishing pole with a rag.

  “I want you all to know I’m here if you need anything.” Her words were mostly for the benefit of her little sister. She never wanted Mag to feel as alone as Becky had when she was struggling with the decision to leave the Amish.

  Her father mumbled something she couldn’t make out while her mother returned to stirring whatever was on the stove, leaving it up to her husband to address this weighty matter. It was this need to defer to the male that had always stuck in Becky’s craw.

  Speak up, Mem, tell me how you feel!

  Just because she felt a certain way didn’t mean it was the right way. The only way. Generations of Amish women had lived happily on the farm as if no time had passed. However, Becky knew it wasn’t the way she wanted to live.

  “Well...” Becky fidgeted with the hat in her hands. “I better get back on patrol.”

  “Denki for stopping by,” her mother said as if grasping for something to say.

  “You’re welcome. I look forward to seeing you around town.” Becky would respect her parents’ wishes that they remain separate and she wouldn’t continue to stop by, especially since it seemed to make them uncomfortable.

  “Our worry has always been for your sister,” her father said, his voice low and even. He never looked up from the work he was doing. “We never wanted you to be a negative influence.”

  “I understand.” She did. She just didn’t like it.

  “However, I have come to the difficult conclusion that I can no more force Magdaline to stay among the Amish than I was able to force you to return.” He set down the rag he was using on the table next to his fishing pole. “It would make your mother happy if you could come for dinner on occasion. You were never baptized into the Amish faith, so I feel we have some leeway there. It couldn’t be a regular occurrence, mind you. But a special occasion.”

  Joy exploded in Becky’s chest and she did everything to contain her excitement. She didn’t want to scare anyone off. “That would be nice,” she said in the same self-contained manner in which her father spoke.

  “It would be,” her mother said, clutching a dish towel to her chest, light beaming in her eyes.

  “I should go,” Becky said, and turned toward the door, more pleased
with the results of her visit than she could have ever imagined. The invitation had been an olive branch extended by her father.

  Mag saw her out. She leaned in and whispered, “Eli Hoffstettler asked to take me home after singing.” Her sister seemed giddy. Becky could tell she was bursting with the news. The who’s-who of dating was usually done quietly and engagements were only published weeks before a wedding. Becky was thrilled her sister shared this news with her.

  “Do you like him?”

  Mag nodded her head enthusiastically. “I’ve liked him since he tugged on my bonnet strings the first day of school when I was six years old.”

  Becky squeezed her sister’s hand. “I’m happy for you.” It seemed her sister might find happiness among the Amish that she couldn’t.

  Becky walked toward her patrol car feeling a lightness she hadn’t felt in ages.

  * * *

  Deputy Harrison James pulled his truck into a spot at the sheriff’s station and climbed out. He had to get an update on his disability after getting shot in the arm. Two spots down, Becky pulled in with her patrol car. He’d be lying if he didn’t admit he was happy to see her. He had purposely timed his visit with the end of her shift.

  Harrison slammed his car door and called after her, determined not to let this get too awkward despite their decision to simply remain friends. “How’s the day shift treating you?”

  Becky slowed her pace and turned around, giving him a bright smile. He missed seeing her pretty face. “I like it. Finally get to live a normal life. Sleep when normal people sleep.” If the fact she was beaming was any indication, she was right. The day shift agreed with her.

  “Glad to hear it. Most of the calls seem tamer on day shift, too.” He twisted his mouth and raised his eyebrows. “Mostly, anyway.”

  “True.” She took a step backward and lifted her arm to the station where the deputies had to report before going home for the night. “Well, I better get moving, Chewie needs to be let out.”

  “You’re a dog owner for the long haul?”

  “Go figure.” She shrugged, but he could tell she was happy about it.

  “Have a good evening.” She waved her hand casually, then turned to walk into the station.

  He hustled to catch up to her. “I wanted to let you know I’m headed to Buffalo.”

  “Oh.” Was that disappointment settling in the fine lines around her eyes?

  “It’s time I faced my past,” he admitted. Long past time. He patted his arm. “Seems like a good time, considering my arm will take a bit to heal.”

  Becky angled her head and the sun reflected in her bright blue eyes. She lifted her hand to block it, waiting for him to continue. When he didn’t, she asked, “Are you coming back?”

  “I don’t know yet.”

  Her smiled seemed strained. “You’ll be missed around here.”

  Harrison bent his head and scratched his forehead. “I need to sort through some things. Put my parents’ home up for sale.” His brother had killed himself in the bathroom. He’d never be happy there, but he couldn’t avoid going back. He had to sell the house and move on.

  “That’ll be good.”

  “I agree. It’s long overdue. I’ve been paying someone to cut the grass, shovel the snow and do a walk-through every few weeks to make sure everything is okay. Like no busted pipes or a break-in. But enough of that. It’s time I went back.”

  “I’ve learned you can’t find your way forward until you make peace with the past.” She raised her eyebrows. She spoke from experience.

  “Keep me in your prayers,” he said before he had a chance to overthink it. Slowly coming back to his faith had given him some direction and peace.

  A light came into her eyes. “I will. I’m confident you’ll be fine.” She took a few steps, then turned back around. “Don’t be a stranger.”

  “I won’t.” But in truth, he wasn’t sure what the future held.

  EPILOGUE

  Three weeks later...

  Harrison slammed his locker door and twisted the combination lock. His arm had healed and he was allowed back at work. He had finished his first shift at the Quail Hollow Sheriff’s Department, disappointed that he hadn’t crossed paths with Becky. Maybe she had taken the day off.

  He waved casually to a few fellow officers who were coming in for the second shift. When he had left Quail Hollow, he wasn’t certain if he’d ever be back. Whether he’d see this place. These people. Sure, he had officially been out on disability, but in his heart, he knew there was a real possibility of calling in his resignation once he got bogged down with the details of settling his life in Buffalo.

  Three weeks of cleaning out his family’s home and sorting through all the possessions and memories gave him a lot of time to think. And most of his thoughts involved Becky Spoth.

  After he had done his part to clear out his family’s possessions, he had left the rest in the hands of a Realtor who would hold an estate sale and list the house. The rest could be managed by a quick visit to Buffalo to sign papers.

  He had more important business in Quail Hollow.

  Harrison pushed through the glass doors, and the afternoon heat hit his face. Soon, the temperatures would drop and everyone would be complaining about the cold.

  He climbed into his truck and backed out. As he came around the corner, he noticed Becky’s car parked where their adventures together first began. Curious, he slowed. Leaning forward against the steering wheel he searched for any sign of her.

  A knocking on his side window startled him. He turned and saw Becky smiling at him. Ah, that smile. He pressed the lever to lower the window.

  “Looking for someone?” she asked, a twinkle brightening her eyes.

  “I thought maybe you had another flat.”

  “Oh, hush, things have finally settled down. Don’t go trying to stir things up again.”

  Harrison held up his hands. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  “I heard you were back.”

  “How?”

  “Oh, a little birdie told me.” He could only imagine. Word spread like wild fire in this small town.

  “I had to be in court today.”

  “Anything to report?”

  “Nothing I want to talk about. Time will settle everything.” She rested her forearm on the ledge of his door. “I want to know about you. How’s your arm?”

  He held it up. “Good as new.”

  “And your trip home?”

  “Good. I accomplished everything I needed to accomplish.”

  “Glad to hear it.”

  “You holding the fort down here?”

  “Trying to. Rounded up the Hoffstettlers’ cows that got out through a broken fence, gave a stern talking to some young boys who thought it would be more fun to steal a few apples from Mrs. Lapp’s produce stand than pay for them...” She hitched up her shoulders. “You know, the usual fare.”

  “Sounds like things are back to normal.”

  “Yes, that’s a very good thing.” Becky stepped back from the door and jutted her lower lip to blow the hair off her face. Then she grew serious. “And you’re back. I didn’t know that you had plans to return.”

  “I didn’t know myself when I left here. I did a lot of thinking while I was gone. I only got in late last night. I was due to report to work this morning.” He studied her face. “I should have called you, but I wanted to talk to you in person.”

  “Oh?”

  “I missed...this place.” He didn’t want to scare her off. They had agreed not to date, but he held out hope that perhaps they could revisit that possibility now that he was staying. But he didn’t want to be presumptuous.

  She raised her eyebrows in expectation. Her hair was pulled into a long ponytail with a few strands falling loosely around her face. “You missed this place, huh?”


  He tilted his head to one side and studied her. “Yes, very much.”

  “Well, I think this place missed you, too,” she said, pink blossoming on her cheeks. “And I thought maybe you’d like to hear about all the things you missed since you’ve been gone. Perhaps over dinner?”

  “Dinner?” He smiled. “Something low key?”

  “Absolutely low key. Tonight, if you’re free.”

  He glanced at the clock on his truck dashboard. “I happen to be free.” He kept his voice even.

  “Great.” She tucked her fingers into the back pockets of her pants. “See you in an hour.”

  “I look forward to it.”

  * * *

  The doorbell rang and Becky quickly dried her hands on the dish towel after rinsing a cucumber for the salad. Chewie ran in circles and barked, probably more excited than she was. But unlike Chewie, Becky was going to play it down a little.

  As she crossed the house to answer the door, she nervously wiped her hands on her capris. She had almost everything ready for dinner except for a few vegetables for the salad. She probably would have had everything ready except Chewie took his good old time getting around to doing his business outside.

  Smoothing a hand down her top, she drew in a deep breath and leaned forward to open the door. Deputy Harrison James stood on her porch with a bouquet of wildflowers in his hand and a huge smile on his face. Her heart nearly exploded in her chest. In that moment she couldn’t figure out why she had held him at arm’s length for so long.

  Well, she knew, but she also knew that events in life made you reevaluate your priorities. What you thought you wanted or didn’t want could change a hundred times over a lifetime.

  And then on one beautiful afternoon, God’s plan lined everything up perfectly.

  “Hello.” He handed her the flowers. “For you.”

  She lifted the bouquet to her nose and inhaled. “They smell wonderful.” She stepped back to allow room for him to enter.