PeakExperience

by Rachel Kenley

  Swallowing hard she turned to Daniel and said, “When did you…” But her voice trailed off. She couldn’t bring herself to complete the sentence.

  “I mentioned it to Alice during one of our calls after I’d seen your work. When we came back she asked me what I thought of mounting a show. I told her nothing was framed and I didn’t know if you’d agree. When she hit on the idea to surprise you instead, we decided to leave your work unframed and she would showcase it the best way possible. You’re surprised, right?”

  She would never like surprises. “Yes,” she whispered. Instead of frames, her pictures rested on thin, dark shelves placed at different heights throughout the gallery. They looked beautiful yet unfamiliar on the plain white walls. Nearly every piece from the accident collection in her camp studio was here for all to see. She was entirely exposed.

  As if it wasn’t hard enough to accept what she was seeing, when she turned at the sound of her name she saw her family coming to greet her. Janice got to her first and wrapped her in a bear hug of motherly warmth and jasmine scent.

  “Lena, my sweet girl, this is wonderful. I am thrilled for you. This is completely incredible. Your work is fabulous.”

  “Thank you,” Lena said, moved by the honesty she heard in her mother’s voice.

  “I could hardly believe it when Daniel called to tell us about the show. At first, I was amazed you let him talk you into it, but then he explained it was a surprise. I hope you’re pleased. You are, aren’t you?”

  “Of course, I just don’t know what to say.” Although she was thinking of some very choice words for the manipulative man behind this event.

  “That’s all right, dear, you don’t have to say anything. Daniel told us the plan and naturally we gave him what he asked for, including keys to the Great House and pictures of you for the program. Isn’t it spectacular?”

  It was a spectacle, she thought, but simply said, “Yes.”

  After her mom released her, she got the same treatment from her father and both brothers. She was stunned they all made it. It was usually a challenge to get them together without a great deal of advance planning. She was certain someone, if not all of them, changed their schedules to make this work. She was touched by their support. The Pierces were there as well, which was also surprising since she couldn’t remember the last time they left the Berkshires.

  “We wouldn’t have missed it for anything,” Mrs. Pierce told her. As shaky as Lena felt, it was special to have the people closest to her here.

  “You doing okay, sunshine?” Michelle asked, grabbing her arm and pulling her away. “You look pale.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “That’s not a good sign. He had the best intentions. He even convinced me it was a good idea.”

  How could Michelle support this? She knew how Lena felt about her art. Before she could voice her anger, Alice approached.

  “Congratulations, Ms. Artiste. Don’t you love it? I think it’s stunning.”

  “I’m stunned, that’s for sure.”

  “Daniel said he wasn’t sure. I did a lot of wheedling and convincing after he sent me a few pictures of your work. He wanted to know if I thought they were marketable so he could tell you. I said that was an understatement and asked when could we arrange your first show. Come, I have to introduce you to people. Everyone is dying to meet you.”

  “Could you give me one minute, Alice? I want to speak with Daniel. I’m still a bit overwhelmed by this.”

  “Of course, darling. I’ll find you in a few, but don’t take too long and don’t disappear like you two did the last time.”

  “I wouldn’t think of it.” She turned to look for Daniel and found him chatting with her family as though they were old friends. More anger bubbled to the surface. Nice to know one of them fit in with them. “Daniel?” she called to him. When their eyes met, she motioned him over to her.

  He gave her a quick hug and said, “What do you think?”

  “How. Dare. You.” Although she spoke quietly she could tell from the way he flinched he heard every word.

  “You’re upset?”

  “Oh no, I went straight past upset and landed firmly on livid.” She pivoted and walked quickly to the gallery offices, knowing he would follow. As she stood in the entry vestibule a lump formed in her throat. She couldn’t ever remember suffering a hurt like this, not even at the end of her marriage. She’d trusted Daniel with a special part of her and he’d exposed her. The feeling of betrayal was immense.

  She started speaking as soon as the door shut. “How could you take my pictures and allow them to be displayed in public?”

  “I hoped you’d be pleased, even if it is a bit scary. After all we shared and all you’ve said, I thought you’d gotten over your fear of being seen as the artist you are.”

  “Daniel, this may come as a shock to you, but I am not a picture you can manipulate into being what you want.”

  “I am perfectly aware of that,” he said, crossing his hands over his chest.

  “Are you? Because I’m beginning to think you need to get a little older before you understand you cannot make people into what you think they should be and pain is not something that goes away with a phone call or a kiss. Or a grand gesture.” She waved her hand toward the door.

  “Age has nothing to do with my decision or your anger.”

  “Don’t be so certain. A more mature person would have talked to me, learned if it was what I wanted.”

  “I do know what you wanted. You made it very clear whether you realize it or not, Lena. You’ve been craving this for most of your life. You may not see it, but I certainly can. You completely changed while we were at Crane Hill, although it seems you aren’t able or are unwilling to see it. You let go of the stranglehold you put on your life. I was sure…”

  “You were sure. What about me? This decision was about me.”

  “Of course it was.”

  “No, you made it for me. What gave you the right to do this without asking? Without consulting me. That is my art out there. My work.” My soul, she thought.

  “Love.”

  “What?”

  “Love gave me the right or at least the hope to try to release the woman I adore from the pain and detachment she’s lived with. Loving you made me want more for you.”

  Lena didn’t know what to say. Her heart was still hammering, and she wanted to keep yelling, but his words and the emotion behind them made her stop. But the words didn’t change the situation. “I can’t handle this. I don’t want this. Not this way. I need it on my terms.”

  He stepped toward her and placed his hands on her shoulders. She stiffened, hating her response, but not being able to stop it. “If there’s one thing I learned while we were at Crane Hill, along with how much I care for you, it’s that you cannot live while continuing to avoid what you fear. You can’t always be in control. Sometimes, being out of control is exactly what you need.”

  “Don’t you dare tell me what I need. I am not a child. I am capable of determining how I want to run my life.”

  “I’m not treating you like a child. I’m treating you like a woman with a gift that deserves to be shown, seen.”

  “Really? I don’t see you sharing those black-and-white photos Alice wants you to display. Didn’t you say something about those being personal? I thought you understood.”

  “Those pictures are an aspect of my art. I don’t keep my work hidden. How can I make you understand? It was so clear to me that you wanted this, Lena, but you were afraid to admit it.”

  “Artist and a mind reader. You are very talented.”

  “Stop it. Stop trying to hurt me because you’re scared.”

  “Hurt you? Hurt you!” Her voice rose and she was ready to lunge for him when there was a knock at the door.

  “Okay, you two lovebirds, I’ve been patient long enough,” Alice said. “Let Lena go, Daniel, so she can meet her adoring public.”

  “You’ve already let me g
o,” she said in a voice only he could hear. She put her hand up to stop him from responding. There was nothing to say. “Goodbye, Daniel.”

  * * * * *

  Daniel stood there for a few minutes, resting his head against the wall and trying to stop shaking. He wanted to shake her. She was infuriating. Couldn’t she see this was a leap she needed to take, was meant to take? He believed once she saw the exhibit and the reception of the crowd, she would know this was the right move. But no, she stubbornly clung to her fears.

  He found the employee bathroom, splashed water on his face, and stepped back into the office area. Michelle was standing there waiting for him.

  “She’s furious,” she said.

  “I gather she told you.”

  “She didn’t have to. I saw her walk out of here with Alice next to her, and if Lena holds herself any more rigidly, she’s going to shatter. I tried to tell you she didn’t like surprises.”

  This was true. Daniel ran the idea past Michelle and Lena’s friend explained her aversion to surprises. Daniel decided he knew Lena better and moved forward with his plans. Maybe he was wrong, but nothing could be changed now. “She’s been aching for this for years, Michelle. She never told you what she sacrificed after her first show.”

  “No, but I assume she had a good reason for not telling me as well as for telling you. Is she going to regret that decision?”

  He didn’t answer immediately. “I don’t know. I need to go out there.”

  “I had better not lose my friend over this.”

  “If I have my way, you’ll be wearing a bridesmaid dress.”

  Michelle smiled at him. “It better not be hideous or have a butt bow.”

  Daniel gave her a quick hug and ran out the door. Lena might not let him help her through this, but he was going to keep an eye on her. He located her in seconds. Lena stood ramrod straight and her smile looked forced and painful. Since this was a private preview, there was no press, but there were plenty of people who stopped to talk to him because they knew about his last show.

  He barely followed the conversations he was pulled into and rarely took his eyes off Lena, who was very skilled at keeping her gaze away from him. Knowing he caused her pain was killing him. It wasn’t his intention. Far from it. He found it almost tragic that she kept her passion and talent hidden in a third-floor studio in the middle of nowhere. He wanted her to have the success she deserved and to be free to express herself completely and not just with him.

  Didn’t she understand?

  But even if she did, would she forgive him for showing it to her in what turned out to be such a harsh way?

  * * * * *

  After the show, if Daniel tried to follow her out of the gallery Lena would have happily made a scene in the middle of Newbury Street and not cared who saw. She was in knots and not ready to talk to him.

  In the light of early evening, she sat in her simple and familiar living room wondering what to do now that her simple and familiar life was completely turned upside down. Seeing her work on the gallery walls so shocked her she assumed her reaction was hurt and pain. However, sitting quietly and focusing on her feelings, she admitted she may be wrong.

  As the afternoon wore on she relaxed a little and enjoyed herself on several occasions. Alice was brilliant at making introductions and, surprisingly, turned out to be a fan of her mother’s work, which led to more interesting conversations and connections for everyone. Shortly after Lena came out of the gallery offices, Alice cornered her.

  “He did this to support you, not to hurt you,” she said.

  The woman was very good at reading situations. “I know, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Sharing my work with him was scary enough. I never expected him to break that trust.”

  “He didn’t. He wanted you to have this opportunity, but without the pressure and fears of a true opening. There are no critics here, Lena, only friends, family and a few professional contacts of mine. This is a pre-show, invitation-only event and if you want, these pictures will come off the walls at the end of the day. No one else will ever see the work of Lena Crane. It’s your decision. Personally, I hope you let the public and the critics in. Your work is powerful, beautiful and, as an agent I have to add, very sellable.”

  Lena was shocked. She assumed some of the guests were critics. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “I’d like you to say you’ll allow the show to continue. Promise me you’ll consider it.”

  Lena promised, leaving her emotions a jumble of elation and misery for the rest of the afternoon. If she started to relax, she’d catch a glimpse of Daniel and his betrayal would hit her again. She couldn’t shake the knowledge he went behind her back to make this happen.

  But would it have ever happened if he didn’t? Would she have kept her art in her studio, never showing anyone? When she worked, she never thought about a canvas being viewed by others because part of her feared if she imagined an audience her creativity would dry up.

  Fear. There was that word again. How many places in her life had she held back and not lived fully because of it? Fear of being an outsider made her pull away from her family. Fear the critics were right stopped her from showing her work, and fear of being in a relationship others would think was weird nearly cost her Daniel.

  She was almost forty-one years old and living with so much fear of failure, it colored almost everything she did. She laughed mirthlessly at herself. And she accused Daniel of being the immature one. Another place where she was wrong. If he asked her to show her work publicly she would have refused and crawled back to the safety of her studio, perhaps choosing to be mad at him for suggesting it. It was a no-win situation for him, and for her. He’d given her a chance to change that, and so did Alice by offering Lena the opportunity to close the show immediately.

  Sitting in her apartment, Lena thought about gallery visitors seeing her pictures and let those feelings pass through her. Then she thought about the show closing and her work going back to the room in Stockbridge. An unexpected wave of sadness hit her, and she knew her answer.

  Possibility was better than fear.

  She also needed to see Daniel. Immediately. Grabbing her bag, she headed to the door, but stopped when she opened it to find him standing there poised to knock.

  “I need to talk to you,” he said and walked past her without waiting for an invitation. He stopped in the middle of the living room. “I want to tell you I’m sorry, but it wouldn’t be the complete truth. I’m not sorry for what I did because I still believe you wouldn’t have made the leap on your own.”

  “Daniel, I—”

  “Let me finish,” he said, running his hands through his hair. She knew from living with him he did that when he was thinking and trying to fix something. “I am sorry it hurt you as much as it did. You have to know it wasn’t my intention. You mean so much to me, and your art means a lot to you. I didn’t want the passion of the woman I love locked away—figuratively and literally.”

  By this point Lena was standing in front of him. “Daniel, stop.”

  “I can’t. Not if it means I’m going to lose you.”

  “You’re not going to lose me. I love you.”

  “Oh God, say that again.” He pulled her into his arms.

  “I love you,” she said against his chest, then looked up and brought his head to hers for a deep kiss. Earlier today she wondered if they would ever share another. Knowing this was far from the end made the kiss much sweeter.

  “I need to be closer to you,” he said.

  “How about in me?’’

  “That works.”

  Wrapped in each other, they stumbled to her room, shedding clothes and tripping over each other along the way. By the time they got to her bed they were naked. He covered her with his body and she ran her hands over him, wanting to touch every inch as he touched her.

  “Lena, you are so precious to me.”

  “And with you I can live as I’ve ached to, be the woman I want t
o be.” She needed to be connected to him and couldn’t bear to wait. She reached over to her nightstand drawer and removed a condom and a familiar bottle of lubrication. He smiled at her hungrily. “I bought this a few days after we came back. Take me, Daniel. Take me the way only you ever have.”

  He crushed her mouth in a bruising, passionate kiss, telling her he was as hungry for her as she was for him. The knowledge sent a rush through her. Her body was as ready as her heart.

  As he rolled the condom on, she opened the lubricant and poured some onto her hand then wrapped her fingers around his cock. He took the bottle from her and dripped more of the slick liquid onto the bottom of her pussy. She shivered as it slipped down to her ass. Grabbing a pillow his said, “Lift up, my love,” and as she did he placed it under her hips. “I love seeing you open for me. You’re beautiful.”

  And she believed it, felt it deep in her heart.

  He poured more lube on his fingers and slid them into her, making certain her body would accept him. When he eased them out she bent her knees to her chest to allow him to enter her. She gasped as her body adjusted to the intrusion, but as she relaxed the pleasure grew.

  “I never imagined how wonderful this could be,” she said.

  “It only works with a great deal of trust.”

  “And a great lover,” she said.

  “Two great lovers.”

  Nothing more than moans and cries of “oh yes” were possible as he reached between them and teased her clitoris until they both came. The intensity of her pleasure would have alarmed Lena a few weeks ago. Instead she welcomed it. She found all that was missing from her life—and so very much more.

  She lay in his arms after, loving the size and strength of him. “Well, this is not how I thought today would end. Does this mean you forgive me for not telling you about the exhibit?”