Remember Me

by Stacey Nash

  “Beau let you come after us?” I ask.

  “In the end, yes.”

  I open my eyes and watch the reflection of the moon dancing on the waves. “In the end?”

  “I tried a few times without his consent, not that it was worth much. I saw you once though.”

  “You did?”

  Will chuckles. “I blew up their fence.”

  “That was you?”

  “Yep.”

  “I saw you, but I didn’t realize who you were.” I shake my head. “Will, it was awful, I forgot everyone, everything, I didn’t even know my own name.”

  He frowns and hangs his arms over his raised knees. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get you out sooner.”

  “My mother was there.”

  He pulls back and away, jerking to the side to face me. “What? Was she working with them?”

  I shake my head. “It wasn’t like that. She …” I pause, remembering the last thing she said: we had a deal. “She helped us.”

  He twists his watch around his arm. “Why was she there?”

  “She lived there and I think it’s where she’s been all along. I have to go back for her.”

  His fingers stop, everything stills. “You can’t, Mae. Clearly she wants to be there or she wouldn’t have left you years ago.”

  “I don’t think she wants to be there. They were about to do the same thing to her as they did to Jax and me. Her memory …”

  His hand settles on my back and he rubs as the earlier memory comes to my mind again. Hushed talking as I hid behind the open door, and stared at the white timber. Finally the agent’s voice risen and angry, “You need to return,” he’d said. “No,” my mother’s voice wavered and her knuckles were white lumps as she clutched the side of the door, “I have a life.” Then she slammed it in his face.

  “It’s so good to have you home. I missed you,” Will says and I flinch, coming back to here and now.

  He’s always there for me, that steady brilliant-blue-eyed-guy. “I missed you too.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t port you out of that science lab when I had the chance. I just … when you didn’t know who I was …” He looks away, and his hand stills.

  I’m not ready to talk about this. I haven’t thought it through yet. He’s my best friend, and I have a million strong feelings for him but …

  “How are your family?”

  He looks taken aback. “All right. Mom wants me to come home. Dad’s threatened to fire me from the garage, but I’ve worked something out with Beau and Marcus … wait.” His eyes narrow; he knows I’m deflecting.

  “Will—”

  “Mae—”

  “I can’t—”

  “I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

  I close my eyes and swallow. His hand like a hot brand on my back doesn’t move. “I know, but—”

  “No, you don’t know. I should have told you a million times over but I … I don’t love you as my best friend. I’ve always wanted us to be more than that.” He removes his hand, leans closer and bumps my shoulder with his.

  My eyes close again, and the sound of the waves crashing is suddenly no longer soothing. I push the heels of my palms into my eyes, and remember the kiss we shared that night. So soft, gentle, and tainted with his tears. I kissed him back. Surely that means something. But other kisses come to my mind too, so different … hard and strong, filled with passion and need. I’m not sure what either of them mean. If one means something different than the other.

  “Say something,” he says.

  “I don’t know what to say, Will. I love you too—”

  “You do?” He holds his hand out to me.

  I pause, of course I love him. He fills a place in my heart no one else can. Sighing, I close my eyes. “Of course, but—”

  “You love him.”

  “I don’t know.” It’s too soon, my feelings are strong and Jax … “I’m just not sure.”

  His hands move to his neck and he lifts a chain over his head, moonlight glints off the coin-sized pendant hanging from it. My breath catches in my throat as he lowers my forget-me-not over my head. The same one Manvyke wanted.

  “I’m sorry about your mom.” He wraps his arms around me and my head instinctively nestles on his shoulder like it’s done many times before. He plants a light kiss on the top of my head and I sigh. Will’s always been so constant, so sure, so caring. He’s been a part of my life for so long, he’s always been …

  So Will.

  If I choose Jax, will he still be my Will? My best friend? It’s not really fair to ask that.

  “Just consider me, consider us. That’s all I’m asking.” His chin grazes the top of my head as he speaks into my hair.

  I nod. I do love him. We’re like bread and butter, milk and cookies, sunshine and rain. We work.

  He climbs to his feet and holds his hand out. I take it and he pulls me up then lets go, which is different, and I don’t want to think about what it means. The space between us feels uncomfortable for the first time ever as we cross the beach and head back to the small house.

  I jump up onto the veranda and the first thing I see is Jax, lying on the couch with his arm resting over his eyes. Will clomps across the timber while I’m still standing there watching Jax. He reaches for the door, and as it squeaks open, Jax pulls his arm away.

  The smell of cooking meat makes my mouth water the second the door opens. Lilly pokes her head through the kitchen window, her usually straight hair slightly frizzy from the salt air. “Hungry?”

  “Starving.” It’s true, my stomach growls its agreement.

  Jax looks from me to Will then back to me. He sucks his bottom lip as he sits up and doesn’t smile or break our shared look “What were you doing?”

  “We …” I have nothing to hide, so why does it feel like I do?

  “Went to check out the beach,” Will finishes.

  “Talked.”

  “Good,” Lilly says, with a hint of her usually bubbly tone. “Dinner’s almost ready.”

  I leave the guys, both watching each other like wary animals, to go help her. The kitchen’s small, but has everything we need: a long counter crammed with a microwave, fruit bowl, utensils and a massive mess from Lilly’s cooking.

  She raises her brows and whispers, “Well?”

  “Well what?”

  Her eyes grow wide and she nudges her head toward the other room. Knowing exactly what she means, I snatch up a plate piled high with some kind of stir-fry and place it in my right hand then pick up another, balancing it on the heel of the same palm. I take a third in my other hand, shoot Lilly a look that says ’don’t ask’, and return to the other room. The boys are still staring at each other without speaking.

  “Grow up you two.” Lilly comes up behind me.

  She hands out forks and I pass a plate to Will then Jax before lowering myself onto a cushion and keeping my eyes on my plate as we eat.

  “We should play a game.” Trust Lilly to break the awkward silence. “I found a stash of old board games.” She points towards a wicker sideboard with her fork.

  “Sure,” Will mumbles. “What’s there?”

  “Everything. Monopoly, Chess, Scrabble, Twister …”

  She glances around our small group, and I can’t help but follow the line of her gaze. The corner of Jax’s mouth lifts when he catches my eye. He winks. “Twister sounds fun.”

  I bet it is. All our bodies tangled together. “I … ah … love word games.”

  “Scrabble it is.” Will jumps to my rescue a little too fast.

  Jax chuckles.

  After dinner’s finished and the mess is cleaned up, we sit around the sunken living room, making words out of small tiles. It’s a quiet and almost solemn evening for a bunch of seventeen and eighteen year olds, but we’ve been through a lot—almost had too much adventure. Even Jax’s usual banter lacks its sharp edge. When the third game’s over, I rise to my feet. “I’m beat, guys. I’m going to bed.”

&
nbsp; A chorus of goodnights follow me out of the room. I glance at the two rooms and making a snap decision enter the main bedroom then change into my PJs and climb into bed, facing the wall and trying not to think. At least for now.

  The sun streams through the thin curtains at who knows what time. I squeeze my eyes closed and roll over. A hand brushes mine and I pull back, my body sinking into the soft mattress. I jiggle the cover-up where it hangs at my chest. Not cover-up, Tarlequin. Nik’s lesson on the Keys of the Patriarchs reminded me Manvyke clearly wants the keys and we have to stop him. I have to tell Beau about that lesson, and the overheard conversations and all the other stuff I learned in Collective history.

  Tugging the covers up under my chin, I open my eyes a little warily.

  Lilly’s hand rests under her cheek and her eyes are peacefully closed. I roll over and climb out of bed without disturbing her. Then I slip out of my PJs and pull on the new white sundress, courtesy of our sleeping shopaholic. I pad through the small house careful not to wake my friends, cross the tiled living room, and stand by the window looking out. We’re on a grassy knoll, looking down onto clean cream sand and blue water. The waves break smaller than last night’s, rolling softly into the shore. A lone figure walks along the waterline, black cargos rolled up to his knees and leather jacket discarded on the sand. I can see the shape of his toned arms even from here.

  A feeling, all jittery, flips in my tummy.

  I ease the door open, reminding myself I’m not sure, and walk across the decking. Gritty sand rolls under my feet as I step onto the sandy grass and walk down the sloping hill. The ground gradually changes to sand and I relish its coolness as I dig my toes in.

  I walk across the unmarked beach toward Jax. His back’s to me and his head hangs while he watches his toes move through the wet sand. His brown hair curls over his eyes and a shiver runs through me. I take a deep breath to slow my stupid overactive heart.

  He pulls his hand out of his pocket and pushes his hair away from his eyes as he raises his head. The moment he sees me the corner of his mouth lifts. “Morning, Cupcake.”

  “Hi.”

  I shove my hands into the loose low pockets of my sundress and move slowly toward him. The sand is now wet and firm under my feet near the waves.

  “Do you think they used the same mind wipe? I mean, with—”

  “Yes.”

  He knew what I was going to say? That’s so … Will.

  “Why didn’t we realize … I mean … they have tech to do just about anything. Why didn’t we suspect?”

  He shrugs. “We didn’t know. Apparently, it’s top secret tech only known to the patriarchs.”

  “How do you know that?”

  He looks back to his toes digging holes in the wet sand. “She told me when I went to her for help.”

  I close my eyes as I swallow and raise my hand to her … my … our forget-me-not pendant. Mom. Wiped memory or not, I can’t leave her to him. Even if she did abandon Dad and me, after the way she helped me … helped Jax … I can’t bear the thought of her with Manvyke. “Did you know who she was?”

  Jax looks up. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry …”

  I shrug it off. “Don’t be, neither did I. She kept telling me to remember.”

  His mouth turns in a sad smile. “I think she knew, but was scared for you.”

  “So you think that’s what happened to us?” What happened to her. The Vaccus.

  “Without a doubt.”

  It’s like we’re on the same wavelength, which I guess in a way we are. I walk closer to the water, letting the cool waves lap at my bare feet.

  “How could I forget you?”

  “Jax—”

  I gasp at his arms closing around me from behind. They’re strong and sure and I want to fall back into them but I can’t. I need to consider Will. I twine my fingers in his and pull his arm away then do the same with the other one, ducking under and out of his reach.

  He’s too quick.

  He grabs at me, catching a handful of my dress. Oh no. He pulls it and me in toward him but I strain against his grasp, grinning in spite of myself. It’s good not to be serious for probably the first time in months. My feet slide in the wet sand and slip out from under me, sending me into the shallow water with a thud and a squeal. Jax laughs as a baby wave rolls in and salty water laps at my white dress.

  “So. Not. Funny,” I say.

  Lifting my foot and nudging the back of his knee, it buckles, and he falls onto the sand too, his face just inches from mine. Laughing feels so darn good, it’s almost as carefree as the ebbing water.

  His laughter fades and his eyes darken to a smolder as we both still. The space between us practically buzzes as he continues pinning me to the spot and more tiny waves wash in.

  Jax moves quicker than the next wave and his lips are on mine, moving with a fierce need. A need I meet with urgent abandon. A zap runs from his lips all the way to my belly. I try to suck in a deep breath and search for the strength to push him away. I haven’t made up my mind, haven’t been fair to Will’s wishes. Instead I inhale his musky smell, and a warmth floods through me like I’m where I should be.

  Our lips continue to move together with a matching desperate desire and I feel myself melting into him. What I feel for Jax is so strong and pure; I just want to be with him. Actually it’s more than a want, it’s a need. Like he’s my oxygen and I can’t survive without him. But I love Will, truly love him. He’s always been there, held me up when I was weak, carried me when I couldn’t carry myself. When I think of not having him in my life, I feel like my heart will shatter. I need Will more.

  I drag myself away from Jax, roll over, then climb to my feet. My wet, cold, clothes cling to my body and make me feel completely alone.

  He rolls onto his back and sits up. I can’t bear to meet his eyes.

  “What is it?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He frowns and runs a hand through his wet hair.

  “Why?”

  “I can’t …”

  He flinches, and my heart tears. How can I do this? Will. That’s how. Rising to his feet, he reaches out and takes both my hands in his. “I want you, Mae. I—”

  “Don’t say it.” I look into his eyes, my stomach in a sick knot. They dance back and forth across mine, the brown flecks bright and intense.

  “I …” I blink slowly.

  He squeezes both my hands. “We’ve been through a lot. I’ll still be here when you’re ready.”

  “I’m sorry, Jax.”

  He moves his fingers around my hands and laces them through mine, so we’re standing face to face, palm to palm. His lips fall slightly open and I suck in a deep breath, pushing away the desire to kiss them.

  “I only just remembered who I am. I need to be sure about me before I can be sure about us.” Or Will.

  He nods and pulls our hands to him, making both our arms wrap around his waist, then releases my fingers from his and slides his arms around my shoulders. He gives me a long tight hug then releases me and steps away. “Okay.”

  He turns and goes back toward the house.

  Rooted to spot, I watch him walk away. When he’s out of sight, I walk up the hill until I reach the soft dry sand and sit, sinking into it. The longest sigh heaves out of me as I look out at the ocean. I don’t know if I want to be with Jax. I don’t know if I want to be with Will. I like them both, each in a very different way.

  One thing I do know, though.

  I have to go back for Mom.

  The End.

  Acknowledgements

  This wasn’t an easy book to write, and there were many people who supported me along the way. I’d like to thank each and every one of them, mentioned by name or not.

  First, to Anabel who is everything I need in a first reader. Your encouragement means so much and keeps me going. The fabulous Lauren K. McKellar, who not only keeps me sane with daily love and support, but reads my words and offers encouraging feedback. Sharon J
ohnston … I owe you a lifetime of hugs. You may make me swear in frustration, but thank you – from both me and Mae. Emily Ward, I am eternally in your debt. You helped shape both Remember Me and Forget Me Not into the books they are today and grateful is too weak a word to describe how I feel.

  To the best cheerleader ever, ST Bende. Thanks for keeping me on the right path and for loving Jax more than I ever thought anyone ever could. You are my twisted pea and for the record, Gunnar’s funner, always.

  To my Aussie Owned and Read girls. What started out as a group blog has turned into so much more. You are my friends, my support network, my tribe. Without you I’d be lost.

  To all of my friends, who I neglected for a whole year while I drafted the first two Collective Books. I’m so grateful for your support even though you don’t understand my crazy writer ways.

  To HarperCollins Australia, and especially Rochelle Ferdandez, thank you for believing in my stories and bringing them to readers.

  And lastly, to my family. Thank you to my mother for instilling a love of reading and books in me at a young age. You never discouraged my antisocial obsessive reading. It’s because of you that I love words. Thank you to my father who without the hours of debate growing up I’d never have imagined the massive conspiracy theory that is The Collective. And the biggest thank you of all to my ever supportive husband and soundboard. The endless conversations about technology and if this or that would actually be possible were fun, and essential to making this book work. I love you!

  Copyright

  HarperCollinsPublishers

  First published in Australia in 2014

  This edition published in 2014

  by HarperCollinsPublishers Australia Pty Limited

  ABN 36 009 913 517

  harpercollins.com.au

  Copyright © Stacey Nash 2014

  The right of Stacey Nash to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000.

  This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.