by Jean Ure
I couldn’t imagine why, but I did want to see Livi and Jordan again. We had, after all, been best friends for years, and you can’t just give up on old friends. Jordan said that her aunt had a restaurant in the Whittingdale Centre, and if we got there at three o’clock, after the lunchtime rush, when it was quiet, she would let us sit at one of the staff tables for as long as we liked.
“We can sit there and eat pastries,” said Livi. “Well, we can eat pastries … dunno about you two.”
“We can eat pastries,” I said. I could eat anything, now Sean had told me I wasn’t fat. And Caitlyn certainly wasn’t.
We agreed we would meet at the entrance to the Whittingdale Centre on Tuesday afternoon. It was four stops away on the Tube, but we were quite used to travelling by ourselves. Even Caitlyn’s mum, who is a rather nervous sort of person, had stopped worrying that we were going to fall over the edge of the platform or get on the wrong train and go whizzing off into the wilds of nowhere.
It was strange, seeing Livi and Jordan after so long. They looked just the same as they always had, yet somehow they seemed different. Or perhaps I was the one that was different. In the old days we would all have started babbling straight away, even if we’d just spent the whole week at school together. But now we sat awkwardly, in our deserted corner of the restaurant, with our plates of pastries, like we’d almost become strangers.
Caitlyn has always been quiet, but I am not usually short of things to say. I mean, as a rule I only have to open my mouth and it all comes bursting out. I never have to rack my brains. But today, all I could think of as a subject for conversation was life at ballet school. Incidents that had occurred in class, like Chloe getting told off for not tying her shoe ribbons properly – that is, with “ears” sticking out instead of neatly tucked away and hidden. They would just look at me, blankly. Ears sticking out? Ballet was a world they knew nothing about, so how could it possibly mean anything to them? Any more than their world meant very much to me, any more.
I did my best. I tried asking about people and showing an interest in what was going on, but it was like they sensed I was simply being polite.
It was Caitlyn who came to the rescue. “So where is the ice-skating person?” she said. “I thought she was going to be here?”
A stroke of genius! They immediately brightened up.
“Sonya,” said Liv. “She texted us. She’s going to be a bit late cos she’s got a practice session that doesn’t finish till two. She’s always having practice sessions. She has to train five days a week! She has to be up at six o’clock to get there.”
“You’ll have loads of things in common,” said Jordan. “Did Maddy tell you?” She turned eagerly to Caitlyn. “She doesn’t just do skating, she actually dances! Like you do. What was that thing she was rehearsing for, the other week? Sugar Ice Fairy, or something?”
“Sugar Plum Fairy?” Caitlyn looked a bit startled. “She does that on ice?”
“I know!” shrilled Jordan. “It’s incredible!”
“But how does she …” Caitlyn glanced at me, as if appealing for help. “How does she manage all the pointe work?”
“You mean the tippity-toe stuff? I suppose she just … goes on to the tip of her boots!”
“Wouldn’t be as painful as doing it in shoes,” I said.
“Maybe she just uses the music?” said Caitlyn. “And makes up her own steps? Cos I don’t think you could use the same steps.”
“Whatever she does,” said Liv, “she’s really good at it. She’s won medals.”
“Junior Championship,” said Jordan.
“She’s been doing it since she was five years old!”
Caitlyn said, “Maddy’s been doing ballet since she was about three.”
“Oh, Sonya did ballet as well, until she decided she’d rather concentrate on skating. You must admit,” said Jordan, “dancing on ice is something else!”
Livi said, “Yes, I mean, dancing on a nice firm stage must be easy compared to what she does.” She giggled. “You’d probably fall flat on your face if you tried doing the Sugar Plum thingy on ice!”
Rather crushingly I said, “I wouldn’t try doing the Sugar Plum thingy on ice.” I tossed my head. “Sugar Plum Fairy in great big clunky boots!”
“Well, you couldn’t do it, anyway,” said Jordan. “Not if you’re not trained for it. You’d slide about all over the place.”
Jordan was making me feel rather hot and cross. I was already beginning to dislike this Sonya person.
“Actually,” I said, “you’re just about as wrong as could be. If you’ve trained for ballet, you’d have absolutely no problem skating. It’s all a question of balance.”
“I suppose it would be the same the other way round,” mused Livi. “If you’ve trained as a skater you’d have no problem with b— oh!” She suddenly shot out of her seat and waved a hand at a girl who had just come into the restaurant. “Hey, Sonya!”
I’d been kind of hoping she’d be short and squat and ugly, but in fact she was quite normal-looking. Even quite prettyish if you happened to like big blue saucer eyes and dimply pink cheeks, which most everybody probably does. All the same, it was hard to imagine her dancing the Sugar Plum Fairy. She didn’t really have the build for it. I didn’t mean to be nasty, but it does tend to put your back up when people who were once your best friends keep telling you how amazing and wonderful and incredibly talented someone else is. Once upon a time they’d gone round telling people how it was me that was so amazing and wonderful and incredibly talented. Now it seemed they’d gone all goggle-eyed over this Sonya creature.
“Oh,” she cried, very gaily, as she sat down next to Caitlyn. “Are you Maddy?”
Caitlyn said, “No, I’m Caitlyn. This is Maddy.”
“Oops! My bad!” Sonya pulled a face. “But you both do ballet?”
“They’re at City Ballet School,” said Liv.
“You learnt ballet yourself at one time, didn’t you?” urged Jordan.
“I did for a bit,” agreed Sonya. “I just couldn’t take the discipline. I don’t know how you put up with it.”
“So how many years did you do ballet?” I said.
“Only a few. I had to choose between that and skating.” Sonya nibbled with little rabbity teeth round the edge of her pastry. “I could have done either. Skating just seemed more exciting. More sort of … well!” She waved a hand.
“More like a sport,” I said.
“Mm … maybe. In a way.”
“All those leaps and spins that you don’t get in ballet.”
“This is it!” cried Jordan, excitedly.
I was actually being sarcastic. Caitlyn got it: she kicked at me under the table. Sonya got it, too.
“It’s just different,” she said. She even sounded a bit apologetic, as if she thought she might have upset me.
“Maddy,” announced Jordan, “reckons that anyone that’s trained as a dancer could do ice skating.”
Quickly, cos I didn’t want to seem to be boasting, I explained that that wasn’t actually what I’d said.
“All I meant was that if you’ve spent years training as a dancer you could at least manage to stay on your feet. I didn’t say you could skate.” Though to be honest I thought you probably could.
“You certainly couldn’t dance,” said Jordan. “Not on ice!”
“No, but she’s probably right,” said Sonya. “It’s all to do with balance. If you wanted,” she said, “you could always come along and give it a go. Both of you! If you like.”
I raised an eyebrow at Caitlyn. “It might be fun,” I said.
Caitlyn frowned slightly.
“I think it would be fun,” I said.
Caitlyn said, “Y-yes … unless you went and fell over and broke something.”
“She’s not going to fall over,” said Livi. “That’s the whole point! She wants to show she can stay upright.”
“And even if you did fall over,” said Sonya, “you probably wouldn�
�t do any damage. You wouldn’t actually break anything. Just a bit of a sprain, maybe. Of course, I know dancers are always terrified of injuring themselves—”
“I’m not!” I said. I had never injured myself in my life.
“So do you want to come along?”
I was very tempted – even if only to prove to Livi and Jordan that I could do it.
“You don’t think she ought,” said Sonya, “do you?”
She was looking at Caitlyn. Caitlyn bit her lip.
“You think it would be stupid, don’t you?”
“I think it would be taking a risk,” said Caitlyn.
“For goodness’ sake,” I cried. “I’m not made of porcelain!”
Caitlyn said, “No, but even just twisting an ankle could stop you dancing.”
Caitlyn is so over cautious. I am far more of a free spirit.
“Think about it,” urged Sonya. “I’ll give you my number. You can always text me.”
We sat in the restaurant for well over an hour, until Jordan’s aunt came to tell us that they really had to close up now and start preparing for the dinner crowd. Once Sonya had joined us we seemed to have had no difficulty finding things to talk about.
“Don’t forget,” she said, “let me know if you want to come skating. By the way, I just remembered, there’s a girl in my road that’s at your ballet school … Amber something or other. Do you know her?”
I felt like saying, “Unfortunately, yes”. But then I thought maybe she might be a friend of Sonya’s and that would be rude.
“She’s in our year,” said Caitlyn.
“Oh,” said Sonya, “small world! Is she any good?” And then, before either of us could say anything she said, “I suppose you have to be good to get in in the first place. It’s one of the leading schools, isn’t it? You’re so lucky! I wish we had schools like that for ice skating.”
“She’s nice, isn’t she?” said Caitlyn, as we parted company.
I agreed that she was. I couldn’t help liking her even if Livi and Jordan had got up my nose, going on about her.
“I thought she might be all sort of … you know! Superior. Winning competitions and everything.”
“She’s obviously good,” I said.
“At least she doesn’t boast about it. But you’re not really going to go skating with her, are you?”
“Don’t see why not,” I said. “Why shouldn’t I?”
“Maddy! You might do something to yourself.”
“Like what? You heard what Sonya said … you’re not going to break anything.”
“No, but you could pull a muscle or – or strain a tendon, or—”
I rolled my eyes.
“Think of the end-of-term Gala!” cried Caitlyn.
I muttered, “That’s weeks away.”
“Yes, but the cast lists’ll be going up any time and then we’ll have to start rehearsals and just imagine if you’ve gone and torn a ligament!”
I thought about it. I was still tempted; the end-of-term Gala wasn’t all that important. Not like the big summer show, when the whole school took part and all the critics came, and the general public. This was strictly just for students and staff. It was meant as a showcase for budding choreographers in the senior school, who got to make up these really short ballets for Years Seven and Eight and choose who they wanted to dance in them. Not really a Gala at all.
“I honestly, honestly don’t think you ought,” said Caitlyn.
I told her that I would see how I felt.
“Life isn’t any fun,” I said, “if you can’t try new things.”
“We do try new things,” said Caitlyn. “Every week!”
I said, “Yes, but it’s all ballet. Just now and again you need to do something different. Otherwise,” I said, “you grow stale. That’s all I’m saying!”
I’d just about arrived home and was on the point of calling out to see if anyone else was around when the front door opened and Sean and Danny appeared.
“Oh,” I said, “are you back together?”
“Stuck with superglue,” said Sean. “Is Dad around? I need to have a word with him about the new ballet.”
“Not Narcissus?” I said. If Dad was really going to do a ballet about Narcissus, it would be all thanks to me! “Is it Narcissus? Is he giving you a part in it?”
“Yes, and yes. Is he around?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I only just got in. Did you and Danny kiss and make up?”
Sean twitched a warning eyebrow.
“I’m only asking,” I said. “I’m not being nosy; I just want you to be happy.”
“I am happy, thank you very much.”
“Well, you weren’t,” I said. I turned to Danny. “He wasn’t,” I said. “He was all mean and miserable.”
“I dispute that,” said Sean.
“It’s true, you were! He swore at me,” I said.
“I did no such thing!”
“You almost did. You wanted to! You were mean as could be. That’s why you have to kiss and make up. It’s what people do when they’ve had a fight, otherwise it doesn’t mean anything.”
Sean said, “Look, just drop it, OK? You really are such a pain!”
“No, she’s right,” insisted Danny.
“I am,” I said. “I’m right!”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” said Sean. “There. Are you satisfied now?”
I thought, Not really; it wasn’t much of a kiss. But you have to know when to give up.
“Mum will be pleased,” I said. “She reckons Danny’s good for you. She says he’s got more sense than you have.”
Danny smirked. Sean said, “Charming! My own mother.”
“Even she doesn’t think you’re perfect,” I said. “I don’t know how anyone puts up with you.”
“Heartfelt agreement,” said Danny.
“Look, I didn’t come here to be insulted,” said Sean. “I came to see Dad.”
“Before you do,” I said, “can I ask you something?”
“If you make it quick.”
“Always in such a hurry,” I grumbled.
“Yes, I lead a busy life. What do you want to ask me? I’ve already told you you’re not f—”
“No, it’s not that! I was just wondering, when you were a student, did you ever feel like breaking out?”
“As in breaking out of prison?”
“Yes! Well … sort of. I mean, did you ever feel a mad urge to go off and …” I waved a hand. “I don’t know! Play rugby, for instance.”
Sean said, “No.”
“Never?”
“I played rugby,” said Danny.
I said, “That’s different! You’re not a dancer. It wouldn’t matter so much if you got injured. Sometimes,” I said, “I just get like …” I clenched my fists. “Like there’s so many things I’m not supposed to do!”
“If you feel that strongly,” said Sean, “then go for it. Why not? You want to play rugby, play rugby. So you break a few bones and end your career, so what?”
I said, “I don’t want to play rugby!”
“Well, whatever it is you’re hankering after, let me just point out that once you’re in the Company – assuming, of course, that you actually want to be in the Company?”
I did! Of course I did! What kind of a question was that?
“Once you’re a fully paid-up member you’ll find there are all sorts of exciting ways you can injure yourself … You can strain your back, you can tear a ligament, you can have muscle spasms, tendonitis, even a stress fracture if that’s what takes your fancy. The choice is yours! And all that without having to resort to playing rugby, or whatever else you have in mind. Obviously something the powers-that-be wouldn’t look too kindly on or you wouldn’t be so desperate to get my approval.”
I muttered that I wasn’t desperate. “I just wanted to know if you’d ever felt that way.”
“You mean, frustrated?”
“Like wanting to try something different ev
en if people told you not to. Wouldn’t you just have gone and done it anyway?”
“Absolutely not.” Sean shook his head. “It’s true I wasn’t exactly a model student, but I can honestly say I was never tempted to do anything which might put my career in jeopardy. And if you want my opinion, I don’t think you should, either.”
“But all I w—”
I was about to say that all I wanted to do was go ice skating, just to prove that I could do it. I wasn’t going to break my neck! Or even my leg. But Sean held up a hand.
“Don’t tell me! I don’t want to know. The very fact you’re asking me shows you’re not totally convinced. So if I were you I’d play it safe – especially with the end-of-term Gala coming up. I know everyone says, ‘Oh, it’s not that important’, but it’s a great little showcase and, believe me, Madam will be out there watching like a hawk.” He wagged a finger in my face. “You have been warned!”
People were so disappointing. Even Sean. He’d always had this reputation as being a rebel – doing his own thing, going his own way. And now here he was, telling me to play it safe. Sean, of all people!
I grumbled to Caitlyn about it when we met up for school the following week.
“Honestly! He’s as bad as you are.”
“Why?” She snatched at my words, eagerly. I might have known she would take it as a compliment, being mentioned in the same breath as Sean. “Did he tell you not to be stupid?”
“He didn’t say stupid.”
“But he did say you shouldn’t do it?”
I struggled for a moment. I didn’t want her gloating, just because Sean happened to agree with her.
“He just said be careful.”
“But you’re not going to do it? You’re not, surely?”
“Dunno,” I said. “I’m still thinking about it.”
Caitlyn shook her head. “I just don’t see the point.”
“That’s because you’re not adventurous. Some of us,” I said, “feel the need to push ourselves. Otherwise you just stagnate.”
It was a good word, stagnate! I felt quite proud of it. At least it gave Caitlyn something to think about.
I wondered if I could persuade Chloe into coming along. She was always boasting about doing whatever she wanted. Not that I felt the need of company, cos after all I’d be with Sonya. I was just curious to discover if I was the only one who’d be bold enough to try something new.