Finding Serenity (The Unexpected Love Series Book 2)

by Black, T. E.

  I blubber like a fucking baby, apologizing over and over again. It’s all I can do. I mean really, Gunner’s right. I caused this. I fucking did this to my beautiful girl.

  Gunner tosses me to the side, guarding Shay with everything he has. Ryleigh stares back and forth between the two of us, her eyes wide with shock.

  “Get the fuck out! I’m not telling you again!” he screams into the quiet room.

  I shove my hands in my pockets, utterly defeated. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath before turning my back and walking out the door.

  I’ll fix this.

  Demi Lovato – “Skyscraper”

  I HEARD HIM. I didn’t want to, but I heard every word he said. I heard every apology, every sob, every “I love you.” I tried to tell him it was going to be okay, but the words wouldn’t come out. I screamed in my mind telling him I loved him too, but he didn’t hear a word because I can’t talk. I’m stuck in a blackness where nobody can hear me. I hear everyone else, though. I keep hearing the nurses and doctors saying I need time to heal, but little do they know I’m ready to wake up. I don’t need any more time. I have all the time in the world inside of the darkness. The moment I see the light will be the happiest day of my life. I’m so fucking sick of the dark. I’ve been walking through this tunnel taunted by the lights shining at the end, but this damn tunnel goes on forever. It’s never ending. My bare feet are cut and bloodied and taking me nowhere but in circles. I can’t find my way out. I’m trying my hardest, dammit. I have to get out of the darkness. I have to get to my daughter. I won’t leave her alone. I’ll fight until I can’t fight anymore. I will wake up. I know I’ll wake up. I’m too tough to slip away. I’ve been through hell and back, and I refuse to go out like this.

  “When you’re ready to wake up, I’ll be here, babe.”

  That voice is music to my ears. I hear it day and night, knowing the person whom it belongs to never sleeps. God. What would I do without him? I know how much he loves me since I hear every word he says. I’ve heard his profession of love on more than one occasion. Is it wrong not to feel the same way? Is it wrong to take comfort in knowing someone whom I don’t love will never hurt me the way he did? Is it wrong to take second best over my first choice out of being selfish?

  “Fuck, Shay. I’ll never let this happen again. I never should’ve left you there alone. I should’ve just taken you with us. This is on me. I should’ve protected you. You were such a mess … so much blood ... it was all over me, and I just held you, begging you to wake up like I’m doing now.”

  It’s not your fault, Gunner. Please don’t blame yourself. I should’ve told someone about Tony. I wanted to protect Trent, so I didn’t tell a soul. I was so worried he wouldn’t love me anymore if he knew what I did. I should’ve thought of everyone else before I thought about him.

  Ugh. Why does everything come back to him? Why can’t I just forget about what we had? It was good for a little while, but I knew from the beginning it wasn’t going to end well. Look where that got me. I’m stuck in my head while everyone else is praying I’ll wake up.

  “I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you. I’ve loved you this entire time. I should’ve fought harder for you. I never should’ve let you be with him. I should’ve protected you from him. I knew who he was. I knew what he did. I knew what was gonna happen. I’m so fucking sorry, Shay. When you wake up, I’ll make this right. I won’t let you hurt anymore. I love you so fucking much.”

  I hear a door opening, followed by a pitter-patter I could place from a mile away. Voices mumble in the background, but all I hear is the sweet melody of my little girl. I can smell her cotton candy scent, followed by the bubblegum shampoo she insists on using every night at bathtime.

  “Hi, Mommy. Everyone said you need to sleep, but I really want you to wake up. I’ve been drawing pictures for you while you’re sleeping. Wait until you wake up, Mommy. They’re all around your room. I can’t wait for you to see them.”

  Oh, baby! Mommy can’t wait to see them either! I love you, princess! I’m going to wake up soon, baby. Mommy’s so sorry. I can’t wait to hold you, baby girl. I promise I’ll be okay. Please don’t be scared.

  “Uncle Mac, can I go on the bed with Mommy?”

  Hi, Uncle Mac! Thank you for taking care of my baby. Please let her come lie with me. I really need to feel my little girl. You’ll understand when you have your own how much her touch means. There’s nothing greater in the world than the love of your child.

  “Sure, princess. Just be careful ya don’t hurt Mommy. Be careful, okay rugrat?”

  “Okay,” Abby squeaks.

  The weight of Abby moves my mattress, and I groan in pain, which shoots up the back of my head.

  “Mommy?”

  “Uncle Mac! Mommy made a noise! I heard it!” she shouts.

  Did I make a noise? Did they hear me? They heard me!

  “Are you sure she made a noise, Abby?” Callie asks.

  “I heard her! Mommy, make another one!”

  I sprint through the tunnel, my legs aching from the sudden exertion. It’s a forgotten feeling, but I push through the pain. I run with all of my might, my bones screaming out.

  I’m coming, Abby. Mommy’s coming.

  The lights are so close. They’re blinding, but I run toward them. I can’t see anything but my little girl standing at the end. The lights illuminate her little silhouette as she smiles endearingly, reaching out her tiny hand for me to grab.

  I’m so close.

  So close.

  Abby moves a step toward me, and I leap. I leap, soaring through the air in slow motion, praying I get to her. I can’t take another fall, but it’s worth it if I can hold my little girl.

  “Mommy!” Abby squeals as I land on her.

  “Baby girl!”

  I wrap my arms around her, placing kisses everywhere I can. God. I missed her. She’s my light. She’s my lifeline. I can’t die. I know God wouldn’t let me leave her.

  She tugs on my hand, making me stand.

  “Come on, Mommy! I wanna show you my pictures.” She smiles, leading me to the other side of the tunnel. I follow, never missing a step as we walk into the sunlight.

  My eyes fly open, the light blinding me but also soothing me. My throat burns from being so dry, but I let out my first cough.

  “Shay?”

  “Mommy?”

  “She’s awake!”

  “Someone call the nurse!”

  “She’s awake!”

  “Baby girl,” I whisper, staring at the sight before me.

  My beautiful daughter stares down at me as if I’m the most important person in her life. Her blonde hair is done up in pigtails while she grabs and wraps me up in a hug.

  “Mommy!”

  “EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD, Ms. Kirby. You suffered a severe head injury. We’re going to keep you overnight for observation, but so long as you’re showing improvement tomorrow, we’ll get you back home with your daughter,” the doctor confirms, tucking his clipboard under his arm.

  “You’re very lucky to have such an incredible support system. Not everyone is as lucky as you,” he adds before excusing himself.

  I take a sip of my water, the moisture still stinging a bit. The doctors told me it’ll get better. They said each day I’ll feel more like myself. I guess they don’t know me all that well because I’m already feeling like myself. I’m dying to get out of here. I just want to go home and live again. I opened my eyes eight hours ago, and I’m already tired of being stuck in a white room.

  The door opens and Gunner strides in holding a bagel and some orange juice in his hands. He comes to my bedside, leaning down to place a kiss on my forehead.

  “Hey, babe,” he whispers mid-kiss.

  His desire to show me such a large amount of affection makes me a little uneasy. I know he’s been here taking care of me, and I love him for it. But my heart is still torn in two between him and Trent. I remember Trent coming to see me while I was still asleep. I a
lso remember the horrible words Gunner had shouted at him. Trent didn’t deserve that. I still haven’t told anyone why everything happened, but I need to wait until I can remember it all. I remember bits and pieces. I remember Bruce being there. I remember Bruce hurting me then apologizing. I remember Tony. I remember what he was about to do to me. If it weren't for Gunner, he would’ve raped me. He would’ve broken me, just to get back at Trent.

  “I need to tell someone what happened,” I whisper.

  “Babe, you don’t have to talk to anyone until you’re ready. I already told the police you aren’t ready.”

  “It’s fine. I need to tell them what happened. Bruce was involved …” I mumble.

  Gunner’s eyes go wide, and he takes my hand supportively.

  “Did he hurt you? Did he lay a fucking finger on you? You can tell me, babe …”

  I close my eyes, praying to God that I could get through telling Gunner what I remember. He knows bits and pieces too, but he doesn’t know the extent of it. I’m not sure what his reaction is going to be once he hears it all. He might freak the hell out again, or he might be understanding as to why I didn’t tell anyone what was going on.

  “I’ll start from the beginning.”

  I go through the motions of telling Gunner everything that led to us sitting here in a hospital. His emotions flick through sadness, rage, shock, and pure disbelief. His highs and lows have me emotionally spent. He did take it better than I was hoping, though. I figured he was going to go ballistic, but he held it together for the most part. He kept asking me why I protected Trent the way I did, and I only had one answer he wasn’t going to love.

  “Because I love him,” I say, staring into his eyes.

  “You loved him, or you love him, Shay? There’s a big difference.”

  With a tight grip on Gunner’s hands and a heavy heart, I tell him the truth. I refuse to keep secrets anymore. I did it last time and look where it got me.

  “I love him,” I confirm with no regret.

  Gunner’s eyes turn soft before he buries his face into our joined hands.

  “How could you love him after all he’s done to you? Shouldn’t you’ve woken up and hated him? Isn’t that the way this is all supposed to work? You don’t even know who he is anymore, Shay. Nobody knows who he is. He went fucking AWOL. The only person who’s talked to him is Ryleigh, and even she’s not coming around much. He didn’t come back to see you after the first time …”

  “You mean the night you threw your best friend out and told him he should’ve been in this bed, not me?” I clip, not meaning to sound so rough.

  “You heard that?” Gunner whispers.

  “I heard everything. I heard everything said to me. I may have been unconscious, but I wasn’t dead. It was Abby who got to me. I kept lying here waiting for her to come see me, but I’m sure you all kept her away with good reason. She brought me out of the darkness.”

  “She was so brave, Shay. You should’ve seen her. She walked in here as if she owned the place. She’s strong just like you are. I knew you weren’t gonna leave without a fight. I sat here next to you the whole time. I kept praying to God you’d just wake up and be okay. The nurse said if I kept talking, you’d hear me, and I hoped she was right.”

  “She was right. I heard you telling me how you felt about me, Gunner. We’re going to have that talk, but I honestly can’t do it today. My head hurts like a bitch. You think the pain medication they’re giving me would make me feel like a fucking angel,” I joke, hoping to lighten the mood.

  Gunner lets out a hearty laugh, leaning in to place another kiss on my forehead. My body goes stiff at the gesture, knowing my talk is going to break his heart.

  “Leave it to you to make a joke right now, babe.”

  Eric Paslay – “She Don’t Love You”

  “YOU READY TO get outta this hell hole?” I quirk, helping Shay into her wheelchair.

  “Is that a question? Get me the hell out of here! I want my bed back!”

  Shay lets out a small laugh, throwing her head back where she looks up at me through dark lashes. God. Could she get any more beautiful? I’ve always looked at her, but I’ve never really looked at her. I’ve only seen her when she’s made up to be beautiful. I’ve never gotten to experience the unfiltered version of Shay Kirby. The version who’s as naturally beautiful as they come. It’s enough to make me leap over the cliff, hoping her love will be there to catch me when I fall.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  Shit. I shake my head, clearing my thoughts of us having a future together. Is that what I was just doing? Did I imagine what could happen if she picks me over him? I know she heard what I told her about being in love with her for a long time now, but I don’t know if it’s actually going to make a difference. When she talks about him, she gets heart eyes. When she looks at me, she gets I love you like a friend eyes. I’m not fucking blind. I see it. I know my chances are slim to none, but unlike him, I’m willing to fight or die trying. I’d never forgive myself if I let her go without trying.

  “It’s just good to see you happy. That’s all,” I lie.

  We approach my Ford Explorer where I help her stand and get settled in the front seat. Shay was roughed up pretty bad. She ended up with a gnarly concussion, six stitches in the back of her head, some bad fucking bruising, and a cracked rib from the CPR attempts. She still says every ounce of pain she’s in is worth it because she’s alive.

  “Do you have plans now that you’re free of taking care of me?”

  I hop in the driver’s side, buckling in before turning to give her a stern look. How hard did she actually hit her head?

  “Seriously? You think I’d leave you after everything that happened? You can’t take care of yourself, let alone take care of Abby, Shay. I’m staying at your place until you can move around without wincing every time you get up.”

  “You don’t have to do this, you know? I’m sure someone else can come over and stay with me. Callie, Sierra, Ryleigh—any of them would come stay with me. Then you wouldn’t have to put your life on hold for me anymore.”

  “I said I’m staying, Shay. I’ll crash on your couch,” I bite out.

  She blows out a long, deep breath and follows with a small groan. Her head turns to stare out the window. She’s closing up on me. Fuck. Don’t close up on me, babe. I just got you back. I reach across the console, taking her hand from her lap and putting it in mine. I rub my thumb softly over her skin, keeping my eyes on the road.

  “What’s going on? You’re shutting those doors again, Shay.”

  Her other hand encases us while she stays hollow. She speaks, but it’s in monotone. She breathes, but it’s shallow.

  “I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea by staying over. We’re friends. Well, that’s how I feel about you. I know you feel differently than I do. I just … I don’t want to lose you, too.”

  We pull up in front of her apartment as her voice trails off, the distance still present. I throw the car in park, shifting in my seat to face her. I look at her frowning expression, taking her chin between my fingers.

  “I get it, Shay. You don’t have to worry about me. You’re still in love with him. I’m not your first choice, but I’m still here and he’s not.”

  Shay starts to apologize, but I cut her off, hopping out and moving to the passenger side. I open the door for her, helping her out. We take the steps to her apartment slowly, her body wincing every once in a while from walking the distance. Reaching her apartment door, I support Shay’s weight as she leans against me, her body exhausted.

  “Thank you, Gunner,” she says, moving to hold onto the door handle.

  “You’re welcome, Shay. Let’s get you inside, all right? You need to take your meds, but you gotta eat something first.”

  Shay opens the front door, stepping in while a smile takes over her face. She holds herself upright, the door still supporting her weight, but I move quick, wrapping my arm back around her.
/>
  “Where do you wanna get settled, babe? Your room, the couch, wherever you wanna set up shop.”

  “Could you help me get to my bed? I’ve never wanted this shitty mattress so much in my life.” She laughs.

  I chuckle with her, moving us toward her room. I take a deep breath at the door, a nerve pulling at my heartstrings. I’ve never seen her room. I’m sure it makes me a pussy for being nervous, but it’s almost like seeing into her mind.

  “Gunner? We going in or what?” she jokes.

  I shake my head, clearing it of thoughts of Shay, and focus on the task at hand—getting my girl comfortable. Fuck. No. Not my girl.

  “Yeah. Sorry about that. Let’s get you bed ridden, babe.”

  I open the door, the bright blue walls hitting a spot in my heart. Her room is so damn … happy. It’s so unlike her. When I look at Shay, I think blood red walls and skulls with crossbones covering the surface, and to my surprise, her room is anything but that. I rake my eyes over the beach theme that starts with seashells and ends with sand in small glass bottles. A big laugh bubbles from my throat as I lay her down on her plush, white comforter covered king-size bed.

  “Stop laughing!” She laughs herself.

  Tears spring to my eyes, and I run my hand through my beard.

  “I’m sorry! I just didn’t expect your room to be so … pleasant? I think that’s the word I’m looking for.”

  A baby blue accent pillow smacks me dead center in the face, Shay’s laugh turning infectious.

  “Did you think it would be unpleasant?”

  She snuggles into bed, her back hitting the white carved headboard where she pulls her comforter up and covers her body. I take a seat on the edge of it, my fingers tracing the detailed designs woven into the fabric.

  “It’s not that,” I mumble.

  Shay nudges me with her foot under the covers, my head looking back at her.