by Black, T. E.
“I love you, Shay. I know I’ve said it before, but I’ve never actually told you how much you mean to me. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you smile. Not one of those fake smiles you give when you couldn’t be bothered but a real, stunning smile. That smile has knocked me on my ass more than once. When you look in the mirror, you see yourself as independent, strong, and tough, but when I see you, I see you, needing someone like me to take care of you. You might think you can handle picking up the pieces after he breaks your heart again, but you won’t be able to. You’re not gonna be able to fix yourself when he destroys you again, and I won’t be here to help you next time. If you’re gonna pick him, then I can’t stay here and watch the two of you be a happy little family. I won’t stay here knowing what he did to you.”
I stare at Gunner in shock, my mind scrambling to piece together what he’s saying. Is he leaving? Where’s he going? He won’t stay here if Trent and I get back together?
“W-w-w-hat?” I stutter.
He leans forward, placing a single, lingering kiss on my lips before his forehead falls against mine. His palm envelops my cheek while his eyes stay locked on mine.
“I love you. I love you more than anything, Shay. I’m sorry, but I can’t wait anymore,” he says before moving away.
I watch him grab his jacket out of my closet and turn without hesitation for the door. I expect myself to call out and make him stay, but my vocal cords don’t give in. I do nothing as I hear the front door to my apartment click shut. I just stare at the white paint on my open bedroom door, replaying the last moments in my mind.
Before I realize it’s happening, I’m throwing my sheets back and sprinting to my front door to get him back. I don’t want him to go. He can’t leave. His friendship means too much.
I make it five steps into the living room before a razor sharp pain rips through my side causing me to scream out in pain before I crash to the carpeted floor.
“Fuck!”
My breath labors while I reach for the area radiating in pain. Each movement hurts worse than the next. I attempt to pick myself up but fail miserably when that fucking pain rips through me again.
“Motherfucker!” I scream again.
My vision blurs while spots of white flicker in and out of my line of sight. I lay my back flat on the ground, a dizzy haze hovering above me.
“Mommy?”
Abby. Oh God. My poor baby.
“Sweetheart,” I breathe.
“Are you okay, Mommy?”
No, baby.
“Sweetheart, I need you to get Mommy’s phone. I can’t get up.”
“Okay,” Abby whispers before running into my bedroom.
Abby kneels down, shoving my phone at me eagerly. I take the phone from her tiny hands, searching for Gunner’s number in my contacts. I blow out a breath of relief when I spot his name and tap the screen putting my call through.
One ring.
Two rings.
Three rings.
Voicemail.
“Dammit, Gunner! Answer,” I plead, hitting send again.
One ring.
Two rings.
Voicemail.
“Shit!”
“Mommy …”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to swear. I’m just …”
Abby cuts me off. “Call Daddy.”
I close my eyes when the waves of pain crash over my ribs again, the pressure stopping me in my tracks.
“Shit,” I snap again.
“Sweetheart, I can’t call him. We haven’t talked.”
Another wave crashes over me, and I know I have no choice. Abby can’t get me back in bed, and I sure as hell can’t do it myself.
One ring.
Two rings.
“Shay?”
His voice ceases movement in my chest. My heart stops on point with his voice. His voice makes me forget I’m stuck on my living room floor without anyone to help me.
“Trent …”
Justin Bieber – “Sorry”
“TRENT! I MADE it!”
“Seriously? Ya invited the Jersey chick?” Ryleigh clips, wiping down a crystal bar glass.
“Stop being a bitch, Ry. She’s cool,” I defend.
Kimberly saunters toward Ryleigh and me at the bar, throwing the extra sway in her hips she always has. It’s really one of the first reasons I noticed her. She may lack a little in cup size, but her hips could drive any man wild. She’s a gorgeous woman who happens to be my helper on Project Get Shay Back.
She stops in front of me, throwing her arms around my neck and bringing me in for a hug.
“Hey, gorgeous,” I say while she grabs a seat next to me.
“Hey, handsome,” she shoots back.
She bumps her shoulder to mine in a playful manner before ordering a beer for herself. Ryleigh grunts in response but still pours her drink from the tap.
“So let's hear this master plan! You sounded pretty confident that it was epic!”
“His plan is shit!” Ry chimes in.
I shoot a glare her way before getting back to Kimberly.
“Ry is just wicked pissed she didn't think of it first,” I state smugly.
My response earns a chuckle from Ryleigh. She thinks my plan is insane, but I don't see any other way to get Shay back. Shay Kirby is an all or nothing kind of woman. She's the type of woman who knows actions speak louder than any words ever could. She can smell bullshit a mile away, which is why I'm doing this right. Shay once said I wasn't serious about anything except my tattoo shop, and while it might have been true at one point in my life, it's not true anymore. I'm serious about four things now—my sobriety, Shay Kirby, Abagail Kirby, and Etched. I won't give up until I own all four of those things.
“All right, here are the deets. Ry and I’ve been looking at hou-”
My phone cuts me off mid-sentence, the vibration echoing on the wooden bar top. I take a quick glance at the screen, and I have to blink twice. My mind is fucking with me again. I've been getting a little confused lately now that I'm clean. I wanna say it's because I haven't been fully sober in a long-ass time.
The gears in my mind click momentarily, and I snatch my phone from the bar, hitting the answer button.
“Shay?”
My voice is teetering on the edge of a complete breakdown. Sweat drips down my forehead where I wipe it away before repeating myself.
“Shay?”
“Trent …”
Her voice is a symphony to my ears. It's been so long since I've heard it in that unfiltered way. There's no guard up when she says my name this time. It's almost as if she needs me. She needs me. My fucking girl needs me back. It's almost too good to be true.
“Fuck, Shay. It's so good to hear ya voice,” I whisper.
A sob bubbles up from my throat, but I force it back down. I didn't picture hearing her for the first time over a phone line, but fuck, it still gives me the chills. I've been waiting for this moment. I played through a million scenarios of what she’d sound like. Would she scream at me? Would she cry to me for all of the bad shit I've done to her? Would she be emotionless, closing up the walls she stands guard on every minute?
“I need you …”
I expel a breath of relief hearing those words in my ear. I need you too, babe. I fucking need you like I need my heart. I'm nothing without you. I'm a shell of a person without you, babe.
“I fucked up, Shay. I'm so sorry, baby.”
I wait for some type of emotion. Any kind of emotion will do. I'll take sadness, anger, happiness, anything. But when I hear a shuffle followed by a loud agonizing groan, I freeze on the spot.
“Shay? Are ya okay? What's going on?”
“Trent, I need you to come over. I fell … There's nobody here except Abby and I can't get up. I shouldn't have tried to get-”
“I’ll be there in five.” I cut her off before she even answers.
I shove my phone in my pocket, throwing money down on the bar for my club soda
and hightail it the fuck out of there.
“SHAY?” I SHOUT as I use my spare key to open her door.
I walk into her apartment, the sight before me painful. Shay lies on the ground, clutching her side while Abby sits beside her, holding Shay’s hand for support. God, I missed my girls.
Abby’s eyes light up like the New York skyline when she sees me. I almost think she’s going to run and jump on me, but then I remember why I’m here. I’m not home just yet. I’m here to help Shay.
“Fuck, Shay. What happened?” I ask cautiously as I approach her.
She peeks at me through partially open eyes, her hand still holding her side in an effort to stop hurting. I assess the situation, running through ideas on how the hell to get her up without hurting her worse than she already is.
“I tried to make Gunner stay. I should’ve known better than to get out of bed that fast…” she admits, her eyes looking away.
“What do ya mean? Where the fuck did he go? He left ya like this?” I all but snarl.
“We got into an argument, and he left. He said he couldn’t stay.”
I push back the feeling of crushing Gunner’s skull with my bare fist, knowing I have to get Shay off her fucking floor. We’ll talk about what happened later. For now, she just needs to get back in her bed.
“Okay. Let’s get you up and back in bed. We’ll talk about it later, babe.”
Shay nods her head in agreement; her eyes getting the old look in them. The look that tells me she still loves me with everything she has.
I kneel down in front of her unmoving body, placing one hand under the back of her knees while the other slips around her back and under her arm. She groans again, and I know I have to get her back to bed quickly.
“All right, babe. This might hurt, but I’m gonna do this shit quick. Okay? We need to get ya back in your bed.”
I rise from the ground, Shay in my arms, while Abby follows close behind. I move into her bedroom where I place her down, the smell of her surrounding me like the first time all over.
“Oh, God. Thank you, Trent. Thank you. I didn’t know if you’d come when I called. Thank you,” she whispers, settling into the comfort of her bed.
I stare at her in total shock. I’m baffled. How could she ever think I wouldn’t come if she needed me? That shouldn’t have ever been a doubt in her beautiful mind. I’m the one who deserves to beg for forgiveness. It’s been eating me alive inside. I need her to forgive me, but first, she needs to rest. I can only imagine how much pain she’s in from falling.
Leaning forward, I place my lips to her crinkled forehead, letting them linger for a moment before pulling away. The taste of her skin is intoxicating. I’ve missed the feeling since we broke it off.
“Shay, ya never have to thank me for taking care of ya. I would’ve been here from the start if I didn’t think ya didn’t want me here. I love you. I never stopped. I’m going to fix all this shit between us, but first, ya need rest. So get some sleep. I’m gonna call your doctor and make sure he doesn’t want to see ya again because of the fall. Then I’ll hang with Abby if that’s okay …”
A tiny smile creeps from her lips and she nods her head. I smile back, and it feels fucking fantastic. I never thought I’d get to smile at her again, yet here I am. I’m getting my second chance.
I see myself out of her room when I hear her.
“Trent …”
Turning around to face her, I stare with apprehension. Did she change her mind? Is she gonna tell me I can’t see Abby? Is she gonna tell me to get the fuck out?
“I love you, too,” she says without hesitation.
I turn my back, heading into the living room with an infectious grin on my face. There’s nothing like hearing those three words fall from Shay’s red stained lips. I’ve been longing to hear it, and the fact of the matter is she still loves me. After all the bad shit I put us through, her heart kept my spot filled.
I TALKED TO Shay’s doctor a few hours ago, and he assured me Shay would be all right. He explained that broken ribs heal in their own way on their own terms. Kind of like broken hearts, huh? He also said if she didn’t have any extreme pain when she woke up, she wouldn’t need to see him. It was a relief in itself.
“I knew you’d come home,” Abby mumbles, her little arms wrapped around my neck.
Since I came out of Shay’s room, four hours ago, I’ve had a little monkey attached to me wherever I go. I’m not complaining one bit, though. I couldn’t picture my life without her or her mom. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through this crazy mess, it’s not to take anything for granted. I know it sounds cliché as fuck, but it’s the goddamn truth. I went through the wringer, only to end up back where I always belonged. I belong with my girls. And even though Abby has forgiven me a hundred percent, I’m still not sure about Shay. She may still love me, but Abby informed me she heard Gunner telling Shay he loved her more than I did. I have to say for her being a kid she sure understands everything.
“When are you gonna tell Mommy you’re sorry?”
I close my eyes, a weight crushing down on my chest again. It fucking destroys me to think Abby has known what’s been happening.
“As soon as the time’s right, little princess,” I answer.
“When will that be? I don’t want you to leave again,” she admits.
I wrap my arms around her back, pulling her in for a bear hug.
“I have to apologize to Uncle Mac, and then I can ask ya mom if I can stay.”
“She wants you to stay,” she says on point.
I cock an eyebrow, untangling her from my neck and scooting her back an inch. Her face is entirely serious, and it reminds me of the first time she shook my hand like an adult would.
“And how do ya know that, little princess?”
“She told me,” she whispers.
“What did I tell you?”
Abby and I both jump, startled when Shay chimes in. I look in front of us, seeing her leaning against the doorway, a smug look on her face.
“That you want Daddy to come home.”
Abby and I both shrug at the same time while Shay tries not to laugh.
“Why don’t you let Daddy and me talk about him coming home before you start making plans, sweetheart?” Shay quirks, her eyes still locked on me.
“I’m going to my room!” Abby announces while heading down the hallway.
She has an extra skip in her step which leads me to believe she’s gonna be listening the entire time. She’s a smart girl.
“I guess she wants us to talk.” Shay laughs stepping away from the wall.
Out of instinct to keep her safe, I jump from the couch, darting for her before she falls again. She shouldn’t even be out of bed, let alone walking around like it’s no big deal.
“How about we get ya back in bed first? Ya need to rest. Doctor’s orders.”
Shay smiles and shakes her head in disbelief but still lets me help her back to her room. I wrap my arm around her lower waist, careful not to touch her side until we stand by her bed. She looks up at me through dark lashes, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. It almost looks like she wants to kiss me, but I won’t let it happen yet. I have too many wrongs to right before it can happen.
I reach around her and pull back her comforter so she can get back in bed. She huffs before following my silent direction.
“Are we going to talk now because you’re being weird as fuck?” she questions, adjusting herself on the mattress.
“How am I being weird as fuck?” I retort.
“You’ve barely touched or looked at me. I expected some sort of grand entrance. We went from crazy love to this.” She waves her hand back and forth between us.
I sigh, running a hand through my tousled hair. Taking a seat on the edge of her bed, I look at her. I mean I really see her for the first time since I walked in. The sight steals my breath for a moment. There she lies, her black and red mane splayed over her pillow, her inked skin never having dulled
, and her mismatched eyes staring into my soul. She wants the truth, and I’ll give it to her. I won’t lie anymore. I won’t base our new beginning on lies again.
“I don’t know how to fix this. I thought I knew how, Shay. I had it all figured out—the grand entrance, the grand gesture. I knew exactly what I was gonna say until I actually saw ya. I feel like it’s too late to fix everything, too late to fix us. So help me out here. I’m fucking lost here, Shay,” I admit.
She reaches for my hand, lacing her fingers between mine. My hearts beats a mile a minute while I wait for her response. I’m hanging over the imaginary cliff here praying to God that she’ll pull me back up to safety.
“Why don’t we start with the truth? I’ll go first. I was a Go-Go dancer at Bare when we first met. I needed the job at the shop to put food on the table. My ex, Bruce, was and still is a deadbeat who never gave a damn whether Abby ate dinner or not. I was a bitch to you at the beginning because I never wanted anyone in my life as much as I wanted you. I wanted to be the one who tied you down. I wanted to make you a one-woman type of guy, and it made me bitter as fuck when you paraded chicks around while I stood on the sidelines.” She pauses before continuing. “I knew I loved you the day at the zoo. I watched the way my daughter’s touch affected you, and I knew you could give her as much love as I do. I used to think you had a black heart until that day. At that moment, I knew every rumor I’d heard about you was a lie. I remember thinking how could a man who looks at my daughter like that not have a heart? How could he possibly be so fucked up if one touch from a child could almost bring him to his knees? You thought I didn’t see you, but I did. I saw every part of it. That’s when I knew I loved you, Trent Wallace. I lied to you. I deceived you. I hurt you. I was just as big a part of this entire mess as you were, but there was never a time when I stopped loving you.”
My wide eyes and sweaty palms speed up my mind like a rocket. I blink a few times, replaying her words in my mind. How could she think what she did was as bad as what I did? I’m the one who almost got her killed. I’m the one who brought drugs into her home without her permission. I put her at risk.