by Black, T. E.
I slip from the bed, dropping to my knees in front of her. My hands find her face while I blink back tears. Fuck, babe. I love you.
“Don’t ever say that, Shay. Ya had no part in this. I did it. I didn’t wanna own it before, but I’ll own it now. Fuck, the first time I met ya, I knew, without a doubt in my mind, ya were gonna be it for me. Ya were the entire package, and you still are now. I kept hoping I’d get the chance to apologize. I fucked up so many times. It was one mistake after another. I couldn’t even see straight once I got in so deep. I shoulda just told ya the truth from the get-go. I’m so fucking sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry.”
My voice cracks while I lean my head down against our joined hands. How could I ever think I could live without her? I’m nothing without her. She’s etched herself on my heart for the rest of my life.
“I was using from the beginning. I was trying to escape all the shit with my mom. I was attempting to numb it. I didn’t wanna feel the pain anymore. Ryleigh tried to help me, and I shoved her away. I should’ve told ya how bad it was, but I swear to God, I never thought it would get this out of control. I signed myself into an outpatient rehab program the day I saw you after the accident. I walked into your room at the hospital after Ryleigh told me what happened, and I fucking lost it, Shay. I couldn’t believe what I did to ya. Ya had your own reasons for keeping Tony’s blackmail to yourself, and that reason was me. I know ya were trying to protect me, but ya shouldn’t have had to. I should’ve protected you. I would’ve never been able to live with myself if something had happened, and I realized it for the first time when I saw all those fucking tubes helping ya breathe. I realized it a second time when I saw Gunner sitting by ya side when that should’ve been me there. I drove myself to the closest rehab center, signed myself in, and I’ve been going to meetings every day since.”
Shay leans her head down on top of mine, her hand rubbing my neck.
“Trent,” she whispers.
She moves her head, and I raise mine to follow the trail of her voice. Hearing her say my name is music to my ears. When my eyes meet hers, what I see reflecting back at me overwhelms me. My reflection shines brightly in her mismatched eyes. I’m a sight for sore eyes. My hair's grown out, leaving it a little shaggy, and I haven’t trimmed my beard in fucking weeks. I look like a worn-down version of my once kept self, but Shay … she looks beautiful—pristine even. The near look of love in her eyes staring back at me is enough to draw out the tears I’ve been holding back. I’ll never take her for granted again. Mark my words. I’ll love her and treat her like fucking royalty. All I need now is for her to take me back.
Ariana Grande – “Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart”
I LOOK IN Trent’s eyes and see the pain behind their sober sparkle. It’s a crazy thing how much his eyes have changed from the beginning. I can almost see a part of him that was missing this entire time. The amount of love and regret shining back at me makes tears slip from my eyes in an instant.
I’ve waited so long to hear the truth. I’ve waited so long to hear him tell me he needed help, and here he is, kneeling in front of me and giving me the power to break him to pieces. I’ve wanted the truth for so long; I almost don’t know what to do with it now. I want to be angry with him for all he’s done. I know I should feel angry, but the only thing I can feel is relief. Finally, there are no more secrets between us.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Shay. I’ll do anything I can to make this right. I know where I belong now, and it’s with you and Abby. I’ve always loved ya. I may not have shown it, but I never had a second thought about us. I may have fucked up more than anyone should, but I always knew your love could change me. I knew the secrets would come with consequences, but never in a million years did I think it would cause me to lose ya,” Trent whispers, his eyes glossy.
There’s something about this version of Trent. This version is everything I’ve always wanted on top of what I had. All I ever wanted was something real from him to keep my heart intact. While there were times I was sure he shattered it in pieces, there were also times when he mended each and every crack which was already there.
“I want to forgive you, and I will, eventually. But you need to forgive me too, Trent. You may think I’ve done nothing wrong, but one day, you’re going to wake up and realize I carry half the blame. I don’t want it to hurt us in the long run. Forgiveness means everything. We both have to right our wrongs.”
Trent stares, his lips parting while he sucks in a sharp breath. I watch his every movement with apprehension, praying we can fix this. I need to fix this. I can't keep going without him in Abby’s and my life.
In a blink of an eye, Trent’s lips smash into mine with a windstorm of emotion trailing behind. His hands cup each side of my face while he deepens the kiss. I moan against his mouth, having missed the sensation of his touch. I wind my hands in his hair, tugging on it ever so softly. The action grants me a groan slipping from his lips. I inhale his sounds, savoring them in a vault I use for only our memories.
He pulls me in deeper while our tongues swirl around each other, creating a rhythm of our own. The kiss ignites a fire deep inside me that I couldn’t put out even if I tried. I never want to be without him. I never want to miss the way his mouth feels on mine.
Trent pulls back an inch, his forehead leaning against mine while we both try to catch our breath. His gaze is intense as he stares into the deepest part of my soul.
“I love ya so fucking much, Shay,” he breathes against me.
“Make love to me, Trent.”
His expression turns hesitant, and he shakes his head.
“I can’t,” he denies.
My face drops along with my heart before he quickly takes back his words, giving an explanation.
“Ya just fell, Shay. I don’t think it's a good idea. Your ribs are shot, babe.”
I smile shyly at him, loving how much he cares about me. He’s thinking with his heart for a change, and it’s perfect. But right now, I only want him. I want my man back, my handsome, crazy, spontaneous man.
“Just make love to me, Trent,” I whisper before crashing my lips back into his.
I take control this time, my hands on his face, my mouth taking over his. He groans when I slip my tongue in his mouth and run my teeth over his bottom lip.
“Fuck, kitten,” he hums.
I remove one hand from his face, sliding it down his chest, abdomen, and land on his cock. My fingers skim over the hardened outline in his jeans while he sighs in pleasure. I continue kissing him while I slip my other hand from his face and use it to unbutton his pants. I wrap my fingers around the head, giving it a little pump to get him started. One of his hands laces in the back of my hair while the other moves my T-shirt over my breasts. The cold air causes my nipples to harden and chills to pebble over my skin.
We move apart for a moment only to go back to each other. I lie back on my bed while Trent hovers above me, pulling his shirt over his head in a slow, seductive motion. I lick my lips at the sight of his undeniably sexy six-pack. God, I’ve missed his six-pack. I trace my fingers over the muscles, his stomach flexing under my touch.
“Fuck, kitten. I miss ya. That fucking touch drives me wild.”
“I missed you too, Trent.”
Moving back over the top of me, he nudges my legs apart with his knee, asking for entrance. I give in without hesitation and open up. Trent eyes my waist, his tattooed hands removing my panties from one hip at a time. He grabs his cock, giving it a pump of his own, before moving between my thighs. He leans forward enough so our mouths are an inch apart, and with one thrust, he’s inside of me.
The pain from my ribs subsides the moment he rocks into me with such a gentle, delicate pace. I moan, my hands lacing around his neck. He keeps eye contact, never looking away for a minute. It’s beautiful. Trent and I have always fucked; we have never made love. Quite honestly, neither of us even knew what making love meant until now.
He thrusts.
> I call out his name.
He rolls his hips.
I cry out in bliss.
He tells me he loves me.
I tell him he’s the only one for me.
He whispers my name while he pumps inside of me.
I chant his name over and over again.
He tells me he’s sorry.
I latch onto his lips, taking the words right out of his mouth.
He kisses me back.
“God, Shay. This is my place. This is where I wanna be the rest of my life. I missed ya,” he groans.
“I’m so close, Trent. Don’t stop,” I plead.
With two more drives, I’m falling over the cliff. I cry out his name while the world falls apart around me. White lights cloud my vision, the sensation of having him inside me overwhelming. My heart screams out, beating for only him. There’s nobody around for miles, only him. Everything about him consumes me. The sated grin on his perfect lips, the way his chest turns a slight shade of red from loving me, the way his tattooed hand traces the contours of my cheeks—it's perfection. While the waves crash around us, his lips meet mine once more, where he whispers softly, “Move in with me, Shay. I can’t be without ya anymore.”
“Like you even had to ask.”
“Seriously? No fight?”
I laugh out loud, throwing my head back on the pillow and running my hand through his worked over hair.
“Not even a little,” I retort.
“Fuck, kitten. You’re just full of surprises.”
James Blunt – “You’re Beautiful”
I SAID I’D make things right, and I’m keeping good on my promise this time around. I’m planning redemption here. I’m attempting what most can’t actually accomplish, but then again, they don’t have the motivation I do. They don’t have someone worth mending all the cracks you’ve made in life. They don’t have a pile of ashes left from the world they’ve burned down. They don’t have her. They don’t have Shay Kirby staring back at them with half open, sated eyes, fresh from a night’s sleep. They don’t know about lies, deceit, and addiction. They don’t know about me.
“Morning,” Shay croaks, her smile wild.
“Mornin’, babe.”
She scrunches her nose, the gesture one I’ve been dying to get back. “Did you sleep okay?”
“Kitten, I never slept so fucking good in my life.”
She snuggles her head into the crook of my arm, her smell surrounding me. I embrace the enclosure to the fullest. I never want to leave this happy place we’ve created. This place right here is where I want to stay. I don’t want to face the world. Today, all I want is to face the woman who saved me from myself.
“I slept well, too,” she mumbles, kissing my chest.
My phone dings alerting me to an incoming text. I kiss the crown of Shay’s head, rolling over slightly to check it.
Ryleigh: You got it. 20k over asking price, but it’s yours. I got the keys. All the realtor needs is ya name on the dotted line. Congrats, ass! Ya got yourself a house.
I got the house.
I got the fucking house.
Damn.
That shit feels good to hear. I went out on a limb, praying I’d be able to win Shay back. Because, let’s face it, without her being mine again, the house would be fucking pointless. I have the apartment, and while it was great for me before, now, it feels too tainted to start over in. I wanted a gesture so grand it would shock the fuck out of everyone, including Shay.
Fuck, yeah! Thanks, Ry. I’ll meet ya in a little bit at the bar. Ya ready to roll out operation redemption?
Ryleigh: Always. Even though I think it’s a stupid idea. I still got ya back. See ya later.
“Who’s texting you this early?” Shay laughs.
My instinct is to lie so she doesn’t catch on to the plan, but I throw the instinct out of the fucking window. No more lies. Honesty is my new policy.
“Ryleigh. She wants me to meet her in a little bit. I’m gonna call Callie and see if she’ll come hang out with ya for a little bit while I’m gone. Okay, babe?”
Shay groans, protesting violently. “I’m fine, Trent. You don’t need to worry about me. Yesterday was an accident. I don’t need to get out of bed today. Abby and I will watch some TV, and you’ll be back before we even know you’re gone.”
“Shay, I’m not changing my mind. Ya took a hard fall yesterday, and ya shouldn’t be alone. I wouldn’t even leave if this wasn’t important. I didn’t expect ya to …” My voice trails off.
“Didn’t expect what?” she asks.
“Nothing, babe. I’m just glad I was wrong.”
Her smile lights up the perfect features of her face while she presses her lips against mine. “Me too, Trent.”
“CAN YA PULL this off without me, Ry? I need all hands on deck tonight. Did ya get Callie and Mac to watch Abby for a little while?” I question, stringing up the white Christmas lights in the trees of my new backyard.
Ry pops her head out of the patio door, flustered with her assigned job at the moment. She walks down the steps from the deck carrying a basket of rose petals I ordered from the florist down the street. I’m doing this right. I want to bring Shay to her knees this time, so I went all out.
She has no idea this is what I meant when I asked her to move in with me. But what I know is Abby deserves to live her childhood in a home with her family. Abby and Shay have been my family since the day at the zoo. That was when I knew I was meant to be with them for the rest of my life.
“Ya still didn’t apologize to Mac, asshole! How do ya expect me to get him to agree when he still wants to kick ya ass? Ya apologized to everyone but him.”
Fuck. How could I forget that shit? How could I forget to apologize to my best friend? I know I betrayed him in a way almost unforgivable. Looks like I’m gonna be making more amends today than I thought.
I scoot to the side, hoping to make shit right with a phone call. Finding Mac’s name in my contacts, I hit the call button and wait impatiently while it continues to ring.
“Took you long enough,” he clips.
I’m so fucking nervous. I’m sweating bullets here. I hoped he’d answer, but it still doesn’t change the fact that he might hate me. Mac has been a good friend, and I did him dirty. I lied to his face on more than one occasion, and I made him fucking snap.
“Yeah. About that …” I mumble.
“Holy fuck! Does the invincible Trent Wallace have nothing to say for once in his fucking life? How is this shit fucking possible?”
I scoff into the phone, feeling as if things are almost normal. As if nothing ever went down at the club and we didn’t beat the shit out of each other.
“All right. All right. Chill out, man. Let’s not get carried away. I just wanted to call and apologize for all that shit happening. I should’ve told ya. Unfortunately, ya are my best friend.”
“This has to be the worst fucking apology I’ve ever got!” he jokes.
Mac chuckles into the phone, and I let out a laugh of my own. He’s right. This is the worst apology ever. I never said I was good at giving them. I only stated I was fucking trying. I’m still learning how to admit I screwed up. It’s gonna be a long fucking road to recovery, but I’ve never wanted anything as bad as this. I don’t want people to look at me, remembering what I’ve done. I want them to see me and know what I’m doing now. I want to prove everyone wrong.
“I’m tryin’ here, man. My counselor told me I need to start owning my shit, and that’s what I’m trying to do if ya would stop ball busting for a minute.”
“I’m listening,” he says.
“I was using for a while. I should’ve known better. I should’ve known I’d get hooked on that shit, and I should’ve known what would happen. I spent so long blaming everyone else for my actions, but I’m done throwing the blame on everyone else. I’m manning up. So I’ll say it without hesitation. I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
I hold my breath, glancing over my shoulder to see Ryl
eigh’s fingers wiping under her eyes. She was apparently listening even though I didn’t want her to, but it’s okay. I want Ry to hear this shit, too. She’s been a huge support in my life. She deserves more apologies than I can ever give her, but I’ll keep trying. That’s the most I can do. Keep pushing until everything is back in place.
“You could’ve come to me for help, man. You know that. I may bust your balls every now and then, but I’ll always be your boy. I knew something was off with ya and I kept ignoring it. We could hash out a million could-haves and should-haves, but the fact of the matter is, at the end of the day, you’re still my family, man. So apology accepted and thrown back at ya.”
“Thanks, man. I appreciate it. We good?”
“Yeah. We’re good. So when are ya gonna ask if me and Cal will watch Abby tonight?”
I snap to Ryleigh, who’s staring at me with innocent eyes. I see she’s helping on her own with making my apologies. She’s always playing Cupid, but she prefers to hide it. She doesn’t want anyone to know she’s a closet do-gooder.
“I see Ry got to ya before I did,” I jest.
“Is that a serious question? She had me agreeing to watch Abby before I even decided to forgive your sorry ass. She has a way with words.”
“She threatened ya?”
“Fuck, did she ever! She already has Callie over at the apartment getting Shay ready for a girls’ night out. She’s a good friend, Trent. I hope ya know. And I hope your girl forgives you after this whole spiel because, man, you’re really taking chances here. You know Shay. She could freak the fuck out,” he states matter-of-factly.
“Thanks for the confidence, fucker.”
My previously sweaty palms are now full-on drenched. Every part of me is nervous as fuck now. Mac’s right. Shay could full-on freak out on me for buying this house. She isn’t a showy person, so this is all a coin toss.