“Nah, you weren’t so bad. Just stay away from the paying clientele.”
“I think I can manage that, baby. You sure you’re all right? There’s nothing on your mind?”
I’d just had a great conversation with my mother, and I wasn’t about to tarnish that with anything negative. If there was one thing I’d learned in my life it was to hold on to the good for as long as humanly possible.
“I’m good, Mom. Just wanted to talk is all.”
“Okay,” she said dubiously. “You know I’m here if you ever need anything, right?”
“I know, Mom.”
“I love you, my sweet boy.”
“Love you, too. Get some sleep. We’ll talk later.”
I hung up the phone and undressed before turning off the light and climbing into bed. I spent the next few hours staring up at the ceiling, wondering what Freya was doing after that kiss and how in the hell I was going to get her back.
“Wakey, wakey. Make me some bakey!” Stella sing-songed as she burst through my bedroom door.
I pulled the pillow over my head to block out her incessant cheerfulness. It was too early and I hadn’t had coffee. I was ill-prepared for how much of a morning person Stella was. “You’re spending too much time with Piper,” I groaned.
She whipped the pillow off my head, her happy, smiling face only inches from mine. “What can I say, we’re kindred spirits. Now wake up and make me some breakfast, woman!” In retaliation, I blew my morning breath in her face. Her nose wrinkled and her face pinched together. “Oh, gross! I hate you.”
“You love me.”
“I’ll love you more when you make me pancakes and bacon. Chop, chop!”
She bustled from my room as I begrudgingly climbed from the comforts of my bed and stumbled into the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. After getting dressed, I wandered into the kitchen for some much needed caffeine. Piper and Stella hopped up from the couch to follow me, plopping down on the barstool across the counter and staring at me with eager eyes.
“What?” I asked hesitantly, taking my first sip of liquid gold.
“Don’t you ‘what’ us.” Piper pointed her manicured finger at me. “You know exactly what. We want to know what the hell happened between you and that hottie downstairs. Spill it.”
“Smooth, Pipe,” Stella grumbled. “Real smooth.”
“Screw smooth! Start talking. And get to cooking while you’re at it.”
I knew there was no use arguing with either of them, seeing as how it was two against one. Rolling my eyes, I started pulling out everything I needed for pancakes and bacon. “I don’t suppose there’s any way I can get either of you to let this go?” I asked even though I knew it was pointless.
“Pfft,” Piper scoffed. “Not a chance in Hell.”
Letting out a frustrated sigh, I filled them in on everything Parker told me the night before, everything from what Cassidy had done to the kiss against the wall. By the time I was finished, there was a plate stacked with pancakes and the bacon was almost done sizzling, while my friends stared at me with wide yes and hanging jaws.
Stella screeched. “That…that…bitch!”
“Do you forgive him?” Piper asked.
“I do,” I answered, wringing my fingers together in frustration. “But that doesn’t change anything. I meant what I said. The relationship wasn’t healthy. We were too dependent on each other. I can’t go there again.”
Stella reached over and took my hand. “You were teenagers. The both of you were going through some pretty hard stuff. That doesn’t mean you weren’t good for each other.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “You’re actually pushing me to get back together with him? You saw the aftermath of that disaster.”
“I’m not pushing you to do anything, sweetie. I’m just trying to get you to look at this from every angle. A lot has changed in the past two years. You’re both different people. You are different, Freya. I just want you to think, really think about what you want. If you can’t bring yourself to give him what he wants, there’s nothing wrong with that. But if there’s a chance there might still be something there between the two of you, don’t you think you owe it to yourself to find out? You’re stronger than you were back then, but you still hold yourself back when it comes to relationships.”
Piper nodded as Stella echoed her own words from days earlier. I couldn’t argue with either of them on that. I had intentionally avoided anything more than a simple coffee date with a man. I wasn’t naïve to the reasons why; it was just hard hearing it spoken out loud by my two closest friends.
“I just don’t know.”
“It’s not like you’re on a timeline,” Piper added. “You don’t have to make a decision until you’re damn well good and read. We just want you to give yourself a fair shot at happiness, babe. True, complete happiness.”
As I walked into the library, the smell of old books wrapped around my senses, filling my with the same peacefulness I felt every time I entered. The library was one of my favorite places on Earth. I could sit in there for hours and study, losing myself among the pages without much of a care in the world.
Climbing up the staircase to the second level, I turned the corner and walked toward the tables where I always studied. My steps halted for just a moment when I caught sight of a familiar face sitting at one of them, his dark head lowered as he leaned over a textbook, tapping his pen against the table top lightly. Just like every other time we had been in the same room together since his move to Florida, he seemed to have felt my presence. He looked up from his studies, those warm brown eyes instantly meeting mine as he lifted his hand in a hesitant wave. A small, unsure smile tugged the corner of his mouth up.
My feet finally unfroze and I made my way in his direction. “Hi.”
“Hey.”
“Can I sit?”
A flash of surprise flittered across his face “Uh…yeah, sure.”
My stomach dropped at his less-than-enthusiastic invitation. “It’s okay.” I offered a smile I hoped didn’t show the disappointment I was feeling. “I’ll just find somewhere else.”
As I turned to find another table, Parker grabbed my arm. “No!” he said loudly, earning whispered reprimands for being so vocal. “No,” he continued in a quieter voice, still holding on to my arm. “It’s fine, please sit. I was just a little thrown you’d actually want to sit with me is all.”
Tension twisted my stomach in knots as I took a seat in front of Parker. I’d been practicing what I would say to him when we ran into each other again over and over since my conversation with Stella and Piper. I still wasn’t sure if I could give him what he wanted, but having him so close and not talking was really starting to weigh on me. As I reached down to remove my books from my bag, Parker’s voice pulled me from my musings.
“How have you been?”
“I’ve been good. Busy. Stella headed back a few days ago after dragging me all over town looking for the most ridiculous bridesmaid dress she could find.”
Parker’s eyes grew wide. “She’s getting married? I had no idea.”
“Yeah.” I grinned, recalling Stella’s excitement as we bounced from one boutique to another. “Michael proposed not too long ago. They’re young, but—”
“When you know, you know,” he finished, staring directly into my eyes with so much intensity I had to look away.
“Yeah,” I mumbled, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. A subject change was in order. “How’s your mom doing?”
Fondness seemed to radiate from Parker as a brilliant smile overtook his face at the mention of his mother. It was something I’d never seen back when we were together. His mom had always been a touchy subject, so seeing him happy to discuss her warmed something inside of me. “She’s great. She just started working as the receptionist for a hair salon in town, and she’s excited.”
“That’s fantastic. I’m so glad things are working out.” We stared silently at each other before he spoke again.
“She left him.”
“What?”
“My mom. She left my dad.” He let out a humorless laugh as he shook his head. “Even after everything I did…everything I lost to try and protect her, she found out anyway.”
My stomach plummeted at the thought of everything he may have had to deal with. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
He shrugged casually, trying to play it off, but I could still see the lingering pain behind his eyes. “It’s okay. It took a while, but she finally got the help she needed.” His eyes were downcast as he twirled his pen between his fingers. “I came to you as soon as I could.” He spoke so quietly I almost didn’t hear. “I thought that maybe…” He exhaled heavily before looking back up at me. “I don’t know what I thought. I guess I was just hoping that if I could just explain, make you understand, then we could get back what we lost…what I destroyed.”
As I remembered back to that last night on the beach, my heart cracked. The memory of the devastation on his face made it hard to breathe, even after all this time.
“You’ll never know how sorry I am for everything I put you through, Freya. If I could go back—”
“Parker, stop.” I couldn’t listen to him torture himself for the past any longer, not after everything I had learned. The deep-seated anger I’d carried around was no longer weighing on my chest. I had been able to forgive him for the past and in the process, find peace with it. I wanted to be able to do the same for him, despite the uncertainty I was still struggling with.
“When I told you I forgave you, I meant it. You don’t have to keep apologizing. You were in an impossible situation; I understand that now. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I do know I don’t want things to keep going the way they have been. You were an important part of my life once. I want that back. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give you the kind of relationship you want, but I know I want you in my life again. I know that sounds horribly selfish, and I’m sorry, but it’s all I have right now. If it’s not enough, I understand and I wouldn’t hold that against you.”
“Freya.” Parker spoke and I realized I’d been rambling, nervous to get out everything I wanted to say.
“Yeah?” I asked anxiously.
“I know it sounds selfish, but you have to know I’m willing to take anything you can give me.”
A sigh of relief escaped my lips at the same time a tiny wave of guilt washed over me. It wasn’t fair to ask him for what I was asking, but I just didn’t have anything else to offer at that point.
“Are you sure? I know it’s unfair—”
Parker’s hand shot out and covered my own. A singe of electricity raced up my arm at the contact.
“I’m sure. If being your friend means having you in my life…well, I’m happy with that. More than happy, I swear.”
We smiled at each other from across the table and I felt the tension begin to uncoil from my muscles as we reached an understanding, despite its shaky nature.
A few minutes of silence passed in silence before I finally found the nerve to ask the question that had been nagging at me. “What ever happened with Cassidy?”
The corner of Parker’s mouth tipped up in a smirk that looked positively mischievous. “I dumped her the moment she lost what she was holding over me…very publically.”
I felt my own smile mimicking his own as he continued. “Seeing her that pissed off and humiliated will probably be one of the highlights of my life for a very long time. I cut all those people out of my life right after graduation, but last I heard, she started hooking up with Seth. Rumor has it she got herself knocked up to try and lock him down.”
A small gasp worked its way from my throat. “No! What happened after that?”
“Didn’t work,” he said quietly. “The minute Seth found out, he hightailed it out of Sommersfield. Her family shipped her off to live with relatives in Texas.”
A part of me felt bad. Not for Cassidy, never for her, but for the poor child that would have to live with her as a parent. I silently hoped she could pull her head out of her ass long enough to be a decent parent. The other part of me couldn’t help but grin at karma’s payback.
After that, we went about studying, occasionally stopping to talk about our lives. The hours passed companionably and by the time we walked out of the library, I felt good. When I got home, I dropped my stuff on the couch and walked out onto the balcony, watching the sun lower into the horizon while feeling a calmness envelop me. Nostalgia offered comfort I thought was long gone, and memories of mine and Parker’s friendship before things had grown complicated settled in my chest. Maybe friendship was exactly what the both of us needed to move on from the past.
If Freya wanted friendship, that was exactly what I was going to give her. I’d immerse myself so deeply into her life that she wouldn’t know how to function without me. Was there a chance that my plan might blow up in my face? Absolutely. But it was a chance I was more than willing to take. I hadn’t been lying when I told Freya I wasn’t giving up on getting her back. And if being her friend was what it took for her to realize we were meant for each other, then I’d bite that bullet, biding my time until that day came. I knew in my gut that the kind of love I felt for Freya was a once in a lifetime thing. I refused to give up on that.
“Someone’s in a good mood,” Caleb pointed out as I walked through the front door of our apartment. The smile I’d been wearing for the past three hours was still taking up residence on my face.
“I had a good study session.”
“You look that happy because of studying?” he asked in bewilderment. “Is something wrong with you? Are you feeling sick?”
Letting out a laugh, I dropped my bag on the floor and folded myself down into the couch. “Freya showed up. We had a good talk.”
“So you two got back together? Awesome, brother!” he said, smacking me on the shoulder in a congratulatory manner.
“No. We agreed to be friends.”
He sat silent for several seconds, looking completely confused. “I don’t get it. I thought you moved all the way here to win her back. Isn’t being friend-zoned kind of defeating that purpose?”
“Trust me, this is all going to work out in my favor. Freya and I started out as friends when she first moved to Sommerspoint and that didn’t last long. It’s not going to take much time before she realizes she’s still crazy about me, man. I finally got the in I’ve been needing. Now all that’s left to do is wait her out.”
“You sure about this? That girl can be stubborn as hell, and I never took you for a man who settled for less than what he wanted.”
“I’m not, believe me. And I know Freya’s got a stubborn streak a mile wide, but this’ll work. We’ll be friends. We’ll get closer, and she’ll start confiding in me again. I’ll finally be able to earn her trust back.”
“I hope you’re right, Park. For your sake and mine, because I’m not so sure how much fun you’ll be to live with is this blows up in your face.”
I leaned back, relaxing my head against the back of the couch. I wouldn’t let myself consider that I might be wrong. I wouldn’t think about the pain I’d feel if it all went south again. Hadn’t Freya and I already suffered enough? It was time for us to finally start getting some good out of life.
“No worries, man. This is progress.”
Being friends with Parker again was surprisingly easy. Over the following weeks, we fell into a comfortable rhythm, enjoying our time together. I would occasionally look in his direction to find him staring at me with that familiar longing deep in his warm brown eyes, but he never once pushed for anything more. However, for all the good I was feeling, there was still stress. I still struggled every day to try and understand exactly what I was feeling for Parker. Trying to wade through my turbulent emotions was like fighting against the tide. One part of me craved his closeness while the other yelled that it would only lead to more heartbreak. The internal battle I was fighting grew more and more tediou
s every day.
It hadn’t taken much for Piper to warm up to him after I shared his revelation with her and Stella, making it more comfortable for Caleb and Parker to come around on a semi-regular basis. By spending time with him, I was reminded of all the good times we’d had together back when our friendship had been simple. I’d forgotten how easy it was to laugh around him, so I pushed the flutters I felt in my belly every time his eyes met mine to the side, focusing instead on all the fun we were having.
My phone buzzed on the bed beside me. Dropping my pencil onto my textbook, I snatched it up and slid my thumb across the screen, giddiness filling my belly as Parker’s name popped up.
Parker: whatcha doing?
Me: studying.
Parker: Ur always studying. Take a break w/ me.
A goofy smile spread across my face, stretching my cheeks as I typed out my response.
Me: Can’t. Not all of us are geniuses like you. Some of us have to work for it.
I saw the little response bubble pop up almost immediately after I hit send, and seconds later his response came through.
Parker: Can’t help it that I’m awesome. Come hang w/ me and I’ll help you study.
It was a tempting offer; there was no denying that. As if he were able to read my mind, another message came through, this one containing a picture of the beach not too far from campus. I hadn’t been to the beach in far too long. Between work, class, and my friends, I’d been stretched thin. Just the picture of the crystal-clear water was enough to have me climbing from my bed and sliding my feet into a pair of flip-flops. Damn that Parker for knowing my weakness.
Me: Fine. But ur writing my next paper.
Parker: Deal. Get your butt down here.
When I got to the beach a few minutes later, I kicked my sandals off, preferring to feel the warm sand between my toes as I walked. I spotted Parker just feet from the water’s edge, his arms stretched out behind him, propping him up as he stared out at the water. As I got closer, I couldn’t help but let my gaze wander over the straining muscles in his arms as he rested back. Despite the heat outside, a chill worked its way down my spine at the sight of those tantalizing dips and slopes. As I closed in on him, Parker turned his head to look back at me. The beautiful smile that graced his face at my appearance caused my breath to hitch. No one but Parker had ever looked at me like that, like just one glance at me made everything better.
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