Scattered Colors

by Jessica Prince

  “Daddy.”

  My father’s head turned slowly and he gave me a tired, weak smile. “Hey, baby girl. You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

  At the sound of his raspy voice, I lost it. On a sob, I rushed to his bedside and wrapped my hands around his cold arm, afraid of touching anything else in the fear I’d unplug something crucial or hurt him in some way. Sitting in the waiting room, waiting for my father to come out of recovery and wake up was positively grueling. Each second that ticked by felt like an eternity. I yo-yoed back and forth between pacing and clinging to Parker as he hugged me like my life depended on it.

  I rested my head on the side of my father’s bed, finally taking my first real breath in hours as he gently ran his fingers through my hair.

  “I was s-so sc-scared,” I cried.

  “Shhh. It’s okay, honey. I’m okay. I’m so sorry I scared you.”

  My head shot up and I grasped his hand in mine. “Oh, my God. Don’t apologize. You had a heart attack, Dad. That’s not your fault.”

  “I’m fine, sweetheart. I promise.”

  He looked so frail lying in that hospital bed with tubes and wires coming from his pale body. Lifting his hand, I pressed it to my cheek, so thankful I still got to see him, touch him. The knowledge that I still had my father was overwhelming.

  “I was so scared I’d never get to see you again.”

  Despite my father’s weak frame, his voice came out strong. “Listen to me, baby girl. You didn’t lose me. I’m right here.”

  And I was so, so thankful for that. But it was still hard seeing my father in a hospital bed.

  “You aren’t here all by yourself, are you?” The fact that he was lying there after having a heart attack and was concerned about me warmed my heart. “Please tell me you brought Piper and didn’t take that trip by yourself.”

  I gave my Dad a reassuring smile. “I’m not by myself. I…I’m actually with Parker,” I admitted hesitantly. I couldn’t miss the surprise on his pale face.

  “Well, that’s…unexpected.” He gave a little laugh before cringing in pain at the movement in his chest. I squeezed his hand and waited for the pain to subside. I’d explained that Parker and I had reached a place where we were able to be civil with each other, but I hadn’t gotten into detail about how our friendship had continued to grow into something different with every passing day.

  “He’s actually been kind of great since I got the call. He had Piper pack my stuff and got the tickets and everything I wasn’t able to concentrate on. I don’t think I would have been able to function enough to handle everything on my own.”

  “I’m glad, sweetie.” My father gave a tired smile. His eyelids began to droop as his pain meds took over.

  Leaning over his bed, I placed a kiss on his forehead. “Get some rest, Dad. I’ll see you in a little while, okay?”

  “Okay, honey.”

  Within a minute, he was out cold. I walked on tired feet back to the waiting room. Parker stood from his chair and came toward me, wrapping me in a warm embrace I couldn’t help but melt into. Where I had no strength, he provided everything I needed.

  “How is he?” he asked, his lips pressed against the top of my head.

  “He’s okay,” I mumbled into his chest, breathing in his scent and letting it envelop me. “He’s asleep, but I think he’ll be all right.”

  “Do you want to go home and try to get some rest?”

  I shook my head against his chest before pulling away slightly. “I’m going to stay, but you don’t have to wait with me. I’m sure you’d like to go see your mom.”

  Parker brushed my hair behind my ear. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. I’m right here with you.” He led me over to a small little loveseat in the corner of the room, pulling me down so my head was resting on his lap. “Why don’t you close your eyes and get some sleep. I’ll wake you if there’s any need.”

  “I’m okay,” I mumbled, trying to fight the heaviness of my eyelids. I wanted to be awake if the doctor came by for anything, but the adrenaline had worn off and was making it hard to stay awake. “I’m just going to rest my eyes for a bit, that’s all.”

  “Whatever you need, baby.” The soothing feel of his fingers brushing through my hair eventually became too much and the darkness took over completely, pulling me into a dreamless sleep.

  Three days had passed where I refused to leave the hospital. Parker stayed with me almost constantly, only leaving to get us food or coffee. When my father was eventually moved to his own room, I would spend the night sleeping in the uncomfortable recliner next to his bed. Parker tried to insist he was fine sleeping in the waiting room, but after the first night, I convinced him to go to his mother’s house to sleep. Each morning I woke and stumbled out of my father’s room in search of coffee, he was there with two piping hot cups and a bag of pastries for breakfast. He was a lifesaver.

  My father was able to stay awake a little bit longer each day, fighting with me to go home, saying the recliner was a poor substitute to a real bed and I needed a good night’s sleep. I finally relented at the end of the third day, but only because Dad insisted I needed a shower, that my unkempt appearance was starting to scare the hospital staff. I’d washed up in the hospital bathrooms the best I could, but my hair was a ratty, matted mess, and I couldn’t deny that I was starting to feel a little gross.

  The sounds coming from the kitchen of my father’s house startled me as Parker and I walked through the front door. When a little, dark-haired woman poked her head out of the kitchen I almost didn’t recognize her. Parker’s mother looked so different from the handful of times I’d seen her while Parker and I dated.

  “Mrs. Owens? What are you doing here?”

  She came bustling into the entryway and pulled me into a fierce hug. When she pulled back and looked at me, I finally realized the difference in her appearance. Her dark brown eyes, so much like Parker’s, shined bright, so full of light. She was completely put together, so different from the broken woman I’d met in the past. It was like seeing a totally different person.

  “Oh, honey,” she crooned as she took hold of my cheeks. “Parker called and told me what happened to your father. I wanted to help, so I made a few meals you can freeze and reheat easily. I didn’t want you having to worry about cooking or anything. I hope you don’t mind. The front door was unlocked so I let myself in so I could stock your kitchen.”

  “N-no,” I stuttered in shock at the change of the woman standing before me. “It’s fine. Thank you so much.”

  “Of course. If you need anything, please just let me know. I’m here to help any way I can.”

  “Thank you,” I smiled tiredly. “I’m just going to take a shower.”

  “Okay, dear.”

  I started for the stairs but felt a tug on my arm. I turned to find Parker staring at me, his eyes brimming with concern. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m good. Just need a shower like you wouldn’t believe.” I offered a reassuring smile and he leaned in to plant a kiss on my forehead.

  “Holler if you need anything.”

  “I’m good. Why don’t you visit with your mom for a while? I’m sure she misses you.” I headed up the stairs at the sound of Parker and his mother catching up with each other. I stood under the hot spray, letting the water wash away days of grime and hospital smells until it eventually ran cold. I managed to towel-dry my body and hair just enough to slip on a pair of pajamas before climbing under the sheets of my old bed. Within a few minutes, I was out completely.

  When I woke, the sky outside my window was still pitch black. The red digital numbers on my alarm clock showed it was just after midnight. My sleep-addled brain didn’t register that there was someone in the bed with me until I shifted and the arm banded around my stomach tightened slightly.

  “Hey, you’re awake.” Parker’s voice was raspy from sleep and the sound surrounded me like a warm blanket.

  “I thought you’d be at your mom’s,” I whispered.<
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  His arm tightened and I felt him nuzzled into the back of my hair. His voice was quiet as he spoke into the darkness of my room. “I couldn’t leave you.”

  I was thankful he was still there. My mind was a jumbled mess when it came to our relationship, and how we’d left things before my father’s heart attack didn’t help matters. But I knew, deep down, I couldn’t have made it through the past few days without him. No one else could have comforted me the way he did.

  I placed my hand on his arm and squeezed. “Thank you for being here.”

  “I’d do anything for you, Freya.”

  Several minutes passed in silence before Parker spoke again. “I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what you told me the night of Stella’s party.” My body tensed against his as he continued to speak. “You were right when you told me that we shouldn’t depend on someone else for your happiness. But you were also wrong. You said we were solely responsible for making our lives better, and that’s true, but only to a certain extent…” He trailed off for a minute before continuing.

  “You see, I can learn to live a good life without you. Hell, I might even feel happiness. But that happiness, that good life, would only be a small scrap of what it would it could be if we were together.”

  “Parker,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to keep talking or stop. My heart beat frantically as he held me impossibly tighter against him.

  “When you meet the person you’re supposed to be with for the rest of your life, they make you whole. They’re your other half. Yes, life can be good, but once you meet your other half, it’s fucking wonderful. That’s not an unhealthy dependency, Freya. That’s what soulmate’s do for each other. That’s what you do for me.”

  I had no words. And deep in my gut, I knew he wasn’t expecting me to have a response. He just wanted me to hear what he had to say. He wanted me to actually listen.

  As I absorbed every word he’d just spoken, Parker’s breathing finally slowed as he fell asleep wrapped around me. His words echoed through my head for hours until my eyes finally drifted closed as the sun began to peek over the horizon.

  “Are you sure you’re comfortable?”

  I reached behind my father, fluffing the pillow under his head for the third time. After spending the past seven days in the hospital, Dad was finally released to come home the day before. He still had several weeks of recovery time ahead of him, but he already looked stronger, healthier.

  “If you fluff that damn pillow one more time, I going to lose my mind, Freya.” I released the pillow and stepped back, laughing at my father’s sour expression. “You’ve been babying me since I got home yesterday. Now, I love you, sweetheart. But you’re driving me insane.”

  “Sorry,” I grumbled sullenly. “I was just trying to help.”

  Dad grabbed my hand as I went to step away. “I know you are, sweetie, I know. I’m sorry. But you don’t have to work so hard to take care of me. I’m okay, honey.”

  Sitting down on the side of his bed, I released a breath. “I’m sorry. I know I’m going overboard. I just can’t help it. I’m worried about you.”

  “I understand, baby girl. You know what? Why don’t you go out for a little while? Get some fresh air. Isn’t Parker still around? Why don’t you two hang out for a little while?”

  “I—I…” I trailed off, not really knowing what to say. Since that night in my room, I’d tried to keep my distance from Parker. I told myself I needed space to clear my head, but everything was just getting more and more muddled. He’d been spending the last few days at his mother’s house, refusing to go back to Florida, still trying to help as much as he could. He went grocery shopping so the fridge and pantries were filled with heart-healthy food. He mowed the grass which had gotten a little long. He even helped get my father upstairs and settled in his bed when he was released. But I could see the hurt on his face every time I pushed him away, every time I thanked him then turned my back.

  “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

  “I feel like I’m losing my mind,” I admitted sadly. I finally opened up about everything Parker had said, from how he still loved me to why he’d felt he had no choice to break up with me. Dad sat quietly the entire time as I poured it all out. By the time I was done, my cheeks were damp with tears.

  “Do you love him, honey?”

  It was a simple question, but one I had a lot of trouble answering. “It’s…complicated.”

  “It’s really not, Freya. Denying how you feel doesn’t change it, it only makes things more difficult.” When I didn’t respond he continued, stunning me with what he said next. “Did Mom ever tell you that we broke up junior year of college?”

  When I was able to pick my jaw up off the floor I was able to ask a shocked, “What?”

  He nodded solemnly. “Yeah, for close to six months.”

  “Mom never told me,” I stated exasperatedly.

  He shifted in the bed, trying to find a more comfortable position. “It wasn’t the best time in our relationship. It was six of the worst months of my life.”

  “What happened?”

  “Well, when we first started dating her parents weren’t happy about our relationship. It had been love at first sight when we met…”

  I smiled at his phrasing, remembering how Mom used to always say the same thing. “She always said that.”

  His smile lit up his face at the thought of her. “God, I was so crazy about her,” he whispered lovingly.

  “So, why did you break up?”

  The smile momentarily faltered before he continued. “They thought we were moving too fast. It got to the point where your mother and grandparents fought constantly. I hated seeing her crying all the time. I blamed myself for the tension between her and her parents.”

  “Gran and Pop didn’t like you?” I asked in disbelief. “But they were always so nice to you!”

  “It wasn’t that they didn’t like me. They just worried that your mom was going to get sidetracked from her schooling. Our relationship moved at warp-speed from the moment we met. They were just scared she was going to get hurt. I couldn’t stand seeing how much pain the rift had caused her. I thought I was doing the right thing by ending it—”

  “Wait,” I interrupted. “You broke up with her?”

  “I did and I regretted it every single day for six months. I just thought it was for the best. I figured that ending things would be for the best, that her relationship with her parents would get better. I was willing to spend every day of my life missing her if it meant her life was better.”

  Tears welled in my eyes at the look of grief on my father’s face. “Why are you telling me this?”

  He took my hand in his, holding tightly. “We don’t always make the right decisions, honey. Sometimes we think we’re doing the right thing, not knowing we’re hurting the people we love even more. I thought I was helping your mother by stepping back to appease her parents. Six months after the breakup, your grandparents came to me. They realized that what I felt for your mother, what we felt for each other, was real. It wasn’t just some quick infatuation. It took a lot of work to win her trust back after I hurt her like I did, but she eventually forgave me, and I thank my lucky stars every single day that she did. Even though she’s gone, I got to spend years with the love of my life. I got you.”

  I had to swallow down the lump in my throat just to talk. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because I want you to follow your heart, baby girl. I don’t want you to have any regrets. I think you still love that boy, and I know with every fiber of my being that he loves you, too.”

  “H-how do you know?” I sniffled.

  “How do you think he knew where you were?”

  “You told him?!”

  My father laughed before pulling me down so I was lying beside him on the bed, resting my head on his shoulder. “I have to hand it to the boy; he’s definitely persistent. He came over at least once a day asking where you were. He even went as f
ar as to come to the office to see me. He was always respectful, but he made it abundantly clear he wasn’t giving up.”

  I burrowed softly into his shoulder. “He really did that?”

  “He did. Like I said, that boy’s crazy about you, sweetheart. Don’t let fear make you end up doing something you’ll regret, baby girl. The past hurts sometimes, but you two were young. He made a mistake. Try not to hold it against him forever. You’ll only hurt yourself in the end.”

  “I love you, Daddy,” I whispered as another tear fell.

  “I love you, too, Freya. Never doubt that.”

  I walked into the kitchen to the sound of pots and pans being shuffled around. A delicious smell perfumed the air around me. The sight of Parker’s mother bustling around the kitchen brought a smile to my face.

  “Hi, Mrs. Owens.”

  “Oh! Hello, dear. Please, call me Martha. ‘Mrs. Owens’ makes me feel old. I’m not there yet. I’m making some homemade chicken noodle soup.”

  I took a seat on the barstool, studying the woman in front of me, still so stunned by the transformation just a handful of years had made. “You don’t have to keep cooking for us, Martha. You’re doing too much. I don’t know how we can possibly thank you or Parker for everything you’ve done.”

  She went about chopping celery on one of the thick, wooden cutting boards I was certain hadn’t been used since my mother passed. It was kind of nice seeing the kitchen being put to use. I’m sure my father had lived on takeout ever since I’d left for college. “Oh, sweetie. I’m more than happy to help, believe me. I spent years having Parker take care of me when it should have been the other way around. I’ve found that I kind of strive on being useful.”

  I was so taken back by how casually she sounded that I couldn’t form a response. I wanted to make her feel better, tell her Parker never held it against her, but I remembered seeing the looks of intense sorrow mixed with the slightest bit of resentment in his eyes every now and then when we were together.