The World is Moving Around Me

by Dany Laferriere

  The Debate

  We shouldn’t leave things (and here I mean the apocalyptic decor) too long in the state they’re in. People will end up getting used to it, and they will stop being surprised by what they see. Some will want to live in the safer part of a ruined house if they’re sure there won’t be any more tremors. Plants will start growing here and there, and life will pick up where it left off. The strength that helped the population overcome great misfortune can lead it to accept anything. Those people who revealed themselves to be exceptional in the most difficult times can be quite awkward in ordinary life. Sometimes we need to leave room for those who are able to take charge of organizing daily life without getting bogged down in ideological discourse. Leave the way free for people who have a sense of ordinary time and who refuse to remain on the alert constantly. It’s better to make plans when you’re not being pushed and pulled every which way. After a great period of excitement that makes you feel you’re experiencing something unique every day, now we need people whose lamps stay lit all through the night. They’re working to design the world in which we will live. That’s not always a good thing. What isn’t? Leaving your future in the hands of total strangers. We got used to being the planet’s center of attention too quickly. Where are the cameras now? Elsewhere, for there are other nations who have been waiting to warm themselves by that artificial fire.

  I Was There

  I know a man in New York who so much wanted to be in Haiti at the time of the earthquake that he started telling everyone he was there. Finally, he admitted that he was actually in Florida. Strangely, he was ashamed not to have been there as the shadow of death lay across the country. He even imagined himself buried in the ruins. Do we need to remind him that those who died desired only to live? They don’t want his presence at their side. They’d prefer it if he remained in the world of the living. You don’t become Haitian by dying. Another man I met in Tallahassee would have liked to have been in Port-au-Prince for historical reasons. He believed something important happened there. The breath of history. And he missed it. A historical moment that, in his personal mythology, was as major as January 1, 1804. A founding moment that should produce a new Haitian discourse. People are going to examine that issue from every angle in the decades to come. Politicians, intellectuals, and demagogues won’t miss an opportunity to drop an “I was there” into the conversation. But being there did not make a better citizen out of anyone. Some guy who had always lived overseas and who happened to be in Port-au-Prince that afternoon will escape that horrible label of “diaspora”; suddenly he will achieve nobility. He becomes an “I was there.” Whereas someone who always lived in Haiti and wasn’t in the country that day will lose a little of his national luster. He might even be outdistanced by the traveler from another country who barely escaped death. These days, more than life, death defines our sense of belonging.

  The Tire

  The “little mechanic” (little because he’s poor) came to fix my brother-in-law’s car this morning at 6:30. He’s a frequent visitor because my brother-in-law, like many citizens of Port-au-Prince, has a passionate relationship with his mechanic. They see each other at least once a week—two or three times a day during a crisis. I have a friend who leaves his car with his mechanic and takes it back only when he really needs it—his way of paying him. My brother-in-law doesn’t go that far. Their relationship is based on tires. A good tire (forget your criteria) can last at least a week. A bad one, not even a day. Before the earthquake, the “little mechanic” (actually, he’s tall and thin) came by every morning to inspect the tire. Any number of times, my sister, who has a practical side, offered to pay for a new tire with her own money (often it’s the right front wheel) just so she wouldn’t have to see the “little mechanic” every morning, but my brother-in-law, who treasures this ritual as much as his Nouvelliste every evening or his morning cup of coffee, always turned down my sister’s offer. Sitting on the gallery, every morning I am treated to the same scene. There’s a knock at the gate. My brother-in-law goes to open it. The “little mechanic” enters. They make small talk about the intensity level of things in the public sphere—in other words, my brother-in-law wants to know if there was gunfire last night in the poorer parts of town. Then they move on to more serious issues: a meticulous inspection of the air pressure of the four tires. The “little mechanic” carefully examines each tire, then lingers on the right front. Will it survive the day? The answer is often negative, but hope springs eternal. My brother-in-law asks him to proceed, then goes back to the dining room for a second cup of coffee. This morning, it took longer than usual. The “little mechanic” was happy to find everyone safe and sound, and the house still habitable. The wall collapsed, but the “little mechanic” thinks his brother can fix it today. My brother-in-law figured it was a good deal, but just as he was about to agree to the terms, we heard an awful scream from deep inside the house. My sister’s cry of protest: she would not accept seeing the mechanic and his stone-mason brother every morning for the rest of her life. The “little mechanic” burst out laughing. Even my brother-in-law managed a smile. The deal was postponed. For the “little mechanic,” January 12 was no catastrophe. His family came through the earthquake unscathed, though their house is in ruins. “Nobody’s dead. Material losses aren’t what matters,” he added with a half smile. “We’re all still alive, and that’s what counts, right, madame?” He looked to my mother. “Hallelujah!” she cried happily. The “little mechanic” can always count on a cup of coffee here because he is, above all, a good Christian in my mother’s eyes. Social classes don’t exist for her; she judges people only according to the quality of their faith. And now she’s exhorting him (her hands clasped in prayer and her face turned heavenward) to maintain his faith in Jesus, the greatest architect of all, who would never leave a Christian family in adversity without offering his help. Chatting away, the “little mechanic” has stepped up the pace, since my brother-in-law has to get to his school, even if it is in ruins like most of the houses in the Pacot neighborhood. He removes the tire and replaces it with a new one. As she goes past, my sister taps me on the arm, her signal that the new tire is a “customer.” That’s our code, and it means the tire has been used several times on the same car, and is about to give up the ghost. She recognized it right away.

  The Panic

  My mother is slowly getting over the inflammation in her leg. Her heart rate is more normal. Her appetite is returning. She’s lost that listless mood that made me so afraid. The last time we sat together in her room, she spoke of her own death. Not directly—that’s not like her. In a soft voice, she warned that she couldn’t wait for me very much longer. She has spent her life waiting for my return. She lowered her head as she spoke then smiled up so discreetly that you’d have to be watching for it. She’s decided to return to church the next Sunday. She’s eager to see that handicapped man who, my sister told me, is the only person who really depends on my mother. Although she’s frail and ill, she knows she’s in better condition than that man. Slumped in front of the church day and night, he scarcely raises his eyes when people give him alms. But when he sees my mother, his body moves in her direction, and he tries to lift himself from his chair. His frenetic dance (with drooling and dissonant gestures) frightens some of the faithful, but the joy that shines on his face makes my mother happy. She needs that bond, especially since she is beginning to depend on others. She is facing the unknown valiantly, but I see the panic in her eyes.

  Madness

  Mental health problems are the lowest on the list of current illnesses. Madness is not considered a sickness, but the result of cruel destiny. It’s a consolation to know that in poor countries, the insane are not excluded. They fulfill their function as madmen with the right to act mad. In richer countries, where they receive special care, the mad are segregated. They have no social function. They are objects of shame and are hidden away. They disappear from circulation, often from one day to the next. Only to reappear
once they have shown the ability to imitate the rest of society. In Haiti, people make cruel mockery of your anxieties. Sometimes that shock treatment is beneficial. Those who can’t stay on track are pushed to the side, and the crowd moves on. The word “trauma” has been heard lately from the mouths of international specialists describing the earthquake survivors. Of course this kind of situation calls for attention and care, but will people be willing to accept help? It’s difficult to treat an illness denied by the population and the person most concerned. The only thing recognized as discomfort here is merciless pain that refuses to abate after three days.

  Laughter and Death

  You have to talk about it in the coarsest of ways, using vulgar words. The way people still do at gatherings in the countryside. Baron Samedi’s exaggeratedly sexual dance begins the festivities on the Day of the Dead. The extreme carnival of the guédés (voodoo spirits), who pour alcohol and vinegar into their mouths as they crunch on broken bottles adds to the atmosphere. Sex is the energy closest to death. In the Middle Ages, the orgasm was called la petite mort. This stuff isn’t made for parlors and powdered cheeks. Poets don’t do very well with it, except for Villon, who pleads for pity for the hanged men twisting in agony, left along the side of the road, at the mercy of the elements. Men have never domesticated death. It has always been tribal, ordinary, and obscene. Death is the origin of life, not the other way around.

  A New City

  People have the right to say what kind of city they want to live in. Even better, they should be able to get involved in drawing up the plans. That being said, they might admit they don’t have the necessary talent. And while they’re at it, understand as well that they won’t be alone on this new ground: eight million individuals have the same rights they do. The work site could end up absorbing the energy of several generations of men and women of all social strata. We shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that the real inhabitants of the new city have not yet been born. I mean those who will know the former city only through old photographs, since things will have changed considerably in thirty or forty years. Building a city is a much more ambitious project than a bridge or a skyscraper. On the purely technical level, it takes knowledge that demands the participation of several trades. The most important material is the spirit. A spirit open to the world, not concentrated on itself. Let’s abandon the insular mentality that keeps us in warm, sterile self-satisfaction. A new city that will compel us to enter a new life. That’s what will take time. Time we haven’t given ourselves.

  A Reunion

  I came to Port-au-Prince for secondary school, after a childhood watched over by my grandmother in a small provincial town. Port-au-Prince was an enormous city, and my mother, my sister, and my aunts were the only people I knew. We all lived together on avenue Bouzon, near the cemetery. We lived near the Sylvio Cator Stadium, where the national soccer championships took place, and close to the Salomon market, the Montparnasse movie theater, and place Saint-Alexandre which, years later, would become place Carl Brouard in honor of the anarchist poet. The neighborhood was lively, and it both attracted and frightened me. My arrival would change the rhythm of the house. My mother and my aunts were women of calm and reserved manner (except Aunt Raymonde, who had a melodramatic streak) and my sister an obedient adolescent who spent most of her time at the house helping my mother with the housework. My mother carefully selected the people we were allowed to associate with. Among the rare acceptable families were the Preptits. The father was a former military officer put under house arrest by Papa Doc, which forced him inside for years. The only time you saw him on the street was late in the evening. The mother was a discreet, refined woman who tended toward sadness. You felt that they had once been a brilliant, worldly couple (a painting of the young officer and his wife in the living room spoke of carefree happiness) who were invited out everywhere. Then suddenly the void swallowed them up. For me, all that was very mysterious. It took me a long time to realize the disgrace was political. The energy of the five Preptit children kept the house from sinking into depression. My friend Claude (the eldest) was so serious he even played seriously. But when he did laugh, you could feel the happy child whose sense of responsibility, thrust upon him too early, had made him solemn. I was more the dreamy type. We played ping-pong on Saturday mornings. His father built us a rudimentary table. In the summer, we organized a local badminton championship in the big yard next door. The taste for games was rare in Haiti, and it came from his father who had played them at the military academy. We kept up our friendship until I left the neighborhood. We lost track of each other when I changed schools. A few years later, I left Haiti, but Claude stayed on. In Montreal I heard that he’d become a very good engineer; the trade fit him like a glove. Later, when I was at a literary festival in Port-au-Prince (Livres en folie), Claude came up to the table where I was sitting. People had been talking a lot about him for the last months, and the reason was obvious: he was an engineer, and he’d been predicting a major earthquake in Haiti for years. Preptit stated that Port-au-Prince would be the hardest hit. His knowledgeable manner and serious tone made you listen. His predictions frightened people in a country never short on disasters: floods, hurricanes, dictatorship. But in Haiti, if you’re frightened one minute, you’re dancing the next. This tried-and-true method keeps people from sinking into collective depression. In our society, it’s better to be diverse and changeable. And not take a blind alley all alone. Preptit stuck with his predictions, though people thought he was exaggerating. They started whispering about the state of his mental health. When invited to speak in the media, his answers never varied.

  A brief dialogue between him and a journalist (imaginary, but based on information gathered from various sources):

  Q: When will it happen?

  A: The earthquake could occur at any time.

  Q: Could you be more precise?

  A: Now, or in ten years.

  Q: Now?

  A: Yes. Even as we are speaking.

  Q: And what are the possible risks?

  A: Difficult to evaluate, but everything indicates enormous proportions.

  Q: Thousands of deaths?

  A: Possibly, perhaps more.

  His academic tone made people nervous. They were fascinated by this man, who calmly announced the coming apocalypse. In the street, they stopped to question him. Why didn’t he leave if he was so sure what was going to happen? He wasn’t the kind of man who would abandon his city. I recognized my friend from avenue Bouzon. The son of a military man. You don’t leave a sinking ship. I looked up and greeted him. We smiled. He had wanted to see me again. Silence between us. How was it for you? He told me he was in the yard when it happened. He knew it was at least a magnitude seven. Here was the event he’d been predicting for ten years. What did you think at the time? “Honestly, it was a relief. It was the proof that I wasn’t crazy.” I saw a lost look in his eyes. He’d done everything to warn the population, but no one had listened. Instead, they mocked him. Now that it’s too late, everyone is consulting him. The people in line started getting impatient. He shook my hand, gave me a sad smile that reminded me of my mother, then disappeared into the crowd.

  Secret Ceremony

  Now that foreigners are finding their way to Haiti, they’ll be sure to fall under the spell of voodoo again. Volunteers (all those former religious types who have recycled themselves into humanitarian workers) and intellectuals are going to simmer in the old colonial kettle. Instead of wasting precious time chasing after fake voodoo ceremonies, they would be better off trying to understand the nation by seriously studying its vision of the world. The first man who says, “I attended a secret ceremony” should be laughed out of the country. If it really was secret, you wouldn’t be accepted. Why was your presence tolerated at a secret ceremony? For money? You’re quick to answer the question: “No, I didn’t pay.” Which had you concluding it was a real ceremony. In any case, either you paid in advance without realizing it (the ceremony organiz
ed for your benefit was a reward for your past good deeds), or you’ll pay later. One way or another. There are so many rules you can’t know in this universe heavy with false mysteries. If you’re there, the ceremony isn’t secret. Remember the old saying: if someone else knows, it’s not a secret.

  Ancient Knowledge

  These people who bear their pain with extraordinary grace have such a sense of life, and it would be a shame to ignore it. Seeing their serenity, you can imagine how much they know about pain, hunger, and death, and how much violent joy lives inside them. Joy and pain are transformed in singing and in dance. What can we do with such knowledge? We sometimes see it shining through in the colorful canvases of the naïve painters or in that irresistible music that loses itself in its own explosive joy. If we listen more carefully, we might be surprised to discover that the words that got us up on the dance floor are achingly sad. That’s where the secret of this country resides. And not in the ready-made voodoo served up to tourists and Haitians who have been out of the country too long.