The Hockey Player's Heart

by Will Knauss

  The whistle blew again. The players gathered at the bench and the assistants cleared the cones off the ice. Aaron had trouble moving the cones because they threw off his balance, and it pissed him off that he was looking bad in front of Caleb.

  Over the next ninety minutes, Aaron felt ridiculous as he skated around poorly, doing what he needed to. He hated that Ian had to help him clear his part of the ice. He was sure he was being ridiculed by the players too. He imagined Caleb wanting to distance himself from such a bad skater. What had he been thinking when he’d thought he’d be able to manage this job?

  Aaron tried to focus on the enjoyment of watching Caleb. His interaction with the players was delightful. He diagrammed plays, took questions, and always remained calm. He only yelled to be heard across the rink, and it was easy to tell he wasn’t angry—unlike Rick, who yelled in frustration a lot. At one point Aaron was sure Caleb even chastised Rick for that.

  His favorite moment was when Caleb came off the bench to work with a player having trouble with a slap shot. Caleb showed him some techniques and shot with him a few times. His message to the team was: When you see someone having trouble with a skill you can do, help them out. Don’t leave them to struggle, and never taunt. Teamwork was working with each other—all the time.

  Aaron was proud of Caleb as he saw signs of recognition and understanding among some of the players. Caleb was a good teacher, or in this case, coach.

  Once practice ended and the kids dispersed, Aaron helped pick up the pucks so the Zamboni could clean the ice. Caleb was crossing the ice with Rick as Aaron came up to them.

  “Nice job with the coaching, Caleb,” Aaron said, trying and failing to slow down, much less stop.

  Caleb reached out with quick reflexes and steadied him. “Careful.”

  “You really should learn to skate better if you’re going to help,” Rick said.

  Aaron tried to keep from shooting daggers with his eyes.

  “What did we just learn about teamwork?” Caleb looked to Rick as he kept his arm out for Aaron to use to stay steady as they moved to the door to exit the ice. Aaron loved the teacherlike positive quality in Caleb’s voice, rather than a condescending one.

  “Point taken.” Rick didn’t sound completely convinced of that. “Thanks for helping out, Price.”

  As they stepped off the rink, Caleb rolled his eyes at Aaron, who gave a weak smile, before he talked with some of the players around him. A couple of parents pulled Rick away as Aaron sat down on the bleachers to get out of his skates. He was in way over his head with this and just wanted to go home—except he’d agreed to hang out with Caleb. That was going to be a nightmare. Caleb had to be embarrassed about Aaron’s performance today even if he had just defended him to Rick.

  Caleb broke away from the group as parents tried to corral their kids to get changed. He was almost to Aaron as one more player intercepted him.

  “Mr. Carter? Can you show us more stuff?”

  “That’s up to Coach Rick.”

  Rick turned as he heard his name. The young player saw that as his opportunity. “Coach, can Mr. Carter come back?”

  “If he’s got the time, yes.”

  “When are you on the ice next?”

  “Wednesday and Friday before our game on Saturday,” the player said.

  “I can make that.” Caleb didn’t miss a beat, and the players cheered in response.

  “Thanks, man.” Rick clapped Caleb on the back. “You’ve got a knack for this. You want to grab a drink or something and have that catch-up?”

  Maybe this was Aaron’s out. Caleb would surely go with Rick.

  “I’ll have to take a rain check on that. I’ve already got a date.” Caleb stole a look at Aaron, who quickly looked away, shocked at what he’d heard.

  Date? He actually said date. There were other terms he could’ve used, even a simple I’m hanging out with Aaron. There couldn’t be dates. He knew he didn’t fit with Caleb at all—except he sort of did. Sometimes. Maybe just not here. The conflicting thoughts drove Aaron crazy.

  “Fair enough. Maybe some other time, then?”

  Unless Aaron was misreading, Rick was flirting a bit, just like the other night. Although Aaron might not be in the best position to judge.

  “We’ll see.” Caleb turned away from Rick and sat down next to Aaron.

  Before Caleb could say anything, Ian joined them. “If you’re coming back on Wednesday, text me.” He handed over a card. “You don’t need much skating work. I’d be happy to help out ahead of practice.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate that.” Aaron smiled and stood to shake Ian’s hand.

  “My pleasure. It’s great having someone else out there to keep practice moving for the kids.”

  “Yeah, thanks.” Caleb stood too. “I was planning to coach him as well, since I’ve got ice time right before practice Wednesday.” Caleb turned to Aaron. “With two of us working with you, you’ll be whipped into shape in no time.”

  Suddenly he had two people helping him. He didn’t know what to say to that.

  A player came up to Ian, dragging a huge bag behind him. “You ready, Bobby?” Ian asked.

  He nodded.

  “All right. I’ll see you Wednesday.”

  Bobby gave a small wave to Caleb, who returned it before they walked away.

  “Shall we?” Caleb looked at Aaron.

  “Yeah.” He picked up his skate bag.

  “You really didn’t do bad today. Ian’s right—you just need a brushup. Rick was just being a jerk. He was like that when we were teammates back in high school. I was glad to see he doesn’t teach that to the kids, but I didn’t appreciate him tearing you down.”

  “I think he’s trying to impress you.”

  Caleb nodded as they headed out to the parking lot. “I know. He’s tried over the years to get me interested. He was out before I was, and as soon as word got to him that I’d finally done it, he emailed saying we should get together. He’s a friend, for sure, but there are aspects to his personality that don’t make him boyfriend material—things like tearing people down.”

  Aaron fought the urge to take Caleb’s hand as those warm feelings rose up inside him yet again. He really needed to find a way to keep those at bay—because he wasn’t boyfriend material either.

  Chapter Nine

  I’M cleared for skating.

  Celebrate with me tonight?

  My house. Dinner. At 6.

  Caleb pressed send before he could think too much about it. It was an excruciating seventeen minutes before a message came back.

  Congrats. Dinner it is. What can I bring?

  Yes! Aaron agreed to another get-together. That would be three days out of four—or five if he counted the evening of the carnival—that he got to hang out with him.

  His grocery trip was interesting because the citizens of Foster Grove weren’t expecting to find Caleb pushing a cart through the local market in the middle of the afternoon. There were more than a few stares, which he found funny. Caleb simply nodded and smiled at those who gawked.

  In the pasta aisle, he thought the stock boy who was putting sale tags on some of the noodles might get a crick in his neck as he kept turning to look at Caleb while he surveyed the selection. Once he dropped his tags, and Caleb kneeled to pick up the ones that fluttered to the floor at his feet.

  “Oh my God. I’m so sorry.” Caleb saw the guy’s name was Liam. He looked around as if fearing who might have seen his fumble.

  “No problem.” He handed over what he’d collected.

  “Thank you, Mr. Carter,” he said nervously.

  “It’s Caleb.”

  “I can’t believe you’re here. I wanted to meet you at the carnival, but I couldn’t get off work that night.”

  “Pleasure to meet you, Liam.”

  “How’d you know my—?” Caleb smiled and subtly gestured at Liam’s shirt. “Oh, right. I’m not usually so scattered. It’s so cool to meet you. I play center at the high sch
ool just like you did.”

  “Always good to meet a fellow center. Are you having a good season?”

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Carter, is Liam bothering you?”

  Caleb watched Liam go pale as he saw who was behind him.

  Caleb turned to find a stern-looking woman in a pantsuit wearing a name tag that read Gloria with Manager underneath. “Not at all, ma’am. He was helping me pick out some spaghetti, and we got to talking.” Caleb turned on some charm. There was no need for Liam to get into trouble.

  “All right. If you’re sure.” She eyed Liam. “We don’t want our employees disturbing the customers.”

  “He wasn’t. We’re just two hockey players bonding over noodles. I promise.”

  She nodded, still not looking satisfied. “Get those tags done as soon as you’re finished assisting Mr. Carter. There’s stock to unload in the back.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Liam said. “So, Mr. Carter,” he said as he pulled a box of spaghetti off the shelf, “this is what my mom uses all the time, and it’s on sale.”

  Caleb nodded. “Is she gone?” he whispered, and Liam nodded. “Good. She’s kinda scary.”

  “Yes, she is.” Liam gave a lopsided smile.

  “Thanks for the recommendation.” He took the box and added it to his cart. “I’ll leave you to your work. I don’t want her coming back for you.”

  Liam held out his fist and Caleb bumped it. “Thanks, Mr.—I mean, Caleb. Thanks, Caleb.”

  A few aisles over Caleb ended up signing a few autographs for some shoppers, the majority of which were on blue Powerade bottles since that was the drink he’d endorsed a few years back. He grabbed an extra bottle and dropped it in his cart as well. Once he’d paid, he went looking for Liam, who was in the diary section stocking bags of shredded cheese.

  “Hey,” he said, looking around.

  “Um, hey,” Liam said, sounding confused.

  “Got a marker on you?” Caleb spoke softly.

  “Yeah.” Liam pulled a black pen from his pants pocket.

  “Perfect.” Caleb set his bags down, pulled out the Powerade bottle he’d bought, and signed it. “Here you go. It was nice meeting you.”

  He handed the bottle and the pen to Liam, whose mouth hung open.

  “This is the coolest thing ever. The guys aren’t going to believe this.” Liam put his fist out for another bump, which Caleb happily met. “Thanks, Caleb.”

  “You’re welcome. See you around.”

  Caleb gathered up his bags, and he and Liam nodded to each other.

  He’d picked up ingredients for something he knew he could make—spaghetti with meatballs. No way was he going to try a new dish for the first time with Aaron. It was risky enough cooking for him since they’d eaten at Nate’s restaurant—Caleb’s food was in no way comparable to that.

  Shortly before six, as Caleb put the al dente spaghetti into the sauce, splattering it all over the stovetop and nearby counter. “Dammit,” he said softly as he stirred the pasta. He was more careful with dropping in the meatballs he’d already partially cooked.

  The doorbell rang as he got the final meatball settled. He stole a look at the clock on the stove. “Of course he’s on time. Just like I would be. Stupid sauce.” The cleanup would have to wait. At least none of the sauce made it to his light blue shirt.

  At the door Caleb’s breath hitched as he saw Aaron through the beveled glass panels. Aaron looked sharp in black jeans and a light-purple button-down with a coordinating tie and tailored jacket. Caleb was going to see Aaron in his classroom tomorrow, and if he dressed like this, it would be very difficult to focus on his teaching rather than how attractive he looked.

  He opened the door. “Hey. Come on in.”

  “Sorry,” Aaron said, sounding flustered as he stepped inside. “I’d hoped to be early to help with the cooking, but I got stuck talking to your sister about some students. I did pick up pie from Nate’s, though.” He held up a shopping bag.

  “Don’t be silly. You’re right on time—and even if you weren’t, you brought pie and that makes up for practically anything.” Caleb quickly embraced Aaron to say hello. It was involuntary, and even surprised him. He liked how Aaron felt, perfectly huggable, with just enough firmness to feel sturdy but enough mushiness to be snuggly. He wished he could’ve held on longer. One day, maybe, Aaron would feel comfortable enough to fully hug him back. “Trouble today?”

  “Nothing out of the ordinary. It’s a constant battle to keep the bullying at bay and to try to turn it around. One of the usual suspects acted out, and there were reports to file and a meeting after school.”

  “Well, you’re here now, and there are no misbehaving kids.”

  “Thank God. If you were harboring any, I’d have to take action on that, and I’d really rather not.”

  They both laughed as Aaron hung up his jacket on one of the hooks just inside the door. Caleb was mesmerized. This was only work attire, but everything fit just right and gave Caleb an idea of what might be under the clothes.

  “Come on back to the kitchen. I’m finishing up.”

  As they walked to the back of the house, Caleb’s phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket with the intention of silencing it until he saw who it was.

  “I should take this. It’ll only be a minute. Make yourself at home.”

  Aaron nodded and went on to the kitchen while Caleb turned back to the living room.

  “Hey, Phil. This—”

  “Caleb, what are you trying to do to us?” His agent never was one for small talk. “You’ve been cleared to skate, and yet you’re still up there relaxing with your hometown crowd. And I’ve seen pictures of you on ice with kids. What’s going on?”

  “If you know I’m cleared to skate, you know that happened, like, three hours ago. As for the kids, I’m helping out a friend who coaches a local team. I’d think you’d love that kind of publicity.”

  “Not while you’re supposed to be injured! If you’re going to do that kind of stuff, you should do it here so local TV can cover it, not in some small town no one cares about. You know what you do in the media is even more important with the upcoming contract negotiations.”

  “Important to you, or to the team?” Caleb tried not to get frustrated since Phil worked for his best interest, but he wasn’t in the mood for a lecture. “I’ve got more than a decade in New York. If they wanted me to be in the city, I’d be—”

  “It’s perception, Caleb. You’ve done this long enough—”

  “I’m not having this conversation right now. I’ll call you tomorrow.” He disconnected before Phil could piss him off further, then put the phone on silent. He took a deep breath before he went returned to the kitchen, where he found Aaron sitting at the island. “Sorry about that.”

  “That was bubbling and sending sauce onto the stove,” Aaron said, pointing to Caleb’s workstation, “so I stirred it and cleaned up.”

  “You didn’t have to do that. Most of it splattered before you got here.”

  “Not a problem. It’s the least I can do for the meal.”

  Caleb checked the pot before turning quickly back to Aaron. “I’m an awful host. Would you like something to drink?”

  “No, I’m good.”

  “I’ve got a great wine to go with dinner. We’ll be ready in just a few minutes.”

  “I’m impressed with all the work your parents did on the house.”

  Caleb opened the oven and pulled out the garlic bread. “They renovated right after they retired, and this was their biggest project. I don’t think they even use the living room anymore. They usually just sit where you are and do whatever, especially since they put the TV in.” Caleb indicated the screen mounted to the wall with a pivot so it could be seen from the adjacent dining room or anywhere in the kitchen. “Or they just sit on the deck,” he said as he transferred the bread into a serving basket, “where they essentially built a second living room.”

  “Where are they, anyway? On the way here, I was tryi
ng to remember the last time I’d seen them in town.”

  “Let’s see. Today I think they’re in Rome.” Caleb picked his phone up from the counter and flipped through some screens. “Yup, Rome today and tomorrow. They’re doing an around-the-world trip.”

  “That’s a bucket-list thing for me. They’re having a good retirement, I hope.”

  “Oh yes. They’ve even learned how to use Facebook Live to show Pam and me things in real time.”

  “You set all that up for them, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah. They gave us a lot growing up, and I was in a position to help them do anything they wanted. Redo the house. Go on a trip. Whatever.” The timer dinged, and Caleb pulled the pot off the stove and carefully emptied the contents into a large bowl. “Dinner’s ready. We can eat here, in the dining room, or outside.”

  “Outside? Really?” Aaron sounded dubious. “It’s nice out, but a little chilly.”

  “Trust me. I can fix that. Just follow me.” Caleb took the big bowl of steaming pasta and the garlic bread.

  “I’ll grab these.” Aaron took the plates, napkins, glasses, and utensils from the counter and followed. He stopped just outside the door to the deck. “Whoa. This is nice.”

  “Hang on.” Caleb set the food down on the table and returned to flip some switches on a panel by the door. Two heaters turned on, a waterfall activated farther away, and outdoor lighting illuminated the entire yard.

  “Dang,” Aaron said.

  “They wanted to extend spring and fall just a bit. Be right back. Just need the wine.” Caleb darted back inside.

  When he returned, Aaron had set up places on the table. Caleb watched from behind as Aaron served the food. Was this what life could be like if he settled down with someone—really took the time to find the right person and build a life? A simple weekday meal on the back deck, home-cooked, winding down at the end of the day.

  Aaron suddenly turned. “Everything okay?”

  “I just… nothing. It was silly.”

  “If you say so.” Aaron studied Caleb closely for another minute, leaving him feeling very exposed. It wasn’t like Aaron could see what he was thinking, but it sure felt like he was trying to.