Faithful

by S. A. Wolfe

  “No! You’re my built-in babysitter.”

  I laugh. “As appealing as that is, you and I have been living together for a long time. It’s time to cut the strings. You and your husband need a home that doesn’t have me invading every room and every meal.”

  “Where would you go? Back to your old, My Little Pony bedroom in your parents’ house?” Lauren asks.

  “I haven’t slept in that room since I was ten; I turned the basement into the cool room. Besides, my mother turned the pony room into her sewing hideout, and the basement is full of junk. I can find a nice rental. Maybe I could move in with Yadi and Kimberly.”

  “I would miss you so much.”

  “You see me every day at work.”

  “Hello,” we hear Cooper shout from the front hall.

  “Hey, Cooper!” Lauren replies.

  “Kcuf, kcuf, kcuf, kcuf,” I mutter to myself.

  “Did that help? Is it out of your system? We good to go here?” Lauren looks sympathetic at my anxiety over this man.

  “No, but I don’t have any choice. He’s my friend, right? We’re all friends.”

  “Right.” Lauren takes me by the arm, then we walk out to meet Cooper.

  He’s leaning against the balustrade instead of making himself comfortable in the living room, which is what he’d typically do.

  “Hi.” My hesitation is obvious, my smile sad.

  “Imogene.” There’s a fluid warmth to the way he says my name. I don’t think I could possibly ever get over the way it makes me feel.

  “We’re having my awesome pot roast tonight,” Lauren declares.

  “Excellent.” Cooper smiles faintly. “Where’s Leo?”

  “He ran to the store to get a couple of baguettes. I’m craving bread and gravy,” Lauren explains. “He should be back any min—oh!” Lauren puts her hand on her belly and leans over, her face contorting with pain.

  “Lauren?” I put my hand on her back and see small droplets of blood on the floor between Lauren’s bare feet.

  “Oh, God, no,” Lauren moans and more blood spurts out.

  “Shit!” Cooper bolts to Lauren and picks her up, cradling her in his arms.

  “Is she having a—”

  Blood seeps through the white apron over her billowing baby-doll style dress, spreading wider.

  Holding Lauren with one arm, Cooper pulls his keys out of his pocket. “Imogene, get the truck started. You’re driving us to the hospital!” He tosses the keys at me.

  I don’t bother to think, I dash out the front door and race to Cooper’s truck. As I start the engine, Cooper is already opening the passenger door, sliding into the seat with Lauren in his lap. Her eyes are closed tightly as she moans and cries.

  “It’s too early,” she says weakly.

  “Drive!” Cooper yells at me. “Drive fast.”

  Lauren grimaces again. “A cramp,” she moans.

  “Don’t push, Lauren,” Cooper orders. “Try to take slow breaths, but don’t push.”

  “Do you know what to do?” I ask, stunned that Cooper seems fairly collected despite our panic.

  “No. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I think she’s supposed to fight the urge to push.”

  Once I speed out of town to the hospital and swing through the emergency room drop off, screeching to a halt in front of an ambulance, Cooper jumps out, holding Lauren’s floppy body against his chest. He runs through the sliding doors of the ER entrance while I park the truck in the visitor lot and run into the waiting room where they are nowhere in sight.

  As I’m about to inquire at the admissions desk, Cooper comes through a pair of swinging doors that are locked to the public. His jeans and the bottom of his white T-shirt are covered in blood.

  “How is she?” I ask.

  “I don’t know. They had me put her in one of the beds and the doctor was there. They told me to leave.” The worry in Cooper’s voice terrifies me. “I’m going to go call Leo. Can you call her parents?”

  “I didn’t bring a phone. I didn’t bring my purse. I drove without my license.”

  “It’s okay.” Cooper touches my shoulder. “I’ll go outside and call everyone. Why don’t you sit here and wait to see if the nurse or doctor comes out to talk to you.”

  I nod then find an unoccupied chair in the waiting room. Sitting anxiously on the edge of the seat, I watch the double doors for any signs of a doctor or nurse.

  Cooper returns and takes the chair next to me. “Lauren’s parents and Leo are on their way. I called Carson, too. Sit back and try to relax, Imogene. It could be a while.”

  I move back in my chair and take a deep breath, unable to calm down. It’s impossible. My gaze keeps racing back and forth between the clock on the wall and the doors. Someone needs to tell us what’s going on.

  “I shouldn’t have let her work so hard.” I shake my head.

  “This isn’t your fault.” Cooper stares at me without blinking. “You didn’t cause this. No one did. It happens.” He picks up my hand and holds it against his leg.

  “She wouldn’t slow down,” I continue. “I should have made her leave work earlier. I should have done a better job at the wedding. I should have ordered the dresses and prevented that whole fiasco. I shouldn’t have let her cook and clean—”

  “Stop it. You didn’t do anything wrong, Imogene.”

  He squeezes my hand as we sit in tense silence until Leo comes running through the sliding doors, followed by Lauren’s parents. Leo goes right to the admitting station and they open the double doors for him, a nurse leading him to see his wife. Lauren’s father sits with us while her mother paces the waiting room.

  “Try closing your eyes for a while,” Cooper says softly so only I can hear. “It may help you.”

  I close my eyes and listen to the sounds of muffled conversations, beeping machines, and the whoosh of the sliding doors, over and over until there’s a synchronized rhythm to my breathing and the surrounding sounds.

  Forty minutes later, Leo comes out and we lunge out of our chairs together. Leo hugs Lauren’s parents and then me. “Lauren is stable. The baby is okay, but they have to monitor both of them,” he says, excited with panic.

  Leo notices the large patches of blood covering Cooper’s jeans and shirt. “They stopped the bleeding,” he says. “Her blood pressure spiked way too high.”

  When Emma and Jess arrive, Leo repeats everything to them. Then Carson, Archie, Lois, and Dylan arrive, and Leo starts to explain everything again when he’s interrupted. A nurse comes out and whisks Leo and Lauren’s parents through the mysterious double doors while I sit silently next to Archie. Cooper takes charge and updates everyone on Lauren’s status.

  As Nina and Garth finally return, it makes me feel a little better to see their hopeful faces. “She’s doing better,” Nina says. “They’ve moved her out of the ER to a regular room. They’ll let two visitors in at a time with Leo. I thought you and Cooper would like to go.”

  “Yes,” Cooper replies for both of us. He then takes my hand and walks me towards the door a nurse is holding open for us.

  We continue to hold hands as we follow the nurse down a hallway, up an elevator, and down another hallway to Lauren’s private room. The lights are dimmed, but it’s hardly restful. There are plenty of flashing colors, beeps from the monitors, and a buzz of conversations from other rooms and the nurses’ station across from Lauren’s door.

  Lauren looks frail in her hospital gown. She’s hooked up to a monitor, the wires protruding from the top of her gown, and her arm has an IV in it. She’s partially covered by a thin blanket and sheet and doesn’t look pregnant at all. As Cooper and I approach her bed, Lauren opens her eyes and regards me with a sad, tired, ghost of a smile.

  I look at Leo sitting in a chair against the wall, showing my confusion.

  “She’s going to be okay, Imogene. The baby is okay … so far. It was the placenta …” he says, but then seems to fo
rget the other details. “Lauren will have to stay on bed rest until she delivers. She’s tired and a little out of it.”

  “Okay,” I whisper.

  I let go of Cooper’s hand and walk around to the side of the bed without the IV pole. I slip under the heart monitor wires and slide into bed next to Lauren. Then I put my arm gently across her waist, and she tilts her head to touch mine. I lie next to my friend as she closes her eyes and drifts off to a state of semi-sleep.

  Leo motions Cooper over to the door where they stand and talk in hushed tones for a few minutes. Then Leo leaves and Cooper leans against the doorway, watching me hold on to my friend with a possessive, sisterly love.

  “Imogene,” Cooper whispers and lightly shakes my shoulder. “Babe, visiting hours are over. We have to leave.”

  I wake up to Cooper’s lovely gray eyes above me. Lauren is fast asleep and the room is darker.

  “Visiting hours ended at eleven. The nurse let you stay a bit longer since you were both asleep. It’s one o’clock now.”

  “Where’s Leo?” I ask groggily.

  “He’s sleeping in the waiting room. He doesn’t want to leave, but I need to take you home.”

  “All right.” I sit up and Cooper helps me off the high bed so I don’t stumble and knock down any of the equipment surrounding the bed.

  A nurse comes in to check Lauren’s vitals as we leave quietly.

  We don’t talk on the drive back to my house. I try to think of things I can do to help Leo and Lauren over the next few weeks, but nothing spectacular comes to mind other than the usual domestic chores.

  When Cooper parks in front of the house, he turns off the engine and hops out of the truck before I can tell him not to bother. I climb the porch steps slowly and then sit down on the top one.

  “You need to get some sleep,” Cooper says, standing before me. “Visiting hours start at eleven. I’ll come pick you up.”

  “They only let three people in. Lauren’s parents will want that time. I’ll go later in the afternoon. I want to sit out here for a while, but you can leave.”

  “I don’t want to leave.” He sits down next to me, leaning his elbows on his knees. He is silent as he steeples his hands.

  “Thank you for your fast thinking,” I say, studying his profile as he looks up at the stars in the clear night sky. “I don’t think I could have gotten Lauren to the hospital on my own. You’re good at managing emergencies.”

  “I hope everything really is okay. I hope this doesn’t happen again.”

  “Leo and Nina seem pretty sure that everything will be fine.”

  “Yeah.” He glances at me and then sighs as he looks down.

  As we sit in more silence, I want to say something because I don’t want to let go. I’ll hold onto this stillness between us as long as I can if it means it will somehow change this, change us. Cooper looks just as conflicted.

  “I am in love with you,” he finally says, turning to me. “Every time I said I was crazy about you, what I really meant was that I am in love with you.”

  “Oh,” I stammer with a nervous smile of surprise. “Thank you.”

  “Thank you?” Cooper lets out a little laugh.

  “Thank you for telling me. And thank you for all the other nice gestures. Buying that necklace and giving it to your mother.”

  Cooper looks at me as though I’ve discovered one of his secrets.

  “You didn’t think I’d notice your mother wearing a necklace I made, the one you said you were giving to your sister?”

  “Oh,” he mumbles.

  “Thank you for getting our business off the ground and up and running. We wouldn’t have that workshop or those employees if it wasn’t for you.”

  “All I did was buy you a few beads.”

  “Carson told me about the money, Cooper.”

  Cooper closes his eyes and exhales slowly. “Shit.”

  “He thought I should know. I’m really astounded that you did it.”

  “You’re a good investment.”

  “That’s it? You mean my business, right? You’re not talking about me, personally.”

  “Both. I fell for you long before you’d even go out with me. I couldn’t separate that woman from the businesswoman. All I saw was you. I love you, Imogene.”

  Hearing that makes me happy, sending my heart racing, but another part of me that is more scared overpowers the lovesick woman.

  “I’ve been thinking about us a lot, Cooper. I’ve been trying to figure out why I love you and couldn’t feel that way about Jeremy or other men.”

  “Good. You only love me, so stop wondering about those losers. Jeremy, Cory …”

  “Cody. And I don’t think about them. I’ve been thinking about why I love you. It’s exhilarating and passionate, and I feel amazing when I’m with you. I can call it love because it’s also frightening. It’s frightening because love is unpredictable, emotionally unstable, and uncontainable. It’s a real love, and ultimately, real love leads to unintentional pain and loss. But I still want that kind of love, knowing that there’s a certain amount of suffering that comes with loving someone because it also comes with the greatest amount of passion and joy.

  “I suppose it seems premature for me to be so bull-headed about marriage and family, but being with your family only confirmed my feelings about this. I’m willing to live every exhilarating moment with you, even if it means that someday one of us will be sitting at the bedside, watching the other one leave this life.”

  “I want that, too.” Cooper slips his arms around my waist and kisses me, causing me to momentarily lose my train of thought.

  “No. Let me finish.” I stop the kiss. “I accept the unpredictable aspects that come attached with love. You don’t. You think that, if you don’t get married, it makes life and love easier to control, to contain. I don’t want a manageable, containable love, Cooper. I want it to explode, and I want everything that comes with it.” I remove his hands and stand up.

  “How do I keep ending up in the same argument with you?” He stands up and towers over me with an exasperated expression.

  “Because we are not on the same page about anything. You pursued me relentlessly, and you got me. You got me, Cooper. But love is a like a top-secret government project with you. You want containment, to make it safe. It’s not about safety!”

  “I told you I love you!” he shouts angrily, causing me to step back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you, but you don’t understand what my life felt like when my family fell apart.”

  “Then tell me.”

  “I was young, and I experienced years of degradation living with people who said they loved me but betrayed everything that our family was built on. My parents were horrible to each other and weren’t much better with us. And then I chose a career that kept me in a continuous circle of violence, deceit and violence.”

  “It must be very difficult to reconcile those two things that ruled your life for so long.” I open the front door, but Cooper blocks me with his arm. “I think I’ll go to bed now.”

  “I’m sorry I’m not the man you want me to be.”

  “I don’t think you’re the man you want to be. Why did you and Sofia break up? After all those years together, you must have loved her.”

  “She broke up with me after college. She was going to med school in Chicago and wanted me to apply for a job there.”

  “Why didn’t you go?”

  “She wanted to get married first.”

  I snort and lean against the doorframe.

  “The truth is I wouldn’t have gone to Chicago with her anyway.” He presses against me until I meet his eyes. “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.”

  Thirty-Two

  Lauren has been on bed rest since she was discharged from the hospital three weeks ago, and I have taken it upon myself to be her main caregiver. I run home during lunchtime and make her a tray of food, or I bring home sou
p and sandwiches from the diner. I change her linens, bring her dinner, and make sure she has entertainment every night. Leo does laundry and dishes and listens patiently while I talk to Lauren with my endless stories about work and town gossip.

  When friends come over to visit Lauren, I chaperone each session as though I’m her mother or hired medical staff. I’m less clingy when Cooper comes over. He’ll hang out and talk with Lauren and Leo in their room on the top floor, and I’ll excuse myself to work in the studio below. Sometimes, when he brings over a movie, I’ll join them, but I sit across the room from Cooper and talk in a breezy tone as my insides shatter at the sight, sound, and smell of him. He always gives me an extra smile and takes an extra moment to acknowledge me. It’s excruciating, but I gladly accept the pain because I love him.

  I make a point of greeting him every morning in the parking lot and no longer try to hide as a means to get over him. Cooper seems to look forward to these happenstance moments of coincidentally arriving or leaving work at the same time, too. Sometimes, I see him lingering by his truck or bike as if he’s waiting for me. I confess that the same thing crosses my mind when I stand by my car and pretend to look for the car keys in my purse or take another fake phone call.

  Leo finally steps in and tells me I’m trying too hard to be everything for Lauren and it’s okay to take it down a notch. He encourages me to stay at work during my lunch hour and eat with Anita and Tracy. Lauren convinces me to take up yoga again, so three times a week, I take a class with the new yoga instructor Lois hired, Anima-Christi. She’s surprisingly bitchy for a yoga teacher, and I suspect that’s why Lois adores her and why I enjoy her class. She’s an intimidating little powerhouse who spends an inordinate amount of class time correcting my uncoordinated yoga positions or talking about finding your Zen. I’m all for finding some Zen, which is why I keep attending her classes even though I’m constantly being singled out as the worst student in the group.

  “Can I have the other half of your burger?” Anima asks me from across the booth after she polishes off a grill cheese sandwich and soup.