I should have known that. And I shouldn’t have come in the first place. But I had come, and then I’d had my naïve expectations smashed. That was part of why I was so upset. Not just because William left me to take care of business or because he didn’t stay in touch, but because my unrealistic hopes hadn’t come to fruition. I’d been so swept up in the romance of our night at The Peninsula, so excited about being back together with William and the I love yous I thought were sure to come, that I’d somehow turned this trip into what I’d wanted, rather than seeing what it was.
And what it was did not look pretty. Yes, we’d had amazing sex. Really amazing sex. I looked down at my wrists, which were still sore from pulling against the handcuffs, and I felt myself stirring. All I had to do was think about William and I started to heat up. I couldn’t help it. Sex was never going to be the problem between us.
Everything else on our little getaway had been the problem. I had turned jealous and whiny and wore my every insecurity on my sleeve, and I hated that I’d been like that. And William might have given good lip service to being more open with me, but his actions said otherwise. Why he thought it was perfectly acceptable to be secretive and controlling whenever he wanted and to disappear without explanation for days was beyond me. I needed to accept that this was the way he operated. I had seen it before. He wasn’t going to change.
All the talk about Jace on the ride from Napa had made me remember how great it had been between my late husband and me. Why couldn’t things be like that with William? The two of us against the world, fighting off the bad guys. Together. He’d asked me to trust him, but why wouldn’t he trust me back?
I was glad I hadn’t told William I loved him. Those words didn’t come easily to me. They were precious, and right now, I didn’t know if I still did love him. I didn’t know if I ever could. And that made my heart shatter.
***
It was after eleven o’clock by the time the plane landed. I was exhausted, and the weather in Chicago didn’t help matters. It was cold and damp and raw outside, and I shivered as I headed out to the cab line. I was wearing just the lightweight dress and sweater I’d thrown on this morning; my winter coat was left at Casa di Rosabela. Oh well, guess I’d be doing some shopping this weekend. Luckily for me, a taxi pulled up right away.
The driver must have noticed my clothes, because as soon as I told him the address he said, “Where’d you fly in from?”
“California.”
“Warmer there, I guess. You hear about the snowstorm?”
“No.”
The driver was more than happy to rattle on about the coming Snowmageddon. One thing about Chicagoans: they loved to talk about predicted blizzards and past blizzards. By the time we arrived at my condo in Lincoln Park, I knew more than most weathermen about the coming storm. I paid the driver and headed upstairs. I’d seen my light on when we pulled up, so I knew Beckett was here. I was glad. I didn’t want to be alone.
I opened the door and called, “Hello?”
Laird was the first to greet me, running full tilt, tail wagging furiously. I dropped my bags and gave him a hug, getting doggie slobber all over my face in the process.
Beckett raced to the door from the direction of the kitchen. I could smell something delicious baking. “Cat? Oh my God. You really came home.”
“Sorry. I should have texted.” I’d been too busy checking for texts from William. Still nothing. Tears filled my eyes, and Beckett’s brows rose.
“I gather these tears aren’t because you didn’t text.”
I shook my head.
Beckett pulled me to my feet. “Come on. I have chocolate.”
He wasn’t kidding. He’d obviously been on a baking rampage. I couldn’t even see my counter for all the muffins, cupcakes, cookies, and tarts covering it. He heaped a plate with samples, poured me a glass of milk, and sat me down at the table. “Spill it.” He nodded at the desserts. “And take your medicine.”
I laughed, then I started crying again. It came in fits and starts, but I told Beckett most of what happened at Casa di Rosabela while he listened and compulsively checked on his creation currently in the oven.
“So how’d you get to the airport then, after you ditched the bald guy? Did you take a cab or rent a car? God, please tell me you didn’t hitchhike. That would give both me and William heart attacks.”
I took a deep breath. I knew I had to tell him. “I ran into Jeremy.”
“What?” Beckett asked. He spun around and stared at me, looking shocked and horrified at the same time. “You have to be shitting me. Jeremy as in Jeremy Ryder? Your weasely once brother-in-law?”
“Yep, the one and the same.”
Beckett took a seat at the breakfast bar. “No eff’ing way. I can’t believe it. The stars really aligned for you, didn’t they? I mean, what are the chances?” He was in shock and a part of me still couldn’t believe it either.
“I went in to this coffee shop and he walked in a few minutes later. He’s a lawyer now.”
“Working for his asshole father?” Beckett interrupted.
“Exactly,” I continued. “He said he was up there seeing a client. We sat and talked for little while. My security thug was never going to let me out of his sight and William was gone wherever, and I just wanted to come home. Jeremy was leaving to go back to the city, so I asked him for a ride and he said yes.”
“Fucking Jeremy Ryder,” Beckett said when I’d finished. “What’s that line about gin joints?” He gave me his best Humphrey Bogart look. “Of all the coffee houses in all the world, he has to walk into yours.”
“Beckett, stick to cooking. Your impressions suck.”
“Now that’s the Cat I know,” he laughed. “Any other great revelations or was that it?”
“Pretty much. It was weird, but okay I guess.” I’d tell Beckett about what Jeremy said at the airport tomorrow. I was too tired to talk anymore but I added, “It made me miss Jace.”
Beckett got up, walked around the breakfast bar, and pulled me into a big bear hug. He kissed the top of my head as he held me. “I know how much you miss him, Cat, and it must have been hell to see Jeremy.”
“Yeah, it was,” I whispered as Beckett kept hugging me.
“It’s really snowing out there now. Mind if I stay over again?”
“No, but I don’t know where the sheets are for the guest bed.”
He raised his brows seductively. “Honey, I haven’t been sleeping in the guest bed and I’m not starting tonight. That room’s a mess, by the way. Guess that means we’ll have to share your bed. William had better watch out.”
I laughed and left Beckett to clean up mixing bowls, muffin pans, and cookie sheets while I took a shower and threw on my warmest flannel pajamas. I checked my phone one last time; still nothing. I turned it off.
I felt a lot better when I climbed into bed with Beckett and Laird. The shower and comfortable clothes helped, but Beckett was also a salve. He always made me laugh, and he was the most loyal friend I had. I could trust him implicitly.
Beckett watched one of the late night shows while I stroked Laird’s back. Pretty soon my eyes were closing, and Beckett turned off the TV, and we both dozed off. I loved my best friend, but I really missed William.
***
I woke up to a winter wonderland. Beckett was never an early riser, so I quietly got out of bed, fed Laird, and then stared out my front window at the snow covering everything. I’d seen snow before, but this was my first big snowstorm in Chicago. I couldn’t believe how the white extended as far as I could see. The snow sparkled in the early morning light, as yet untouched and pure, and I found myself completely enchanted.
Thank God I’d left when I did or I would have been stuck in California. I was glad to be home even if I felt a hollowness where William should have been.
William. I found my phone, pulled it out, and turned it on. Five texts and three voicemails from William. I read and listened, glad Beckett was still asleep so he could
n’t see me crying again.
Catherine, where are you? I need you.
That was the text that broke my heart. His voicemails were brief. “Catherine, I’m worried about you. Are you okay? Darius said you left with an unidentified man. Are you okay? Just call me. Please.”
Catherine, I can’t believe you left without any word. Are you okay???
We needed to talk. That much was obvious, but I didn’t want to talk right now. I wanted to think a bit more about my next move. Plus, it was really early in California. Still, I knew what it was like to worry, so I texted back, I’m home. I’m fine, and I’ll call you later.”
I’d barely hit send when my phone buzzed. It was William. I wanted to roll my eyes. So now he couldn’t wait to talk to me. I thought about not answering, but I was never the sort to play games. “Good morning, William.”
“Catherine.” I could hear concern and frustration in his voice. “You’re okay?”
“I’m fine. And I’m home.”
“I’m relieved to hear that.” There was a long pause and I could hear him breathing into the phone. “You scared me.”
“I understand. Really, I do. And I’m sorry, but you scared me too.”
“Catherine—”
“No, listen. Two days, William. Two days without hearing from you—not a text, an email, a message in a bottle. Nothing. How was I supposed to tell you I was leaving? You just disappeared.”
“I didn’t disappear. And you were at my home, and you were safe.”
“Safe from what?” I interrupted him.
He ignored me. “I knew where you were and that you were being looked after. That’s what I wanted. That’s what I needed.”
“I was being looked after? Like some sort of dog?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
I stood and began to pace. “I don’t need to be looked after. I need to be treated like someone you value. You completely shut me out and cut me off. I thought we talked about this. You said you’d change.”
“How was I supposed to know I’d be called away from Napa? I had to go.”
“Why?”
Silence.
“See, you’re still doing it.”
“Catherine.” He sounded incredibly frustrated. I could imagine his fists clenched and his eyes icy blue. “I did what I thought was best. I didn’t leave you alone. You were safe. You only needed to wait a little longer.”
“No, William. No, I didn’t need to wait. And you don’t get it. It wasn’t okay to leave me like that. It isn’t okay to just drop off the face of the earth with no explanation. That’s not what boyfriends do. Correction: that’s not what my boyfriend does.”
“What are you saying?” His voice was dark.
“I think…” My throat was suddenly dry. We’d just gotten back together, and all I wanted was to be with him. But I knew what I had to say. “We need some time apart.”
“No.”
“I’m not saying we break up. We just slow things down.”
“No.”
I ignored him. “This isn’t easy for me to say. We just got back together, and I…I really want to be with you. But I think a break will do us good. We can both get our heads on straight.”
“No. Absolutely not. I have no interest in taking a break—or whatever the hell you want to call it.”
“I don’t think you get to choose.”
“The hell I don’t. I’m on my way home and I want to see you ASAP.”
“There’s a blizzard, William. Even you can’t fly in a blizzard.”
“I’m on the jet now. We’ve been diverted to Omaha, but as soon as we get clearance, we’re heading back. I’ll see you tonight.”
“I’m not going to hold my breath.”
“This isn’t over.” Then he hung up.
I threw my phone down on the couch and buried my face in my hands. Half of me was so fucking pissed at him. Who was he to tell me I couldn’t call things off? This was my relationship as much as his. He couldn’t call all the shots. But as soon as I got really good and mad, I burst into tears. I didn’t want it to be over. I didn’t want to tell William goodbye.
God, I was a complete basket case. I was glad Beckett wasn’t awake because if he saw me now he’d make me eat more dessert, and I didn’t think my waistline could handle it.
Finally, I got it together, washed my face, and pulled my hair back into a ponytail. I’d dropped everything on the floor when I came in the night before, so I started unpacking. There wasn’t much to put away, but I needed to charge my laptop. I brought my bag to my desk, plugged my laptop in, and noticed a stack of paper in the printer. I couldn’t remember printing anything, and when I lifted the sheets, I realized they weren’t mine.
Beckett had printed several copies of his résumé. He hadn’t said anything about looking for a job. I put them back and finished unpacking, and when Beckett came out of the bedroom, hair sticking straight up, I brought him coffee and the résumés. “What’s up? Are you applying for a job or something?”
He didn’t answer right away—no whimsical quip, which was unusual—and I got a sick feeling in my stomach. I’d thought he was the one person I could always trust and believe in. “What are you not telling me?”
“It’s nothing, Cat. Well, it is something, something that could be really big. The problem is I can’t talk about it.”
“Seems to be a common theme right now,” I muttered.
“Legally, I can’t talk about it. I had to sign a nondisclosure agreement and everything.”
“And that includes me?”
“Yeah. But I’ll be able to tell you soon, okay? You’ll be the first one.” He rose and put his hands on my arm. “I promise.”
“Okay. Great.” But it wasn’t great. What the hell was going on? Now even Beckett was keeping secrets from me? We’d always shared everything.
“Look at this!” Beckett said, staring out the window. “You know what this is?”
I joined him. “Snow?”
“A snow day.”
“What’s a snow day?”
“A day when we don’t do any work. We gotta go play in the snow.”
It was as good an idea as any, especially given that I’d just kind of broken up with my boyfriend over the phone. I needed a distraction.
I dressed warmly and put Laird’s leash on. Right before we went out, I grabbed my Leica and a few rolls of film. The three of us tromped around the neighborhood. I took pictures of the icy landscape while Laird made it his personal mission to pee on every buried fire hydrant, bush, and tree stump. Beckett and I built a snowman, made snow angels, and had a snowball fight with a couple of kids who lived across the street. We laughed at the lawn chairs that were already starting to line the streets as people began digging out and claiming parking spaces. I was glad I paid for a parking space for my Volvo, but I’d be shoveling it out soon enough too.
After lunch, we went back out and walked through Lincoln Park down to the lake. I took pictures of everything—the gunmetal grey sky with hints of sun peeking through, the snow on the frozen water, a fallen branch covered with intricate ice crystals, a pair of cross-country skiers whooshing quietly across the snowy drifts.
As I snapped photos, Beckett talked. Apparently, he’d seen Alec a few times while I was in Napa. “Are things getting serious?” I asked.
“Things are progressing.”
I lowered my camera and gave him a look. “Progressing? What does that mean?”
“I really like him, Cat. I think—no, I know I’m falling for him.”
I felt my frozen face break into a huge grin. “Really?”
“I might even be in love. I’m not sure yet. Is that weird? Not to know?”
“Not at all.” I could definitely relate. “You’ll know soon.” I gave him an impulsive hug. “Beckett, I’m so happy for you. I really like Alec. I think you two will be good together.”
“We are.”
“I’m sorry I blabbed so long last night that yo
u didn’t get a chance to tell me about things with Alec. I’ve been a sucky best friend lately. It’s all Cat, this and Cat, that.”
“It’s not every day I get to rub elbows with the girlfriends of the über-rich. I forgive you. Did you hear from William yet?”
“Yeah,” I said, not holding back on the resignation in my voice. “He’s on his way here. I told him even he couldn’t fly in a blizzard.”
Beckett looked at the sky. “It’s not snowing now.”
No, it wasn’t.
We headed back to my condo, and though I told Beckett he could stay, he said he was anxious to get home. I sent as many of the desserts off with him as I could, and then I closed the door and leaned against it.
I needed to get ready. I wasn’t certain what I was getting ready for, but I didn’t want to be caught off guard. I checked my phone again. No more calls or texts from William. Presumably, his plane had been allowed to take off again, and he was on his way. Knowing him, he wouldn’t call. He’d just show up.
I decided to take a long bubble bath. I wanted to warm up after all day outdoors, and I lingered until my fingers were prunes. Then I climbed out and dressed in skinny distressed jeans and a chunky ivory grandpa sweater. I took a little extra time with my make-up and hair. I had a smattering of freckles across my cheeks from my time in the sun, and I didn’t want to cover them up. I dusted a light sheen of powder on my nose, happy to see I didn’t look quite as pale and pasty as I had before the trip, and then slicked on some berry lip gloss.
I padded out of the bathroom, checked my phone again—still nothing—and headed to the kitchen to feed Laird. I’d taken all of three steps when the buzzer sounded.
Ten
William usually circumvented my buzzer, so there was a moment when I wondered if it was really him. But when I pushed the button, he said, “Buzz me in, Catherine.”
A Sip of You (The Epicurean Series) Page 12