A Sip of You (The Epicurean Series)

by Grace, Sorcha

  “What’s wrong?” William asked a moment later, his voice almost disembodied in the darkness.

  “So much for not making any noise.”

  He sat and moved away from me. “Why do you care? Are you embarrassed that you’re seeing me?”

  “What?” I sat too. “No!”

  “Then what is it? What is he to you?”

  “He’s my former brother-in-law, and I don’t know why but it feels uncomfortable to be with another guy around him. It just does.” That was partly true anyway.

  He gave a low bitter chuckle. “It was sex, not a crime. We can’t resist each other. I don’t know why you’re embarrassed about that.” He rose, went to my bathroom, and returned a few minutes later. I could tell he was still exasperated with me.

  “I don’t like that you’re upset. But you’re mine, Catherine and I don’t give a fuck who knows it.” Then without another word, he got into bed and turned onto his side so he was facing away from me.

  I stared at his back. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

  “I’m staying,” he said. “And don’t worry. I won’t touch you.”

  I rose, cleaned up, and put my T-shirt and sweats back on. When I climbed back into bed, the silence loomed heavy between us.

  It took a really long time for me to fall asleep.

  ***

  It was still dark when William shook me awake. I turned the bedside lamp on and saw he was dressed and ready to go. “What time is it?”

  “Four-thirty,” he said. “I’m going to the gym.”

  “Okay, I’ll text you later.”

  “Good.”

  The tension was still there. I could have killed Jeremy.

  “William, I’m sorry about last night—”

  He leaned down and kissed me lightly. “I’m not angry, Catherine. You have the right to say no. I shouldn’t have persuaded you.”

  “It wasn’t all you. I didn’t really want to say no. I didn’t say no. And afterward—I’m sorry.”

  “Get some sleep. We can talk later.” His finger trailed along my cheek, and he turned off the light. A few minutes later, I heard him close the door and lock it.

  I touched my fingers to my lips, where he’d kissed me. I had the distinct impression he was disappointed. I wished he was angry rather than disappointed, because disappointed was a lot worse.

  I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep.

  A few hours later I woke again and headed to the shower. After I dried my hair, I heard Jeremy moving around and figured I’d better let him know I was out so he could shower and be ready in time for his conference. I would have rather buried my head under the pillow. I was mortified at the possibility he’d heard William and me, but I forced myself to leave the bathroom and find him. When I came out to tell him the rest of the hot water was all his, he was sprawled on the couch, flipping channels on the TV.

  “Hey, I’m out of the shower. I tried to leave you some hot water.”

  “Thanks.”

  I took Laird out then came back in and fed him. When I returned from the kitchen, Jeremy hadn’t moved. “Don’t you have to get to the conference?”

  “Sure. But I don’t have anything until later today.”

  “Oh. What time is your first event?”

  He waved a hand. “Later.”

  Later. That was vague. “Where is the conference? One of the hotels? McCormick Place? Do you want me to give you a ride or did you arrange for a cab?”

  “It’s downtown. The Palmer House, I think. I don’t need a ride, but I could use some food. I raided your fridge, but some things never change. How about we go out for breakfast?”

  “Ok—if you think you have time.”

  “I have time.” He stood and headed for the guest room, presumably to shower. “You know, I could just blow off the conference. We could spend the whole day together.”

  I was getting a sick feeling in my stomach that there wasn’t any conference, but I didn’t want to call Jeremy on it yet. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was jumping to conclusions.

  “Let’s just focus on breakfast for now. I’m starving.”

  Jeremy got ready and then we walked the few blocks to Toast, which was the best breakfast spot in Lincoln Park and had the most incredible stuffed French toast. We ordered and chatted about the weather and Chicago in winter. Or, more accurately, I listened as Jeremy bitched about how fucking cold it was. “Jace would have hated it here,” Jeremy said. “He hated being cold.”

  “It takes a while to get used to it.”

  “You really like it here?” he asked.

  “I do.”

  “I always thought you were a California girl through and through. You surfed like you were born on a board.”

  We chatted some more and even though it was still awkward, Jeremy wasn’t a bad guy. He really wasn’t, and I had always liked him. I could admit now that I missed having him in my life. Jace and I had hung around with Jeremy a lot. Even though the two brothers had very different personalities, they were best friends, and Jeremy was the one other person who had known Jace as well as I had.

  “Was Napa the first time you’d been back since you moved? Your parents are both still in Santa Cruz, right?”

  “They’re still there. I should visit more, but it’s hard for me to be there,” I said. “I miss Jace when I’m there. I miss him here, but it’s worse when I’m there.”

  “Yeah.” He nodded. “I get that. Sometimes I drive by the beach or a restaurant, and I remember a day we surfed or a meal we ate. Guess you don’t have to deal with all the landmarks here.”

  I shook my head. It was easy to forget that other people missed Jace as much as I did. I wished Jeremy and I could have been there for one another—really been there. I wished we hadn’t fucked everything up with sex.

  But we had, and as nice as it was to talk about Jace with someone, something was off. The law conference was obviously bullshit.

  “Want to tell me why you’re really in Chicago?” I asked as he finished his eggs.

  His eyes, so much like Jace’s, met mine. “You know why, Cat. When I saw you in Napa, it was like…” He frowned and ran a hand through his hair. “I still have feelings for you and I think you still have feelings for me too.”

  He looked at me again, the question on his face. I shook my head. “No, Jeremy. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” He began to rise.

  “Jeremy, wait. Let me explain, okay?” I felt the sting of tears and sipped my coffee to give myself a moment as he waited for me to compose myself. “Jace was my everything. Those first months after he was gone, I was really messed up. I was hurting so badly, and you were so kind. But what happened between us never should have happened. It was wrong and I’ve regretted it every day since. It wasn’t fair to you. I wasn’t fair to you.”

  He was staring at me with hurt in his eyes. I had to make sure he understood. I wouldn’t keep hurting him. “I don’t love you, Jeremy. I never did. Not like that. There never was an us and, deep down, I know you know that. And there’s never going to be. Ever. I’m so sorry I hurt you. Really, really sorry. It was the last thing I ever wanted to do. You deserved a goodbye from me at the very least and the way I cut you off and stopped talking to you was pretty cruel. I know that. I’m so sorry.”

  Jeremy’s face was expressionless. This was so uncomfortable, but I couldn’t stop now. “I just want you to move on and be happy, and I want to love you like a brother.”

  He snorted. “A brother.”

  “Yes. I’ve always felt that way about you. Besides, I’m in love with someone else.”

  “William?”

  “Yes, William.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “One hundred percent.”

  “Well, good for you. And him,” Jeremy said, slumping back in the booth and sighing in resignation. “I had to try, you know? But I get it. Way to let a guy down easy, Cat,” he smirked, “but thanks for being honest. I needed to h
ear it.”

  “I wish I’d been brave enough to tell you before.”

  “Me too. But you’ve told me now, so I’ll get out of your way. I’ll head back to San Francisco on the next flight.”

  I felt so relieved. Maybe my stupid Cat Ryder mistakes were finally going to stay in the past where they belonged. “Can I drive you to the airport?” It was the least I could do.

  “Thanks, that would be great.”

  We walked back to my condo, and Jeremy didn’t bitch about the weather this time. He was quiet. We went up, and he collected his luggage. He hugged Laird goodbye. Laird whined, as though he knew this was the last time he’d see Jeremy. Great. Even my dog was sad. I showed Jeremy where I’d parked my Volvo, and he stowed his bags in the back. After I closed the tailgate, I turned to give Jeremy a smile, and he pulled me into a hug. It was a friendly hug, and when he pulled back and kissed me, I didn’t object. He was saying goodbye, and I realized this might be the last time I ever saw him. I kissed him back.

  He pulled away slightly and held my face between his hands. We looked at each other for a long moment, and then I gave him a tentative smile as my eyes filled with tears. We were each other’s realest connection to Jace and we both knew we were likely saying goodbye to that too.

  We didn’t talk much on the way to O’Hare. Jeremy spent most of the drive on the phone, booking a flight home. He found one leaving in a few hours, and I dropped him at the terminal. I didn’t get out of the car, but he leaned in the window and said, “Bye, Cat. If you’re ever in San Francisco, give me a call.”

  “I will,” I said, though we both knew I wouldn’t.

  Fifteen

  Of course I got stuck in traffic on the way home. I kept looking for some sort of accident, but it was the usual gridlock, there for no apparent reason except that everyone wanted to be in the same place at the same time. I was at a complete standstill, and I fumbled for my bag on the passenger seat, thinking to text William that Jeremy was headed home and maybe to ask how his day was going.

  I dug in my purse for a good minute, then pulled it into my lap. My phone wasn’t inside. Damn. I remembered setting it on the table while waiting for Jeremy to get his stuff. I must have forgotten to grab it. I’d call William when I got home.

  Someone behind me honked impatiently, but we weren’t going anywhere.

  Back at my condo more than an hour later, I found my cell sitting right where I’d left it—on the kitchen table. I’d missed two calls, and I pulled up my voicemail, hoping one was from William. But the first was from one of the execs at Fresh Market. As soon as I heard it, I jumped up and down and let out a scream. They’d loved the work I’d done and wanted to book Beckett and me for more of the Fresh for Spring campaign. We’d discuss details later, but they needed to know if I was available.

  Of course, I was available! I did a happy dance with Laird, who let out a few excited barks and bounded up and down with me. Then I called Beckett. My enthusiasm dwindled only slightly when he didn’t pick up. I left a message for him to call me right away.

  There was a voicemail from my mother too. I was glad I hadn’t had my phone with me when she called. I would have felt obligated to answer, and then I would have had to make a lame attempt to be vague about what I’d been up to since we last talked. I really sucked at lying. My mother could always tell when I was hiding something. I wasn’t ready to explain Napa to her, or who I’d been with, or who I’d just dropped at the airport and why. I mentally kicked myself for being such a bad daughter. I’d call her later and listen attentively. I didn’t want to be surprised when she ended up in Tahiti or the French Riviera with her latest rich boyfriend.

  I didn’t have a voicemail from William, but I had a text.

  In meetings all day. Miss you, beautiful girl.

  I smiled, my insides turning a little mushy. Maybe he was over last night’s disappointment and really wasn’t angry with me. Even though I freaked out before and after, I had to admit that during, things had been pretty spectacular. And thank God Jeremy hadn’t mentioned that he’d heard us, though I was still sure he had. I’d bet me calling out William’s name at the height of ecstasy was what finally clued him in that his chances with me were zero. I texted William back.

  Miss you too. XOXO

  My heart was still thumping happily. Between Jeremy leaving, Fresh Market, and getting back on track with my stormy-eyed, hotter-than-hell boyfriend, it was turning out to be a banner day.

  I kept myself busy with work for a while then fielded a call from Emmy Schmidt at Hutch Morrison’s office. We set up a time and date for my meeting with Hutch, and once again, I immediately wanted to share the great news with Beckett. But what was with the silent treatment? I checked my phone and he still hadn’t responded to my earlier call.

  It was Monday and I hadn’t heard from Beckett since last Thursday, before the weekend. We never went that long without checking in with each other. I had a moment of panic, wondering if he was sick or if something horrible had happened to him. Some best friend I was, given that I was realizing the awful possibilities only now. I had a key to his apartment, so I could just go check on him…

  Or maybe Beckett was avoiding my calls for a reason. Maybe I’d done something to piss him off and he was being a bitch about it. It wasn’t like we’d never gotten on one another’s nerves before, but he’d always just told me to fuck off for a day or two and then everything would be fine. Even though I’d just left him a voicemail, I texted him to please call me immediately. I put immediately in all caps and added,

  I’m getting worried!

  I tried to do more research on Hutch Morrison and then clear out my inbox, but my thoughts were way too scattered. My attention bounced from Beckett to Hutch to Fresh Market to William to Jeremy. Finally, I gave up and just sprawled on my couch, which Laird took as an invitation to lay on my feet, trapping me and keeping my toes cozy. I stroked his fur and closed my eyes.

  I was seriously elated the Jeremy chapter in my life was done. Hopefully, he’d go back to Amy, marry her, and live happily ever after.

  In California.

  Far, far away from Chicago.

  Last night would have been so much worse if William had known Jeremy and I had slept together. Beckett was absolutely right that no good could come of me telling him, especially now. So I was going to keep my mouth shut, move forward, and try not to think about it.

  I checked my cell again, thinking maybe I’d missed a text from Beckett, but still nothing.

  I knew William was in meetings, so I texted to invite him over for dinner. I could tell him all my news, then we could enjoy a night alone together and pick up where we’d left off before Jeremy had showed up. Seeing William with his aunt and uncle, going through those photo albums with him and seeing his vulnerability—that was the William I loved, the William I wanted. It might take weeks for that piece of wreckage recovered in Canada to be authenticated and the waiting must be agony for him. He needed me to be the supportive girlfriend I should have been from the start, and I was ready to be that and more.

  William texted back a minute later—Beckett should have taken notes—and I frowned at his response.

  Working late. Can’t tonight. Tomorrow?

  That was weird. First Beckett and now William. Of course, I wasn’t being entirely fair to Stormy Eyes. He was hugely successful, intent on world domination or something like that, so he probably had to put in a few late hours once in a while. But it meant we would spend another night apart.

  Sounds like a plan. Can’t wait. Still miss you. XOXO

  It was after six when Beckett finally called. “I was about to call missing persons,” I teased him. “Where have you been?”

  “I’ll tell you all about it tonight. Are you up for drinks—or do you have plans?”

  “No plans. Tell me where and when.”

  We agreed to meet at Revolution Brewing in Logan Square. Like most of the trendy places in Logan Square, Revolution Brewing was in an old
refurbished warehouse. The hardwood bars and barrel-wood walls were rustic, and the pub advertised that the benches were constructed from 100-year-old beams salvaged during construction. It was a fun place to drink, especially if you liked beer. I was no enthusiast, but I didn’t mind a beer once in a while. Revolution Brewing brewed their own and served food too, everything from steak to tofu. Beckett loved the bacon fat popcorn. I liked their fish and chips.

  I forgot all about food when Beckett gave me a hug and handed me a cold pint to try. “This is the Coup D’Etat. Good, huh?”

  I sipped. “Great. How are you?”

  “Good. Cat, is it just me or have you gained a little weight?”

  I blinked at him. “First you don’t call, now you say I’m fat. Are you trying to end our friendship?”

  “No, no!” He held his hands up in surrender. “It looks good on you. You looked like a scrawny waif before. William must be feeding you well.”

  I looked down at my skinny jeans and long-sleeve, vintage Black Flag T-shirt topped with a black and purple argyle thrift-store cardigan I’d worn with my favorite motorcycle boots. My jeans still fit, though there might be a fraction less room at the waist. I hadn’t thought too much about it when I pulled them on. Looking at my shirt, I could see it was stretched a little tightly over my breasts. I decided I’d pass on the fish and chips and think about a salad instead.

  “So Fresh Market,” Beckett said. “They want you back. Isn’t it great?”

  One look at Beckett’s big grin and I realized he knew before I did. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you call me instantly?”

  “It wasn’t like that, Cat. But I can’t help it if my lover can’t keep a secret.” His eyes were sparkling mischievously as he looked at me and I knew I wasn’t the only one caught up in the excitement of a new relationship. Of course Beckett had found out first; Alec was the assistant art director at Fresh Market and part of the team for the Fresh for Spring campaign.

  “Just because Alec and I are dating doesn’t mean you didn’t earn this, Cat. Those cherry shots looked incredible. Alec thought so and so did his bosses. You rocked it. And guess what’s next? Fruit and berries! How sexy is that going to be? Red, juicy strawberries at the peak of ripeness, plump clefted peaches glistening with nectar…so hot!” Beckett mocked fanned himself and fluttered his eyelashes.