America's Next Reality Star

by Laura Heffernan

  My heart plummeted into my stomach. The irrational emotion I tamped down felt oddly like jealousy.

  What was wrong with me? Why did I care?

  I kept my tone neutral. “Oh, really?”

  “I told her no. Said I couldn’t handle being the first one to get locked in.”

  That elicited a chuckle. Suddenly, the noises coming from behind the door became louder. Rachel moaned. I blushed and lowered my voice.

  “Do they know they’re on national television? This isn’t being filmed for public access. Or, you know, Animal Planet.”

  Justin leaned closer and matched his tone to mine. “They probably think no one will know what they’re doing, since the door’s closed.”

  I buried my face in my hands, shaking my head while rubbing my temples.

  Justin gestured at the door. “I can’t listen to this. It’s not right, and some of the noises are freaking me out. Is she part rabbit?”

  As he turned to walk away, a twinkle in his eye made me wonder if maybe the threat of being locked in wasn’t the only reason he’d rejected Ariana’s offer. The warmth spreading through me made me wonder if this summer had room for love, after all.

  CHAPTER 8

  More Scenes from the School Room, Week 1

  Justin: Well, the first week has been interesting. I didn’t expect anyone to be so offensive from Day 1. My strategy? Right now, I’m just sitting back and watching. Might as well let the drama bombs get themselves sent home first.

  Ed: So, why are all the walls made of glass? Is the entire series going to be nothing but us bouncing off them, week after week? I’m about ready to start a running tally. Wall: 17, Fish: 0. Maybe we should have a pool to guess who can get through each week with the least bruises.

  Raj: This whole experience is seriously unreal, man. But it’s cool.

  Birdie: Can I get a keyboard? Am I allowed to tweet my interviews? What? No? Oh, this whole thing is #killingme #Notgonnamakeit.

  Rachel: I met Joshua during the audition, and he was so different. Sweet and funny. I pulled him aside to talk. Really? People thought we were having sex? On national television? My parents raised me better than that. We were just funning with you.

  Wham!

  Ow.

  On Thursday morning, I glared at the object that attacked my right shoulder as I exited the girls’ bedroom: A glass wall. Where did that come from? What happened to my Xs?

  “They cleaned them all off.” Skye stood behind me, smirking.

  “What?”

  “Last night, the PAs came in and cleaned the walls. They removed your Xs.”

  “Awesome. So they want us walking into walls?”

  She shrugged and walked toward the stairs. “They want good TV. Maybe they think accidents are funny. If you can’t take it, go home.”

  Wham!

  I suppressed a laugh as a dull thud sounded at the bottom of the stairs, followed by a muffled curse. Skye had been so cool and unconcerned about the walls she’d walked right into one.

  She acted so above the rest of us, I didn’t understand why she applied for the show in the first place. I appreciated the reminder that she was a mere mortal like the rest of us.

  Later that morning, the producers gathered everyone into the living room. We clustered on the couches and waited to see why they’d called us. After a moment, a door opened in the corner of the room. When they revealed who stood on the other side, I gasped and sat up straighter. No one had disclosed our host’s identity. It was Bella Martinez!

  Bella Martinez had starred in a hit TV show in the late 1990s about a group of teenagers in a band. Think if Hannah Montana grew up and sang with others. I loved it so much I dressed as Bella’s character for Halloween one year. My brother, Adam, dressed as the drummer. Of course, we’d been watching the show in syndication about ten years after it aired, so no one got our costume. We didn’t care. It was fun.

  Yes, I was a geeky fangirl. Bella Martinez stood in front of me, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

  Bella must have been in her late forties, but she looked about twenty-five. Even up close, I couldn’t find a single wrinkle. Her breasts were perkier than mine. A white sundress set off her brown skin perfectly. Four-inch, glittery gold heels twinkled at her feet. When she reached the front of the room, she flashed a beautiful, million-dollar smile.

  “Hello, everyone, and welcome to The Fishbowl! How are you?”

  We cheered excitedly. They’d told us to always act enthusiastic for the cameras, but I didn’t have to fake bouncing up and down and clapping: I sat ten feet from a woman I’d idolized as a child.

  “I’m Bella Martinez. I’ll be your host for the next ten weeks. We’re all going to get to know each other intimately. To start, I’m going to go over some of the rules.”

  Some of the other contestants wore deep, serious looks. I realized that they were trying to look like they paid attention, in case the cameras focused on them. Joshua’s scowl made him look like he needed to find a toilet ASAP, and Rachel’s wrinkled brow suggested she hadn’t understood a word Leanna said. Those two were a match made in heaven.

  Not wanting to get caught daydreaming, I dragged my gaze back to Bella as she continued. She basically reiterated what Leanna had told us on the first day, to get it on tape for the viewers. She did mention one thing Leanna hadn’t covered.

  “Since this week’s challenge is completed in teams, each losing team will nominate one person for elimination. Are there any questions about the rules?”

  Skye raised her hand. “Do I really have to share a bathroom with these beauty queens all summer? I can’t get anywhere near the mirror!”

  “As the summer progresses and people are eliminated, that shouldn’t be an issue.”

  “Can we vote for who leaves based on how much space they’re taking up?”

  “You can cast your vote for any reason, within the choices you’re given.” Skye opened her mouth again, but Bella cut her off. “Anyone else?”

  Ariana stood, forcing everyone to notice how her hot-pink minidress traced every inch of her body. If it were any tighter, I’d be able to count her ribs from across the room. Could she even wear underwear in that?

  “Who’s going to cook and clean for us?”

  “I would direct that question to Leanna.”

  Joshua smirked. “What’s up with the pampered princess over there? ‘Will the producers give me someone to do my makeup and hair?’”

  Bella ignored him. “No more questions? Great!” Rachel clapped a hand over Joshua’s mouth and hissed in his ear. “Then it’s time to talk about your first challenge! Are you ready?”

  We cheered enthusiastically. Rule #1: whenever asked if you are ready, respond with lots of arm shaking, cheering, and head nodding. Wait, that’s Rule #2. Rule #1 was “Don’t piss off Leanna.”

  “Okay! You may have noticed on the way in that there is a maze on the property!”

  Really? How had I missed it?

  “You’ll enter the maze in teams of four at five-minute intervals. The team getting through the maze in the least amount of time wins. The captain of that team gets immunity for this week. It’s not just any maze. At many of the intersections, you will see a clue telling you which way to go. If you choose correctly, you continue to the next turning point. If you choose incorrectly, well, we might have left a few surprises for you.” Bella smiled mysteriously and met everyone’s eyes in turn to gauge our reactions.

  We each arranged our faces in a manner we hoped looked appropriately intrigued. I pursed my lips slightly and tilted my head to the left, wondering if I should also widen my eyes a bit.

  “For the first challenge, we will choose your teams randomly. You’ll pick captains among yourselves.” She shook a small golden Fishbowl, and paper rustled. She pulled slips out, one at a time, and read the names aloud. “The first team is: Maria, Birdie, Ed, and Raj!”

  My head swiveled around the room as
she read each name, trying to gauge the strength of each team and remind myself of everyone’s names.

  “The second team is: Abram, Rachel, Mike, and Skye!”

  I smiled at Justin when I realized we’d be on the same team. Our hostess drew all of his attention; he didn’t seem to notice me. Bella continued to pull names. The realization of who else hadn’t been assigned to a team yet dampened my premature excitement.

  “Joshua—and, last, but certainly not least—Ariana! Everyone find your teammates!”

  I gave each member of my new team a high five, a smile plastered on my face.

  Joshua piped up. “Let’s make this happen! I call Cap’n!”

  Justin directed his question to the rest of us. “Is that cool?”

  “Dude, I called dibs!”

  I shrugged. It wasn’t worth an argument. Besides, I’d seen enough TV to know the losing captain usually went home early in the game. Instead of debating, I changed the subject. “I’m so excited about this challenge! I always wanted to explore a real live hedge maze!”

  “Well,” Justin said, “it's probably not a real live hedge maze. Unless they planned this show twenty years ago, we’re more likely about to walk into a real hedge maze made of Astroturf.”

  “Good point. Close enough. I’ve never been in a real Astroturf hedge maze, either.”

  Joshua started to say something, but a call from Bella interrupted him.

  “Okay, everyone! Are you ready? Let’s go to the maze!”

  Our team drew the second position. The maze stretched about twenty feet wide and so long I couldn’t see the end. Hedges (whether real or fake) towered above my head. Now, I’m not that tall, but Abram is, and the hedges dwarfed him, too.

  Five minutes after the challenge started, the producers gave us the signal to enter. I felt like Harry Potter competing in the Tri-Wizard Tournament. If I’d been with Brandon instead of three strangers (on national television), we’d have broken off branches and started waving them around, throwing out Latin words.

  Fresh evergreen scent filled the air. Fresh enough that it must come from a can. The maze smelled exactly like my tiny fake Christmas tree, which was weird because the hedges didn’t look like Christmas trees. And either the producers trapped birds inside the hedges, or they’d pumped in canned bird noises. A little cheesy, but I didn’t care.

  Joshua and Ariana charged ahead into the maze and made their decisions at the first turns before I got to the signs. Luckily, the first couple of clues were fairly easy. I paused long enough to verify their choices before following. Justin trailed a few steps behind me.

  I caught up to Joshua and Ariana at the third sign, located in a corner of the maze, and asked them to wait a minute for Justin. Ariana read the sign aloud:

  IF YOU NEED THREE KNOCKS ON HEAVEN’S DOOR, GO LEFT.

  IF YOU KNOCK TWICE, GO RIGHT.

  I turned to the left, but Joshua pulled me back.

  “What are you doing?” he demanded.

  “The answer to the clue is ‘knock-knock-knockin’ on heaven’s door.’ I’m going left.”

  “What are you talking about?” He scratched his head. “It’s ‘knock, knock,’ not ‘knock, knock, knock.’ We go right.”

  “What?”

  “Duh! Don’t you know anything? I thought you were supposed to be so smart. It’s ‘Knock, knock! Who’s there?’ Not ‘knock, knock, KNOCK.’ Any idiot knows that.”

  Okay! At least his confusion made sense, if not why he was being a jerk about it.

  “It’s a song, Joshua.” I sang a few bars of the chorus, before breaking off, unsure if their dirty looks stemmed from my atrocious singing voice or the song itself. “It’s an old Guns n’ Roses song from the early ‘90s.”

  “Actually, it’s a Bob Dylan song,” Justin said. “It came out in the ‘70s. GNR did a remake. So did another band, a couple of years ago.”

  Joshua continued to argue that we didn’t understand knock-knock jokes. Just as I wondered if perhaps I’d need to sing the entire song—which wouldn’t go well for anyone—Justin came around the corner to the right. Mud covered his once-white sneakers and the lower half of his legs. Dots of mud splattered his arms. A smear ran across his cheek.

  “Hey, guys. I went right. Giant mud puddle. Jen’s right. We don’t want to go that way.”

  Finally, Joshua shut up. I flashed Justin a grateful smile as Joshua shoved past me and charged down the left-hand path. I let him go. Justin smiled back, and butterflies fluttered in my belly.

  Ariana grabbed Justin’s hand. “Ohmigod, Justin! That’s so great! I love the way you took charge. You’re so smart. You saved us a ton of time those two would’ve wasted with their arguing.”

  As she continued to gush at his fabulous maze-walking abilities—what had he done that wouldn’t have happened if we’d followed Joshua?—I walked down the path, deeper into the maze. Just because we’d had a nice conversation at the audition didn’t mean I had any claim on Justin. Or that I wanted one. I needed to keep my eye on the prize.

  I had no job, nowhere to live, and no money. An on-television fling wasn’t an immediate necessity.

  At the next fork, I found Joshua, moving his lips while he read the next clue. Peering around his shoulder, I pitched my voice so Justin and Ariana would hear me.

  HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE TOOTSIE ROLL CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?

  IF THE ANSWER IS THREE, GO STRAIGHT.

  IF THE ANSWER IS 5,247, TURN RIGHT.

  I hoped Joshua knew this commercial, or we might be about to have another pointless argument. As I finished reading, Justin and Ariana caught up.

  “The world will never know,” Justin deadpanned.

  “One, two, three! CRUNCH.” I laughed. “Let’s go straight.”

  The other two stared at us like we’d sprouted extra heads. “What the heck are you dorks talking about?” Joshua asked.

  “It’s from a super old commercial,” Justin explained. “It was apparently a big hit, because MythBusters did an episode about it a couple of years ago.”

  “It still airs,” I said. “It’s one of the longest-running commercials ever.”

  “Is it on Prime or Netflix?” Joshua asked. “Only losers still watch regular TV.”

  Ariana stepped in between us. “C’mon, guys, we’re wasting time. Let’s go.”

  After a few similar discussions, we exited the maze. A white ribbon broke as Joshua, still at the front of the pack, burst out on to the lawn. A bell sounded. Once all four of us stood on the outside, a couple of production assistants moved us away from the exit and handed us small paper cups. I stood and sipped my water while waiting for the others.

  Three electronic boards showed each team’s progress. We’d gotten through in forty-two minutes, thirty-two seconds. Surprisingly, the team before us hadn’t come out yet. The third team was still in there, but we didn’t know where. I hadn’t seen or heard anyone else in the maze.

  Ariana looked at the timers and huffed. “Forty-two minutes! If we lose because Jen kept arguing with Joshua—”

  Thankfully, screaming and splashing inside the maze swallowed whatever else she wanted to say. Apparently, one of the other teams found one of the surprises.

  “Well, sounds like we’ll have a better time than them,” I said.

  “And we beat the team that went in before us,” Justin added. “Calm down. There’s nothing we can do now.”

  “By the way,” I added, looking pointedly at Justin’s mud-spattered clothing, “thanks for taking one for the team.”

  “No problem.” He smiled at me. My traitorous stomach flip-flopped. I wasn’t here to fall in love, or hook-up, or whatever. Justin was competition, and you weren’t supposed to get hot and bothered whenever the competition was around. At this rate, if we wound up in the final two, I’d be sunk.

  Ariana sniffed loudly. “If we win, it will be because Justin saved the day! That was sooooo manly, the
way you took charge when those two decided to act like children—”

  I walked out of earshot before I gave in to the urge to kick her. I seethed, not believing that Ariana was telling everyone it was my fault that (a) Joshua didn’t know a really old song and (b) acted like an ass because I did. Besides, if anything slowed us down, it was her strolling along at the back of the group, monopolizing Justin’s attention.

  At that moment, the first team emerged from the maze. Something covered all four of them. Was it paint? Blue and green splotches streaked Raj’s face and hair. Yellow and red spatters decorated Maria’s black hair. Birdie’s T-shirt shirt now looked tie-dyed. Ed must’ve been walking in the front of the pack: all four colors obliterated his rainbow T-shirt and streaked the front of his black shorts.

  The third team’s timer showed fifty minutes, twenty-seven seconds. No matter when they finished, we’d beaten them. My team won!

  When Team Three emerged more than ten minutes later, Bella gave the official results. As our team captain, Joshua received immunity from elimination. For a split second, I wished our team had lost. The more he talked, the more I suspected the others would’ve voted to send him home, too. Instead, Bella asked each team who was most responsible for their loss.

  “Raj.” Maria spoke up instantly. “I hate to be the first to call someone out, but I told y’all he went the wrong way, and now I’ve got paint in my hair.”

  Birdie and Ed nodded.

  “Raj? Do you have something to say for yourself?” Bella asked.

  He shrugged and ran one hand through his short black hair. “I wish I did, but I messed up. I went the wrong way, and that’s why we lost. All I can say is, ‘Please, America, don’t let me go home for one dumb mistake.’”

  “Okay,” Bella said. “Thank you for your honesty. What about Team Two? Abram, who would you nominate for elimination?”

  He shuffled his feet, examining his shoes. “I think everyone did their best. I wouldn’t single anyone out.”