Cici Reno #MiddleSchoolMatchmaker

by Kristina Springer

  Yeah, that’s basically my life right now, I think. Trying to find comfort in the uncomfortable.

  “When you’re ready,” she continues, “push your hands out to the front of your mat, place your head on the mat, and put your pigeon to sleep. We’re going stay in this pose for a while. Find your comfort and keep breathing. A lot of emotions come out when doing this position. Don’t try to hold them in, let them all out.”

  I feel myself choke back a sob. And then I’m crying, hard quiet tears, my shoulders are shaking. Everything is coming out.

  I’m not sure how many minutes I sit in this position, but I can sense a shift of movement in the room, and I lift my head. The rest of the class is sitting in lotus, facing Mom. Thankfully, everyone still has their eyes closed, so they can’t see what a mess I am. I wipe hard at my cheeks and face the front of the room.

  “The light and the heart in me honors the light and the heart in you. Namaste,” Mom says.

  I place my palms together and slightly bow. “Namaste,” I whisper in reply.

  And suddenly I know what I’m going to do. I have to talk to Drew.

  The next day our entire family loads into the car and heads for Luke’s hockey game. My heart is racing at the thought of seeing Drew again, but it’s inevitable. I’m going to have to see him at games and school and even at my house when he’s hanging out with Luke. I can’t avoid him forever, though that would be the easiest thing to do.

  I have to be honest with him. I have to tell him everything and hope that he can forgive me. What other choice do I have?

  I’m pacing back and forth near the penalty box, waiting for the guys to come out of the locker room and hit the ice for a pre-game warm-up. I left Mom and Dad in the stands. I told them I was going to get a hot chocolate, but the truth is, I’ve been barely able to eat or drink a thing since Drew confronted me yesterday.

  I watch the team go out onto the ice, one by one. Even Luke’s out there warming up, but I don’t see Drew anywhere. Maybe he’s hanging back because he sees me standing here next to the only door onto the ice on this side of the rink. Well, too bad. I’m not moving. He has no choice but to talk to me. A few more minutes pass, and then finally I see him. He’s walking quickly toward the ice. I need to stop him fast.

  “Drew, wait. Hold on a sec,” I say. He almost gets by me and I reach out my hand and touch his shoulder. “Can you just wait? Just give me a minute to try and explain.”

  He stops, facing away from me, eyes on the rink. He doesn’t turn around, but he doesn’t go out on the ice either. I guess this is the best I’m going to get. I take a deep breath.

  “I know you have a game and I’m just going to say this quickly,” I tell him. “I like you. A lot. But I couldn’t tell you. Aggie technically liked you first and she asked for my help in getting your attention. She was too nervous to talk to you. So, I started talking to you online, for her. And the more I talked to you, the more I liked you.”

  I gulp. It looked like Drew flinched when I said that.

  “And then,” I force myself to continue, “Aggie said that she changed her mind and wasn’t ready to date. And I wanted to tell you how I felt, but I know how things are. I know I’m not your type and probably never will be your type. Girls like Aggie are your type.” I take another deep breath, trying to calm down. “But that didn’t change how I felt. We hit it off so well online, and I don’t know, maybe I thought that things could just go on like that forever. You’d never have to know SeraFrosted was me. You wouldn’t take one look at me and reject me. You’d like me just for being me.”

  I pause. Drew doesn’t move and he doesn’t say a word. My eyes cast downward to the ground. He won’t even look at me. Is he at least hearing me?

  “Maybe it wasn’t the greatest idea I ever came up with,” I say. “And maybe things went too far. I probably never should have contacted you online in the first place. But if I hadn’t, I never would have gotten to know you. Yeah, I started out talking for Aggie. But really, I was talking for me.”

  I glance at the ice. The game will be starting soon. I need to let him go.

  “I know you’re never going to talk to me again, Drew, and I understand. I wouldn’t talk to me again either if I were you. I just wanted you to know, it was never a joke. You were never a joke to me. And I’m sorry. That’s it.”

  I take a long breath, dizzy from the huge speech that just poured out of me. And I wait. And wait. Drew’s not saying anything and he’s not turning around.

  Finally, he breaks his silence. Without looking at me, he says, “Doryan and Nylyan make it out of the forest okay. They find Driappi Bracegirdle’s house. You can take book five out of time out.”

  “Oh,” I say taken aback. “Thanks. I will.”

  With that Drew pushes off onto the ice to warm up with the rest of the team.

  28

  “Oh, Cici! That was it? He didn’t say anything else?” Aggie asks as we sit across from each other at Beanies, nursing vanilla frappés.

  “Nope.”

  “You poured your heart out, and he just skated away?”

  “Yeah. They lost the game 3-0 though so he didn’t play very well,” I tell her.

  Aggie shakes her head, pursing her lips.

  “It really doesn’t bother you?” I ask her. “Me telling you all this?”

  “No, not at all,” Aggie replies. “I mean, sure, I still think he’s cute but there never was like, a connection, between us. I don’t feel anything for him. Well, wait, I do feel anger that he’s brushing you off like this.”

  I can feel tears sting my eyes. Best. Friend. Ever. Instead of hating me too, Aggie’s upset for me.

  “And what was with the cryptic response about a stupid book?” she asks.

  I smile. “It’s not a stupid book. It’s a great book. And that part was actually kinda sweet,” I say.

  “So, that’s it then?”

  “That’s it,” I say.

  “You guys just go back to how it was before, just forget you ever had a connection,” Aggie says.

  “No, I can’t forget. But nothing is going to happen, Aggie. I told you, I’m not his type. Boys don’t fall for girls like me. They fall for girls like you. I always knew what the deal was.”

  “That’s so lame. Boys suck,” she says.

  I shrug.

  “Well, it’s his loss. If he wants to be stupid like that, let him. You’re a great person, Cici. And one day, guys will be lining up around the block waiting for a chance to date you.”

  “Thanks, Aggie.” I get up and walk around the table and hug her.

  Later that afternoon, I’m lying on the couch reading book five of The Last Token when there is a knock at the entryway. “I’m not hungry, Mom,” I call.

  Drew pops his head in the room. “Still not your mom. Do I have a real feminine knock or something?”

  I scramble to sit up.

  “Drew …” I say. I reach a hand up to smooth my hair, hoping I don’t look too terrible.

  He glances at my book and smiles. “So you took book five out of time out?”

  I nod. “Doryan and Nylyan are still lost in the dark forest. He just made her a wedding ring out of some twigs in case they never find their way out.”

  I’m feeling really anxious and I don’t know what to do with my hands, so I sit on them.

  “Oh yeah, I like that part,” he says.

  “Me too.”

  He looks around. “Can I sit?”

  “Yeah, sure.” I motion to the cushion next to me.

  It’s more of a loveseat than a couch. When he sits, he’s so close I can smell his spearmint gum.

  My heart is racing. I pull a pillow onto my lap and hug it, trying to calm my nerves. I can see Drew’s right leg bouncing so he must be nervous too.

  Drew takes a deep breath. “Thanks for telling me all of the stuff you told me at the game today.”

  “It was all true,” I say.

  “The thing is,” he starts, “I’m no
t sure why you couldn’t just tell me it was you talking to me online.”

  My eyes widen. “Really? I didn’t think you’d ever take me seriously. I’m Luke Reno’s little sister.”

  “I know that.”

  “I look like a little kid,” I say, matter-of-factly.

  “Yeah, me too,” he replies.

  I laugh. I know he knows what I mean, and he’s just being nice. “Boys don’t like me,” I explain. “I’m not like Aggie.”

  “No, you’re Cici.”

  We’re both quiet.

  “So …” I say.

  “So,” he repeats. “Maybe we can, like, I don’t know, hang out sometime. Start talking online again.”

  “You sure you want to hang out with me?” I ask, unable to mask the surprise in my voice.

  “Yes, SeraFrosted, I’m sure I want to hang out with you. What do you say?” he asks.

  I feel like I couldn’t stop smiling, even if I wanted to.

  “I say …”

  Because he has the worst timing in the world, Luke strolls into the living room, a bag of chips under his arm, a video game in one hand, a liter of pop in the other, and two cups under his chin. “Cici, out,” he commands, coming straight for my seat. “We’ve got aliens to shoot.”

  I look at Drew. He catches my glance and quickly looks away. I’m still set to argue with Luke, but he warns, “I swear I will dump this whole thing of pop on you right now if you don’t move.”

  I’m halfway up the stairs when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I’m so frustrated with Luke that I almost don’t take it out. Almost.

  So, how about it? Can we hang out?

  I’m instantly relieved but filled with butterflies. This is everything I’ve been wishing for, but what if he doesn’t like me after all? What if he only thinks he likes me?

  Do you think it will be awkward with everything that has happened?

  I don’t know, but I’m willing to take the chance.

  I’m so nervous, I’m surprised I can even hold my phone.

  Ok, @Drewlingmess, me too.