Begin Again

by S. J. Lynn

  “Here,” I said as I tossed it to him. He caught it with one hand and started looping it around the calf’s feet and just below the knee. Luke grunted as he pulled on the rope. When the cow rested, so did he.

  He started to pull again and they both were at it roughly thirty minutes before the calf came out. When it did, it came out on top of Luke.

  “Luke!” I rushed over and helped push the calf off him. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah,” he grunted. I helped pull him up.

  “Thanks.” He placed a gloved finger into the calf’s nose. “Just making sure the amniotic fluid is all out…there!” He removed his gloves, bent over, and rested his hands on his knees.

  “Is there anything else I can do?”

  “Just get the gate for me. I’ll carry the calf to a pen with some clean straw, move the mother in, and then we leave her alone so she can bond with her little one.”

  With the rain not showing any sign of letting up, it took us longer than probably what was normal to get the calf and mother together.

  “I bet you’re sorry you came over,” Luke said as we entered the house. We were both soaked to the bone.

  I took his hat off and tried combing my fingers through my hair in an effort to make it look somewhat presentable. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that, but I’m glad I could offer what little help I did.” I gave him his hat.

  “Thanks. And you helped more than you know. Going back and forth, while trying to help birth a calf…you saved me a lot of time.”

  “Well, glad I could help.” We stood awkwardly in front of one another, both unsure what to say or do. And I couldn’t very well stare at his glistening chest all night. “I should probably go. It’s been a long day.”

  “Go ahead and get cleaned up first. I’m sure I have something you can put on.”

  I thought it over. I was pretty miserable in these clothes. “Okay.”

  “I only have one restroom so I’ll wait until you’re done.” Upstairs, he grabbed me a long shirt and an old pair of sweats. “These were mine from, God, years ago. I was a lot thinner then. Here.”

  He tossed them to me and showed me where the towels were. I loved his bathroom. Original wood floors that were varnished with a cherry glaze. The walls were half wallpaper and half wooden paneling. Gold, buttercream, and lace. It was fresh with a delicate feminine flair. It had a single clawfoot tub with the showerhead coming straight from the wall.

  Not wanting to keep him waiting, I got in and washed as fast as I could, while I thought of Luke and what was budding between us. I was falling fast, which scared me.

  After stepping out, I quickly dried off and dressed in the clothes provided. They were baggy but comfortable.

  Downstairs, I called for Luke and didn’t hear him respond. The television was on so I walked farther into the living room and found Luke sprawled on the couch, fast asleep. I shook my head and laughed.

  I had nowhere I needed to be tomorrow, and although I didn’t want to make sleeping over there a habit—we’d be the talk of the town—I didn’t have the heart to wake him. Not after the day he’d had. There was still something up with him being given a week off, and I suspected it wasn’t because of the ranch. I removed the blanket on top of the couch and draped it across him. I thought again about waking him up. Who wanted to sleep in wet jeans all night?

  “Luke?” I whispered.

  “Hmm?” It was more of a mumble. I couldn’t do it. After turning out all the lights, I headed upstairs and went to the same room he’d put me in the night before.

  My eyes grew heavy, and I thought of what I’d need to say to Luke in the morning.

  Chapter 12

  Luke

  I fell asleep on her last night. Fell asleep. I only wanted to rest my eyes for a few seconds and then the next thing I knew, I’m waking up to the sound of a rooster.

  I could have kicked myself. She’d never want to come over again if I kept making her stay the night without asking. She was probably furious. But when I woke up to a blanket draped over me, I couldn’t help but think she wasn’t too mad.

  Today would be a busy day, as would tomorrow and part of Wednesday. I had projects that needed to be finished. Like this porch. I’d been up since six trying to tear it all apart so I could build it again. The tearing down was nearly done when she poked her beautiful head out the door.

  “Morning,” I greeted her. Her sleepy eyes told me she didn’t get enough rest and I felt bad for it possibly being from all my racket.

  “Morning.” Her brows furrowed. “What are you doing?”

  “Knocking this porch down. Then I’m going to rebuild it.” I looked at the pile of rotted wood. “At some point.” Maybe I’d head into town later to pick up some lumber. “Be careful,” I told her when she stepped on the door ledge. She looked good in my clothes and I wanted nothing more than to walk up to her and wrap her in my arms, feeling how good she felt against me. Needing to rid myself of that image, I adjusted my hat and worked at picking up the discarded wood.

  “I washed your clothes,” I told her when I went to pick up more wood. She was staring at me, probably wondering why I wasn’t jumping to take her home. That was simple—I didn’t want her to go.

  “Thanks.”

  “Do you have to work today?” I found myself saying. There were things that I had yet to do, but damned if I wanted to spend all my time with her. Screw it. The chief wanted me to relax and have fun. I would.

  “No, not today.”

  I threw the last of the wood on the pile and walked to the door where she was still standing. “When was the last time you had some real fun?”

  ***

  This wasn’t fixing my porch, but it was much better. After she’d changed, I’d taken her down old dirt roads like I used to do when I was a kid. The puddles were filled from yesterday’s rain, which was perfect for mudding.

  And, God help me, she was loving it. “Hold on,” I told her when I backed up the truck and gunned it, successfully hitting the puddle, causing it to splash against the front and sides of the truck. Maggie squealed with uncontained laughter as she held onto the door handle with one hand, the other resting on the seat between us.

  I hit the brakes and opened the door.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, her voice breathless.

  “Unbuckle your seat belt, because it’s your turn to take the wheel.” I winked at her and hopped out. When I got to her side, she was holding onto her seat belt for dear life. I opened her door. “Come on.”

  “I am not doing that,” she stated.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m…I dance and wait tables for a living. I’ll topple the truck over.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “Maggie, I’ll be with you and guide you through all of it. Trust me, you’ll be begging me every week to do this.”

  She scrunched her face. “I can’t.”

  I reached around and placed my hand on the button of her seat belt, leaving it resting there. Her body went poker straight and she gasped. She blinked twice before meeting my gaze. Her sweet breath fanned my face. “If you try this”—I pressed the button, hearing it click—“I’ll go to one of your dancing classes.” Her face lit up. “One,” I repeated.

  “You’d really do that?”

  I removed the seat belt from around her front. “If that’s the price I have to pay.”

  “A firefighter-slash-rancher who also does ballet—the women will go crazy over you.”

  “First off—” Before I thought on it too much, I grabbed her face in my hands. She gazed at my mouth but didn’t say anything, so I leaned closer and pressed my lips to hers. Her lips were so soft and I wanted to stay there forever, but I leaned back, my hands still on either side of her face, and peered into her bright eyes. “They don’t matter. And second, you’re in my seat.”

  Her face went from surprise to her lips thinning as she tried not to laugh. A different reaction than the first time I kissed her.

&nbs
p; She scooted over to the driver’s side, and I planted myself in her place. I’d worry about the kiss later. She wasn’t making an issue of it then, so I didn’t either.

  “You ready?” I asked. She white-knuckled the wheel, and I reached over and placed my hand on hers. “Relax. You’re just driving.”

  “Into puddles. I’ll ruin your truck.”

  “Look at me.” I waited for her to turn her head. She eventually did. “This truck is the same one my dad used when he’d do this with me. Every summer when it would rain, he’d take me out and we’d go riding. Now, I might not have been scared like you, but I was overambitious.”

  “You wrecked it?” she asked, almost hopeful.

  I laughed and removed my hand. “No. I did really well.”

  Her face fell. “So how’s this supposed to make me feel better?”

  “It’s not. I just wanted to tell the story.”

  “You idiot,” she said as she slapped me on the chest.

  “Now, let’s get serious. This is Cheyenne we’re talking about after all. And this is what she likes to do for fun.” I feign seriousness. “Show her a good time.”

  Maggie laughed and rolled her eyes before staring out her window. “Fine.” She brought the truck around and drove down the lane.

  “Okay, this should do it. Back up in the grass and go back.” She put it in reverse, and I forgot to tell her there would be a little dip. When the truck started to go down the little hill, she panicked and cut the wheel too hard. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, the other way.”

  “Oh my gosh! We’re going to roll over!” Her hands worked at the wheel, and instead of braking, she hit the gas and we shot backward even farther.

  “Hit the brakes.”

  “I am!”

  “Your other brake.”

  She hit the pedal and we stopped. I ran the back of my arm over my brow. That could have gone bad.

  “See, I told you. I shouldn’t be allowed near machinery.”

  “You did good,” I lied.

  She shot me a look.

  “You did…okay. Is that better?”

  “A little.”

  “Alright, Boots. You’ve got this. It’s not that big of a hill. This truck can handle it. Head straight and go back to the puddles.”

  “I don’t think that’s wise.”

  She still gripped the wheel as if, were she to let go, she’d fall in a deep hole. “Maggie,” I said as soothingly as I could, “relax your hands.” She carefully loosened her grip. “Good. Now take a deep breath and take this baby up the hill.”

  After she released a cleansing breath, she shook her head as if to tell herself she had this, and hit the gas. The truck bounced around.

  “Cut the wheel.”

  She cut the wheel and we were back on track. But instead of moving forward, she leaned her head against the seat.

  I took pity on her. “I can take over if you’d like.”

  “No.” She straightened and gripped the wheel once more. “I can do this.” Putting the truck in gear, she gunned it.

  We moved forward and she plowed ahead, successfully hitting several mud holes while managing to spin the truck around. The mud went flying. She laughed, clearly enjoying herself, and then braked.

  I was impressed.

  “How’d I do?” There was excitement in her voice that I hadn’t heard before, and I was glad I could be the one to help put it there.

  “I think you’re ready to go pro.” I hopped out and went around the front. There was not one spot of the truck that wasn’t covered in mud. And it was all her doing.

  Maggie scooted back to the other side, and I hopped in.

  “Well?” I asked.

  “That was amazing!”

  “See.” I put the truck in gear and drove back down the now-torn-apart lane. “I told you you’d love it.”

  I took her to town to grab lumber. She requested to stay in the truck and I knew it was because she didn’t want us to be seen together, which I could understand. But after the fun we’d had this morning, I’d hoped we’d transition our relationship to something better.

  One of the stock clerks helped me load the wood in the back. I thanked him and gave him a tip.

  “I don’t know about you,” I told her when I got in, “but I’m starving.” She didn’t say anything so I looked at her. She was looking out the window and biting her lip. “Maggie?”

  Her head whipped around. “What?”

  “I asked if you were hungry.”

  “Oh, um…yeah, but I think I should just go home.” She looked out her window again.

  She had a nervous energy about her and I knew not to press. Her apartment, or rather both our apartments, were just a few blocks away. Without a word, I drove her there.

  I wasn’t going to get mad. I had no entitlement to her. She was Josh’s girl. He loved her and would bring her up all the time, wanting me to ‘meet’ her. I’d never had the guts to tell him I’d known her for a long time. We grew up in the same town, for goodness’ sake, but with me living on the ranch, I pretty much stayed there all the time. And meet her? Somehow that felt like a betrayal. How could I hang out with Maggie and pretend I didn’t want her? Pretend I hadn’t been in love with her since I was a kid? I couldn’t. So I made excuses after excuses.

  I thought he couldn’t tell.

  I was wrong.

  In the letter he’d written, he expressed it all too clearly that he knew I loved Maggie. I almost fell to my knees when I read that. He knew. It was months after his death before I could wrap my head around that. How he continued to be my friend knowing this said a lot about him as a person. But to give me his permission to be with Maggie and make me promise to care for her…it was messed up.

  If she knew…

  I parked in front of the building, but Maggie didn’t move.

  “I want you to know I had a really nice time today,” she said.

  “Is everything okay?”

  She gave me a sad smile. “Yeah, I just need some time alone.”

  “I can respect that.” I glanced away, unable to look at her. If I did, I’d want to say more.

  “Luke?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You still owe me that dance.”

  I turned my head to find her smiling at me. “I’d hoped you’d forgotten about that.”

  “Not a chance,” she said as she opened the door and got out. “Tomorrow?”

  I nodded. “Tomorrow.”

  She walked to the front door, and I sat in my truck wondering what just happened. I wasn’t sure, but she wanted to see me again. Of course, it was to pay me back for today, but I couldn’t wait.

  Chapter 13

  Maggie

  Caroline stood with her designer bag and French-tip manicure pointing to the stage. “Those need to go. I want lilies in the background. They are my baby’s favorite and will go just wonderful with her dark eyes.”

  Bill, our town maintenance man, gently brought her arm down. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’ll get it all taken care of, Caroline. Your daughter is going to shine above them all.” He winked at me.

  In the short time I’d been back, it was apparent to me that these two liked each other. But Caroline would never admit to it. Bill was decent looking, but not her usual Ivy League college guy. He had dark hair, green eyes, and was tall. Nice and a huge jokester. Everyone loved him—Caroline not excluded.

  “Ugh, it better be.” She stared him square in the eyes. “Last year’s debacle was horrendous. Nothing good was planned and the whole town was put into a giant coma. That will not happen this year.”

  Bill smiled at her, trying to hide the humor that threatened to surface at any minute. “Yes, Doll Face.”

  “Don’t you dare call me Doll Face! I’m not a floozy.”

  “How about you be my girl, then?”

  Caroline’s mouth dropped and she gasped. “Dream on, William!” She pushed at his chest and brought her purse to rest on her shoulder. “I’ve had enough stress for the
day. Now—” She looked at me and her eyes widened at the realization I’d caught the whole thing. “Hello, Magnolia.”

  “Hi.”

  “Can you believe him? What a Neanderthal.”

  “He’s doing his best to make everyone happy,” I told her kindly.

  “I guess only time will tell. Anyway, I’m off. I need to pick up Jenny so we can go shopping for our outfits.” She waved a hand. “See you later.”

  Bill folded his arms as he watched her leave. “That woman has it bad for me.”

  “Oh, it’s clear as day.” I humored him.

  He faced me. “So what about you? Taking part this year?”

  “Yeah, actually. I’ve been helping the girls with their dance routine, and Trina has requested pies.”

  “Oooh, it will be a good day after all.”

  I smiled, but it didn’t reach my eyes.

  “You know, with you being back, I haven’t gotten a chance to ask how you were doing—kind of hard when you’re loved by everyone.”

  “Maybe, but your words are overly generous.”

  “Nah. Listen, I know that this time of year has got to be hard for you, but I’ll tell you that we’re all glad you’re back.”

  Moved by his words, I touched his arm. “Thanks, Bill. I’ve missed you all as well.”

  The sirens sounded, and Bill and I turned to the fire station as the trucks pulled out and zipped down the street. My thoughts strayed to Luke. I was worried, but had no reason to be. Right? He was given the week off. Still, maybe I should call him.

  “Probably someone’s animal. That’s all it ever usually is.” Just as he spoke, his face twisted with regret. “Sorry, Maggie.”

  “Oh, it’s fine,” I waved his troubles away. The fact was Josh hadn’t died from a typical call of an animal needing saved. It was a house fire, and he’d gone in to save a child’s life. He was supposed to be off that day, but he’d gotten a call and flew out of the house. It was the last time I’d seen him. He died being a hero. “Well, I should get back. I just wanted to check on things here.”

  I couldn’t leave fast enough. When I raced across the street to my apartment, I ran inside and up the steps. My hands shook as I tried to unlock the door. The darn thing wouldn’t budge. I kept working at it, jiggling the key until there was a satisfactory click, and rushed inside.