Begin Again

by S. J. Lynn

  “Goodness, it’s nearly nine already? Where has the time gone?” Mom asked as she packed up the game. Amy yawned.

  “I’ll get her,” I said when Maggie started for her. I picked her up and scooped her into my arms. She was asleep before we made it outside. I buckled her in and came around the front to Maggie, who was waiting at the driver’s side. “Whose car is this?”

  “Oh, it’s her grandparent’s. You met them at the fireman event the other day. They said I could take it since Amy asked to come to my place for a bit.”

  “That was nice of them.”

  “Yeah, it was.”

  “Well, thanks for coming.” I didn’t know how to act because of yesterday, and after all the sneaking touches we did during dinner I was even more unsure where we stood.

  “Are you saying goodbye to me already?” Maggie asked.

  I frowned. “Um…”

  “Is it alright if I come over? I know it’s late, but…”

  What was she asking? “Sure. I’ll be up.”

  She smiled. “Okay. See you in a bit.”

  I watched in complete confusion as she drove away. Maggie was a mystery of a woman, and damned if I didn’t love it. Righting my hat, I rushed to my truck and headed home, unsure of what was to come of the night.

  Chapter 17

  Maggie

  I rang the doorbell and waited under his porch light with a million questions running through my mind. Why was I here? What did I want? What was I asking of him?

  But when he opened the door, freshly showered, I stopped asking questions. “You showered.”

  “I thought maybe you’d changed your mind,” he said, looking completely dumbfounded.

  I’d made an unplanned trip back to my apartment before I came there. Caroline’s words got to me, and so there I was, freshly showered and shaved.

  “No, I didn’t change my mind.”

  He stared a few moments before inviting me in. I followed him to the kitchen, where he started placing dishes in the sink. A single beer sat on the counter.

  “You hungry?” he asked.

  I laughed. “We just ate.”

  “Yeah. That we did.” He filled the sink with soapy water.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Cleaning up.”

  “Cleaning up? It’s almost eleven at night.”

  He scratched his neck. “You’re right. This can wait until morning.” He faced me. “What do you want to do?”

  I couldn’t help but smile. It was obvious he was nervous. So was I. I shrugged. “Movie?”

  He exhaled and rubbed his hands together. “Movie…yes.” He walked to the living room. “I got, uh…what do I have? I have—” He picked up a DVD and read the front. “Pretty Woman?” He scrunched his face.

  I busted out laughing. “A favorite of yours?”

  He shot me a look. “A favorite of my mom’s. She must have forgotten it.”

  “Well, I happen to love that movie. If you don’t mind watching it, too.”

  He popped it in, and I sat on the couch. “If I fall asleep, don’t hate me.”

  “I won’t. I promise.”

  “Blanket?” He grabbed one off the La-Z-Boy chair.

  I reached for it. “Sure. You know, with how comfortable you’re making me, don’t be surprised if I’m the one to fall asleep. I baked more pies earlier today than I care to think about.”

  “So you were on your feet all day,” he said as he sat next to me. “Grab that extra pillow over there and lie back. I’ll rub your feet.” When he grabbed my legs, I playfully kicked him.

  “No, Luke, you don’t have to rub my feet.”

  “Why not?”

  I laughed, still trying to kick his hands away, but he was too strong. Just the slightest touch on my feet had me giggling so much I snorted. “Luke, stop!”

  “I don’t know. You seem to be enjoying this,” he said as he tickled me ruthlessly. I was in a full-on belly laugh when I saw the movie had started.

  “Movie’s on!” I roared.

  “Okay, okay. I’ll stop. Strictly just feet rubbing from now on. Lord knows I don’t want to hear you snorting again.”

  I gasped.

  “I’m teasing. Even if you did, I’m sure I wouldn’t hate it.”

  “Whatever.” I stuck my tongue out at him and did as he said. I relaxed against the pillow and did my best to focus on the movie, but it was near impossible with his capable hands finding every sore spot. Occasionally, a moan would slip from my lips, but I didn’t care. It felt too good.

  I was awoken by the gentle movements of someone putting me in bed. “Luke?”

  “It’s okay. Just putting you to bed. You fell asleep,” he whispered. He turned the bedside lamp on and tucked me in, the gesture kind and loving. I knew he was getting ready to leave for bed himself, but I didn’t want him to go. I didn’t want to be alone. “Good night, Maggie.” He turned to leave.

  “Luke?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Will you stay with me a while, until I fall asleep?”

  He looked around the room, as if the answer he sought was within its walls. “Um…yeah, I’ll just sit here in this.” He walked to the rocking chair.

  “No,” I said, lifting the covers. “Here.”

  “Maggie…”

  “You don’t have to. Forget I asked. I must be really tired.” I moved to right the covers.

  He ran a hand down his face. “Scoot over.”

  The bed was barely big enough for the two of us. My back was up against the wall and I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of him. He felt good and it had been way too long since I’d been held.

  “What future do you see for yourself?” I asked as we lay in comfortable silence holding each other.

  Luke lightly rubbed my arm. “Well, I imagine me still being here on the ranch and still working at the fire station.”

  “But what else? Like, what do you want?”

  He cleared his throat and the vibrations rumbled through his chest. I waited patiently for him to respond. “I don’t know. I guess I always thought I’d be married by now, kids running around. Just…a normal life. You?”

  I thought about his question. I had my future planned, until a piece of it was taken out of the equation and I was forced to create a new future. “Haven’t thought about it all that much. But I guess the same thing as you.” I leaned my head back to look at him. He gazed down at me with hooded eyes, his breath lightly fanning my face.

  “Are you afraid of anything?” he asked.

  Go for honesty. “This. You.”

  The gentle strokes on my arm stopped. “Me?”

  I peered deep into his eyes. “Yes.”

  His brows furrowed. “Why?”

  “Because you make me forget about him.” There. I’d said it out loud. I couldn’t take it back, and I knew what that statement told him.

  Inch by inch, he lowered his mouth to mine.

  His lips were like soft petals, kissed by the rain. The world outside faded into the background. Luke shifted onto his side. I opened for him more, inviting him closer, deeper. I could get lost in his kiss. He took his time, and the longer we kissed, the more I wanted all of him.

  I pulled him closer still, but he broke the kiss. “Wait,” he panted. “Are you sure you want this?”

  I ran the back of my hand down his cheek. “Yes. I’m nervous, but—”

  “We don’t have to do anything. We could just lie here. Okay?”

  If it were anyone else, I knew they wouldn’t have meant it, but Luke was a gentleman.

  I rose, sitting on the bed, and removed my hair tie. I placed it on the nightstand and turned back, waiting for Luke to make the next move.

  He smiled knowingly before he got off the bed, faced me, and knelt to take off his socks. He tossed them in the corner of the room and quirked a brow. It was my turn.

  I assessed my attire for the next smallest item. I didn’t
have on any socks, so my shirt was next. Luke briefly trailed his gaze down my front before locking eyes with me. He slowly brought his shirt up from the back and over his shoulders. He tossed it next to his socks.

  My mind traveled to the fireman event where he was covered in oil. Even then I had wanted to run my hands all over him like every other woman had done, but I couldn’t. I itched to do so then.

  He cleared his throat and my gaze snapped to his. He smirked.

  I bit my lip and pointed to my bra. Luke slowly nodded, his eyes hooded.

  I shook my head, making him pretend to pout, which quickly turned into a grin when I removed my pants.

  He took a deep breath and his hands moved to his belt buckle. It wasn’t fair. I’d be the first to remove all of my clothing, and I suspected he knew that and was enjoying it.

  The belt clanked on the floor.

  I was beyond nervous at this point, knowing I only had my bra and panties to go. But Luke didn’t make me feel like I wasn’t good enough. He made me feel beautiful.

  I reached around and unhooked my bra, slowly bringing the straps off my shoulders until my breasts were exposed. I peeked up at him, and his face no longer held an easy smile. It was replaced with restrained will as he admired me.

  His pants were next. I had thought I would be the first to finish, but, he changed the game on me by removing his boxer-briefs along with them. He stood, fully exposed and no apologies.

  He was beautiful. All of him.

  Nervously, I went to remove the last of my barriers, but Luke reached underneath my thighs and pulled me to him so that I was at the edge of the bed. I gasped at the sudden movement, and he took the opportunity to kiss me. It was a deep, passionate kiss, his tongue stroking mine as though he couldn’t get enough.

  He stood, both of us panting, and gently pushed my shoulders, guiding me to lie back. I wanted him to join me, but instead he kept where he was as he leaned over me. My legs opened wide to accommodate him. He pressed into me, my panties acting as a shield, while he nibbled on the side of my neck. When he bit me a little harder, I gasped and silently begged him to do that in other places.

  When he trailed kisses down the front of me and latched onto my breast, I almost cried out. He took his time, savoring me, while I ran my nails through his hair. He moaned in appreciation. I was about to travel my wandering hands down his back, when he stood abruptly, hooked his fingers into the sides of my panties, and pulled. He needed no help as he yanked them off and tossed them to the side.

  “You’re beautiful,” he whispered before bending to kiss the inside of my thigh.

  “Luke,” I begged. “I want you.”

  He glanced up at me, and I thought I saw a look of unsureness on his expression. “I’ll be right back.”

  He left the room and I crawled up the bed. I didn’t know what to think. My thoughts ran rampant. But when he came back with a square, gold package I knew he hadn’t changed his mind.

  “Maybe this would be easier in my bed,” he stated as he got in alongside me.

  “I don’t mind it…keeps you close.” I offered a smile and he returned a brief one. “What’s wrong, Luke?”

  He shook his head. “Nothing. I just want you to be sure.”

  I touched his cheek. “I am.”

  He nodded and ripped the foil packet with his teeth before sheathing himself. I lay on my back, and he climbed on top, staring down at me.

  “Do you know how beautiful you are?”

  His question made me blush.

  “You are,” he said.

  I reached up and kissed him. “I love you.”

  A tiny amount of air escaped his lungs. Did I speak those three words too soon? Maybe. I couldn’t believe I’d said them, yet I didn’t want to take them back. But Luke kissed me again, not letting go as he reached down and guided himself into me. He went slow, allowing my body time to adjust. And soon we were at our own steady rhythm as he made love to me into the early morning.

  ***

  The smell of spring air filtered through the open window. It put a smile on my face. I felt happy this morning, and when a certain cowboy firefighter stirred next to me, I remembered why.

  Somehow throughout the night we’d changed positions and he was the one against the wall. Still asleep, I trailed my nails down the length of his arm, admiring his thick veins and golden hair.

  “If you keep doing that, we’ll never leave this bed,” I heard him mumble, but I refused to stop.

  “I’m okay with that.” Before I could barely utter the last word, he rolled on top of me, sending me into a fit of laughter as he pretended to gnaw on my neck. “Okay, okay, okay! I’ll stop. I’ll stop!”

  He stopped and peered down at me, a huge smile adorning his handsome face. “I’m happy this morning.”

  I smiled. “I was just thinking the same thing.”

  He kissed me and I relaxed into him. I felt him stir beneath me and wanted him to continue what we’d done last night.

  He broke the kiss. “Later. I’m starving. Or does a guy have to prove his worth to get a woman to cook him breakfast?” He quirked a brow.

  “I guess that depends on how good he was the night before.” I couldn’t believe how brazen I was acting. I was like a new woman.

  Surprise registered on his face as well. “Boots, are you saying I didn’t step up to the plate?”

  I tapped my finger against my mouth. “Well…”

  “You are unbelievable.” He started tickling me unmercifully, and I rolled onto my stomach to try and shield his attacks. “Now that I have you where I want you…”

  ***

  I flopped back against the bed, panting and completely spent. When Luke got up and headed for the door, I sat up.

  “I’m going to clean up while you make a start on my well-deserved hearty breakfast.”

  I couldn’t find words to speak. I was too busy relishing the aftereffects of our lovemaking. “Oh, and uh…” He stared at my hair. “You might want to tame that.”

  My mouth opened in shock and I grabbed a pillow and threw it at the door, trying to hit him, but he’d already gone. I’d get him back for that later, but as I felt my hair standing out in all directions, I flopped back and groaned.

  ***

  Luke

  I came down the stairs and leaned against the wall. Maggie was in nothing but one of my shirts while she fried something that smelled amazing on the stove. My eyes trailed to her perfectly round behind and I felt my body react. If I had my way, she’d never leave.

  She peeked over her shoulder. “What are you doing all the way over there?”

  Good question. I ambled over, came up behind her, and wrapped my arms around her waist, pressing myself against her while I breathed in her scent. “You smell good.”

  “You must be smelling the fried peppers and onions, because I haven’t showered yet, unlike you.”

  “No need. I plan on dirtying you up again.” I lifted the back of her shirt, exposing her bare behind, but she jutted it out to pry me off her.

  “You wanted breakfast, so I’m making you breakfast.” I heard the smile in her voice. She was quite the little tease, something I didn’t know about her and liked.

  “Fine. I have worked up quite an appetite.” I kissed her on the cheek. “I’m going to go feed the animals and I’ll be right back in.”

  She turned to look at me. “Don’t be too long. I’m almost done.”

  I pecked her on the lips. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Today was the day I’d ruined my life and hers—the anniversary of Josh’s death. I had been waiting for her screams and sobs, telling me she hated me. But she wouldn’t, because she still didn’t know.

  I headed to the barn after feeding the animals. I made sure Maggie was still inside before I reached for my cell in my pocket. My hands were shaking and my head spinning. I was going to lose her. It was inevitable.

  My legs felt like they were going to give out, and I leaned against the gate where Cowboy w
as and dialed Neale’s number. He picked up after two rings.

  “Hey, buddy,” I managed to say.

  “Luke? You alright, man?”

  I paused, trying to get my head to stop spinning. “I need to go out later. You working?”

  “Not until midnight. I’m down. Whatever you need.” He knew what today was. We’d talked about it often. And he knew as well as I did that I had every intention of getting wasted.

  I hung up the phone and walked back to the house. Maggie was setting the table.

  “Hey, how’d it go? You look exhausted.” She set the plates down and came over to me. How was she so calm today?

  I embraced her and held her tight.

  She rubbed my back. “Hey, what’s the matter?”

  I shook my head. I wasn’t going to have her appeasing my conscience when it was me who should have been holding her while she cried and pounded her fists against my chest.

  “We have to talk later. Okay?” I asked. She removed herself from me.

  “Okay.” Her face was completely crestfallen. “I wanted to talk to you about that, actually. Could you come over later? I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

  Josh.

  “I, um…I have something to do later, but I’ll be over afterward.”

  We ate breakfast in silence, and I tried to enjoy what I knew would be the last of our time together like this.

  Chapter 18

  Luke

  Five in the afternoon and I sat at the bar on my fourth shot of whiskey. I enjoyed the familiar burn as the tension in my body started to wane.

  I raised my glass. “Another,” I slurred.

  “Shit. Luke?”

  I lifted my gaze, trying to make out the familiar voice. “Ernie? What are you d-doing here?”

  “Nice to see you, too. I work here when I’m not volunteering at the fire station.”

  “Oh.” Great. He’d tell the chief. “Well, this is whiskey. Fill ’er up.”

  “I don’t know, man You seem to have already had enough. Does Maggie know you’re here?”

  “What the hell do you care?”

  Ernie lifted his hands, palms up. “No reason. Just that I saw you and her kiss at the event. You guys dating?”

  “That’s none of your business.” I pushed my glass to him.