I walked along the path in the woods searching again for him.
“I miss you so much,” I said to the trees. “Where are you? Please, Jesse. Come back. Come back to me.”
He wasn’t on the swings where we used to have contests when we were little about who could go up the highest. He wasn’t on the grass or the basketball courts. He didn’t answer me.
My heart was heavy as I walked. I knew it wasn’t his fault. He would be with me if he could. Nobody would choose this kind of pain.
I headed back home, feeling foolish.
I couldn’t keep doing this. I couldn’t spend my life searching for something that wasn’t there.
***
It was a tough game. We tied it, but couldn’t score again for the win. As we came off the field, Jack was doing math.
“If the Lost Boys lose tonight and the Ravens win tomorrow, we might still have a chance to make the finals.”
He mumbled some more as he walked away.
When I got home, Kate was on the sofa still in her work clothes. She looked tired. Her hair was up but in a mess and her eyes had dark circles under them.
“Abby, there you are,” she said. “I totally forgot you had soccer tonight. How’d it go?”
“We tied,” I said, pulling off my cleats.
I sat down next to her.
“How’d it go today?” I asked.
“Good. Just a hell of a long day,” she said, rubbing her face. “But you did it. They found the body and should have a positive ID in the next few weeks. It’s gotta be Annabelle.”
“Good,” I said. “Now she can move on. We can all move on.”
“I still can’t believe all this, that you see spirits and ghosts,” Kate said. “Doesn’t it scare you? I wouldn’t want to see dead people. It’s hard enough dealing with the living.”
I shrugged.
“Yeah,” I said. “But I don’t have a choice whether to see them or not. At least, I didn’t with her. But I wish she could have given us some sort of clue about the killer. It’s kind of frustrating that we don’t know.”
“I guess real life has to step in somewhere along the line. It would be too much to expect her to have some incriminating evidence on her that would lead directly to the murderer. Or for her to walk up to the killer and point a ghostly finger. But the cops might get lucky,” Kate said. “Look at all those Cold Case Files they solve on TV. There must be evidence they can check through again.”
“I hope so,” I said.
Kate nodded and yawned.
“I’m turning in early tonight,” she said. “I’ve gotta get some sleep.”
CHAPTER 41
The river was open the next day and I was happy to get back to work. On the way up to the launch, everyone was talking about the body and who it could be. Amber thought it was a woman who disappeared last year. Jake guessed it was the fisherman who fell out of his boat and disappeared up at the dam at the beginning of the summer.
“I wonder when they’ll release the name,” Jake asked.
“Depends,” Ty said. “If there’s no ID on the body, then they’ll have to do DNA tests and dental records and all that.”
I was quiet. I was tired of thinking about bodies and death and ghosts. I looked out at the trees as we drove along the highway.
Ty hadn’t said much to me and I hoped he wasn’t angry about the hike.
“So what did you end up doing yesterday?” I asked while we unloaded gear and waited for the bus of customers.
Ty looked up at me, but seemed kind of sad.
“Laundry. A bike ride. Took my dog to the park. Not much.”
I smiled, but he turned and walked away.
I wanted to talk to him, but I couldn’t do it quite yet. I needed the right words and I was still figuring it all out.
As I paddled and steered through the rapids on the last run, I looked around at the tall trees and black lava rocks and the rushing water. A strong whiff of pine was blowing around. The sun was warm.
Such a beautiful place for such terrible sadness.
CHAPTER 42
It had been two weeks since they had pulled up Annabelle, and she still hadn’t been identified. It was a big story though, and Kate was on the front page a lot. On Saturday afternoon, she sent me a text asking if I could meet her at Mondo for dinner. She had been working nonstop at the paper lately and I had barely seen her. Pizza sounded good. I drove over about six, got us a table, and waited.
I hadn’t seen the ghost of Annabelle since that night she came to my room. Not on the cliffs, not by the river, not at the park. I was hoping she was appeased, if not at peace, and that she had watched as they pulled her body out of her watery grave. I was hoping it was enough for her.
Kate walked in, the screen door slamming behind her. She sat down in the rickety chair across from me.
“Hey, Abby. What do you want? It’s on me.”
“Cheese, please,” I said.
She went up to the counter, ordered, and came back with two slices on paper plates while I got the water. I grabbed my pizza and started stuffing it in my face. I hadn’t eaten all day and was ravenous.
“Thanks,” I said when I was nearly finished.
“Sure.”
I wiped my face with a napkin and leaned back, suddenly full.
“So, is it strange to be working with Colin now?” I asked.
Kate had broken up with him the week before.
“Yeah, a little,” she said. “He’s been giving me weird looks, but I’m getting used to it. No, I can’t say I’m comfortable working with him, but whatever. In the future I’ll pay more attention to that advice about office romances. About not fishing off the company pier and stuff.”
She had told me that the breakup had nothing to do with Dr. Mortimer. But I wasn’t sure about that. At the very least, after hanging out with him, Kate would have been reminded how she really should be feeling about her boyfriend.
I watched as more people jammed into the small pizza place. A huge line was forming up at the counter.
I finished my water.
“I’m getting another slice,” Kate said. “Want one?”
I shook my head.
She was in line for a while, but finally showed up with a large slice with the works. The pungent smell of onions and garlic closed in around us.
“So you think that you and Claire are done with Annabelle Harrison?” Kate asked.
I had told her about Claire a few nights earlier when she came home late and found me on the computer reading her website. I figured I might as well come clean and just tell her, even if she would make fun of me. But I was surprised by her reaction. She looked through the site with a serious expression, and even spent some time reading Claire’s biography.
“I’m hoping it’s the last of Annabelle,” I said. “My part is done. She’s been found.”
“I still have trouble believing in all that stuff.”
She finished and got up, throwing away the trash. I saw that there was a sea of gray mist surrounding her. She was nervous about something.
She grabbed her plastic glass and sucked on the straw.
“I got a job interview back East,” she said. “New York.”
My stomach tightened.
“Wow,” I said finally. “That’s great.”
“The telephone interview is on Thursday. If that goes well then they’ll invite me to go out there for a real interview with the higher ups in a couple of weeks.”
“Of course it’ll go well,” I said.
“I’ve been at The Bugler a while now and if I’m going to move up in this business, I need to break through now. I haven’t decided anything yet, even if they offer me something. But I wanted you to know.”
The Cure’s Fascination Street vibrated through Mondo as I sat thinking about Kate moving away. We had never been apart before and although I should have been happy for her, I was mostly feeling freaked out. I didn’t want her to go.
“You co
uld come with me,” she said. “Or you can stay here in Bend, keep living in our house. It’s almost paid for, so you don’t have to worry about that. And I’ll come back to visit often.”
I tried to smile, but couldn’t. I tried to keep my eyes from filling up, but I couldn’t do that either.
“You deserve it. Really. I’m glad you’re focusing on your career.”
But as I said those words, I was breaking apart inside.
Kate looked at me.
“We’ll find a way to make it work. I promise.”
“Have you told Dr. Mortimer?”
I already knew the answer. I think I would have felt his sadness radiating all the way from the hospital if he knew.
“No,” Kate said. “Not yet. But he must remember that I had applications out. When we were dating I always talked about leaving Bend and going to a city to write important stories.”
“Annabelle’s story was important,” I said.
“Yeah, I know. But that was a fluke. That’s not your usual Bend story about the city council voting to kill all the geese because there’s too much poop in the park. That’s much more the norm.”
It was true. It was a hot debate at City Hall last year and Kate wrote a lot about it.
“I’ll miss you,” I said. “But I want you to be happy. It’s like Erin says. If staying here isn’t what you want, then you need to leave. You belong at The New York Times.”
“Thanks, Abby,” she said.
I thought I saw tears in her eyes too, but she looked away quickly. She got up and I followed her outside as we headed over to her car.
“See you later tonight,” she said.
I waved goodbye.
I walked down Franklin and crossed over to the park. I looked anyway even though I knew that I wouldn’t find him. I checked in the trees across the water and in the shadows along the banks.
I was always losing the people I loved, one way or another.
I cried all the way home.
CHAPTER 43
A little more than a week later the authorities officially identified the body they had pulled out of the bottom of the Deschutes River as Annabelle Harrison. They also announced that the cause of death was a blunt force to the back of the head.
“You were right again. It was murder,” Kate said, as we watched the news coverage on television one night. She had been writing up all the stories related to Annabelle and continued to dominate the front page of The Bugler. A few of her stories had been picked up by some of the newspapers around the state as well as the Associated Press.
We had seen several clips already of Derek and Jacob Harrison talking to the media, microphones pushed up in their faces. Derek Harrison called the discovery “heartbreaking” and told reporters that they were planning a memorial service so that “Annabelle could be properly laid to rest.” Her son mostly stayed in the background, but one time he stepped up and said that it was good to finally know what really happened to his mom.
It was heartwarming seeing her son. And as I watched him I realized that I had helped him a little. That was at least one small consolation that had come out of this horrible tragedy: whether or not they found the murderer, he would now always know that his mother had not abandoned him. Maybe that wasn’t such a small thing.
The summer had flown and somehow I had only one more week left on the river. Ty and Amber would still be working through the end of September, but soon after Labor Day the company cut back on the daily runs and I would be out of a job.
I was going to miss the river and being outside on it every day. I had no idea what I would do, but I was sure it would be hard to find anything that would give me that sense of peace.
The party I was planning never happened. Dr. Mortimer canceled a few days before, Kate was only thinking about New York, and Jack and Tim from the soccer team always seemed to be busy. And with no job on the horizon, I didn’t exactly have much money to spend on a party anyway.
I was putting in applications in stores and coffee shops all over town, but so far had no luck finding anything. But I wasn’t too worried. I figured something would open up for me soon.
Dr. Mortimer called Thursday, asking if I could stop by and talk on his dinner break. I was supposed to meet Ty at eight over at McMenamins, so I told him I could swing over by the hospital beforehand.
I found him in the ER waiting room, sitting off in a corner. He was in his scrubs, slouching in a plastic chair when I walked up. He looked serious and sad. I knew Kate must have told him the news.
“Hi, Abby,” he said.
We walked over to the elevators and went upstairs to the orthopedic section of the hospital. It was closed, so no one was on the floor. The chairs were big and cushioned and comfortable.
“So she told you, huh?” I said.
“Yeah.”
He brushed his hand though his thick hair and through the turbulent darkness moving above him.
“It’s just a surprise, is all. I don’t know why. I just wasn’t thinking. She’s wanted this for a long time.”
“I was surprised too,” I said.
He looked different, much different than I’d ever seen before. Kate’s news had rocked him hard. He was intense and sad and something else I couldn’t put my finger on. He leaned back, crossing his feet out in front of him.
“She’s not leaving for the interview until Tuesday,” I said. “Do you have plans to see her before she goes?”
“No,” he said, his eyes darting around the waiting room. “Can’t.”
I smiled nervously.
“No soccer tonight?”
“No, we finished up the outdoor league. But indoor starts on Monday. New team with a lot of the same players. It’ll be fun.”
“I’ll come watch one of those games too.”
“Sounds good,” I said, trying to fill up the strange silence.
“I want to tell you something but you have to promise not to tell Kate. Can you do that?”
“Sure.”
He sighed nervously.
“I’m leaving for Kenya tomorrow. I’m going to confront Nathaniel.”
My heart raced. No wonder his energy was wild and dark. I didn’t know how to respond.
“But Dr. Mortimer, you shouldn’t….” I started to say, but he must have seen the terror in my eyes and cut me off.
“No, Abby. Don’t say it. I’m going. It’s all set. I’ve taken time off here at the hospital and have my ticket already.”
“Okay,” I said.
“Look, I just needed you to know, that’s all. I have to find him and take care of this situation.”
I understood, but I still didn’t want him to go.
“He’s a dangerous man, Dr. Mortimer. You have to be careful.”
He rubbed his face. It looked like he hadn’t slept in a week.
“I know. Don’t worry about me. He’s my brother. Besides, I understand now who he is and what he’s capable of doing. I didn’t get that before, but now I do. I’m ready. Now I have the upper hand.”
I couldn’t imagine anyone ever having the upper hand when confronting Nathaniel Mortimer. It would be like playing a chess game against Bobby Fischer—a crazy, murderous Bobby Fischer. He was always a few moves ahead, waiting patiently on the other side of sanity.
“Just be careful,” I said again.
He suddenly stood up.
“Sorry, I have to get back. Don’t tell her, Abby. I’ll be in contact with you through email and I promise to keep you updated.”
We hugged.
“Bye,” I said. “Please be careful.”
We pulled away and he ran down the stairs.
I left the hospital wondering if I would ever see him again.
CHAPTER 44
I drove over to meet Ty and tried to figure out what to do. It was an impossible situation. If I told Kate that Dr. Mortimer was leaving for Africa, he would be mad. And if I didn’t tell her, she would be mad.
I pulled up and found Ty waiting
in the parking lot. We said hello and then went inside and grabbed a table.
It was good to see him. As always, he looked great.
We talked about the weather and about and the end of the year party that the rafting company was planning when the season officially closed in a few weeks.
“So you miss being out on the river all day?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “More than I even thought I would.”
I told him about my unsuccessful job hunt and how I had been looking everywhere, including Starbucks, Macy’s, and all the outlet stores.
“You gotta think of something else. You won’t be happy in any of those places. What about working up at the mountain? I know you said you weren’t ready to be an instructor, but what about a manager or something? They’re hiring and I could put in a word for you.”
I smiled. I couldn’t imagine telling Kate that I’d be driving up to Mt. Bachelor all winter, on the same road where I had the accident.
“I better pass this season,” I said. “But thanks anyway.”
“Are you coming back as a guide next summer?” he asked.
“I’d like to. They told me they wanted me back.”
I hoped that whatever I ended up doing, I could always go back and be a guide in the summers.
“It was a great season,” Ty said.
“To our summer on the river,” I said, picking up my glass.
We toasted.
As the night went on, we talked about more and more things. Ty switched to beers and loosened up a bit.
“So, Abby, how come we never went on that hike? I just want to know. Obviously, I’m interested in you. Just tell me if you don’t feel the same way. It won’t be a big deal. Promise.”
I had been thinking about what to say to him for weeks.
“Well, it just scares me. I really like you, Ty, but don’t know if I’m ready. I love having you as a friend. I know that’s not fair to you if that’s all there ever will be. And I’m not sure if it can be anything more.”
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