The Catchers

by Stuart J. Kent

  “What do you think?” asked Colin, eager to hear Jamie’s first impression.

  Jamie stared at the rather unimpressive sight, which wasn’t helped by an old, tired-looking donkey surrounded by flies that was standing next to one of the sheds and immediately nothing polite came to mind.

  “It’s… eh… great!” he finally replied, trying to sound sincere because he didn’t want to hurt Colin’s feelings.

  “I know, I felt the same way when I first saw it” whispered Marty giving Jamie a knowing wink.

  “Well, anyway, let’s go see if there’s any work for us, shall we?” Colin said before strolling across the cobbled yard towards the house. Jamie and Trixie then followed him and as they crossed the yard they heard a familiar ‘neigh’ come from a stable door built into one of the sheds and looking across they saw the familiar grey head of Streak looking out at them.

  “Morning, Streak,” called Trixie, giving him a wave.

  “So this is where Streak lives,” said Jamie.

  “Yes, he has a nice stable there and everyone looks after him,” replied Trixie.

  “I thought he was your horse,” Jamie then said.

  “No, he belongs to the department, he’s just been allocated to us,” replied Trixie. “I’m hoping when I get my own team I’ll get a beautiful young white Unicorn to pull my cart, I think I’ll call her Arabella.”

  Streak then neighed in a disapproving manner.

  “It might happen!” snapped Trixie before Streak began whinnying loudly.

  “Whatever!” muttered Trixie before following her uncle again.

  When they reached the red-brick house on the far side of the yard, they were greeted by a rather dull, brown, worn front door, and without even knocking Colin took hold of the handle and gave it a little push, and the door slowly opened. He then stepped inside, Jamie and Trixie followed him in and inside they stood in a long rectangular room that looked out across the yard to the front gate.

  In the room were several desks that were pushed up against the walls and piled with paperwork; along the walls above the desks were many pictures of strange and exotic magical creatures, and every picture had labels attached to them giving names and descriptions of the creature, and at the far end of the room sat one wooden desk bigger than all the rest, and it too was also covered in piles of paperwork and other catcher objects.

  Jamie stared in amazement at the huge piles of paperwork that sat on a desk next to him, before looking at Trixie.

  “We really hate paperwork,” she replied, explaining the mess.

  Colin then began walking towards the far end of the room.

  “Morning Stanley!” he called out as he approached the end desk.

  “Good morning, Colin” replied a small, bald-headed wizard peering up from behind the piles of paper.

  “And morning to you Trixie, Marty and… do I know you?” he asked looking at Jamie in confusion.

  “This is a new recruit, Stanley, his name is Jamie,” replied Colin introducing him to the young boy stood beside him.

  “Well, hello there, young man, so you want to be a catcher do you?” asked Stanley peering down at him.

  “Err… yes I think so,” replied Jamie, nervously.

  “Excellent, splendid, welcome aboard,” grinned Stanley holding out a rather rough, dirty hand.

  “Thank you,” replied Jamie, quickly shaking his hand.

  Colin then continued the conversation. “Anyway, we are here for work so what do you have for us today?” he asked, eagerly hoping Stanley had something really interesting for them.

  “Well, amazingly, it’s actually a fairly quiet morning, Colin, I don’t have anything for you right now,” replied Stanley before looking down at the large crystal ball that sat on his desk in front of him.

  “Really?” Colin asked, a little disappointed.

  “Yes I’m afraid so, sorry, old chap,” Stanley shrugged.

  Then Trixie quietly pulled Jamie away from the world’s most interesting conversation and guided him towards one of the walls.

  “Come and look at this,” she whispered where there happened to be a large, six-foot-wide and three-foot-high map of the Magical world pinned to it.

  Jamie stared at it curiously, as it looked very much like the world he knew, only some of the countries were named differently, also all the names were in black ink and colour coded in zones, and around the outside of the map there was a large border that had hundreds of different magical creatures in it and small, thin red arrows pointing to their country of origin.

  “This is our guide to where each magical creature comes from,” continued Trixie. “You’ll need to study it and remember it all if you want to become a good catcher.”

  Jamie stared at it in disbelief.

  “Remember all of it!” he muttered, because remembering things was definitely not his strong point, as most frequently he would forget to do his homework, or even that he had any in the first place.

  “Yeah, all of it,” replied Trixie, nodding. “Now, some of it is easy, you see Leprechauns are only found in Ireland and they do have Irish accents so they’re pretty easy to remember, but fairies have many different origins because there are so many different varieties, so you have to know all the types to make sure you return the right one to the right place.”

  “Blimey!” exclaimed Jamie.

  “Or you could just use this book,” Marty said, appearing next to him on the desk and holding up a large blue-covered book.

  Jamie reached down and carefully took the small blue pocket book from Marty and read the gold writing on the front cover.

  “A pocket guide to magical creatures,” he said, reading it out loud before looking at Trixie.

  “Well, if you want to take the easy route then use it, I was just trying to get you to use your brain,” she replied pompously.

  “Yeah, that’s all I need, another smarty pants kid trying to tell me how to do my job,” muttered Marty.

  “Using your brain isn’t a bad thing, you might want to try it once in a while,” replied Trixie, sticking her tongue out at Marty again.

  “Yeah, and you might want to try…” before Marty could finish his rude and insulting reply, Colin interrupted.

  “Well, there are no jobs for us today, so we can have the day off, let’s go home,” he smiled.

  “Yes!” exclaimed Marty joyfully.

  “Ah, troll pants!” exclaimed Trixie, disappointed that there were no jobs, because she really enjoyed magical creature hunting. As they went to leave, Trixie grabbed a red book from a dusty shelf on the wall.

  “Here, you will definitely need to study this one,” she said, handing it to Jamie.

  “How to deal with pesky magical creatures and other vermin,” Jamie said, reading the book title out loud. “Oh great, more reading!” he sighed disappointed, because as I said he really hated homework. “Isn’t there a spell where I could just instantly know this stuff?” he enquired.

  “You know, you would think there would be, but there isn’t, so get reading,” replied Trixie grinning.

  Later that sunny afternoon, just after a lovely lunch of cheese sandwiches and big slices of cake, Trixie was sat outside lounging in an old-style wooden deckchair enjoying the sunshine. She had her little bare feet dangling in a little round yellow paddling pool full of cold water and was gently sipping a glass of pink lemonade while wearing her favourite big red sunglasses and big pink sun hat, and Jamie was sat beside her on the grass reading about how to capture and restrain angry tax-collecting trolls, when there came a kafuffle of noise that interrupted their quiet relaxation time.

  First, it was the sound of rustling and wheezing, then followed mumbling and muttering which was quickly joined by the squeaking of the old rusty garden gate as a rather old, slightly overweight,
grey-haired wizard waddled quickly into the garden. In such a hurry he was, he marched right past the two lounging children and continued right on into the old cottage.

  “Who was that?” asked Jamie, looking up from his book as the wizard disappeared inside.

  “Who was who?” replied Trixie half asleep, under her hat and sunglasses.

  Then the little plump wizard reappeared from inside, and quickly waddled across to where Trixie and Jamie were sitting, before stopping to catch his breath.

  “Where … is … Colin G. H. Caterwhich,” he gasped between breaths.

  Jamie stared blankly at the old wizard who was stood in a long grey satin robe and matching pointy hat and had a big grey bushy beard covering most of his face.

  “I’m not sure,” he finally replied.

  Trixie pulled her big red-rimmed sunglasses down slightly and peered up at the old wizard.

  “Colin’s in the back,” she replied, pointing towards the rear garden.

  As quickly as an overweight old Wizard could, the old wizard waddled off towards the side of the house, heading for the rear garden.

  “Be careful though, he’s with his bees,” she called out.

  “He’s what?” asked the old wizard still hurrying away, and huffing and puffing like an old steam train.

  “He’s with his bees!” she said again, louder.

  But it was too late, the old wizard had already disappeared out of sight.

  “I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Trixie muttered casually.

  Then seconds later, there was a loud scream from behind the house.

  “Well, at least he found Colin,” she added.

  Marty then suddenly stood up in the paddling pool wearing a pair of tiny red shorts, swimming goggles and a snorkel.

  “What was that?” he asked, looking up at the others.

  “I believe it was a visitor for uncle, and I think he’s going to need some first aid,” replied Trixie pushing herself up out of her seat.

  A few minutes later, the little group were sat around the front room, attending to their poor old, slightly-in-pain guest.

  “Hold still,” Trixie sighed as she tried to put some soothing ointment on the old wizard’s stings as he twitched in pain at her touches.

  “Oh, that hurts!” he groaned as she dabbed a big red lump on his forehead.

  “Here, Henry, this will help,” said Colin, handing him a slightly old, well-used, chipped teacup.

  “Is it a potion for pain?” Henry inquired.

  “No, tea,” replied Colin. “I have to say, old boy, I’ve never seen a full-grown wizard dive into my fishpond before like that,” he then chuckled.

  “Yes, very amusing, but who on earth keeps bees? Blooming nasty, vicious insects, why Colin, why?” Henry enquired in disbelief.

  “I like fresh honey,” replied Colin with a smile.

  “It’s true, he does,” agreed Trixie before sitting down next to Jamie and Marty on the sofa.

  Henry then took a long slurp of his tea.

  “Ah, yes, much better,” he muttered with a sigh.

  Colin sat down opposite Henry, in his favourite big red high-back chair, and then looked at Jamie and Trixie.

  “This is Henry Fatherbottom, we use to work in the Ministry together, on the council,” said Colin, introducing him.

  “Hello there,” Henry said, giving them a little smile before taking another sip of his drink.

  “So, Henry, what brings you to my door on this sunny afternoon?” asked Colin, intrigued why his friend was in a rush to see him.

  “A matter of most urgency and err…” Henry then hesitated as he glanced at the three strange faces staring back at him. “Secrecy” he whispered.

  “I see,” said Colin, leaning forward, intrigued further by Henry’s words.

  “Well, don’t be afraid to speak here, you’re amongst friends, please continue.”

  Henry then took a deep breath. “It’s the Ministry, there’s something wrong,” he said quietly. “Well I think there’s something wrong, I mean as far as I’m concerned there is a procedure to follow and boxes to tick and I have always followed them, but now I believe things are being overlooked, or is it underlooked, well actually I’m not sure which it is, but one way or the other, things that should be done are not being done or maybe they are being done but are not being done properly, do you see?” he asked, staring at the group in hope of a helpful response.

  The small group of catchers just stared back at him in silence and all of them looked slightly confused and puzzled by his explanation.

  “Yes and no,” replied Colin politely. “Why don’t you start from the very beginning and tell us exactly what you do know?”

  “Yes, of course,” Henry nodded and then he took another sip of his drink before he began again. “Okay, well I first noticed a few months ago the reports, the magical incident reports, I have for nearly five years now been a clerk in the magical incident department, and my main duty is to take care of the reports and make sure they’re followed up and investigated properly, you know following the correct procedure and what not.”

  “Of course, what not,” replied Colin, understanding.

  “But then, a couple of months ago, I noticed a report had gone missing, it wasn’t anything of real importance but it just couldn’t be found and then a few days later some more reports had gone missing.”

  “Really?” said Colin, even more intrigued.

  “Yes, at first I thought it was a clerical mistake, a wrongly filed folder or misplacement error, after all we are a very busy department and there are a lot of reports to file and things occasionally do get placed wrongly, we are, after all, only wizards,” replied Henry, being honest.

  “And witches,” added Trixie proudly.

  “Yes, of course, then just recently things have got worse, whole files have begun to disappear, I mean whole files, pages and pages of days and weeks-worth of reports and investigations have just gone, vanished into thin air and no one knows where,” Henry said in a dramatic whisper as if afraid someone else might hear.

  “Unbelievable!” Colin exclaimed shaking his head in disbelief.

  “I know,” agreed Henry, nodding furiously.

  “I take it you’ve followed procedure and filled a misplacement report?” Colin asked.

  “Of course I have, old bean, I’m not senile, but that’s why I come to you today,” replied Henry.

  “Finally why!” muttered Marty who had little patience for things like this.

  “Because?” asked Colin.

  “Because when I followed up my report I found it, too, had gone missing, vanished just like the others,” Henry said in disbelief.

  “No!” gasped Colin.

  “Yes!” replied Henry. “And then something really terrible happened,” he said quietly, almost afraid to say it.

  “What, Henry, what happened?” asked Colin, now sat on the edge of his seat.

  “Oh, I can’t,” muttered Henry.

  “Tell us,” insisted Colin. “Please, Henry, tell us, what was really terrible?”

  “The next day I…” Henry paused almost unable to say the next words. “I… I was told I was to be transferred,” cried Henry in utter despair.

  “Transferred!” said Trixie repeating his words.

  “Yes,” cried Henry.

  “Well, that doesn’t sound too bad,” Trixie shrugged.

  “To the Tourism communication department,” cried Henry loudly before bursting into tears and sobbing into his cup uncontrollably like someone had just told him the last sweetie in the tin had just gone. “Oh the shame!” he sobbed.

  “Oh dear, I am sorry to hear that,” exclaimed Colin reaching over and patting his friend’s shoulder in condolence.

 
“What’s so bad about the Tourism communication department?” asked Jamie quietly.

  “It’s a bunch of smart words for a door-greeter at one of our magnificent tourist sites around Magictasium,” replied Marty.

  “Well, that still doesn’t sound too bad,” Jamie said with a shrug, wondering what all the fuss was about.

  “It is if you were once on the grand council like Henry and Colin were, it is in fact a very humiliating demotion indeed,” replied Trixie.

  “Oh, I see,” said Jamie, understanding.

  “And they make you wear a big foam suit,” added Marty. “The Mascot of Magictasium, Kipper the Whale,” he grinned.

  Both Marty and Jamie immediately burst out laughing loudly until Colin then gave them both a disapproving look and Jamie quickly clamped his hand over his mouth to stifle his amusement.

  Colin then pulled a clean white hanky from his sleeve and handed it to Henry.

  “Here, old boy,” he said as he passed the white cloth.

  Henry took it from him and immediately held it to his nose and gave a big blow, the noise sounded like a foghorn warning ships of impending danger, then after that big blow he wiped the end of his nose and then offered it back to Colin.

  “Err… you keep it,” replied Colin politely.

  So, for the next hour or so, they sat around having a bit of light-hearted chatter about their old times on the Ministry council and related things, then after their second cup of tea Colin and Henry made their way to the front door.

  “Now, my old friend, I don’t want you to worry, I still know a few witches and wizards on the council and I can assure you, I will get to the bottom of this injustice, and I promise you, you will be back in your office very soon,” said Colin affirmatively as he patted Henry on the shoulder.

  “Oh, thank you, Colin, you really have been a good friend to me, and I must seem like such a silly old fool to be bothering you with such things, after all I’m not a young man anymore and these things happen,” Henry sighed as if he had already given up on the situation.

  “Tish and pivel, Henry, this needs sorting properly, and besides, from what you have told me, something stinks in the Ministry and I believe it needs someone like me to take a closer look,” replied Colin, determined to help his friend.