by Alicia Rae
The thought of her sleeping alone, in a bed without me, combined with the desperate need to feel her body against mine had me slouching forward and resting my forehead against the steering wheel.
I briefly closed my eyes and muttered, “Don’t do it, idiot,” as I fought the impulse to go to her.
I could practically feel her heart beating, her soul calling to mine. I was that connected to her. I was a starved man, yearning to have her in my arms.
Before I was able to stop myself, the pull to be with her had me striding across her front lawn. I went around to the back of the house and tapped on the window of her bedroom on the first floor.
While standing there, my attention fell to the grass, and all the reasons this was a bad idea oppressed me. I shouldn’t be here. Staying away from Paige was the only way I could protect her. I couldn’t let Hank see how deep my love for Paige was, or he might possibly take his animosity for me out on her. And if Hank hurt Paige in any way, it would be game over. There was no telling what I would do. She was my weakness and my strength all rolled into one, right around my heart.
Just as I was about to walk away and let Paige be, a dim light flickered on. The white curtain covering the window was drawn to the side, and I lifted my gaze. Paige stood before me, staring through the clear glass, dressed in a long white tee. The conflicting emotions in her beautiful brown eyes reflected the way I felt inside, and it caused my heart to thump unevenly.
She lifted the window and then leaned forward. Wrapping her fingers around the window frame, she peered down at me. “Colton,” she breathed my name.
I was uncertain if it was meant as a greeting or a question. “Can I come in?” I queried, getting straight to the point before I could come up with reasons to force myself to leave her be.
“Yes.” She stepped aside.
I braced my palms on the bottom ledge and hoisted myself upward. My right shoulder hit the window frame as the upper half of my body made it inside her room. I hadn’t crawled through this window in ages, and the damn thing seemed smaller.
I shuffled myself to my feet and stood tall before turning to close the window at my back. When I faced the room again, Paige was at the edge of her bed. She sat down and nestled herself under the comforter. When her eyes met mine, she grasped the corner of the blanket and lifted it in a silent invitation.
Without a single word, I slipped off my boots and went to her. After I climbed in next to her, she let the comforter gradually fall over me, and then she stretched over to the nightstand where she turned off the light. She settled back down on her right hip, her back toward me. I could feel her hesitation as she tried to distance herself from me.
To sense that kind of uncertainty pouring out of her was the same as someone cracking open my chest and grabbing a hold of my heart. In truth, I couldn’t blame her for feeling this way. It was my fault for being hot and cold and all over the place. It wasn’t fair to her.
I desperately craved her warmth, and I needed to know that we were okay. Even though it was wrong of me to do so, my arm came to the center of her stomach, and in slow motion, I hauled her into my chest. She didn’t fight me.
I outstretched my free arm above her head and rested my cheek on my bicep while scooting closer until my nose met her hair, so I could inhale the sweet scent of her.
With my hand still at her center, the pad of my thumb began to methodically rub tiny circles on her abdomen. Her breathing increased with every full loop.
My eyes began to fall heavy from the weight of the last few days. I was so damn tired, but lying here with Paige, just like this, was all I ever wanted.
“Colton?” she asked suddenly, out of the blue.
“Yeah?”
Her hand came to my wrist, and she softly caressed it. “What are you doing here?”
Paige couldn’t have asked me a tougher question, and I bit back the defeat I felt inside. I didn’t hold the answer she was seeking.
Instead, I made light of the situation, hoping to bring a smile to her face. “Sneaking into your room. By the way, your window shrank drastically in size over the years.”
A quiet laughter seeped out of her, and I found myself genuinely smiling for the first time in days.
She rotated to face me and set her hand on my chest. “It didn’t shrink. You have”—she skimmed her palm across my chest and up to my shoulder—“broadened, so you don’t fit through it as well as you used to.”
“Maybe.” I grinned mischievously.
In that instant, so many childhood reminiscences with Paige flashed through my mind, all of them filling my soul with a sense of peace.
As a teen, there were countless nights when I’d longed to see her, so I’d go to her house and knock on her window. Paige would come outside, and we would lie in the grass for hours, watching the stars.
Even in the midst of my darkest days, those memories could bring a smile to my face. She always kept me going.
An unexplainable tranquility settled over me at having Paige’s body pressed against mine. She gave me hope that I’d find myself again, and she made me believe that, someday, I could let go of the hate and revenge I carried inside of me.
A profound tiredness took over my body from the buildup of the past several happenings, and I was losing the willpower to keep my eyes open.
Paige raised her hand to touch my cheek, caressing it. Her skin was so soft.
“Colton?” she repeated my name, softer this time.
I gazed down at her, and seeing the intensity burning in her eyes, I paused the movement of my thumb at her hip. “Yeah?”
“You know that’s not the answer I was looking for.”
“I know.” She deserved an honest explanation, so I added, “I don’t know why I’m here. I only know that I didn’t have the strength to stay away, so please, just let me hold you.”
“Okay.” She set her finger on my lower lip and gently ran it back and forth. Then, she leaned in and softly kissed the corner of my mouth. “Good night, cowboy.”
“Night,” was all I had time to say before sleep carried me away.
My internal clock chimed right on cue, and I opened my eyes to a dark room. Paige was tucked into my side, fast asleep. I didn’t want to wake her, so I lay perfectly still as I listened to the soft sounds of her breathing.
I wanted nothing more than to stay here until she awoke in my arms, but I had an endless list of things waiting to be done at home. It was time to start picking up the pieces of my life and putting them back together one at a time.
I slightly rotated my head to the right. When my lips touched her forehead, I closed my eyes and breathed in her sweetness, wishing I could stay with her.
It killed me inside to know that I was causing her heartache. But leaving her was the lesser of two evils. With Hank being a wild card, I wouldn’t risk putting her life in danger.
“Love you,” I whispered. I gently kissed her delicate skin. “You’ll always be my girl.”
Before I lost the strength to leave her, I pulled the comforter off of me and rose from the bed. I turned to face her, and I lightly tucked the thick blanket around her body while drinking in the outline of her stunning face. I strolled over to my boots and slipped them on. Thankfully, the window didn’t creak when I lifted it, and I left her just as quietly as when I’d arrived.
After feeding the horses and cattle, my appetite returned with a vengeance, so I went inside and cooked up enough French toast, eggs, and bacon to feed an entire block. It was all good though because I wasn’t the type of person to turn down leftovers. I could eat that shit cold if I had to.
After scarfing down two platefuls, I tidied up the kitchen before putting on my boots to head outside for my truck. I made a mental checklist of errands I planned to run in town today.
I came to a brisk stop at my truck when I saw Paige leaning against the hood. She held a newspaper out in front of her, casually reading it.
I glanced out to see her Gator was parked off near the tree line, out o
f the way, and then I returned my attention to her.
Pondering why she was here, I closed the distance between us. Her beauty instantly distracted me. Her long brown hair was pulled up into a ponytail and swept over her right shoulder. Her face was void of any makeup. Her natural glow made her more beautiful than my heart could stand.
She turned her bright brown eyes on me and smiled. “Morning, cowboy.”
“Paige,” I drawled, not sure where to begin.
Her tone was far too chipper for this time of morning. She was up to something.
I inquired, “What are you doing here?”
“Just waiting for you.” She folded her paper in half. “I thought I’d come over and help you with your morning chores, and since you weren’t outside yet, I decided to wait for you by your truck.”
Taking Paige in public with me would be too risky. If people saw us together, Hank would likely find out that Paige and I were spending time together.
I had to act fast, so I pulled my keys out of my pocket. “I’ve already fed the animals, but thank you for offering to help though.” I began to walk past her en route for the driver’s door. “I’m sorry to cut this short, Paige, but I really have to get going now.”
“Oh, okay.” She stood tall. “I could use some fresh air, too. Where are we off to then?”
At her persistence, I hesitated from lifting the door handle. “We aren’t going anywhere,” I clarified.
She crossed her arms over her chest. “You are off to somewhere.”
“Yes, I am.” I gently pointed at her. “You are going home—where you belong.”
Paige pursed her lips while nearing. “I know why you’re keeping me at arm’s length. It’s because you don’t want me to get caught in the middle of your fight with Hank.”
When her hand came to the center of my chest, I flattened my back against the frame of my truck.
“While I appreciate you trying to protect me, it isn’t going to work anymore. I’m coming with you.”
I admired her strength, but I still wouldn’t let her endanger herself for me. “I can’t let you do that, Paige. If you get hurt because of me—” I broke off and closed my eyes for a second at the pain seizing my heart.
“The only thing hurting me is you constantly pushing me away.” She snuck one hand out and snatched my keys right from my hold. “We are in this together whether you like it or not, cowboy.”
Behind her determination, I could see a hint of vulnerability, and I just didn’t have the heart to tell her no. Hurting Paige was the last thing I’d ever want to do.
“Fine.” I sighed. “I’ll give you today.”
Paige seemed pleased with my answer, and then she fractionally narrowed her eyes at me. “We’ll see.”
She clicked the unlock button on my key ring, opened the driver’s door, and tossed me the keys before hopping inside where she climbed across to the passenger seat.
I had to grin at my stubborn girl.
Growing up, Paige was the most sincere, kindest person I’d known. However, it’d left her with an inability to stand up for herself when the time called for it. Since spending time with her closest friend, Ashlee, in Murfreesboro this past spring, Paige had returned home with a perfect balance of benevolence and stubbornness that I found sexy as hell.
Currently, her newfound desirable trait wasn’t working in my favor.
I entered my truck after her and closed the door. After I fired up my engine, I buckled my seat belt, and Paige did the same.
“So, where are we going?” she asked eagerly.
I unleashed a boyish smile. “Tractor shopping.”
Paige gaped at me, appearing affronted. “After the past month of you dragging me around to shop for the house, you were going to go into a store without me?”
“It’s a tractor store.”
“That’s not the point.”
I raised a brow at her. “You want to go talk motors with me?”
“Only if I get to test-drive it.” She smirked.
“I’ll see what I can do.” I chuckled before backing out of my driveway.
Paige and I fell into a comfortable silence as I began the long drive into town. I only had a few places to visit today, and I prayed that would lower my chances of running into Hank or someone he knew. These past few days, I hadn’t been out and about much, but word traveled fast in a small town, and I didn’t want Paige’s name to be brought up in any conversations involving me.
When I stopped at the next stoplight, Paige rested her boots up on my dashboard and began to read her newspaper. My eyes traveled up the length of her jeans as I imagined the sight of her bare legs and what I would give to feel her soft skin.
The crinkling sound of her turning the page made me look up at her, and curiosity got the best of me. “Since when do you read the newspaper?”
She lowered her left arm, so I could see her face. “Since my savings account is running low.”
I opened my mouth to speak and then closed it. I was irked that she was job-hunting. I had always envisioned Paige working alongside me, training horses on my ranch. It never once crossed my mind that she’d look elsewhere. However, considering the events over the past few days, I couldn’t be upset with her need to find work.
I swallowed back my irritation and asked, “Any good leads?”
“Not really,” she answered. Then, she sat upright. “Oh, wait. I could be an accountant.”
I was unable to refrain from glaring. “You don’t have the proper degree for an accountant, and you hate math.”
She lifted her chin in the air. “I do not.”
“Yes, you do.” I continued down the next road while thinking aloud, “Remember I had to tutor you in high school, so you could pass calculus?”
“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes in denial. “That was just my clever way of spending more time with you.”
“I figured as much,” I said as I made a right turn. I grinned over at her. “But you still suck at math.”
She flipped the newspaper, causing a crisp noise to fill the confines of the truck. “Fine. I’ll just skip that page altogether.”
Her eyes scanned the columns as I kept driving.
“Oh, there’s an opening for a receptionist at a local dental office.”
“You would hate sitting at a desk all day.” I shook my head. “You can’t sit still for more than five minutes unless you’re watching a movie.”
I felt her heated stare on me as I pulled into Smith and Roger’s Tractor Supply Incorporation and parked my truck.
“Then, what do you suppose I do for work?” she asked.
I retrieved my keys and shrugged. That answer was easy. “You do what you’ve always dreamed of doing, Paige.” I stared directly into her eyes. “You follow your passion and train horses, and you don’t settle for anything less.”
Her lips parted as an endless array of emotions flitted through her eyes. Part of me felt bad for laying my thoughts out thick for her, but I loved her too much to allow her to settle for anything less than what she deserved and what made her happy.
Respecting that she needed a few minutes to gather her thoughts in private, I told her, “I’m going to check the place out. I’ll wait for you inside.”
AFTER COLTON SHUT THE DOOR BEHIND HIM, I stared blankly down at the newspaper in front of me. Not a single one of these jobs appealed to me. I couldn’t be an accountant or a receptionist or any of the other jobs I’d read on the drive here. It just wasn’t who I was. It wasn’t me.
Ever since I was a little girl, I’d dreamed of becoming a horse trainer. I’d even obtained a degree in Equine Studies to pursue my lifelong dream. That was until everything had changed last fall when I convinced Colton it was safe to cross the river on our horses.
My horse, Missy, had slipped on a rock, and the relentless strength of the currents had dragged me farther downstream. By some miracle, Colton had managed to pull me to shore safely. I’d suffered extensive damage to my right le
g that required multiple surgeries and a vigorous year of rehabilitation that I was still completing while my sweet girl, Missy, had lost her life that day due to my poor judgment.
The accident had left me with a terrible fear of horses and riding them, and as a result, I’d also had an overwhelming self-doubt over my future with Colton. No matter how much I loved Colton, to live a life with a rancher meant being his partner every step of the way, and he deserved nothing less.
Just as I’d worked up enough courage to finally ride in a saddle again, a horrendous fire had swept through Colton’s barn.
Until today, I hadn’t even thought of my own struggles. I’d been solely focused on Colton and helping him through his own devastating hardship because that was what we did with loved ones. We helped them in their time of need.
In that moment, I was reminded that I’d missed my appointment yesterday with my physical therapist, Derek, to continue my workout regimen to further my recovery. I made a mental note to set up an appointment for next week.
Right now, Colton needed me more, so I set down my newspaper and hopped out of the truck. I walked through the parking lot while checking out the premises, wondering where Colton could be. A fenced-in area was next to the main building, which was full of tractors, but it appeared I’d have to go into the building to enter, so I made my way up to the entrance.
Once inside the double doors, I stepped into a small space with another set of double doors ahead of me. I caught sight of Colton on my right, and I was shocked to see him waiting for me. He had one boot pressed against the brick wall with his arms crossed over the expansion of his broad chest. His head was tipped down as though he were in deep thought.
At catching sight of me, he kicked off the wall and came toward me. He set his hands on my waist and pulled me into his arms. His expression resembled remorse. “I didn’t want to go in without you.” He lifted his hand to grasp a stray strand of hair off my face, and he tucked it behind my ear. “I hope I didn’t come across as rude at the truck. I didn’t mean to push. If I did, I’m sorry. Forgive me. ”
Something in his eyes, misplaced regret maybe, had me looping my arms around his nape. “There is nothing to forgive, cowboy. You only spoke what I needed to hear.”