“Congratulations, mommy,” I say, my eyes filling with tears. “She’s gorgeous.” My hoarse voice reflects the awe I feel at seeing this tiny bit of perfection my two friends created.
“You want to hold her?” Janny asks.
“Give me. Give me. Lily needs to know how much auntie Elle loves her already.” Janny gently hands her to me as I lean over her bed. Sinking down onto the vacant recliner, I cradle Lily to my chest. She’s so tiny, each feature so minute and flawless. How does she breathe out of those tiny nostrils? Her dark eyebrows are barely more than fuzz on her fair face as they furrow in a frown while she continues to sleep. Her pink lips are shaped like Janny’s as they pucker adorably. Smiling, I wonder if she’s getting hungry. Cuddling her close, I press a kiss on the top of her soft hair and realize I want this for myself. I want to be holding a child of my own in my arms. I don’t know when or how, but...someday.
“Hey, I heard there’s a party in here,” Kenna says as she enters the room, followed by her husband Derek.
“You heard, right,” Janny replies with a smile as they both lean down to kiss her on the cheek. Kyle steps up to shake hands with Derek and then Kenna throws her arms around him, squeezing him tight. “I can’t believe you’re a daddy now. Actually, I can’t believe I’m an auntie.”
“Would you like to hold Lily?” I ask, wanting to be polite and give them a chance to officially meet their niece. I can’t keep her forever - as much as I’d like to.
“Yes,” Kenna squeals running away from me as I prepare to hand Lily to her.
“Where are you going? The baby’s this way,” I joke.
Kenna holds her hand under the hand sanitizer dispenser on the wall and then rubs her hands together. “Foam in - foam out. Gotta keep our little angel free of germs.”
“Derek, you better not hold her then,” Kyle says, with a grin.
Remaining at the hospital for as long as possible, I was hoping Josh would come back. If he really wanted to see me, wouldn’t he have made the effort? Then again, he has Liberty so why would he need me?
Fingers gripping the smooth wheel of my Mercedes Benz GLS, I peer through the wet windshield as the wipers move side to side. The weather is the perfect companion for my depressed state. Sitting at home alone will only make me feel worse. I need to get out and stay busy. Who can I call that will make me forget about Josh for a few hours?
* * *
“I have to say, hearing from you was a pleasant surprise,” Johnny raises his bottle of beer in my direction with a wink, before taking a deep pull.
“Good, I’m glad you think so.” Sipping on my glass of red wine, I peer at him in the dim bar lighting. He’s tall, dark and hot. There’s no denying it. He’s exactly my type - if this was nine months ago. These days my perfect guy is an artistic, sexy, caring, well-mannered blonde with green eyes...named Josh. Thinking about him makes me panic.
How did this happen?
How did we go from friends to all this sexual tension?
My small sips turn into gulps and the glass is drained in no time. Placing it on the table, I avoid looking at Johnny. Instead raising my hand for the waitress.
“How’ve you been, Elle?” he asks, his eyebrow quirked.
I’m sure, his cop eyes see right through me. My fingers spin the cardboard drink coaster on the wooden tabletop. “I’ve been better, but I’m okay.”
“Are you sure? You don’t seem like you’re okay.”
I shrug. “I’m not sure it’s worth talking about. I was hoping you could make me forget my problems, not dredge them all up.”
“When you say forget, what do you have in mind?” He leans forward, resting his muscular forearms on the table.
“Whatever it takes.”
* * *
“Oh god,” I moan, sweat running down my bare back.
“Easy,” Johnny coaxes from behind me, my hair clasped in his hand. His hand on my hip steadies me. “Breathe,” he whispers soothingly. His bare chest is a solid wall behind me.
“How can I have anything left to throw up?” I run a hand over my damp brow.
“Breathe slowly. It will help to settle your stomach.”
“You know this how?”
“It’s common sense.”
“I hope you’re right.” My legs tremble beneath me; both my hands grip the toilet seat. “If not, I won’t survive the rest of this night.”
“I’m always right.”
“I hope so for my sake. Remind me to never drink again.”
“I took you at your word when you said you wanted to forget.”
“I don’t think shots were what I had in mind.”
He sinks down to the floor and pulls me onto his lap. His arm wraps around my waist. “Lean back on me.” His voice is a deep rumble. “I know what you think you wanted to happen tonight and as fucking fantastic as sex between us would be, you’d have hated yourself in the morning.”
“I’m hating myself right now. I might be hating you even more since you’re the one who kept buying shots for me.”
He chuckles. “This is for the best. If we fucked, it would scratch the itch momentarily, but I’m not the one who’s making you itchy in the first place.”
I snort. “Interesting logic.”
“My logic is perfect. Don’t act like it doesn’t make sense.” He runs a hand over my hair. “Friends look out for each other. I’m glad you called me and not some other guy you know or this night could have gone much differently for you.”
Knowing he’s right, I nod. “Me too,” I sigh. “Thanks for looking out for me.”
After I’ve showered and brushed my teeth, I climb into Johnny’s king-sized bed. Propping the pillows beneath my head, I listen to the soothing sound of the shower coming from his bathroom. Surprisingly, my thoughts don’t wander to what Johnny’s hard, naked body would look like under the spray. Instead, my mind is immersed in thoughts of Josh’s warm lips on mine, his hand holding my head in place, controlling me. He instinctively knows what I like. He’s alpha without being over the top. Commanding in his own way, it’s something I’ve never experienced before. I don’t need to be ordered around like I’m incapable of thinking for myself. There’s a fine line between an alpha male and a guy who comes off as a dickhead. Until Josh, no one has been able to find the right balance.
My eyes slowly open, taking in the vacant space next to me. Breathing a sigh of relief, I’m thankful this doesn’t have to be an awkward morning after situation. Climbing out of bed, I pull the sheet and comforter neatly up, before heading into the bathroom. After working the knots out of my hair and brushing my teeth, I feel a little better. I find my shorts on top of his nightstand and slip them up over my hips. The t-shirt he gave me to sleep in will have to suffice for now. I remember him stripping mine off in the bathroom last night after I got vomit on it and there’s no sign of it anywhere.
Slipping on my sandals, I follow the delicious aroma of breakfast cooking until I’m standing on the other side of the island that separates his kitchen from his living room. Climbing up on one of the vacant stools, I lean my elbows on the granite counter and rest my chin in my palms as I observe Johnny.
“Good morning. How are you feeling?” he asks with his back to me and then peers over his shoulder.
“I’m feeling better than I expected to be. Thank you for looking out for me last night.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t be thanking me. I did help you get banged up in the first place.”
I’m not only thanking him for holding my hair while I threw up. “Yeah, but you were right. If we had done anything together I’d have regretted it, now.”
“Ouch.” He grabs his chest and laughs.
“You know what I mean. You don’t need me to say how hot you are. I’m sure your...ego gets stroked plenty.”
He barks out a laugh. “Not as much as you’d think. I work long hours and I’m getting too old for the bar scene shit.”
“Well, old man or not, if I wasn’t havi
ng strong feelings for someone else I’d be all over you.”
“If things don’t work out with this dude you let me know. I’m sure I can take your mind off him.” He reaches in the upper cabinet next to the sink, removing plates. The muscles in his arms bunch as he moves. He makes a wife beater look better than it has any right to.
As gorgeous as I find him, I’m not even remotely tempted to have sex with him. This is a new situation for me. Typically, if I’m attracted to someone and they express interest, I go for it. I’m not uptight about my sexuality. I enjoy sex; why shouldn’t I have it? Sex is one of the best things in life. Everyone needs to have more of it. Except for Josh. I don’t want him having it with anyone - unless it’s me. And that can’t happen again. He’s already involved with someone else and even if he wasn’t I doubt we’d be together.
He’s all I want and everything I can’t have.
Chapter Thirteen
Josh
As much as I wanted to get back to the hospital last night, it wasn’t feasible. By the time I finished tattooing the final customer, it was after nine o’clock. Knowing Janny would be exhausted, I didn’t want my late-night visit to be motivated by my own selfish reasons.
Now, as I wander down the hallways in search of her room with flowers in one hand and a pink teddy bear in the other, I’m overcome with excitement. I can’t wait to meet Lily.
When I reach her open door, I give a quick knock before entering. Stepping inside, I find they already have visitors. Elle is here and Johnny Ruiz. What the fuck is he doing here? He and Kyle have become friends through Derek, but I’ve never gotten the impression they were close.
Flashing a smile, I head toward the other side of the hospital bed. “Hey, how are you?” I ask, leaning over to kiss Janny’s cheek. She wraps an arm around me, giving me a quick hug.
“I feel great.” She smiles widely, adjusting the blanket over her legs.
“You look beautiful. Being a mom agrees with you, I guess.”
“Hey, stop flirting with my wife. I’m standing right here, dude,” Kyle interrupts, with a smile.
“I don’t flirt when you’re here. I save the effort for when you’re not around,” I joke.
Janny giggles. “You need to meet your niece.” She gestures to the other side of the bed where Elle is sitting in the recliner holding Lily in her arms. My breath catches at the breathtaking sight the two of them make. Lily’s fair hair and complexion against Elle’s dark hair and golden skin, they complement each other. Elle gazes down at the baby as she makes kissing sounds and tells her she loves her. She looks happier than I’ve seen her in a long time. Is Lily responsible for her mood or is Johnny? My gaze slides over to where he’s sitting in a chair next to Elle. His eyes watch her, drinking her in. Are they together now? He’s looking at her as if she’s more to him than a friend. Fuck. She would never want someone like me when she could have Johnny. I’m sure she’d never accuse him of being too nice or boring.
Elle’s eyes unhurriedly raise to lock with mine. She’s reserved in my presence which I don’t understand. We saw one another yesterday...we kissed. She responded to my kiss, to my touch. Where is this flip in her behavior coming from? Is it because Johnny’s here?
“Elle.” My tone is sterner than I intend, but thinking about her with anyone else angers me. I’m continually off balance when it comes to her. “How are you, today?” I question, sounding more like myself.
“Josh.” She nods her head in my direction. “I’m fine thanks. How are you?”
“Confused,” I mumble under my breath. “I hate to interrupt your time with Lily, but it’s time for her to meet her favorite uncle.” I rub my hands together. “Hand her over.”
Elle rolls her eyes. “I guess you better get used to Uncle Josh ruining all your fun. It’s what he’s best at.” Her words tear into me.
“Elle, that wasn’t nice.” Janny jumps in to defend me.
I raise my hand to stop her from continuing. “No, it’s okay. I don’t mind being the responsible one.” My eyes move to Elle. “We sure as hell know it’s not going to be you.”
“Dude,” Johnny says, a warning in his tone.
Elle interrupts before he can continue. “Here, hold Lily.” She rises to her feet. “We should cut this conversation off before it goes further.” She passes the baby to me over Janny’s bed and I instantly cradle her in my arms.
Dropping my lips to her smooth forehead, I press a kiss on her warm skin. “Hi there, beautiful.” I stare down at her perfect, little face. “You’re a heartbreaker already. Daddy’s gonna need more guns to scare all the boys away.”
“Daddy’s got enough guns to scare them,” Kyle interjects and everyone laughs helping to diffuse the tension in the room.
Keeping my focus on Lily, I try to ignore the whispered conversation between Johnny and Elle. Whatever their relationship is, I can’t change it. Her happiness is what’s important.
They both rise to their feet in sync with one another. My gaze passes over Elle taking in her long golden brown, tanned legs. They look so smooth - they are so smooth. I remember. I couldn’t forget if I wanted to and sometimes I want to more than anything. If I could block out the memories from that night, maybe the permanent ache in my chest would ease. I’d finally be able to move on to someone who wants me all the time.
“We’re going to hit the road. Johnny needs to give me a ride to my car.”
“Drank a little too much last night, did ya?” Janny questions.
“Yeah, a bit.” Elle giggles and smooths her hand over the dark blue shirt she’s wearing. B.P.D. is written in white on her chest. Boston Police Department. Fuck. The shirt is way too large for her, hanging to mid-thigh. If it wasn’t for the frayed edges of her jean cutoff shorts showing at the bottom, she’d appear naked underneath. Why is she wearing his shirt? My eyes return to Lily. I don’t want to see Elle in anything of his. I can’t bear to think about the two of them fucking.
Johnny and Elle say their goodbyes to Kyle and Janny and then Elle walks around the bed, pausing in front of me. “Bye baby girl. Auntie loves you.” She leans forward, placing a kiss on Lily’s forehead. When she straightens our eyes meet, calling up the heart racing memory of yesterday. What a difference less than twenty-four hours can make. Last night I was feeling encouraged and now I’m simply disappointed.
“See ya, Josh.”
“Bye, Elle.”
Keeping my eyes averted until they’ve both left the room, I stare out the large window. There’s a great view of the helipad with the Life flight helicopter parked on it.
“You two need to just screw and get it over with,” Janny announces.
“Been there; done that.”
“Well, do it some more because the tension between you is unbelievable.”
“Can we please not talk about Elle? I’m here to visit with you guys and enjoy my niece. The problems she and I have aren’t going anywhere.”
Five days later
“Two more hours until closing,” Tatum sniffs. “I don’t think I can make it. I feel like shit.”
“Hang in there. You can leave after my next client checks in,” I tell her.
“No, it’s okay. My favorite talk radio show, Tell E, is about to start. Have you ever listened to it?” she asks, animatedly.
“Nope, no idea what you’re talking about. The only talk radio I listen to is The Sports Hub.”
“Tell E is on every Friday night at ten o’clock and it’s all about relationships and sex. It will be a great distraction from how miserable I feel and maybe I’ll learn something useful.” She winks at me.
“Sure.” I give her a thumbs up.
“Am I sensing, skepticism?” She raises an eyebrow. “I challenge you to listen tonight and I bet you’ll learn at least one thing you never knew before.”
“What are we betting?” I want to know, what I’m going to win.”
“Oh, funny guy, you won’t be laughing tomorrow when you’re vacuuming my car.”
“I’ll let you vacuum my place instead.”
“You’ll let me? Hmm, we’ll see how this works out for you.”
Glancing at the clock, I notice there’s thirty more minutes until my next appointment. I had a cancellation and I’m using the time to eat a late dinner since I’ve been going full throttle since eleven a.m. with no breaks.
Adjusting my position on the stool next to Tatum’s, I bite into the thick, juicy cheeseburger that was delivered. “Hmm, wow. This is fucking delicious.” I catch the grease running down my chin with a napkin.
“Gross, Josh. How can you eat that? It’s barely cooked,” she says, with a shudder.
“What are you talking about? It’s perfection. Want a bite?” I ask, holding it in front of her mouth.
“No,” she yells, pushing my hand to the side and averting her face. “Get away from me before it moos.”
“You’re funny, you know that? When it’s pink, it has the most flavor.”
She giggles. “Is this where you insert some cheesy pussy eating reference?”
“I wasn’t going to. I was merely referring to my burger. But I will if you want me to? I can think of a few.”
The song pounding out of the surround sound speakers ends and a sexy female voice begins to speak. “Good evening listeners. On tonight’s edition of Tell E, we have some interesting questions. Let’s get started with one I received via email, from Todd in Lowell.”
I continue to demolish my burger and fries while I listen.
If I accidentally pee in my girlfriend’s butt, will it cause any problems? Will my pee reach her stomach?
Tatum giggles and looks at me.
“What are you looking at me for? I’m not Todd. I know the answer to this like every dude should.”
“Todd from Lowell, thank you for writing in. From what I understand of the male anatomy it’s impossible to pee while having sex whether it’s in a vagina or an asshole. When a male has an erection, the sphincter at the base of his bladder closes so urine cannot pass into his urethra. Only men who’ve had their prostate surgically removed may have some leakage during foreplay or when they climax.” Her tone is extremely professional and I’m impressed she didn’t laugh at the dumbass question. “We have Dave in Foxboro, calling in. Dave what can we do for you?”
The Complete Quake Series Page 60