Falling For Fear (A Grim Awakening Book 4)

by Michelle Gross

  “Fear,” Grim’s essence darkened.

  “Leave, Grim,” Fear spoke calmly, yet he never took his eyes off me. The only thing I focused on was breathing. In and out. In and out.

  “You’re not killing her,” Grim paused, his eyeless expression moving over me. “What are you?” he asked me. “I don’t sense any death coming from you.” He didn’t seem to recognize me. A little bit of relief hit me, but not enough.

  “She’s mine,” Fear still never took his eyes off me as he spoke. “My mark.”

  “You,” Grim hissed.

  “It’s fine,” I spoke up. “Just go.” My eyes fell on Fear and hardened.

  “Ryan better be the one I greet tomorrow instead of you,” Grim said right before fading away.

  “Molly,” he called me. He looked different now that he was merged with Ryan. His features were mixed in there as well. This Fear—did I know him? He was the one that put the mark on me.

  “Tell me what you want? Is this some sort of payback?” I asked, gritting my teeth together. Playing tough when I was nothing but confused on the inside. And worried. Nervous.

  He laughed. His hands moved back over my legs and I jumped. It made him laugh more. He pulled me closer until his weight was against me, and I had to lean back to keep distance from him but it didn’t matter. I felt him everywhere. This was what Fear was good at. Exposing people. “Why would I want payback?”

  “Because I took Melanie to the Devil, betraying you,” I snapped because I couldn’t stand the game he was playing.

  “I never cared about Melanie or her power. Or fucking Grim—self-righteous bag of bones,” he spat. “Why do I need any more power, Molly? I’m fucking fantastic as I am.” Now I truly had no idea what this was about. He could be lying… yet this sounded nothing like the monster I remembered.

  “Then why did you mark me—more than once I might add! I don’t want anything to do with you anymore! Do you know what hell I’ve been through because of the things I did for you!”

  “Marcus,” he corrected. “I had nothing to do with any of that. He had me trapped inside my own skin.” He laughed. “Kind of like the way I have Ryan.” I glared at him. “Besides, you didn’t do the things he asked you to for him. You did it for yourself.” His eyes fell over me with a smile. “For this body.”

  I shoved him and moved to stand. He came down over me completely and prevented me from going anywhere. “Get away from me, Fear,” I hissed.

  “You said you wanted to know why I marked you.” I glanced up at him. His red eyes glowed and matched the evil in his smirk. Then his hand went to my jaw and shoved my face to the side. My whole body shivered when his mouth came down over the vampire’s fang marks. He sucked, and I gasped.

  “What are you doing?” I pushed him up. He lifted his eyes and grinned.

  “You’re mine, Molly.” His smile vanished. “I don’t want to fucking see another mark on your skin from anyone else unless it’s from me.” His claws moved back to my face as he held it down and began to sear my skin with another one of his marks, using his clawed finger. I yelled at him through the pain and the burning as he carved the X over the spot the vampire had bitten. “Much better,” he said, releasing my face. The moment I faced him again, I spat in his face.

  “You don’t own me,” I told him. “I don’t care what this mark means.”

  He moved off me but still loomed over me. My stomach churned with dread. Then he ripped my shirt open. “Let’s see what you darkened your soul for,” he said and I tried to fight him, but he pulled both my wrists back with one hand and used the other to slide over my stomach and chest. Goosebumps broke out on my skin.

  “Stop,” I screamed.

  Then he ripped the bra with his claws and moved them from my breasts. I closed my eyes and felt the heat spread over my face. I was ashamed that instead of disgust, I felt more self-conscious about my tiny breasts. Especially when it came to Fear’s gaze. He knew just how much I wanted a woman’s body, only to end up with these. He was going to laugh in my face.

  “You ain’t got no tits, Molly,” he told me, and I fought back my embarrassment in the form of tears. How did he get to me so easily? He brought his mouth down below my eye and caught the tear as it fell, then he inhaled and I shivered. “You’re tiny, Molly. That’s exactly the way I like it. Easy prey. Head to toe, you were made the way I imagined you’d be.” My skin felt blistering and my heart pounded. Why was he imagining what I’d look like to begin with?

  “Stop,” it came out more like a whisper than a yell. I should be disgusted, I hated Fear and everything he was but it was Ryan’s voice falling from his lips. Ryan’s facial features hidden amongst his. I never expected to feel conflicted like I did now. The only thing that made sense was my fear for him, and it was clawing at my chest as he watched me.

  A sword went through Fear’s head. Blood splattered across my bare chest and face. I sucked in a fearful breath and touched his head that lay on my naked chest. “That should bring him back,” Grim said standing above us with the sword. I didn’t say anything back, not sure if he was talking to me or himself. “Are you okay?” Now I couldn’t pretend he wasn’t talking to me when his eyeless gaze landed on me.

  I looked away quickly, not wanting him to stare too hard at my face and see the resemblance of the ghost-girl that gave him a shit load of trouble in the past. “Yeah,” I said, looking at Fear only to see it was Ryan that lay against me. I picked his head up—the hole was still open in his head—and scooted out from underneath his body.

  “You really are marked.” Grim turned around and I realized why, I had nothing left of my shirt after Fear ripped it. I covered myself with my arms.

  “Are you sure you should have done that? Won’t he be pissed?” I asked to his back.

  He snorted. “Maybe, but not for long. He lives off fear and pain, even his own.”

  “He doesn’t like you,” I stated because I found it so odd that he could let the monster that did so much to him and Melanie stay and live so close to them.

  “I don’t like him, either,” he answered straight away. “Mind telling me why Fear marked you?” He didn’t turn around, but his words had me on edge. He sounded suspicious. “It’s weird that Fear marked someone, he hasn’t since—” He cut off.

  “I don’t know,” I lied.

  “I can’t stop him from doing anything to you the next time. You belong to him.” I knew that already, and I hated that Grim was trying to look out for me without a clue who I was. He’d throw me out the door if he knew.

  “I can take care of myself,” I said sharply.

  He nodded and walked toward the door but not without saying, “Not from where I was standing. Lucky for you, Ryan’s good at keeping him happy and he doesn’t come out much.”

  “It doesn’t seem that way to me,” I muttered. He had already been out twice since I encountered him. “Besides, am I really safe with either of them?”

  He stopped at the door, still not looking back. “Probably not. By the looks of it, Fear wants something from you. Sooner or later, Ryan’s going to act on them.” He left me alone with an unconscious Ryan or Fear on the floor, lying in a pool of blood. I didn’t know which one I’d encounter when he woke.

  Chapter Nine

  Ryan

  Ow.

  I winced and coughed, feeling something wet all around me. I was already thinking, What has Fear done this time? before I even opened my eyes and saw that I was lying in blood. I had a feeling it was my own, considering the massive headache I had. “Ryan?” My head snapped around to the sound of Blue’s cautious voice. She sat on a kitchen chair with her knees pressed to her chest as she watched me. She looked like she had been waiting for me to wake.

  My hand slid in the blood as I tried to use it as leverage to stand. After another attempt, I was on my feet. Fear had managed to get out despite me dragging Grim away from Melanie at the crack of dawn and asking him to gather demons for me to hunt. That was something that he
always did for me at least once a month. He’d bring the ones he was supposed to kill. They weren’t good demons, they were evil—filth that needed to leave this world. It helped keep Fear satisfied.

  He’d been furious with me the night before for not having my way with Blue. As the night went on, he only got worse, so I had no choice but to ask for Grim’s help. For some reason, it wasn’t making him happy, and it only got worse when I walked in on one of the demons holding down Blue with her pants pulled down against my fucking table. Even now, I wanted to rip a dead demon’s head off at the thought of what he had planned to do to her. I was furious but Fear was too, and I couldn’t keep him from coming out.

  I made my way to Blue and dropped in front of the chair. Her big brown eyes studied me cautiously, hugging her legs. I breathed in her nervousness and uncertainty. Since when was Blue nervous with me? “Hey, did I—” Even I was afraid of what she might say. I touched her knee softly, and I could taste the relief wash over her.

  “You’re getting blood on me,” she whispered. “I already showered it off me once.”

  Now that she mentioned it, her hair was wet. Was that why she looked so vulnerable and innocent? I wish she didn’t look that way, it made my monster want to come out and play. “What happened?” There was no way she could have won in a fight against Fear.

  “Grim put a sword through your head.” I shook my head at her words. That sounded like something he would do.

  “What was I doing?” I closed my eyes, then reopened them. Her tongue darted over her lips and she looked down. Stop, stop, she needed to stop acting so docile, even Fear stirred inside already.

  So easy, I can break her, Fear’s words inside my head sent a shot of anger into my stomach. He better not have—I wanted to be the one—then I caught my thoughts red-handed. I wasn’t worried about Blue, I was worried that he got to her before me.

  “What did he do?” I flipped like a switch, leaning onto her knees and grabbing her cheek, then my hands were sliding down her arms, looking for some clue. My eyes went to her neck and found it.

  “He?” she asked, wide-eyed. Her heart rate increased, pumping renewed fear into her veins. Not just that, she was confused, uncertain, excited, and anxious all at once. My little Blue didn’t know what she wanted to feel.

  “I meant me,” I told her, standing and forcing her to with me. She tried to slip her arms out of my hand but I gripped them tighter. “Since you’re gonna be around, Blue, you should know that I black out occasionally and when that happens, a monster worse than me comes out.” I liked that about her, despite all the emotions whirling inside her as I kept her standing in front of me, she kept her eyes on me. She never dared to break our stare. My dick was reacting, of course.

  “Fear?” She figured it out, did she? Or had he told her something?

  I nodded. “Now, what did he do?” I asked, and Fear was quiet. I was surprised he wasn’t laughing against my innards because he knew how furious I was.

  She shook her head and that was when I spotted the X on her neck that wasn’t there before. Underneath lay two puncture marks from where the vampire had bit her. I bit my own lip with anger. “He put another mark on me… that’s it. Chill out.” What time I seemed to be losing it, Blue gained back some of herself that Fear stole—maybe even the vampire, too. The lower half of her body jerked away from me. I had been pressing into her, trying to give my dick what it wanted without really knowing. “What is it with you? Does it always make an appearance in the worst situations?” Yeah, my dick knew what she was referring to and reacted again, sending another wave of want and need through me.

  Jesus.

  I no longer knew if I was reacting to my feelings when it came to her. Maybe this was me reacting to what Fear wanted. It never mattered to me before, but when it came to Blue and the possessiveness I felt… it didn’t feel like me. No woman got underneath my skin, the only one that I’ve ever wanted to, belonged to someone else.

  And I’ve only spoken a few words to her at most. I didn’t even know her real name. I let go of her hands and walked away from her almost desperately. I didn’t want to be caught up in a feud with Fear over her. But, at the same time, how could I stay away from her when he/I/we clearly wanted to pounce her?

  “Are you going to shower?” I heard her sliding her feet across the floor behind me. Even that was putting me on edge.

  “Why?” my words came out harsh.

  “Because you’re covered in blood,” she reminded me. I clenched and unclenched my fists and turned toward the hallway. My face felt tight, so the blood must be drying. I slammed the door shut once I was in the bathroom and started tearing out of my clothes. When I looked in the mirror at myself, I would have laughed, but my thoughts were so far from smiling that I couldn’t muster anything other than a glare.

  Go back to her, Fear tried to order me but I wasn’t having it. Instead, I went to the cubby hole in the bathroom and yanked out the old CD player. I plugged it into the wall, let the CD load before I turned the music all the way up. AC/DC filtered through the speakers. Music that was a part of history now. Music I clung on to, to remember I was still, who I used to be.

  Go to her.

  Ignoring him, I twisted the knob until the water was scalding and stepped into the shower. I was pissed, agitated, and horny. On top of that, Fear was clawing at me from the inside. I was all fine, or at least I thought I was until I no longer felt like Ryan Jones. I guess I wasn’t. My name was Fear down here. Everyone called me that and I responded.

  You want her too. Stop fucking pretending.

  I yelled to drown out his voice in my head. My fist slammed into the wall. I let the water fall over me. I grabbed my dick, then let go because I couldn’t get off on my own. Not when there was someone in the other room that could do it for me.

  Fuck. Then I realized I had screamed the word.

  She’s mine, he told me.

  Fear was laughing. I was breaking. I knew he was right. I wanted to hurt her just like he wanted. Not because I was him, but because of the monster he created inside me. I was perfectly okay with that before… only now it ate at me like a disease because with Blue around, he was going to keep forcing himself out. Not because I wouldn’t give him what he wanted because we both knew I would. You didn’t have to know someone to crave them like a junkie to a fix. That was how I felt toward Blue, she was irresistible with her giant eyes and piercing glares, and I knew the taste of her fear that waited to be coaxed out was sure to be addictive.

  No, he’d keep coming out because I’ve never sensed him like this before. So restless and obsessed. He’d always stayed inside as long as I fed him, but now… he didn’t want to stay tucked away.

  He wanted Blue all to himself.

  I wish Blue would try escaping again, so I’d have a reason to hurt her again.

  Chapter Ten

  Molly

  I paced back and forth, feeling anxious and if I admitted, still afraid. And that itself was messed up because I knew who I was. Yes, I had plenty of things to be afraid of, but I was good at hiding it—masking it with stupid words that tumbled from my lips. I was good at pretending I couldn’t be exposed when right now, that was what I felt was beginning to happen.

  Which only made me more desperate to escape.

  I didn’t know what was going on, but Ryan had been in the bathroom for a while with the music blaring and screaming, punching the wall by the sound of it. Words like “fuck”, “dammit”, and “shut the hell up” tumbled through the walls. I clutched the vial in my hand. I had grabbed it from the room, but I was beginning to think I wouldn’t get to use it on him. Not with him like this. He sounded like a madman in there.

  Clearly, I was screwed.

  Clearly, I was confused.

  But when his yelling went quiet, I darted back into the empty room and hid the vial. The music cut off, and I hurried out of the room and walked by the bathroom door just as it opened. I stopped, feeling a tad caught when I knew I wasn’
t. The steam and heat rolled over me and when I saw him standing in the doorway, holding the door with one hand and his towel in the other... I might’ve let my mouth fall open and maybe even stood there and stared. Did I forget he was my worst enemy in that moment? Yes. My ovaries sang, for crying out loud, by quivering and panting over him. He was in shape—of course, he was in shape. I let my eyes trace every ridge in his abs. I hadn’t expected all the hair on his chest or the trail leading down to the huge bulge in his towel. Maybe it was because of Fear. When he was Marcus, he had been pale, flawless, and thin. Ryan was none of those things. He was male. To me, men were supposed to be big, male, and hairy. Exactly like the one I was looking at. Maybe that was why he was so fucking intimidating.

  This wasn’t the boy I killed. This was the man he became because of me. Those thoughts sent a wave of heat through my entire body. I knew it couldn’t be hidden from him. His eyes were on me like a predator watching his prey.

  “I smell you, Blue,” he told me casually. He didn’t sound bent out of shape like I felt. The only thing that said otherwise was his dick.

  “Your tattoos,” I blurted a little breathlessly. I traced the ink on him with my gaze. The right side of his chest was a deck of cards surrounded by dark smoke with some dice. Both arms were covered with different words, animals, and the upper part of his arms were each inked with a demon that looked scarier than Fear. None of it was in color, but it wasn’t hard to guess that it was blood dripping from their mouths.

  I just knew he was going to call me out over lusting over him but instead he said, “You keep stealing my clothes to wear and soon I’ll have none.” Him walking around like he was now was totally fine with me. It didn’t even seem to matter that he had Fear inside him right now, but I was sure that would change again with my mood.