Falling For Fear (A Grim Awakening Book 4)

by Michelle Gross

Inside my chest, something twisted like a knife and it controlled me. I didn’t have to say anything to her, I just stalked over and grabbed her, forcing us both to port back to my place. As soon as we arrived, she jerked away from me and turned on her heels. Her anger was still growing and I bet she had a ton of hateful words to spew at me… so why wasn’t she letting them fly?

  “I don’t think so.” I grabbed her by the arm and yanked her back. She stumbled backward into me and a growl rose from her chest. She was mad… but I was furious. Not too long ago she had been in my arms, shaking and falling apart with the pleasure I gave her, but she left that and went in the ring with the werewolf… the one from her past, the one I should have killed sooner.

  “What?” Her voice was surprisingly calm for all the anger she carried. “What?” she said louder this time.

  “I fail to see why you’re pissed.” I grabbed a handful of her hair and tugged her head back. She hissed before I added, “We were in the middle of something when you stepped into the cage to help your werewolf pal.” At my words, her desire collided with her anger, and THAT was exactly what I wanted, but she belonged to me. She needed to know that or my monster would never be able to quieten. “Who was he?” I asked, completely ignoring the fact that I wanted her to open up to me about her past without asking, but we were past that. She made me like this, now she had to handle me this way. I released her hair and trailed my hand down her back.

  She tilted her head back and smirked. “What is it you want to know… how I knew him or what I did with him?” The red was back and this time, she was seeking it from me. I growled and pushed her from me, but only so that I could rip the dress off her body. The material was thin and useless, tearing easily for me to reveal her smooth skin.

  “What’d you let him do with my body?” I asked, jerking the rest of the dress down her legs. She stood there and let me because it wasn’t her that I was torturing but myself, thinking of all the others who had her before me and disgust for all those that took her against her will.

  I pushed her against the wall and she stepped out of the dress, leaving her in only her panties. She grunted as her body smacked against the wall. I pressed my body into hers and she looked back and her desire went up a thousand degrees, losing the horns and tail had been a good idea. “We fucked every night in the dungeon we were kept in,” she told me as I slipped my hand between the wall and her and pinched one of her nipples. Her tits were small just like the rest of her, and her body type was quickly becoming my favorite one of all.

  She gasped. “We’d release our frustration out on each other every night—the only thing that made being trapped there tolerable.”

  “Are you trying to tell me you loved the werewolf?” I bit the words out trying to control my hatred of the very thought.

  “It wasn’t like that.” She moaned when I went to her other breast. “At least not for me but… he did try to mate with me more than once, so maybe—”

  I yanked at my zipper and Molly went silent, except for her heavy breathing. I knew she was listening for the moment I freed my dick. “I want to see your little ass shimmy out of that red lace.” She didn’t even wait for me to finish the sentence before she was moving her hands between what little space I gave her. She wiggled her hips and slid them down until she couldn’t any more.

  She huffed in frustration. “I can’t get them any further down if you don’t give me some room between you and the wall—”

  I went right back to trapping her against the wall with my weight, but only this time my erection met her skin. She gave a hopeless sigh in the process and I swallowed up every bit of her hunger—that was for me, so it was mine to take, mine to keep. Even after all the times she came earlier, I could taste the ache resting between her thighs, the yearning for more of me. She wasn’t trying to hide it, but she wasn’t the only one that lost control. Mine was lost the moment I took her to The Den and had the first drop of her spill on my tail.

  I grabbed her by the hips and lifted her feet off the ground. She knew what I was doing and thrust her ass against my dick. Her hands palmed the wall as she lay her cheek against it. I positioned myself and she finished thrusting the rest of the way.

  “Yes!” she cried out and I groaned as she covered me in her slick heat. She was beautiful torture; one I didn’t know whether to destroy or savor.

  I wasn’t slow or gentle; I was rough, bruising as I pumped into her. She took it all in screams. I covered my hands over hers against the wall and caged her, kept her trapped while I fed off her pleasure and mine. She tightened around me as she came undone, smacking her head against the wall in the process of her orgasm. I didn’t even try to hold off mine, that would be impossible, not when I was so over the edge, and not when I wanted to join in with hers. I bit into her shoulder when I did and that sent her spiraling into another one. She let her head hang over my shoulder this time as I gave one more violent thrust before giving her feet back to the ground.

  I finally let her body have distance from mine as I pulled out of her. She dropped to the floor a quivering mess and something about her vulnerability, her unguarded passion with me, left me feeling strange. Not unpleasant… just unsure. And when I reached out to Fear inside me, something I never did, he only purred like a helpless moron who finally got what he wanted. And it was just as I thought, she brought down the monster I’ve been fighting for a thousand years in a matter of days.

  She turned around slowly leaning her back against the wall and looked up at me. Cheeks colored, eyes glazed, and a pleased look on her face, she smiled—and my heart stuttered in its wake. Like I thought, unguarded Blue was the most dangerous. She placed her hands between her legs to cover herself and after the tail-play and fuck against the wall, her bashfulness finally came out. “We can do it again,” she said immediately, eyes glancing toward my growing erection like it was begging for her to open up again already. Her arousal invaded my senses telling me it wasn’t an empty promise, and when I bent down to get her, her arms automatically opened for me, and something about her giving herself so freely to me had me shaky and nervous. Women gave themselves to me all the time, but something about this with her felt scary and new.

  Her legs wrapped around my waist as I carried her to my bedroom, but I didn’t place her on her back. I untangled her from me and shoved her face into the pillows. I wanted her and I’d have her, but having her eyes on me while I took her felt too intimate, so I took her from behind. The red was gone from my vision now, so when I pressed into her this time, it was for no one but me and what I wanted.

  Blue was loud and very responsive. Her body responded to me in a way that was almost too perfect. And when I spilled myself in her a second time, I was beginning to wonder if she was stealing a part of me like she did to Fear.

  We fell asleep afterwards and sometime later that night, I woke up when she climbed out of bed. I lifted my head and watched her naked silhouette disappear into the hallway. It sounded like she was in the bathroom. I heard the toilet flush and when she came back out, I thought she’d go sleep in the other room, but instead, she tiptoed back into my bed and slipped underneath the covers. I lay there stiff as a board as I waited for what she was going to do, but when she pressed her body against my back and placed an arm over my chest and got comfortable, she was back asleep within seconds.

  And with her comfort, a tingle in my chest formed.

  _____

  The second time she woke me up, it was her hunger that stirred me to wake. She ran her hand over my ribs lazily and I leaned into her. She hid her face in my back and I sighed. “You’re hungry, right?”

  She lifted her head and dark eyes peered into mine with a cheesy grin. “Yeah,” she answered.

  Let her drink your semen, that will fill her up. Fear stunned me with his words. Jesus, this was exactly the reason she didn’t want anything to do with him, although… I might have to add that on my to-do list today, not that I had a to-do list, ever. Kinda just did whatever I wanted eve
ry day. I was grinning… those lines with Fear were blurring more and more, I was just as depraved.

  I dropped my feet out of bed and wiped my eyes before standing. I turned back when I heard the bed creak as she climbed out. She stood in front of the window—the light was strange here, it never actually got earthly bright outside other than the glow from the plants, but it was enough to send a radiance around her nude body. Her black hair was bluer and it fell over her breasts… she was lovely… who the hell said lovely?

  She glanced down at my growing erection and pointed toward it as she pranced out of the room. “None of that until you feed me,” she hollered.

  I smiled and went to the closet to find some clothes. “You’re helping,” I shot back. “I still haven’t given up on teaching you to how to cook.” I could hear nothing but huffs and groans as I put on my clothes.

  And that was how my day began with Molly—little Blue. She’d never heard of gravy and biscuits until that morning when I showed her how to make them, and she loved them, but I was beginning to think she’d eat anything despite how her nose wrinkled up at everything before I made her try it. Her appetite seemed to be growing now that she wasn’t locked up and left to starve. A few times I wanted to ask her about her past as I watched her scarf down the food, but then I decided against it. I didn’t want to hear what she’d been through; all that mattered was she was here now and protected from everyone but Fear and me. But the longer Fear let his feelings drift into me, I was starting to think that the monster might be capable of caring for at least one soul instead of forcing them into fear. And that soul was standing across the table from me.

  Fuck her again, Fear said multiple times while I was trying to eat. I slammed the fork down and Molly jumped. She lifted a brow and I shrugged my shoulders, not wanting to look at her for too long or I’d give in to his words just because I wanted the same. But I could control myself, occasionally, and right now felt like a good time to work harder for that control more than ever. With Blue around…

  How long would I get to keep her before she’d go running from someone that was half-man, half-monster, sometimes becoming one more than the other? The bigger question was why my chest tightened at the thought of her running from me one day… like she tried when Fear first brought her here.

  Forever, Fear listened to my thoughts and said it like he was making it a promise.

  Killian faded next to the table and Molly’s body filled with fear and worry at the sight of him. He nodded toward her before looking at me. “You’re really going to have to start knocking.” Especially now that Molly was here. Melanie was always getting on him for that kind of shit too, but it never seemed to stick in that thick skull of his. “What if we had been fucking?” I asked casually and Molly lifted her gaze to mine and a grin formed on her lips.

  “Since when have you cared before?” he asked me.

  “What is it?” I stood up and Molly shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

  “Can’t I come to visit without it being about something?” He crossed his arms and I arched a brow and he sighed. “It wasn’t the right place,” he finally said and I knew exactly what he was talking about. My stomach knotted even though I had already known not to have hope to find our deceased friends… and Penny. She deserved that afterlife, but because she was born a demon she’d never get it.

  “I never thought you would,” I said coolly.

  “That doesn’t mean we are going to stop looking for the place he has them kept.” He placed his hand in his hair and muttered, “You know Melanie, she’s not ever going to stop until we find those lost souls—all the millions denied entry to Heaven because they were demons. With Melanie, they have the way to get the afterlife they deserve, we just have to find them. Every single lost soul.”

  “What makes you think the Devil hasn’t already destroyed them? Every demon soul might as well belong to him.” I turned and grabbed my plate, needing something in my hands and tossed it in the sink. Molly cast me a worried look.

  “That’s not entirely true, he can’t touch a good soul. The only ones he can taint are the ones that give in to his darkness, which means he has to have somewhere where he keeps them all trapped, waiting for them to give in so he can have them.”

  “And what makes you think there are any left that clings to the good when it only led them into his hands regardless?” I yelled.

  “You of all people should know how strong someone will cling to their good side—”

  “Don’t.” I raised my hand to stop him from saying any more. “I’m not good. I wish you and Melanie would accept that!”

  “We do,” he replied effortlessly. “We know exactly what you are—we know everything you do, fuck, Ryan, I’m Grim Reaper and she’s my better! Some things we just know!” He took a deep breath and spoke calmer this time, “You’re the only one that refuses to accept what you are, always fighting it, always trying to hide it from us all the while telling us you aren’t good.” He placed his hand on my shoulder and I staggered back. Small hands ran against my back and I hadn’t even realized Molly had left her seat. His eyes fell on Molly behind me and he let go of my shoulder. “Maybe we should walk outside so we won’t frighten your guest any more than what Fear does.”

  Killian headed for the door and Molly gave me a nudge. I turned back to her and she just shook her head, smiled, and shooed me to follow him. Her nerves danced along her skin and I breathed in her sadness, and I didn’t like the taste of it. I hated it in fact, so I turned around and followed him out the door.

  “Why did Fear mark her?” was the first thing he asked the moment I shut the door behind us.

  “I don’t know.” I scratched my chin and looked the other way.

  “I can’t sense her death—I can’t even get a name from her,” he said glancing toward the window as if he’d see her peeking out.

  “She’s immortal.” He turned his head surprised and I added, “The Devil did it to her.”

  His eyes drew together. “And she doesn’t seem suspicious to you?”

  I shrugged off his worries. “She tried to escape the day I brought her here. She absolutely despised the fact that she was marked by me, so believe me, she’s not out to get me if that’s what you’re implying.”

  He grinned. “And now?” He cocked a brow. “Doesn’t seem like she’s trying too hard to leave… the mood looked intimate in there earlier.”

  I laughed and gave him a ridiculous look. “We were eating at the damn table, how was that intimate?”

  He shook his head. “Some of the closest intimacies is what you guys were in there doing when I interrupted.”

  I scoffed. “At least you know that you were interrupting—really, you got to stop doing that,” I told him.

  He nodded. “All right, I will now that there’s a lady living in the house.” I opened my mouth to say something, but he held his hand up. “If you are as bad as you think you are then why did she come to you naturally when she saw that you were hurting in there earlier? It bothered her to see you upset.”

  “She has a dark past. I’m the nicest monster she’s encountered so far. She’s a prisoner with my mark, it’s only when she tries to leave that she’ll be reminded that I’m her captor.”

  “What makes you think she’ll leave?” he surprised me by asking.

  “Why would she want to stay?”

  “Do you want her to want to stay?” he attacked me with another question.

  “Stop.” I didn’t want the conversation to go any further.

  “That’s probably a good idea.” He turned around and peered into the woods. “There’s another reason I came to see you.” I stepped next to him. “Come on, let’s go see my love.” I rolled my eyes and he faded. I ported after him and landed myself in their ballroom.

  Melanie hurried down the stairs when she saw me with a smile, but once she was in front of me, it slowly faded like I knew all good things did. “What is it?” I grinned to ease the tension.

  “It’
s about Tess.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Molly

  I paced back and forth through the house, waiting for Ryan to return. Something in the way he spoke to Killian like he was desperate to convince him to understand that he wasn’t a good guy, only proved to me how much he still was. Bad guys didn’t feel pain or remorse like he did—it was clear in his expression, the fall of his shoulders. Ryan was a good guy who spent all this time struggling until eventually, he began to hate a part of himself for liking the things he did.

  Ryan wasn’t a saint—a few days with him was enough to know that. He carried bloodlust in his eyes, he had no qualms in killing. He had no problem mixing pain with pleasure, but without even having to know or ask, I already knew he was a man that struggled with everything he became, and I was sinking—soon to drown completely in the depths of him.

  He spent his whole life fighting for the last bit of good in him while I spent my whole existence running from that tricky goodness. I knew what it felt like to feel bad about something, Ryan was proof of that over the centuries, but unlike him, I did what I had to because all that ever mattered was what I wanted.

  Until now.

  Until I let myself fall in love with him.

  I didn’t know the first thing about love but every part of me believed that this was me learning what it was. I didn’t want another woman, demon—anyone! to touch him, or him to touch another in the way he touched me last night. What we did was no different than what I’ve done with others, yet nothing compared to the feeling I got with him. My body liquefied for him and his touch so much that I fell apart and didn’t come back together for the longest time afterward.

  Two things were in the way of what I wanted.

  My own secrets… And Fear.

  The things I left unsaid were harder to swallow now. I was more worried than ever about telling him who I was. No, I was terrified. No matter how I told him, I couldn’t see it ending the way I wanted. Who could overlook their killer? Not to mention all the things I’ve done to Melanie and the fact that I continued to keep it from him… The night I told him my name, I’d hoped there’d be some sort of recognition and it would all be over with that night. He hadn’t remembered the name of the ghost-girl that stayed by Fear’s side, I was forgettable that way… but I guaranteed the moment I told him who Molly was, he’d remember the dead girl that petted him like some sort of animal while he was shackled to Fear.