The Best Of LK Vol. 1

by LK Collins

  “And you think it’s not for me?”

  “I know it is. I’m trying here, Ivy.”

  “Are you?” she jibes back.

  I glare at her, caught off guard by her sudden animosity. “Of course I am.”

  “Sometimes, it doesn’t feel like it anymore,” she says with tears in her eyes.

  “Why would you say that? I think things have been great.” I hate to see her upset like this.

  “I don’t know, lately things feel different. That’s why I wanted to know what we we’re doing.”

  “I told you, eating.”

  “This isn’t a fucking joke, Krane. You can’t even answer a simple question.”

  “Ivy, you’re running with expectations for us, and I’m not sure why. I mean, I didn’t ask you to drive me to Logan’s party, or to my fight, or to stay the night with me last night. That was all you.”

  She blinks a few times, obviously hurt by my words and sets her fork down.

  Fuck!

  “I’m sorry,” I say, trying to repair some of the damage.

  She gets up from the table with tears in her eyes and says, “I gotta get going.” The thought of her leaving panics me and I grab her hand, trying to make this right. “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I enjoy being around you, I really do. You keep my mind busy, but to have expectations on things right now, that’s just not something I can handle.”

  “Clearly, we have different feelings on things.”

  A stray tear rolls down her cheek and I watch it fall, speechless. I need to make this right, but something inside won’t let me. She’s more than likely better off without me, just like everyone else is. I mean, I can’t even be a good friend to her, or take things serious when I need to. I don’t make her a better person, I only bring her down and that’s because I’m fucking miserable. It’s the last thing that I want to do, especially to her.

  She can pull out of this, I know she can and she will…but I can’t.

  As I come back from my internal mindfuck, she’s gone. I run my hands through my hair, wondering where did it all go so wrong?

  Chapter 10

  Sitting alone and sober for the first time in a week, I’m lost. I haven’t talked to Ivy. I know I hurt her, she won’t respond to my texts or calls, which I can’t blame her. However, with Mia’s wedding imminent, I wish now more than ever that I had Ivy to lean on.

  The dryer buzzes and I grab the last few clothing items I need before I hit the road. Taking my phone and charger, I see a text from my sister. Will you make sure that you clean yourself up before the wedding?

  What the fuck does that mean? Placing my phone into my pocket, I walk to the bathroom and look at my worn-out reflection in the mirror. My hair is long and shaggy, way overdue for a haircut, which Zoë used to cut for me. And my face is still fucked up from the fight, all scabbed and bruised. If I show up to the wedding looking like this, my entire family will have a fucking fit. So I grab the clippers from under the sink and plug them in. They buzz and vibrate in my hand. As I look down at them, I can still picture Zoë holding them when she would meticulously cut my hair. Fuck, sometimes it hurts to do the simplest of things.

  After I lost Zoë, my parents went to our apartment to get my clothes and some essentials, and these clippers were one of the things they brought me. I’m not sure why; I didn’t ask for them. But right now, I’m grateful. Placing the cold steel at the base of my head, I lift upward and continue forward, shaving off all of my hair. I’m not even sure what guard is on here or what the adjustment is set to, but if Mia wants me cleaned up, well, then here you fucking go.

  I repeat the motions again and again and then run my hands over my cleanly shaven head. Staring back at myself a little disconcerted, I’m so confused with the man that I’ve become. I’ve slipped so far away from who I used to be.

  Brushing off the extra hair with a towel, I need to hit the road – the faster I get there, the sooner I can drink. I grab my bag and get in my truck to head towards the Hamptons, a place I sure as hell won’t fit in.

  After an hour and a half of driving, I’m starving and anxious. Pulling up to the lavish hotel that Mia booked, I look for somewhere to park. Not seeing one spot, I decide to valet, then head inside keeping my sunglasses on, knowing the more I can hide the marks on my face, the better.

  Walking in, I spot the check-in counter, and hear my name from behind me before I make it there. “Krane,” my mom calls out again. Slowly, I turn to see her, my dad, Mia, Wayne, and Shannon, Mia’s friend and I think the maid of honor, all staring at me. As much as I don’t want to, I know I have to remove my sunglasses and their expressions say it all. Both my mother and Mia gasp.

  “What in God’s name happened to you?” my dad asks.

  “I had a rough fight.”

  “Oh my God, Krane,” Mia whines, “Do you realize how many pictures you are going to be in?”

  “And your hair,” my mom adds. “What did you do?”

  “Mia asked me to clean up, so I did. You all know what I do for a living, so my face shouldn’t be a surprise.” Everyone seems to be horrified by my appearance, except for Shannon…she just looks like she wants to jump me. I’m not sure why some girls are turned on by guys who fight, but whatever.

  Mia storms off, like the drama queen that she is. Wayne and Shannon follow her and my dad says, “I didn’t think you were back into fighting.”

  “Well, I am. How do you think I’ve been paying my bills and for two apartments?”

  My mom steps to me and cups my cheek, “You should see a doctor. This looks infected.” She looks intently at a cut under my eye and I brush her hand away.

  “I’m fine, Mom, really I am.” She shakes her head at my response and looks around the lobby. I was a little loud in my reaction and clearly she’s not wanting to bring any more attention than the eyes that are already staring at us. “I’m gonna check in, I’ll see you later.”

  “Here’s your key,” my dad says passing me a small card. “It’s room one ten.”

  I take it from him and walk off, leaving him and my mom, because quite frankly I need to get away. Being here alone is already harder than I expected it to be. If I had Zoë or even Ivy right now, I’d be handling this all differently. But, since they are both gone, I’m fucking angry and lost.

  Not having Ivy this week to depend on the way that I had been has been hard. She got me through so much these last six months and now all because I can’t open up to her and give her more, I’ve lost her. Opening the door to the ridiculously elegant room, I set my bag on the bed and laugh to myself. My sister is truly a piece of work, booking a room like this and not thinking twice about spending the money on it. As I take out the handle of tequila that I brought with me, I count on the next few drinks to ease the pain. Pouring myself a massive glass, I swallow a huge mouthful and lie back on the bed.

  Thinking about how my parents and Mia reacted has me stressed to go through all of this shit. Pulling out my phone, I dial Ivy. I need to talk to her and hope she’ll answer. But my call goes straight to voicemail and I hang up, pissed off.

  Then there is a knock on my door and I contemplate not answering it, but knowing my crazy ass family, there’s no other option. Getting up, I open the door to find Wayne staring at me. I step aside and gesture him in. He looks at the drink in my hand and I say, “If you came here to give me a fucking lecture, save it, man.”

  He sits in one of the chairs in the corner of the room and shakes his head. “You know that’s not why I’m here. You have to understand your sister. She’s really happy that you’re here, she’s just stressed.”

  “Aren’t we all?” I respond under my breath.

  “She has this vision that the wedding needs to be perfect, man, and I keep telling her it’s not going to be, that nothing’s perfect, but you know how women are; cut her a little slack.”

  I take in his words, not really buying the bullshit that he’s selling. Stressed or not, Mia needs to let the
fuck up and lay off my balls. “Wanna drink?” I ask, refilling mine.

  “Sure.” I hand him a glass and sit in the other chair waiting for what else he has to say. I know Wayne, he didn’t just come here to tell me that Mia is happy that I’m here and to give her a break.

  “Krane, I lost a girlfriend in college.” He pauses staring at the carpet and as I watch him, I can see the pain contorting his face.

  “You did?” I ask, shocked by his confession.

  “Yeah, she was my first love,” he says, with a wide smile remembering her. “We had so many plans for the future and then one night she overdosed. We were partying and I found her in the bathroom. What I’m trying to say is I’ve been where you are, brother. I don’t even remember the year after she died, I was a fuckin’ zombie. So I get what you’re going through, and I know everything feels hopeless and not worth it, but it will get better, and one day you will move on. When I found your sister, it was when I least expected it, and she pulled me from the darkness that I lived in. I didn’t think I would ever love again and because of her, I do. I know she’s hard on you, but it’s because she loves you and wants what’s best for you. Family isn’t perfect, man, you know that, but give her and your parents a little slack sometimes.”

  I finish my drink with tears in my eyes, like a pussy. His words take me back to the night that I lost Zoë – she was my world, my everything. “I don’t know how to be without her. I’m so lost and angry inside.”

  “You gotta let the anger go, for Zoë, and just be yourself.”

  “I’ve been trying to, but the man I’ve become is not good enough for anyone, especially my parents and Mia. They all keep riding me like I’m not making them happy. No matter what I do, it isn’t good enough.”

  “You know what, Krane? You have to be true to yourself right now. There’s no one else who’s gonna look out for you, except you. Try and find the person you are meant to be right now.” Wayne’s phone rings and he looks at it. “It’s Mia; we have the rehearsal at three.”

  I nod and watch Wayne answer it. “Hey, baby,” he says and right away, I can hear my sister upset through the phone. He takes it away from his ear and says to me, “I’m gonna get going. Text me if you need to talk, brother.” I nod and listen to him calm my sister down as he leaves my room. I never would have thought that he’d experienced something so similar.

  Wayne’s always had his shit together. He’s actually been someone that I’ve looked up to. It’s why we’ve connected. But seeing the pain in his eyes as he talked about the girl he lost shows me that no matter how much time passes, it never really gets any better. Losing the one person you love most will hurt you and haunt you for years. Yeah, he might have moved on with Mia, but the smile that was on his face as he remembered the past was nothing I’ve ever seen from him. I’ve had that smile myself and I’m convinced I’ll never have it again.

  Chapter 11

  “To Mia and Wayne,” I force myself to announce. The alcohol flows through my system, boosting me on a high that will get me through the next few hours.

  The room erupts in cheers and I’ve done my deed for the weekend. I’ve been fake as fuck, which is what my sister needed me to do, and now…I’m fucking done. Walking outside, the Atlantic Ocean shines in the moonlight. The waves splash against the shore, making my unsteady feet feel grounded as I watch their rhythmic motion. God, I love this feeling, so blitzed out of my mind that nothing else matters.

  Not Zoë, not Ivy, nothing. Fuck life. I’m fucking numb to it all.

  Walking down to a desolate spot, I get close enough to feel the ocean mist and then plop down, pushing my beer into the sand. As I lie back, I look up at the stars and watch the sky morph, twisting from the alcohol coursing through my veins. I close my eyes focusing on what’s inside of me.

  I laugh sadistically to myself.

  I feel nothing.

  Everything that I used to be is fucking gone now.

  I’m empty.

  There wasn’t much before anyways, only agony and regret. The agony over the loss of Zoë and the regret over not being able to be a good friend to Ivy. I’m fucked up. But cutting ties with her is what needed to be done. I’m no good for her. I’ll only hurt her in the long run and she deserves someone so much better.

  Someone that can give her the world.

  Sitting up, I finish the last of my beer and rest back on my elbows, letting out a deep breath. My phone rings and I struggle to pull it from my pocket. I answer it without even looking at the screen, “What’s up?” I ask and wait, but don’t hear anyone on the other end.

  “Yes, is Samantha there?” an older gentleman asks.

  “You have the wrong fucking number,” I yell and hang up. Looking at the screen, it’s a number I don’t recognize. But as I stare at the call log for the last few days, it shows I have called Ivy over a dozen times. And I’ve texted her at least double that.

  I’m so pathetic!

  She hasn’t responded once, and I guess I should try to respect the boundary she’s obviously trying to draw.

  Fuck me.

  Going into my contacts, I delete her number. It’s the only way I can be sure I’ll stop harassing her.

  Clearly, she wants nothing to do with me and maybe it’s for the best. Once the number is gone, I delete the call log and texts and then take the last of my beer in one gulp.

  Getting off the sand, I head back into the hotel and to the bar where Shannon is sitting and ask her, “Is this seat taken?” She looks at me with her tight black dress distracting me and responds, “Nope.”

  I sit down and notice her glass is almost empty. “What are you drinking?”

  “Merlot.”

  “Can she get another Merlot?” I ask the bartender, getting his attention as he’s talking to another employee.

  He fills her glass and I pass my empty beer to him. He hands me a full one and she’s got a huge smile on her face. “Thanks, I’ve been trying to get his attention for like ten minutes.”

  “Of course.” I take a swig and sense she’s staring at me. Like she’s been all weekend. Looking over at her, she’s leaning on the bar basically resting her tits on it and I’m not sure what to say next.

  “How are you doing, Krane?” she asks.

  “Good, when I’m drunk.”

  “Amen to that,” she says taking a drink. “Isn’t there something that can make you happy though? You’re back into fighting I hear.”

  “Only for the money really.”

  “You know, I’m a nurse, I can clean your face up if you’d let me.”

  “Nah, I’m good,” I respond.

  “Really?” She leans over and whispers in my ear, “You’d be missing out.” She’s a little obvious in her attempt to hit on me, but for some reason I like it. Pulling away from her, I pat the stool next to me and she slides over to it. I lean into her ear and ask, “Tell me what I’d be missing out on?”

  My eyes scan her tight body tucked into her little dress and she takes a huge drink of wine resting her elbow on the bar. She runs her tongue over her lips and says, “Well, my lips for starters, I’d love to wrap them around your dick.”

  My cock grows instantly, awakening my body from her words. “Can I come deep in your throat?”

  She nods her head and right away I grab her hand, feeling unsteady, but not caring. Leading her away from the bar and towards my room. As I look over at her soft red lips, my cock is throbbing. I open the door to my room and usher her inside. She takes her black high heels off and watches me remove my bowtie, then steps to me and deftly unbuttons my shirt. I stand there and let her do with me what she wants, bracing my weight on the wall next to me.

  With only my pants on, I reach down and grab a handful of one of her tits. I’m spinning as she moans from my touch, pushing me backwards. I flop on top of the plush bed and watch her push the arms of her dress down, and then slowly she glides it down the rest of her body.

  She has no bra on and as I lean up on my elbows,
she removes her panties.

  Jesus, I want to fuck her.

  I lean back as she kneels on the bed next to me and rubs my cock through my pants, waiting for her next move. Her touch feels so good that long blinks take over as I enjoy this.

  “Touch me,” she instructs, and I open my eyes, cupping her sex. She unzips my pants freeing my dick. She takes ahold of me and I reach her pussy, working two of my fingers in. She’s wet and I take the opportunity to penetrate her. She gasps, pushing down on me and grinds herself against my hand.

  She’s horny and I love it.

  Knowing she likes this, I finger her hard and fast. She gets lost in the moment, gripping my dick. “Suck me,” I command her. She falls forward, lips first, and takes my cock into her mouth.

  I push my hips up, giving her a little more of my length, and we both work each other. Me with my fingers tucked tightly inside of her cunt, and her leaning down with my cock rubbing the back of her throat. My balls are tight and pleasure radiates through my body.

  She sucks me good, making everything inside so hot. I want to fuck her badly as my balls begin to erupt and she moans, causing me to come harder. Letting go with my eyes closed, I fill her mouth with my cum.

  For a very brief moment, I forget about all of the bad shit from the past and find a peace that lives deep inside of me.

  However, quickly it ends and as I open my eyes, I’m determined to get it back. Pulling my cock away from her, I ask her, “Do you have a condom?” She reaches into her purse and hands me one. I waste no time tearing it open and rolling it down my hard shaft.

  “Fuck me!” Then I guide her on top of me. She blinks a few times breathing heavily and whining as I work my way inside of her. I reach for her clit, rubbing it with my thumb as she watches me and then tosses her head back. I stroke myself inside of her. The walls of her pussy are so warm as she engulfs me.