Haterz
Page 17
What’s an asshat?
99RedBalloons
www.google.co.uk+images=asshats.
DogTurdian
search.me/CanIWearAnAssHatToAscot.
BrianThePendant
*It’s.
HotToddy84[1.19AM]
Guys. This is serious. I’ve been kidnapped. Help. This is NOT A HOAX. I have been knocked unconscious and have woken up in a dark room. There is no door. There is no light. Just this old PC that can only connect to search.me. I have no mobile. I have taken the attached picture of me on the webcam to prove that this is legit.
I need someone, anyone to CONTACT THE POLICE. URGENTLY.
PurposelessPorpoise
What make of webcam?
HotToddy84
Get Fucked. Seriously.
PurposelessPorpoise
No. I am asking you seriously. I am trying to help u.
HotToddy84
I need you to call the police.
PurposelessPorpoise
Okay then Where are you?
HotToddy84
I DON’T KNOW.
PurposelessPorpoise
Fine. Then you may as well tell me what the make of your webcam is.
HotToddy84[1.25AM]
ANYONE. This is serious. I’VE BEEN KIDNAPPED. Help. This is NOT A HOAX. I have been knocked unconscious and have woken up in a dark room. There is no door. There is no light. Just this old PC that can only connect to search.me. I have no mobile.
I need someone, anyone to CONTACT THE POLICE. URGENTLY.
I have no idea where I am. Three hours ago I was at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany. I have been unconscious for at least 2 hours.
I have taken the attached picture of me on the webcam to prove that this is legit. The webcam driver says it is a PlayPlug rs259. It has a resolution of only 320x240px.
PLEASE. HELP ME.
PurposelessPorpoise
Cheers. Go to ‘settings’ on the Webcam Driver software. Under the tab ‘Flash’ enable the box ‘Flashlight Always On.’ There you go. Instant spotlight. Don’t thank me.
HotToddy84
THANK YOU!!!!
PurposelessPorpoise
I said don’t thank me.
TriaAnon
Can’t see your IP address. Can you post it? We can work out where you are from that?
HotToddy84
It says 0.0.0.0—guess routed through a proxy.
TriaAnon
Interesting. Possibly calls for a change in the search.me terms of use to make location mandatory.
88State
That wouldn’t help here.
TriAnon
No, but may help in other cases.
88State
TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. Would completely undermine user anonymity.
TriAnon
But May Help. That’s all I’m trying to do.
88State
StateQuisling CyberPuppet.
HotToddy84 [1.41AM]
ANYONE. This is serious. I’VE BEEN KIDNAPPED. Help. This is NOT A HOAX. I have been knocked unconscious and have woken up in a dark room. There is no door. Just this old PC that can only connect to search.me. I have no mobile. The only light I have is on the spotlight on the PlayPlug259 Webcam. I need someone, anyone to CONTACT THE POLICE. URGENTLY.
I have no idea where I am. Three hours ago I was at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany. I have been unconscious for at least 2 hours. My IP address is routed through a proxy.
PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. FOR GOD’S SAKE PLEASE. HELP ME.
HighHarry
Interesting. I had no idea the old PlayPlug259 had a spotlight feature. I must dig my old one out. Would you say it’s as bright as the iPhone light? #AheadOfItsTime
HotToddy84[1.47AM]
PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME.PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME.
ANYONE. This is serious. I’VE BEEN KIDNAPPED. Help. This is NOT A HOAX. I have been knocked unconscious and have woken up in a dark room. There is no door. Just this old PC that can only connect to search.me. I have no mobile. The only light I have is on the spotlight on the PlayPlug259 Webcam. I need someone, anyone to CONTACT THE POLICE. URGENTLY.
I have no idea where I am. Three hours ago I was at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany. I have been unconscious for at least 2 hours. My IP address is routed through a proxy.
PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME.
CALL THE POLICE.
HotToddy84 [1.49AM]
I am still kidnapped. I am in a dark room. There’s no way out. I don’t know where I am. I can only use search.me on this PC. I’ve no mobile. I may be at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany, but I have no proof of this.
PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. CALL THE POLICE. CALL THE POLICE. PLEASE.
HotToddy84
UPDATE: I’ve found a bomb.
Ipecack
Srsly????
DudeClasm
Too much.
HotToddy84
Here’s a photo:
Ipecack
Amazing. I think there’s a serious issue here.
MotherBrown
Yeah, from the looks of it, his browser’s IE6.
Ipecack [1.53AM]
The user HotToddy84 uploaded the following picture at 1.49 this morning. At first sight it seems to show an explosive device, but the central canister suggests that it is in fact a chemical weapon of some sort. What do you guys think?
IservedAtThePleasure
Yeah. Looks viable.
7Erberus
Holy shit!!!
Laylala
Need context PDQ.
HotToddy84[2.03AM]
I have been kidnapped and placed in a locked room with a suspected chemical weapon. It is counting down. I need urgent rescue.
QwerTea
Amazing, man. You are Schroedinger’s Cat and I claim my 10 bucks.
Oooo36
Wow. Problem solved. NOTIFY THE CATS!!!
[I’ve not included the next 36 hilarious cat pictures and gifs posted in reply]
HotToddy84[2.03AM]
I have been kidnapped and placed in a locked room with a suspected chemical weapon. It is counting down to go off at 3am. I am in Cologne, Germany. My last location was at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany, but I have no proof that this is where I still am. Place call the police and emergency services and terrorist forces.
KnowHow
Seriously man, this is the internet. The secret services know already.
YesMan
Good point. Help is on the way.
HotToddy84
Have you called them?
HotToddy84[2.07AM]
I HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED AND PLACED IN A LOCKED ROOM WITH A SUSPECTED CHEMICAL WEAPON. IT IS COUNTING DOWN TO GO OFF AT 3AM. LAST LOCATION BZZOFF IN FFILZENGRABEN IN COLOGNE, GERMANY, BUT I HAVE NO PROOF OF THIS.
I NEED THE POLICE AND EMERGENCY SERVICES AND TERRORIST FORCES ALERTING.
RutgrrrHowRU
Seriously man, caps lock off.
HotToddy84[2.10AM]
I have been kidnapped and placed in a locked room with a suspected chemical weapon. It is counting down to go off at 3am. I think I am at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany, but I have no proof of this.
I need the police and emergency services and terrorist forces alerting. Please. I am shitsacred.
My69
Shit sacred? What are you doing? Taking a crap in a church?
HotToddy84[2.10AM]
What are you people not getting? I am TRAPPED in a room with A BOMB. I’m in COLOGNE, GERMANY. This could be a TERRORIST ATTACK. I need rescuing, the emergency services NEED to be informed. This is SERIOUS.
Waltever
Genuinely interested, how are you certain you’re in Cologne now?
HotToddy84
I’m not, but it seems most likely.
> Waltever
Okay. Please repost amended.
HotToddy84[2.10AM]
What are you people not getting? I am TRAPPED in a room with A BOMB. I’m probably in COLOGNE, GERMANY. This could be a TERRORIST ATTACK. I need rescuing, the emergency services NEED to be informed. This is SERIOUS.
DaveWave
Okay. I’m calling them now. Can you post your GPS location?
HotToddy84
I don’t have it. I think I am at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany. But I’m not certain.
Gertie
Oh, could be a trap. Like in Batman Begins.
Susanvoratrelundar
You mean The Dark Knight
Gertie
Oh yeah <3 <3 <3 that film. Heath RIP :( #Ledge
HotToddy84[2.20AM]
Everyone on search.me.
I am TRAPPED in a room with A BOMB. I’m probably in COLOGNE, GERMANY. This could be a TERRORIST ATTACK. I need rescuing, the emergency services NEED to be informed. This is SERIOUS.
I think I am at at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany. But I’m not certain. PLEASE INFORM POLICE OF POSSIBLE TERRORIST ATTACK.
Xanvier
Sure thing man. I’m on this right now.
HotToddy84
Thanks! Thank you so much.
Xanvier
I’ve called the police and they’re on their way to you.
HotToddy84
THANKS!!!
Xavier
Jokes.
HotToddy84
FUCK U YOU PIECE OF WORTHLESS SHIT.
HotToddy84[2.25AM]
Everyone on search.me.
I am TRAPPED in a room with A BOMB set to go off at 3AM. (pic attached)
I’m probably in COLOGNE, GERMANY. This could be a TERRORIST ATTACK. I need rescuing, the emergency services NEED to be informed.
This is SERIOUS. I am probably at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany. But I’m not certain.
PLEASE INFORM POLICE OF POSSIBLE TERRORIST ATTACK.
PLEASE INFORM POLICE OF POSSIBLE TERRORIST ATTACK.
PLEASE INFORM POLICE OF POSSIBLE TERRORIST ATTACK.
MotherBrown
Seriously, petal, turn down the spam. Some of us are trying to talk about chutney recipes and you’re just All Over the feed.
Wander
Hi HotToddy84, I’ve looked at your picture of the bomb and there’s a really easy way to disarm it. Please look at this link to a video.
HotToddy84
Thanks.
Wander
Hahaah Rickrolled! :)
ExpletiveDeleted[2.32AM]
Hey Everyone!
I am COMPLETELY TRAPPED in a gingerbread house with A CAKE set to go off at 3AM. (pic of cake attached).
I’m totally in THE 11-ACRE WOOD. This could be a scheme by the Big Bad Wolf. Or a SHAMELESS PLEA FOR ATTENTION. I need help. PWEASE WON’T SOMEONE NOTICE ME. I’ve had to do a dump in a bag. I can upload a picture of this with my crummy old webcam.
PLEASE INFORM THE CATS.
PLEASE INFORM THE CATS.
PLEASE INFORM THE CATS.
Bolshoe78
^ Brilliant. This is why I love search.me.
JannyAnn
I have told the cats. I have told the cats. I have told the cats.
Billiant
Such bomb.
Many help.
Very cake.
So gingerbre3d.
Wow.
HotToddy84[2.40AM]
Please guys. Stop this! Call the police!!!!
Frobo
Just kill yourself.
Riddler3
Listen – at the base of the device are two wires, yes? Just like in the movies.
HotToddy84
Yeah. What should I do?
Riddler3
What colours are they?
HotToddy84
Red and green.
Riddler3
Cut the red one.
Riddler3
No, wait the green one.
Riddler3
No, the red one!
Riddler3
Aw, shoot, just pull them both out and do the world a favour.
SensibarHashtag [2.43AM]
Not wanting to break into the lulz, but looking at that picture of the alleged chemical device and it does appear to be run from a fairly standard chipset. I’d suggest shorting across the 1st and 9th pins as a first move. What do you think?
Dooooogull
O rly? Cos looking at it, I’d argue that the pins are in reverse order. Without knowing more about the polarity, I’d suggest a tap test across pins 2, 4 and 6.
SensibarHashtag
I can’t bring myself to agree. Short 1 and 9 and the timer will be disabled.
Dooooogull
How can you be so certain? The picture is too lo-res to be able to tell.
HotToddy84
Guys pls! I’ve got 15 minutes left. What should I do?
RimTimTim
It’s okay—this vid shows the circuit board you need clearly. Take a look.
HotToddy84
Fucksake.
RimTimTim
HA HA RICKROLLD AGAIN LOSER.
StJohn
Not being funny, but the picture of that circuit board shows it to be of Chinese manufacture. Wonder what that means :)
Fiskali
Actually, looks more like a screengrab to me. It’s very lo-res. Still calling this a hoax.
Dooooogull
It’d make sense if it was a screengrab. I’d say it’s sourced from VCD-res at best and scaled to 320x240. There are clear artefacts that are a giveaway.
SanitySally
IIRC didn’t HotToddy84 say that it was an old webcam, weren’t they fairly lo-res? So may NOT be a screengrab.
PutItInPutin
Well, HotToddy84 claimed it was a PlayPlug259. They’re default resolution was 800x600 on Windows95, not 320x240.
Fiskali
Nailed it. HOAX.
Dooooogull
Hoax.
MiskaGinTonic
Hoax.
LuvvinIT
Hoax.
SPACSLock
BUT there is also a ‘lo-res’ setting at 320x240 for basic systems. HotToddy84, can you confirm or deny that that’s the setting you’re operating at?
HotToddy84
SRSLY? For God’s sake, call the police. Please help me.
MiskaGinTonic
Hello, police? Yeah, I’d like to report A HOAXER.
HotToddy84[2.51AM]
Kate,
It’s hard to type this, knowing that I may never see you again. But I love you so much. Since I met you two years ago, you’ve meant the world to me. I always thought I’d be in love with people but that no-one would ever be in love with me back. And I was fine with that. You know, I’d made my peace with the world. And then I met you, and I realised how wonderful it was to be loved. Simple as.
You’ve made me a better person. You’ve made me take risks. If it wasn’t for you, I’d never have moved from Hull to Germany, got the amazing flat we’ve got, learned to cook, or tried skiing. You’ve made me do so much that I’d never have dreamed possible. If it wasn’t for you I’d still be living in that damp and tiny box. It’s been so wonderful, it really has, and I’m crying right now thinking that I can’t say goodbye to you properly.
Sorry that I’ve got to type this somewhere where other people can see it. I didn’t want to say goodbye to you ever, and NEVER like this. I’m so sorry. I love you.
Todd.
SensibarHashtag