How to Hide a Hollywood Star

by Avoca Gardener

  “Enough to know what a lucky bastard I am. Enough to be grateful for good friends. Enough to know I’m a little drunk,” he sounded surprised, and planted a kiss on a laughing Sally’s forehead.

  “Coffee?” asked Simon, wide eyed.

  “Absolutely!” said Arch and I in unison.

  “Will you dance with me Sally?” asked Rush.

  “Do we have music?” she said, grabbing for his towel and whipping it off to reveal now dry board shorts.

  “Do we need it?” He took her hand and walked her though to the dimly lit entrance hall of the house where he wrapped both arms around her and pulled her close.

  “I’ll be back.” Arch followed them inside and in a moment, he had music flooding through the house and out into the garden. Amy Winehouse’s ‘Rehab’.

  “Dance?” asked Shane, holding his hand out to me.

  “If you’re gentle?” I was barefoot and had being going bootless for part of the day but wasn’t quite up to anything strenuous.

  “Always, well maybe not, but I’ll make an exception for you,” he said. We joined Rush and Sally on the impromptu dance floor and Amy sang, Love Is a Losing Game.

  Shane held me close and made it easy to balance on my toes without putting too much strain on my leg and soon he was sweating onto my shirt and singing into my ear.

  I glanced over at Rush and Sally. She had her head on his bare shoulder, he had his eyes closed and they were scarcely moving. Amy sang, You Know I’m No Good.

  The album changed, Duffy’s Mercy and Shane let go of me swinging me out from his body in a rock and roll move, singing the line about begging for mercy. I laughed, executed a not very rock and roll shimmy and looked up to find Rush had taken Shane’s place.

  He didn’t look drunk anymore, he looked like he wanted to eat me as he grabbed my hand and swung me back against his side none too gently. Shane had moved across the room to Sally and through the doorway I could see Arch and Simon sharing coffee.

  “You don’t still hate me, do you, Andi?”

  “Why do you care?”

  “I value my eyesight.”

  “I wasn’t the one who came up with the blunt stick idea—that was you.” Duffy sang about being under a man’s spell and I wanted to change the CD, but Rush had a hold of my arms.

  He shook his head. “But that’s what you wanted. You wanted me well away from you because I hurt you.”

  He tightened his grip on me and I looked up at him. “I was angry, but now I understand why you did it, I don’t feel quite so much like you should burn in hell.”

  He dropped his eyes towards the floor. “They told you. I guess you had a right to know. I should’ve told you myself. I should burn. I deserve it.”

  “You’re drunk.”

  He looked up, straight into my eyes. “Yeah, but not that drunk. I know what I’m saying.”

  “Maybe you should have coffee.” I tried to pull out of his arms, but he had me too close.

  “Why are you running away from me?”

  “I’m not running away from you. I could hardly get closer to you.” He held me tightly with both arms, one at my waist and one higher at my mid-back, his palm flattened over my shoulder blades. I was pressed against his bare chest.

  He tightened his hold, lifting me onto my toes. “I haven’t done more than look at a women in a long time. Cecily messed me up. She’s one hell of an actor. I thought she loved me. I thought I loved her. I thought I had to be good for her and Anissa. The whole world was always watching.”

  I looked up into his eyes and saw his pain, kept hidden till now. I reached up and brushed my fingers across his cheek and he tilted his head toward my open palm.

  “Now I’m looking at you, Andi. I want to do more than look, and here you are in my arms,” he brought his lips down to my ear and whispered, “how convenient.”

  I went still and stiff in his embrace as Duffy sang, about being something on the side. I put my hands on his chest and pushed him away breathing heavily. “Not again.”

  My head was whirling though not from too much wine. How could he do that to me? First he stole my image and wrecked my privacy, and when I’d finally understood why and admitted to feelings for him that weren’t inspired by the violence of a train crash, he assumed I was convenient enough for a real affair. Bastard! He should burn.

  He reached for me. “What is it?” We were alone, Shane and Sally had disappeared.

  “Don’t touch me. Don’t even look at me,” I spat. “I’ll do my job for the next two days and then it’s all over. All you are to me is an outstanding invoice and an amusing dinner party story.”

  I left him standing there with Cee Lo Green’s Forget You ringing in his ears. How appropriate.

  The only thing stopping me from crying was Shane appearing in the corridor outside my bedroom. Echoing Rush, he said, “What is it?”

  I walked straight into his arms and kissed him. He made a surprised grunt and pulled back to look at me for a moment before wrapping both arms around me and pulling me against the full length of his body.

  “Hey, Patrice,” he grinned.

  “Hey, Damon.”

  The next kiss was more a shared endeavour with far more heat behind it, our tongues touching. I ran my hands over his chest, down the ripples of his abdomen and around his back. His skin was sun warmed and silky and I couldn’t seem to get close enough to him.

  “What are you doing?” he whispered against my ear with a chuckle.

  “It’s obvious, isn’t it?”

  “Andi?”

  “Hmmm.”

  “What do you want?”

  “I want you.” I reached up to run my fingers though his shaggy blonde hair. I want him and I knew I could have him.

  “Like this?” He put his hand to the back of my head and dragged the band out of my ponytail releasing my hair around my face and shoulders.

  “God. Yes.”

  “Like this?” He unbuttoned my shirt revealing my black one piece.

  “Yes.”

  “Like this?” He ran his hands up my back inside my shirt against my skin.

  “Mmmm.”

  “How about this?” He put his hand under my thigh and lifted it, wrapping my leg against his hip.

  I splayed my fingers across his smooth muscled chest. “Yes!”

  “You don’t want me.” He put a hand under my chin and lifted it so I was looking into his blue eyes. “You don’t.”

  I pressed hard against him, tracing my hand over his shoulder and up to his face. “You don’t think.”

  He shook his head. “No, you don’t, woman.”

  “How about I show you?” I breathed inches from his lips.

  “No.”

  “Yes.”

  “No, you’re just using me,” he pulled back a little.

  “What?”

  “Don’t look so offended,” he laughed. “You just want me because I’m here.”

  “No, I...” I pushed my hair out of my eyes.

  He still had hold of my hips. “Yes.”

  “So, what’s wrong with that?” I whined.

  “A few little things.”

  “You don’t want me?” Now I was confused. Shane had poured the seduction on, why was he backing away now.

  He groaned, rocked his hips against mine. “I think it’s pretty obvious that I do. You almost had me forget who you were, but it’s not the right thing for you or me. Or him.”

  “What?” He couldn’t be serious. “Screw him.”

  Shane tucked hair behind my ear. “I like you too much to do something stupid like this.”

  “I can’t believe you. I just wanted tonight.” God, he was making me beg.

  “Yeah, well it doesn’t work like that for me.” He put his palm on my cheek. “I see you, Andi. You’re not someone to fool around with. Now, I’m going for another swim to get over what you’ve done to me.” He laughed, dropping his hands. “And don’t go getting all weird with me tomorrow.”

 
; He leaned in and kissed my cheek softly, turned and went back into the hallway leaving me standing there, burning with embarrassment. Could tonight be any more humiliating? I’d dodged another of Rush’s conveniently aimed bullets, only to throw myself at the world’s most bed-able man and get smacked down because he thought I was using him. Was there a better definition of frustration? Was it possible to die from irony?

  If there had been anywhere to storm off to I would have. As it was, in a haze of disbelief, I headed for the front door. I had to get outside, I needed air, but there coming up the verandah stairs in the dark was Rush. How much of that had he heard?

  I changed direction and headed for my bedroom. In bed, staring at the ceiling I tried to think of nothing. Not my anger, not the look of confusion on Rush’s face, not the embarrassment of throwing myself at Shane, or his amused rejection, not the tears I was too scared someone would hear to sob. What I thought about was another of those old fortune cookie messages, Love is free, but lust will cost you everything you have. I was never eating another fucking Fortune cookie again.

  I needed to sleep. In the morning I’d have to find a way not to be weird with Shane, to be crisp and professional with Rush and to avoid Arch so I didn’t cry on his shoulder and beg him to make it all better.

  25: Morning After

  They’d assume I had a hangover. That would account for the dark circles under my red rimmed eyes. Perhaps I could play the rock star and wear my sunglasses in the house, something my actual rock stars probably wouldn’t do.

  It was all I could do to drag myself out of bed. Everything hurt. What I needed to do was keep it together for two more days and then it would all be over. I’d never have to see Rush again. Nothing could make me buy a ticket to do so.

  More urgent was finding the courage to man up and apologise to Shane for throwing myself at him. I’d hardly had anything to drink, so I couldn’t use that as an excuse for trying to use him as a convenient salve for my burnt-out emotions. But not yet, coffee before courage.

  Hoping I was the first awake I went through to the kitchen. No sign of Simon, so I put the kettle on and waited for the water to boil. That was something I could manage without screwing up.

  I should have left the room immediately. I should’ve made a bunch of noise, clattered a pan, smashed a plate, so they’d know I was there. I should’ve done almost anything else but what I did.

  Rush was in the hammock, his arm draped over his face. Arch and Shane were sitting on the front steps. I could hear them as clearly as I could hear my own heart thumping in my ears.

  “In your defence, you’re out of practice, man,” said Shane.

  “I’m not thinking I have any defence,” groaned Rush.

  “What exactly did you do?” asked Arch.

  “I don’t know.” Rush sounded perplexed.

  “You must know, you weren’t that drunk,” said Arch. “What did you say?”

  “That after all this time avoiding my feelings, it was convenient she was in my arms.”

  “Oh shit!” exclaimed Arch.

  I gripped hold of the sink. It was newly fascinating because it was holding me upright.

  “What?” asked Rush.

  “You didn’t use that word, did you?”

  “What word?”

  “Convenient,” said Shane, the humour in his tone made me cringe.

  “Yeah, I think so.”

  “Rush!” said Arch.

  “What, I’m not too bright this morning. You’re going to have to help me out.” He sounded miserable. He sounded like I felt.

  “You told Andi she was convenient,” said Arch, annoyed.

  “Oh fuck!”

  “Man oh man, that explains it,” said Shane.

  “Explains what?” said Rush.

  “Never mind,” said Shane. “You gotta square this away with Andi.”

  “How am I going to do that? She hates me all over again.”

  He was so on the money about that.

  “Don’t you have an award for being good at this kind of stuff?” asked Shane.

  “Fuck. This isn’t acting. I don’t have a scriptwriter here to tell me what to say. I have no idea how to make this right,” Rush said wearily. And it sounded like he had no intention of even trying.

  “She doesn’t need a production number,” said Arch. “She needs you to tell her what you’re thinking. She’s not a mind reader, even though you think she can do anything. She can’t possibly know what’s going on in your numb skull.”

  “My skull is numb. I can’t think straight.”

  “Yeah, whose fault is that then?” said Arch.

  Bugger the coffee. What I needed was a swim. I didn’t want to hear anymore. I certainly didn’t want to see any of them. I fled the kitchen passing a yawning Simon on his way in.

  I was floating on my back trying to pull my confused self together when Rush found me at the pool. I saw him from the corner of my eye but hide behind my dark sunnies and pretended not to. How very mature. He sat on the edge of a pool lounge. He was barefoot and wearing white linen cut offs and a white shirt with most of the buttons undone.

  He sat, slumped forward with his head in his hands, his hair was mussed up, reminding me of Michael. Maybe he’d go away and we wouldn’t have to dance this particular song. Next time I peeked, he’d moved to the edge of the pool and sat with his legs in the water.

  “Andi, can we talk?”

  I heard him despite the water in my ears, that voice. I couldn’t very well keep ignoring him. I looked across at him, collapsed at the waist and dropped my feet to the bottom of the pool.

  “You don’t need to say anything, but I need you to listen.” He wore sunnies too. They were very dark and obscured his eyes. I could see myself reflected in each lens. We faced each other across the heat haze and the glare of the water but we were both still running away.

  “I’m usually at my best when someone writes the words for me to say, but I don’t have that luxury so I’m going to give it a shot. I want to tell you a story. I’m going to give you the outline and then we can decide how it finishes together. Okay?”

  I nodded. What else could I do?

  “Once upon a time, no, I’m sorry.” He dropped his head and swished one leg in a small whirlpool. “Start again. There was a man,” he looked up and x-rayed me, “and in the ways of the world he had it all. He was handsome, famous and rich.”

  He inclined his head and went on. “He was married to a beautiful and talented woman who was everyone’s sweetheart, and he had a wonderful daughter who loved everything pink. He spent his time being an entertainer and to balance out that insanity, he found ways for his money to make a difference to other people who were not as lucky as he was. Are you with me?”

  I nodded. Where was he going with this?

  “But what the world didn’t see was that the woman wasn’t really beautiful, although she looked like an angel, and the daughter wasn’t really his, although she called him Daddy. Unfortunately, the man himself didn’t know these things either for a very long time. He knew something was wrong, but instead of fixing things, he ran away and made more movies, did more plays and got more rich and famous.

  “One day, the woman pointed out to him that he was a fool and worse, a coward and she gave him an ultimatum. She said if you want to have the child who is not your daughter in your life, you have to show the world you’re a cheating bastard. And the man thought about this, and he didn’t know what to do. He thought he should give the evil woman what she asked for at any cost so he could keep hold of his daughter. But the man had two friends and they were his real family. His friends told him he needed to be rational and they took him to a country far away where he could clear his head.”

  I was hooked. Oh I didn’t want to be and I knew the story, but not the way Rush was telling it. “What happened next?” I said softly, moving closer to him.

  “When he got to the land down-under he met another woman. This woman was very different. She
limped, she had a dog with a bucket on his head and a bird that talked, and she was so very kind and brave and beautiful. When he first saw her on the sticky tarmac with her crutches he thought she was so real and perfect and magical. But then he was very out of practice with matters of the heart and he was stressed, so he wasn’t sure about anything.”

  This was a new chapter. I stepped right up to him and touched his ankle under the water. “What happened then?”

  “Through the miracle of modern technology, the evil woman had followed the man to the other side of the world. She told him he had one day to give her what she wanted or else. One day. The man lost his ability to think clearly and made a whole bag of bad decisions. Firstly, he decided to fight the evil woman, then he decided he and his friends would show the evil woman they didn’t care for her dastardly ways, and lastly, oh and this is the killer, he did an awful thing to the magical woman.”

  “What did he do?” I reached up on tiptoe and removed his sunglasses. I wanted to see him completely. I wanted to know if he was acting or if this was real.

  Rush squinted at me, but he didn’t look away. “He took advantage of her. He stole her image, her name and her privacy and he did it on purpose because he was desperately stupid and because she was convenient and he could control her reaction.”

  I nodded. Yes, that’s what he’d done but he’d already apologised for that.

  “The magic woman found out all about his terrible use of her and she didn’t like being called Cinderella. She was really, really mad at him.” He paused, shifted his shoulders, keeping his eyes fixed on my face.

  “But there was a worse crime. When he used her, he stole some of her magic and after that she would never trust him and she was sad and angry. He wanted to fix this new problem, but he didn’t know how. He found a project to work on, which was what he always did to avoid the hard stuff. And he found reasons to keep the woman close to him, just in case he could stumble on a way to get past the echidna spines.”

  “And did he do that?”

  Rush pushed himself off the edge of the pool and slipped into the water to stand in front of me. He was so close the soft billow of his shirt brushed my hand and I could see dark circles under his green eyes. I studied his face. If this was acting, it was an award-winning performance.