Underestimated

by Jettie Woodruff

  “Tranquility,” my mom, said helping her out.

  “What’s that mean?” she asked, looking up to her.

  “It means quiet, calmness, stillness,” she answered.

  “Oh, like peace. That makes sense,” she decided and got back to her reading.

  I loved the affectionate look in my mother’s eyes as she stared at me. She really was happy that I was there. She read the next chapter and then I read the next. I had actually started getting into the book when my chapter was over. It was about a ten year old boy and an eight year old girl, lost on an island.

  Caroline and I both lay down, and my mom tucked her and kissed her on the head.

  “I love you,” she said.

  “Love you too, mom.”

  I wasn’t sure how to react to my mother’s affection when she did the same thing to me. She pulled my quilt up and kissed me on the head just like she had Caroline. She brushed my hair from my forehead and kissed me too.

  “I love you, Morgan, and I am so glad that you are here.”

  “Me too,” I said. I couldn’t make myself tell her that I loved her too. I could only remember her saying it once in my life, and that was when she left me. I wasn’t ready to say that just yet.

  I woke to Caroline shaking me in the morning.

  “Morgan, come on. It’s day light,” she said, trying to coax me out of bed.

  I opened my eyes and realized where I was. I stumbled to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, pulled on a pair of shorts, and a tank top. She wasn’t lying. It was daylight… barely. I slipped on my flip-flops and followed her out.

  We walked way down the beach, at least a mile and a half. She wanted to start as far south as we could go and then slowly make our way back. We searched the many piles of pebbles, rocks and shells washed up from the previous night’s storm. I found a piece right away. It was the most common, Kelly green, but it was still a nice piece. We were moving like a couple of snails, searching for our treasures. I still couldn’t see the house, and I wanted coffee. Little Ms. Caroline on the other hand was engrossed and wasn’t about to pick up her dawdling pace. She was on a mission.

  We were almost back to the house by the time Caroline finally found a piece. I was so hoping that she did. She looked so bummed because she hadn’t found anything. She found a rather rare piece. It was lime green, and I listened to her explain to me that it was probably from a soda bottle from the sixties. I already knew what she was telling me, but didn’t dare put a damper on her enthusiasm.

  Our mother was getting worried by the time we finally made it back to the house four hours later. I felt tired, and could have used a nap. She poured me a cup of coffee and had to make Caroline sit down long enough to eat something. One of the guests was surfing and wanted her to come. She didn’t want to eat. She wanted to go play. She scarfed down the egg sandwich and was off.

  Jason kissed my mom and left too. She explained that he always stayed near by without her knowing when she ran off to surf. He worried about her being in the hands of strangers, she explained with a smile.

  ***

  My ten minute visit to tell my mother what I had thought about her leaving her kids to go create a better life for herself had turned into six weeks. I didn’t want to leave. I liked bunking with Caroline, and we had started the second book in the Lost, series. I still had not heard one word from Drew or Dawson. I liked being there, pretending that I was a little girl in a real family. I knew that I couldn’t continue the charade for much longer, although I was sure that my mother and Caroline would have loved for me to do just that. I had to get back to life. My life. Whatever that was.

  It was looking like I would be finding a place to plant my roots alone. I was pretty sure that I was okay with that. I needed a fresh start. My mother’s success had made me feel like it was okay not to choose either one of the men that I loved. Maybe I would find a man that loved me as much as Jason loved her, and I would eventually have a little girl as neat as Caroline.

  I may be doing that sooner than planned. I was freaking out one evening, pacing back and forth on the deck.

  “Hey, you okay?” my mom asked, coming to join me.

  “I don’t think that I am,” I said running my fingers through my hair.

  “Go play for a little bit, honey,” my mom told Caroline when she came skipping around the other side.

  “What’s going on, Morgan?” she asked.

  “I’m late,” I stated.

  “Oh, boy. How late are you?”

  “Three days.”

  “That’s not a lot,” she tried to make me feel better.

  “It is for me. I’m never later.” This couldn’t be happening right now. I was on the pill. I never missed a pill, and I never missed a period. I would take my mother’s advice and feed myself to the sharks if I was pregnant.

  “Do you want to go into town and get a test?” she asked.

  “No. That’s going to make it real,” I assured her.

  She smiled. “Would this baby be Drew’s or the sheriffs?”

  I shook my head. My mother was going to deem me a cheating slut without ever knowing the truth. “I couldn’t even begin to pinpoint it. I slept with Drew the Friday before I came here and Dawson the very next day.”

  “I’m not going to judge you, Morgan,” she said as though she was reading my mind. “I had three kids from three different fathers. Caroline was the only one that was conceived with the man I was married to.”

  I snapped my head to her. “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “The drunken, low life father that you grew up with isn’t Justin’s real dad either,” she admitted.

  “He isn’t?”

  She shook her head. “His dad was a trucker, Mad Dog,” she added. I was sure she didn’t know his real name. “I don’t think your dad was able to have kids. You were seven by the time I had Justin, and I had never used any form of birth control. I slept with a trucker once and got pregnant.”

  “Did he know?”

  “He suspected, but I never admitted to it.”

  “Oh God, mom. I can’t be pregnant. What the hell am I going to do?”

  “Let’s go to town,” she coaxed.

  Caroline pouted because her dad told her that she had to stay with him. I promised her that I would do something fun with her later. That satisfied her, but she still wanted to go along.

  I rode with my head against the cool glass of my BMW. My mother drove. I didn’t mind, I was having a nervous breakdown. I was having a hard enough time reminding myself to breathe. My mother tried to console me, but it wasn’t working. I knew with everything in me that I was pregnant. I just had a feeling. Going to buy a pregnancy test was pointless. I knew it with everything in me.

  Jason took Caroline out to the beach to look for sea glass so that we could have some privacy. I knew my mother told him what was going on. I didn’t mind. I was glad that she told him everything. That’s the way it should be.

  “What does the one line mean again?” I called out from the bathroom.

  “It means you’re not pregnant. A plus sign means that you are,” my mom called back.

  Fucking A…

  I breathed the biggest sigh of relief when I saw the one negative line come into clear view of the little window. I don’t think I had ever been so happy in my life. I opened the bathroom door and showed my mother the evidence. She hugged me, happy that I was happy. I wanted a baby. I just wanted to be living with its father and know who he was.

  I spent the better part of the afternoon in the hot shed with Caroline and Jason. We made glass lit bottles to display our sea glass. I had to laugh at Caroline holding her iPad, giving her dad instructions from the pin that she had found on Pinterest.

  Our mother came to the door around six. Caroline and I were sitting at a work bench with our backs to the door, pushing the tiny strands of lights through the holes that Jason had drilled for us. I knew she would want us to come and eat soon.

  “Morgan, you have
a visitor,” she spoke from the door.

  I turned, seeing the most beautiful man in the entire world standing beside her. I wanted to throw myself at him. No. I wanted to fuck him. The sight of him sent a quivering sensation straight to my attention deficit disorder vagina.

  “Well, come here,” Drew finally said, pulling me from my frozen stool position. I smiled, slid off the stool and right into his arms.

  “Hey, baby,” he said in my hair. I could feel his smile.

  “Hi,” I said, pulling away, knowing that nosey Caroline was staring with her curious little eyes.

  I introduced him to my mom and Jason, and Caroline took it upon herself to offer her name.

  “I’m Caroline,” she said offering her hand. “You must be Drew, I’ve heard a lot about you.” What? Little liar, I never talked to her about Drew. I looked at her like she had two heads.

  “You talk in your sleep….a lot,” she added. Shit… that could be bad.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Caroline,” Drew said with a smile, taking her little hand into his large one.

  “Come, let’s eat,” my mother demanded.

  “We’re not finished yet,” Caroline protested.

  “We can finish them tomorrow,” I assured her. I didn’t want to play with Caroline anymore. I wanted to play with Drew.

  We ate on the deck with the guests and were served by the help. We all had a glass of wine with our steaks. I wanted a cold beer. The wine tasted bitter to me. I didn’t drink mine.

  Drew and I stared across the table at each other, constantly.

  “Did you just come for a visit,” I asked, cutting into my too done steak.

  “No. I came to take you back to Vegas with me.”

  My eyebrows rose. “Really?”

  His face got serious. “Mr. Callaway passed away yesterday.”

  “Oh,” I said. I wasn’t sure what to say. I mean I was sad and grateful that he saw me as his only family and was leaving me all of his worldly possessions, but I really didn’t know the guy.

  “My car is here,” I stated. I didn’t know what else to say.

  “We’ll fly back and get it. We need to fly out tomorrow for the funeral.”

  There were no vacant rooms. Drew and I had to sleep on the pull out couch at my mom’s place. I couldn’t take it. Lying in his arms, fully clothed was killing me. I wanted him naked on top of my nakedness. I didn’t dare though. I knew how thin the walls were. I had lain in bed many mornings, listening to my mom tell Jason how happy she was that I was there.

  “I didn’t think you were going to stay here for six months,” Drew quietly said as his fingers tormented me. Not really. He was only tracing my arm with his fingers, but still. I wanted him tracing other parts of my body.

  “I guess I was just trying to run away. Escape,” I replied.

  “How’s that working out for you?”

  “It was actually working out pretty damned good until you showed up.”

  “And Dawson?”

  “I haven’t talked to him either. We had a fight before I left. You both decided to give me my space at the same time.”

  “You had a fight? Why?”

  “What do you think,” I said, stating the obvious.

  “Me?”

  “Yup.”

  “We talked about you the night that he gave me a lift. I can see how you like him. He seems to be a good guy.”

  I snorted at him saying like. I didn’t like Dawson. I loved him. Drew knew that. He just wasn’t able to say it out loud.

  Drew and I talked for a long time. I told him all about my mom, and everything that she had confessed to me. He had already known a lot of it, like the pictures that she was sent periodically.

  Mother fucker. Fucking, lying son of a bitch.

  I looked straight at my mom when I finally quit heaving enough to rejoin the rest of them for breakfast the following morning. She knew. She knew what I knew. The stupid little stick that I had pissed on, lied. I was pregnant. I knew I was. She knew it too and smiled a warm, motherly smile.

  “You okay?” Drew asked as I sat beside of him, sipping my coffee.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied. I was far from okay. My stomach felt like it was going to regurgitate its self, and I was fucking pregnant. I was pregnant with a baby with two dads. No. I wasn’t okay.

  “When will you be back?” my mom asked. “We had a cancellation for next week. I’ll keep that room open if you are going to be back in a few days,” she offered.

  I looked at Drew for the answer.

  “We can come back in a few days. I hired a new assistant that is doing awesome. I can get away.”

  That wasn’t my plan.

  ***

  Drew and I weren’t in the air twenty minutes before we were fighting.

  “You don’t have to fly back with me. I need to fly back, pick up my car and head home,” I told him.

  “Head home? So home is in Maine?” he asked.

  “I don’t know, Drew. What did you think I was going to do?”

  “You know what, Morgan? I have no fucking idea what you are going to do and I’m a little sick of trying to figure it out.”

  “Fuck you,” I yelled. I was glad that we were on a private jet. I didn’t say it quietly.

  He turned on me, grabbing both of my arms, forcefully. “Is that what you need, Morgan? Do you need for me to fuck you?” he asked through gritted teeth.

  Of course my pussy was screaming and doing back flips, stupid fucking mechanism, always taking over my brain.

  “Yes,” I rasped.

  What the fuck? I didn’t mean to say that.

  Drew slid my sundress up and kissed me hard. I lost myself in a matter of seconds.

  “Do you know what I really want to do to you, Morgan?” he asked, angrily taking my mouth, and not giving me time to respond, not that I had enough wits about me at that time to respond anyway.

  “I would love to bend you over my knee and beat some sense into your naked ass.”

  Okay...

  He didn’t do that. He tossed me to the white leather seat, raising my skirt as his mouth did crazy things to my lips and neck.

  “Get out!” Drew yelled, turning to the guy that had just walked into Drew being on top of me with my dress around my waist. I didn’t look to see, but I could tell the guy got the hell out of there.

  He undid his belt and pulled my panties to the side, forcefully entered me and fucked the hell out of me on the plush white leather seat. I lasted all of about three minutes before I was clawing his back and trying my best not to scream. I wanted to scream. I needed to scream. I hadn’t had an orgasm in over a month, well, besides the couple that I gave myself in the shower.

  Drew thrashed in and out of me, and I can’t even begin to describe the look on his face. It was mixture of the look right before he used to hit me, love, obsession and lust, all mixed together.

  “Damnit, Drew,” I scolded when he grabbed the fabric between my legs and tore it out of his way.

  He ignored me with a shit eating grin. I was just getting ready to come again when he had to go and ruin it.

  “I’m not letting you go, Morgan. I fucking love you.”

  What the fuck did that mean. He wasn’t letting me go? I didn’t reach my second high before Drew reached his. My mind relocated from what was being shoved inside of me to what Drew had just said. Should I be scared? Did he mean that I would be held against my will once again?

  “What, Morgan?” he asked, seeing the confused look on my face.

  “What do you mean what? I have to walk around in a dress with no panties now,” I chastised. I didn’t want to go there just yet, not with him still inside of my body.

  He smiled and kissed me. “I have missed you like crazy,” he said, biting my bottom lip.

  “Why didn’t you call me?” I asked.

  “Why didn’t you call me?” he countered.

  “I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me. You left pissed off, reme
mber?”

  “I always want to talk to you. Believe me, I had a hell of a time not calling you. I kept myself busy, trying to get this new assistant on board. I traveled every chance I got, and even filled the gym back up with equipment. Every time I couldn’t get you out of my head and wanted to call, I would work out.”

  He slid out of me and took my hand, pulling me up.

  “You need to go underneath the plane and get me a pair of panties,” I said, removing what was left of mine. I didn’t want to have a serious conversation with him just yet. I had other things on my mind, like what was growing inside of my uterus.

  He smirked. “I love the idea of you walking around in this dress with no panties,” he assured me, pulling my strap down and kissing my bare shoulder.

  “You drive me crazy sometimes,” I countered.

  “You drive me crazy all the time,” he assured me with a full blown tongue kiss.

  ***

  “Drew, where are we going?” I asked when the driver took us in the wrong direction.

  “We’re having lunch with one of Randal’s investors,” he decided to tell me.

  “Can’t we go home first?” I asked, a little pissed off that he waited until we were on our way there to tell me.

  “No. We don’t have time. Why do you need to go home first?”

  “You idiot. Where is my bag?”

  “On its way to the house”

  “I am not going to a restaurant with no panties in this thin dress,” I demanded.

  “Yes you are,” he smirked. “You used to always wear dresses shorter than this with no panties.”

  “Because you made me!”

  “And I walked around half the night with a hard on thinking about it,” he smiled.

  I crossed my arms and looked out the window, pouting. He was impossible. He would always be a manipulator, and there was nothing I could do to change that. I hoped the baby did turn out to be Dawson’s he would be a much better father. I didn’t want my kid to have any of Drew’s hang-ups.