Underestimated

by Jettie Woodruff

  “But you don’t want to lose Dawson either, right?” he asked, coming back to me. I didn’t want to lose Dawson. I loved him too. He was my safety net.

  I didn’t answer. I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t know what to say. Nothing I could have said would have made any sense, not to him and not to me. I needed them both.

  “You need to decide, Morgan. If you don’t want me, then tell me. Stop keeping me at bay. Either be with me or don’t. I can’t wait any longer. I have tried my best to give you time. I’ve given you almost six months. You have to choose, Morgan.”

  I knew I had to choose. I didn’t want to choose. I wanted to keep them both in my life until I figured out who this baby’s dad was. Drew would never understand that. Dawson would never understand that. No matter what I decided, someone was going to get hurt. Why didn’t I just do the stupid paternity test?

  “I can’t give you an answer right this second, Drew,” I said. I couldn’t. I knew that as soon as I was back in Dawson’s arms, I would be right back to thinking I needed him as much as I was feeling like I needed Drew when I was with him.

  Drew lay back down and pulled me in his arms with a heavy sigh.

  “I love you, Morgan,” he whispered.

  “I love you too, Drew. I really do.”

  Drew was gone when I woke. I knew he had to leave before daylight. I didn’t like it. I felt alone, sad, hurt, confused. I wanted him back. I wanted to be everywhere he was. I wanted Drew. I decided right that moment that I wanted Drew.

  I walked up to our new master bedroom again before showering and getting ready to head back home to Maine, to Dawson. I smiled when I opened the baby’s room. I thumbed through the tiny infant clothing and wondered if Drew had picked them out. There was no way that he would ever wear all of them. There were at least twenty little sleepers. I picked up the tiny little tuxedo and smiled at the embroidery that read ‘Daddy’s little assistant.’

  “Oh, Drew what am I going to do?” I said out loud to the empty room.

  I smiled again when I read Drew’s text.

  “You could start with coming home to me.”

  There were cameras. I looked around the room and answered my phone.

  “Where are you?” I asked as soon as I saw that it was Drew.

  “Waiting for a client. You look good in there.”

  “I can’t believe you put cameras in here.”

  “You didn’t really think I was going to leave my baby in there all alone without being able to look at him whenever I wanted, did you?”

  “No. I guess not,” I replied. Why did I feel so raw, so torn and undone?

  “There is one right above the mobile. I can see him sleeping from anywhere.”

  I smiled and looked around the room for a camera. “I’m going to take a shower. By any chance are there cameras in there too?” I asked.

  “Of course,” he replied. I didn’t mind. I laughed and shook my head.

  “Will you call me later?”

  “You call me when you land.”

  “I will. I love you, Drew.”

  “I love you too, baby.”

  I thought about calling Dawson, but changed my mind. One, I didn’t want Drew to know that I was calling him, and two, I wanted to surprise him. He wasn’t expecting me for two more days. I knew it would be later when I got home. I thought I would just show up at his house.

  I showered and walked downstairs to wait for Gary. I opened Drew’s office door, and Celeste was sitting at Drew’s desk. I wasn’t expecting to see her there. I had assumed she was with Drew. She was on the phone barking orders. I thought she sounded a lot like Drew. I felt sorry for the person on the other end. She smiled and waved me inside. I didn’t really want to talk to her. I was just going to leave Drew a little note on his desk.

  I listened while she talked.

  “I don’t care. If I wanted your excuses, I would have asked for them. You take care of this, and you take care of it now. Do I make myself clear?”

  Wow, she was beautiful and powerful. Was she doing my husband? That was the question that I wanted answered. I was sure that she was. She was gorgeous, strong, and proud. She was a female version of Drew.

  “Sorry about that,” she smiled and sat in his chair once she hung up.

  “Um, it’s okay. I was just going to leave Drew a note. I didn’t know you were here. I will just text him.” I wasn’t sure why, but I was intimidated by this women.

  “Sit down, let’s talk.”

  What the fuck? I didn’t want to talk to her. I didn’t even like her, and I sure as hell didn’t like her spending more time with my husband than I did.

  I sat. Just like I would have had Drew told me to. I didn’t speak. I wasn’t about to speak first. I had no idea what to say to her. We had never even spoke before, other than the polite, hello, how are you?

  “How’s the pregnancy coming?” she asked.

  “Oh, moving right along,” I awkwardly replied.

  She smiled. “Morgan, I hope you don’t think that there is anything going on between Drew and myself.”

  What the hell? Did I make it obvious? I decided to be honest.

  “I do worry about the two of you traveling and spending so much time together. Things happen,” I point blank told her. She laughed. The bitch laughed. I mean really laughed. She thought I was being silly. I could tell.

  She stood and took her purse from the hook on the closet door. I wondered what she was doing when she pulled out a picture of the cutest little blonde haired boy ever.

  “This is my son, Vincent,” she said. I smiled at the little guy. He was adorable and had her blonde hair and emerald green eyes. She was married. I hoped she was happily married, but still, even married people slipped.

  “This is my companion,” she said handing me another picture of her, the little boy and another beautiful dark haired female.

  Oh my God. She’s gay.

  I looked up to her smiling down at me.

  “I promise, nothing would ever happen between your husband and me. He’s not really my type,” she teased.

  I smiled. That made me feel so much better.

  “Does Drew know?”

  “Yes, he knows. I told him on the very first interview.”

  That bastard.

  After talking to Celeste for almost an hour, I decided that I liked her. She even made me feel important when she answered the phone and told three different people that she was busy and would get back with them.

  She didn’t ask too many questions, but I was sure that she was aware of our situation. She had to know. She knew that I was never around. I wondered how much Drew had disclosed. Did they talk? Did he confide in her?

  Marta knocked on the door letting me know that Gary was there for me.

  “Here, give me your phone,” Celeste, requested, standing.

  I handed her my phone, and she programmed her number.” If you ever need anything, you give me a call. I am here if you need to talk.”

  I smiled and thanked her. I wasn’t sure how to respond. I was a little shocked. I couldn’t believe that Celeste was gay. It was a load off of my mind, none the less. I hoped that she didn’t say anything to Drew about our talk. I was going to keep letting him think that I thought he was doing her.

  Chapter 27

  I wasn’t too excited about surprising Dawson anymore. It was almost eight before I was finally dropped off at my door. I was exhausted, my feet were killing me, and I was freezing. I wanted a hot bath and my bed. I would show up at the station the next day and surprise him. The only surprise that I cared about was how good my bed was going to feel.

  I had just stepped out of the shower when my best, annoying friend came popping into the bathroom, calling my name.

  I wrapped myself in a towel just in time.

  “I thought you weren’t getting home until Friday,” Lauren said, dropping her flannel pants and pissing in my toilet.

  “I decided to come home early,” I couldn’t even be
mad at her. I missed her audacity. Only Lauren would unlock my door, burst into the bathroom while I was naked, and drop her pants in front of me.

  “What?” I asked, wondering what the glare was all about.

  “You were with Drew,” she demanded, following me out.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked, sliding on a pair of panties and a night shirt.

  “You’re an idiot, Ry. You have no idea how much that man loves you,” she stated.

  “Yes. I’m sure I have a pretty good idea. What is your problem?”

  “Did Drew give you the hickey?”

  “What?” I hadn’t seen a hickey and had even showered in front of a full length mirror. It was all steamed over, but still.

  “Yeah, right below your collarbone.”

  I pulled my shirt out to look.

  Fuck. Shit. Fuck. I’m going to kill him.

  “Lauren, you can’t say anything to Dawson,” I all but begged.

  “I can’t believe you, Riley. If you don’t want him, tell him. Stop letting him think that you are going to marry him, and he’s going to live happily ever after.”

  “I do want that, Lauren,” I assured her.

  “So, you’re going to divorce Drew now?”

  Shit.

  “Lauren, you have no idea what this is like for me.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You’re right, Ry. I have no idea how hard it must be for you to keep two good looking men going. You poor little thing.”

  “Don’t do this, Lauren. This is really none of your business.”

  “You are absolutely right, Riley or Morgan or whatever the hell your name is. It is none of my business, but it is Dawson’s. Are you planning on telling him that you just spent the last three days fucking your husband?”

  “Really, Lauren?” I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. She was pissed.

  “Yeah, Ry. Really?” she replied and left me standing dumbstruck in my room.

  I pulled my covers back and crawled into bed with my cellphone.

  “You stupid son of bitch,” I yelled as soon as Drew answered.

  “Why am I a stupid son of a bitch now?” he asked.

  “You know why. I can’t believe you did this again. My best friend just stormed out of here pissed as hell because you had to go and leave your mark again. What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “You didn’t mind last night while I was doing it.”

  “I hate you, Drew Kelly,” I stated. I did hate him. I was sick of him swooping in and out of my life and screwing everything up.

  “That’s too bad because I love the shit out of you.”

  “It’s not funny, Drew,” I pouted.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You are not, you’re…whoa,” I stopped when the baby’s foot almost came out of my stomach.

  “What’s wrong, Morgan?” Drew asked alarmed.

  “Nothing, the baby just kicked me.”

  “That’s because he is pissed off at you.”

  “No. He’s pissed off at you for upsetting me.”

  “No. He’s pissed off at you because you are making me miss it all. You should be in my bed, and my hand should be right there.”

  Well, shit…

  I was at my wits end. I couldn’t take either one of these men anymore. I needed to get away. I needed a break. My daily talks with Drew, sneaking off to meet him, lying to Dawson, Lauren thinking any of it was her business, I couldn’t take it. I was going to lose my mind if I didn’t decide on one of my men soon.

  I stayed on the phone with Drew until almost eleven. I couldn’t hold my eyes open for one more second when I finally told him I was falling asleep and would talk to him the next day.

  Although I did sleep well, I felt like a horrible person when I woke. I felt bad for betraying Dawson, I felt bad for leading Drew on, I felt bad for being a bad friend to Lauren and I felt bad for having Star lie for me.

  I got up, dressed and headed into town. My first stop was to see Star. I needed to talk to someone that wasn’t going to judge me.

  We took our coffee and headed to her office.

  “Talk to me,” Star said. She knew something was up.

  “Star. Help me. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.”

  She sipped her coffee and peered over her cup. I couldn’t read her. Was she mad at me too? She sighed and sat her cup down.

  “What’s your heart telling you, Ry?”

  “I don’t know,” I whined. I had decided just the day before that I wanted Drew, but now that I was back in Misty Bay, I wanted Dawson.

  Star took a sheet of paper and drew a line down the middle. I snickered a little. I had watched Drew do this same Ben Franklin close so many times on different prospects. I knew what she was doing.

  “This is Dawson, and this is Drew,” she explained, writing their names at the top. “Only pluses first,” she said. “Tell me one reason why you love Dawson,” she persuaded with her pen ready to begin.

  I went through a long list of why’s. He was sweet, he loved me, he could read me like a book, he knew how I liked my tea, he was there for me when I needed him, he had never made me feel beneath him, I went on and on. Star had the whole side of the page filled. I could have probably thought of a few more, but I figured that was enough. She moved her pen just below Drew’s name and looked up to me waiting to start.

  I snorted and sucked in a deep breath.

  “Drew is so damn good in bed,” I said. Star smiled and wrote, great lover. “I can’t feel up a whole page with Drew, Star.” I told her honestly. “Drew drives me insane. Drew can push every button that I have. Drew makes me laugh when I feel like I am ready to fall apart, the sad part is, he doesn’t mean to. His scent, his lips, his eyes, his touch, they all drive me crazy. I wouldn’t say that is love, just something about him. Drew makes me want to swim with sharks. Dawson makes me realize the safer alternative.”

  “Like what?” Star asked, she had stopped writing and was just listening now.

  “Like feeding goldfish,” I laughed. It was the truth. Dawson made me rationalize before I did stupid things. Drew lived in the moment. Dawson would have never climbed up that rock wall, let alone had sex in the open universe.

  “Can you talk to one more than the other?” she asked, tapping her pen on the desk in a slow tap, tap, tap, motion.

  I thought for a second. “Not really. I mean, I guess I tend to keep silent more with Daw, I feel like I care about hurting his feeling more so than Drew. I don’t have a bit of problem telling Drew where to go. I don’t really talk to Dawson like that. He would never talk to me like that.”

  “I see,” she replied.

  “You see what?”

  Star sat back and crossed her arms. “I think you know who you want to be with. I think you have known all along, and I think that you are afraid that the one person who could fix the pain is the one who caused it.”

  “You think I should choose Drew?”

  “I think you already have,” she spoke, honestly.

  Fuck…

  “But what if this baby turns out to be Dawson’s? It’s a very good possibility.”

  “Cross that bridge when it gets here. I’m going to miss you,” Star said, like she knew that I was going to leave. I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know what to say. “You need to talk to Dawson, Ry.”

  “I know,” I admitted. I just hated the thought of it. “I don’t want to hurt him, Star.”

  “You’re hurting him more by sneaking around with your husband.”

  “Maybe, if he knew, that is.”

  “He knows, Ry.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He talks to me. I shouldn’t say that he knows. He speculates.”

  “You think he knows that I have been with Drew?”

  Star nodded. I wanted to get back on the plane and get the hell out of dodge. I didn’t want to face him. Shit. He knew. What the hell was I supposed to sa
y to him?

  I hung around with Star until almost two. I knew that Dawson took his lunch from two to three and I had planned on meeting him and maybe going to Millie’s for lunch. I felt my nerves stand on end with every tick from the Indian wall clock above my head.

  Star hugged me and told me to call her. I thanked her for being my friend and not judging me the way that my so called best friend, Lauren, had.

  I pulled over to the curb when I saw Dawson walking down the sidewalk. I smiled a sad smile at the sight of him. I really didn’t want to hurt him any more than I had. I couldn’t believe that he knew that I wasn’t at my mom’s. He never mentioned it when I had talked to him the day before. I lost my smile pretty quick.

  What the fuck?

  I watched Lauren run up behind him and jump on his back. He carried her for a few steps before she slid off. They were laughing and flirting. Was this why Lauren was so interested in my plans with Dawson? I watched Dawson hold the door open at Millie’s for her. I couldn’t help but notice the look between the two as she passed.

  I sat dumbfounded for a few minutes, trying to process what if anything was going on. Dawson didn’t have lunch with Lauren. They never hung out. How did I feel about it? That was when I knew exactly who I belonged with. I thought about how it made me feel to think of Dawson with someone else. I smiled and shook my head. I was okay with it. I thought about Drew being with someone else and how I wanted to scratch Celeste’s eyeballs out when I thought they were being intimate. I couldn’t handle the thought of Drew being with someone, but I was okay with Dawson being with my best friend.

  I wondered about Joel, although I knew that Lauren had said she would never be serious with him. I really didn’t know that Lauren had feelings for Dawson. I guess I should have. She was very insistent on me not hurting him.

  What should I do? Should I walk in? Should I wait until later? What did Lauren tell him about our fight? I wasn’t sure what I should do. I didn’t want to embarrass either one of them. I decided to wait until later in the evening. I wanted to talk to Lauren first. I could very well just be an innocent lunch, and I was reading more into it than I should have been.

  I patiently waited for Lauren to get home, staring out the window. She pulled into her drive five hours later. I knew she wouldn’t come over like she normally did. She was pissed at me.