Case of the Hot Dog

by Erik Schubach

  I shook my head at the opportunistic boy. I muttered, “Just like a man, thinking with your stomach,” as I smiled at him and 'accidentally' dropped a piece of the sandwich on the floor as I took a bite. He hoovered it up like a pro.

  I cringed, Border Collie egg farts were not pleasant. And barring me being, well, behind bars tonight, he slept on my bed. I crinkled my nose at him. Maybe only a couple nibbles of bread for him for now.

  Couldn't they at least have left me my phone so I had something to do? My nervous apprehension had slowly given way to boredom. Boredom is boring, which is likely why they call it that. I could only count the floor tiles so many times before I start giving each one their own name.

  I started tapping my fingers on the table in a syncopated beat. My foot absently tapping in time, clinked on the chain and cuffs on the floor. I glanced at Calvin, who cocked his head at me, then I started really getting into it, drumming on the table clinking the chains and humming, creating my own jailhouse rock. Calvin thought that was the best thing ever as he made silly doggie sounds and turned himself in a circle once, tail lashing side to side.

  Then I hesitated when I realized the door had opened, my hand halfway to the table as I stalled in my arm flailing drum solo. Detective Graves stood there, one eyebrow cocked, Jane, standing behind him looking embarrassed for me, not that I wasn't plenty embarrassed for myself.

  Then I blanched, and my eyes swung up to the cameras with their evil red lights blinking. This was all being recorded. Ok, I was mortified just about then. This was going to wind up online somewhere, wasn't it?

  A squeaky voice behind them prompted, “Can we get this started please?” I smiled as Pollyanna Rothenburg pushed past the unimpressed detectives, her broken satchel briefcase, overflowing with papers, hugged tight to her chest as she squinted at me, trying to make me out.

  Her quarter inch thick glasses were perched atop her head like a hairband holding back the wild flyaway mousy brown hair that hung just below her shoulders. It was over a hundred degrees outside, yet the woman of tiny stature and slight figure still wore the grandma sweaters the thirty-something lawyer was partial to.

  Calvin went to greet her properly. She stumbled back into Graves, who started entering the room after her. He caught her before she fell. Polly was squeaking, “Animal! There's an animal in here!”

  I started giggling as I called out to her, “It's just Calvin, Polly.”

  She hesitated and then squinted at what probably looked like a black and white blur to the woman.

  “Oh.” I guess that was all she needed to hear.

  She let go of her overflowing leather briefcase with one hand and started patting the pockets of her sweater as she squinted my way. I smiled broadly at her. She was my cousin, and one of the best contract lawyers I had ever met in Manhattan. Well, true, I've not met any other contract lawyers, but she was almost as painstakingly meticulous as me in the details.

  I pantomimed patting the top of my head, and she reached up and touched hers, grinned, and slid the mammoth glasses down to perch on her nose to make her look like a big-eyed bird. She looked down to see Cal and smiled as she crouched, some paperwork slipping from her briefcase to the floor as she scritched Calvin's ears. The fuzzy boy is spoiled I tell you, a born and bred touch slut.

  She scrambled to pick up the fallen papers into her fist as she stood again, smiling at me, waving the fistful of paperwork in greeting. “Hi Fin, how's Aunt Winfred?”

  I shrugged and gave a sheepish half smile as I supplied, “As nebulous and impulsive as ever I guess.” This caused her to snort, and I grinned. Ok, my brother may be the only normal person in our entire family.

  Detective Graves cleared his throat, and we both looked back at him. He had an expectant look on his face. Oh. Polly echoed my thought, “Oh.” Then she scurried to my side of the table, Graves lifting one of the three chairs from his side to place beside me so Polly could sit.

  He sat as Jane closed the door behind them, moved to the wall and crouched to greet Calvin.

  Graves shot her a warning look. She just held a hand up and looked away, indicating she wasn't going to interfere... again.

  He opened a folder which was a little thicker than the last one he had, and my anxiety started spiking at a picture of me on one of the papers. He had my record. And even though it was the misdemeanor I was charged with when I set the lab animals free, it still had my heart racing. I started wringing my fingers. I felt like a criminal. I needed to clean something, organize something. I didn't do anything, well except break a window... and steal a dog.

  Polly was busy shuffling papers as my anxiety threatened to catch my hair on fire. But I relaxed a bit when Calvin padded over to put his head on my knee and give a little whine. I remembered to breathe.

  Detective Graves looked at Polly, then gave a questioning look back over his shoulder at Jane, who shrugged. Then he flipped a card in his hand, edge over edge until he scanned it again and asked,

  “Miss Rothenburg... contract law? This is a criminal investigation.” He looked at me and started to

  ask, “Are you sure you...”

  I gave a toothy grin when Polly got her paperwork all straightened up, then looked up confidently, clasping her hands on top of the stack and met his eyes squarely. “Now, that everything is sorted, why do you have my client in interrogation? I'm told she was read her rights but not advised of the charges.

  Are there charges? Is she under arrest?”

  It was like a light switch had been flipped, and the mousy and scatterbrained woman became a confident and sure litigator. It wasn't the first time I had witnessed it. She did the same whenever negotiating contracts for me with more persnickety dog owners who wished their lawyers to review my contracts, which Polly had crafted, to ensure I can give the best care and service to my clients.

  The man blinked at the sudden change of bearing and the almost forcefulness of her inquiries.

  “Well, no, but we have some ques...”

  She stood as she interrupted, “Alright then.” She looked at me expectantly while scooping up her paperwork into her briefcase. “Come along Finnegan, we can go now.”

  She looked over at the man who looked beyond frustrated as I hesitantly stood, looking over to a shocked but amused looking Jane who was leaning against the wall. She shrugged, so I stood, feeling like we were sneaking out of jail or something.

  The Detective exhaled loudly and said, “This is a murder investigation, we just need to ask your client a few questions.” Then he added with a bit of a growl in his tone, “We can charge her with willful destruction of property, vandalism, and theft for removing the dog from the car.”

  Polly dragged me by the hand as she dismissed his threat, Calvin padding by my side, dragging his leash behind. “Misdemeanor, misdemeanor, and... are you serious man, theft? When the charges are filed, you can reach me at the number on my card. Anything else before I bring my client home? She is more than willing to cooperate IF you have the proper paperwork. Until then, good day detectives.”

  I pulled us to a halt as Jane opened the door, a smug and almost satisfied look on her face. I asked,

  “Where's Oscar? I have to get him to a vet to get checked out.” She exhaled, clearly not wanting to tell me something.

  Polly stood there expectantly, squinting at us, her glasses now back up on the top of her head.

  Jane said to me while keeping a wary eye on my cousin, “It would be a big help if you spoke to us sooner than later, Miss May. The longer we wait. the harder it will be to bring the woman's murderer to justice.”

  I winced at that. She was playing on the fact she knew I was doing everything in my power not to dwell on the reality that some poor woman had just died. Crap... now it was in my head and eating at my insides. Her poor dog wouldn't understand that she was gone. My eyes shot to Calvin. He had lost

  his mother in much the same way. Oh god, I needed to organize something, clean something to get my mind off of it.
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  Then I realized what she was doing, she was counting on me feeling this way. Guilt trip!

  My eyes narrowed, as I said cooly, ignoring just how great she looked in the form fitting black tee and jeans, her badge on her hip and gun in its shoulder holster, “It's Miss May now is it, Detective McLeary?” I over-enunciated the word detective. She was being her usual jerk cop self now.

  She shrugged, smug with herself. Then she prompted, “Graves is the sort of asshole who would really press those charges just out of spite.” The man started to protest but she cocked an eyebrow at him, and he deflated and shrugged in acceptance. It would have been almost funny if it wasn't my fate we were talking about.

  Then she added, “And really, you did do those things, good reason or not. Only a law enforcement officer or a duly appointed representative is authorized to do property damage to extricate an animal or child from a hot vehicle.”

  I narrowed my eyes at her, she was trying to play dirty, but I was already going to help, she must know that about me, right? If she didn't, she was going to get an ear full tonight at home. Polly was lowering her glasses, a prelude to her professional, tough as nails persona coming out to play again. I laid a hand on her arm then said to Jane, “I'll answer your questions. I was planning to anyway.”

  Then I gave her a sour look. “And for your information, I 'am' a duly appointed representative, look it up in the municipal code. I hold a kennel license because the city has a stupid law that anyone who boards an animal for pay has to have one. And the list of representatives includes kennels, vets, and park workers. So I broke no laws.”

  Put that in your craw sideways wench, and like it.

  She looked a little surprised at that little tidbit of information, then her sly look turned into a grin of amusement. I knew she would be looking that up the moment I left. Then she softened. “So you'll tell us what you know?”

  I shook my head. “I don't know anything, but I'll tell... you. Not him.” I stabbed a finger toward Graves. Her smug look was back. I was so conflicted. Half of me wanted the wipe that grin off her face the other just wished I could get another kiss from her one day. It made me so frustrated that I didn't understand my own sexuality anymore.

  Polly looked a little concerned, and I gave her a smile to let her know it was ok. She held up a finger and prompted, “I'd advise against it. There is no question that you should cooperate, but not at the expense of proper jurisprudence. There's paperwork that...”

  I sighed and interrupted, “Someone died. I don't know anything, but if I can help, I will.” I nudged

  a thumb at Jane. “This one is ornery, and disorganized, but I'll speak to her.”

  Graves started to protest but Jane shook her head at him and gave a look that begged some leeway.

  He harrumphed and handed her the folder. Then my roommate made an ushering motion to us, her straight black bobbed hair shone in the bright lights of the room, and her almond shaped eyes which held a hint of Asian heritage were focused on me. I swallowed.

  Polly gave me one last cautionary look then we took our seats again. Calvin took the opportunity to coax a good head scratch from Polly when he put his head cutely on her lap after she slid her glasses down onto her nose to go back into battle mode. Transformer, thy name is Pollyanna.

  I laid a hand on her arm and smiled as I shook my head once. “It's fine. I can handle this jerk cop.”

  She looked confused as Jane smirked at me. Oh, I guess I should have told my cousin that the detective we were facing off with now was my roommate and my... hmmm... what was Jane to me? Girlfriend?

  I wish.

  We were sort of each others... something. I mean, neither of us have dated since I found I was attracted to the overbearing control freak. It felt like we were dating but without, you know, the dating part or physicality, and that was driving me insane.

  Jane glanced at the papers in the folder and then exhaled and said, “Besides knowing it wasn't you, to begin with, Fin, a security camera caught an individual pulling up in the vehicle a full fifteen minutes before you walked past.”

  I stood, eyes wide, voice raising. “You let me sit in here all this time, stressing Calvin, and you had a video of the whole thing?” Well, he wasn't quite stressing as his tail was wagging as he watched us, but that's beside the point.

  She stood, matching my raised voice in irritation, planting her fists on the table and leaning toward me. “We didn't have the video until just before your lawyer arrived, 'Miss' May.”

  Oh.

  I didn't have a response to that. So I leaned in, our faces inches apart as I glared at her, “Fine.”

  She responded in frustration, “Fine.”

  I shouted back, “Fine!” Calvin thought it all great fun and barked once, tail swishing and tongue lolling.

  We glared at each other, daring the other to blink. Then she smiled, causing me to blush, and she sat back down. Her tone was back to calm professional as she prompted with a little smile as I sat, “So runt, tell me everything. Think of the details, even the littlest thing could help.”

  Polly spoke up in my defense, “Disparaging my client will not precipitate...”

  I placed a hand on her arm again. “It's ok, Polly.”

  She exhaled in exasperation and nodded.

  I laced my hands in front of me and squinted my eyes at Jane. “I really don't know that I can help,

  'detective' McLeary. I was just walking by, saw the poor dog being baked alive, and I acted. I called the police, and then your stormtroopers were roughly manhandling me and dragging me here without telling me what was going on. Threatening to shoot Calvin.”

  Polly bristled and Jane stiffened. Oh, she didn't know that part did she?

  I unclasped my hands and absently rubbed my wrists where the angry red lines were being joined by the first signs of bruising. Jane's eyes were trained on my wrists, and I saw that predatory fire in them which first ignited something inside me when we met. Someone was going to be in a world of hurt soon, and I was glad it wasn't me.

  Detective Graves said, “For God's sake. Someone was murdered, and you're pussyfooting around McLeary, show her the picture, maybe that can get her more cooperative.”

  Picture? Picture of what?

  My ebony haired extra from a paranormal cop show turned to him, eyes wide, “I'm not showing her the body, Dan.” He crossed his arms as I felt bile rising again, agreeing with Jane... don't show me pictures of a dead body, please.

  Hey, I'm not a lightweight, I just feel for the victims, so stop looking at me like that.

  She looked at me and tilted her head, nudging her chin up to get me to look at her dark brown eyes.

  How could someone who is such a hard-ass have such beautiful, caring eyes? They are so dark that it's always hard for me to distinguish where her pupils ended, and her irises began. It gave depth to them I could almost fall into.

  Focus Finnegan!

  She started again, almost softly, “Think Finny. Close your eyes, let's start with something simple.

  What color was the car?”

  I squinted at her and accused, “You know the color of the...”

  She shook her head and cut me off, “I know, but I'm just trying to get you to picture the scene.”

  I rolled my eyes at her and then closed them, trying to picture the moment I saw the poor little long-haired dachshund panting as he lay on the back seat of the vehicle as we passed by.

  I nodded and pictured it in my head. “It was a gold two-tone Lexus IS four-door. Low profile rims, brushed chrome with gold highlights, red Lexus insignia on the hubs, recently went through a bad carwash as there were still streaks of dirt on the side-panels. E-Z Pass toll tag on the windshield, crooked. I heart my dachshund license plate frames with one bolt missing on the front frame.”

  I opened my eyes at a sound from Graves, he looked surprised, eyes wide with his thick caterpillar

  salt and pepper eyebrows arching slightly. Jane looked back at him and o
ffered, “She's a little OCD so notices things most people don't. Like dirt streaks.” He cocked an eyebrow at her.

  I grumped as I crossed my arms over my chest, blowing a curl out of my face. “I am not obsessive compulsive.” Much.

  She ignored my whining and asked, “What else?”

  I asked snarkily, “You mean besides Oscar in the back seat, barely conscious on the verge of heat stroke and worse?”

  Detective Graves pushed off the wall. “Who is Oscar? Was he there when you...”

  I interrupted, supplying, “The dog. He doesn't have a collar or tags, which is weird because he is well groomed, and the car is upper class.”

  He leaned back against the wall, looking like I was wasting their time. I felt the same. Jane was writing something though as she smirked and asked, “Oscar, really? Because he's a wiener dog?”

  I grinned. She had me describe what I saw in the car even though the police were no doubt going through it all as we spoke. Then she asked about the people around me, did anyone look out of place or look too interested in the car or what I was doing?

  I shrugged., “It's Manhattan. Most people just kept moving along except a few lookie-loos who recorded it all on their cells.”

  She straightened at that and looked at Detective Graves. He moved to the door quickly and murmured something about canvassing and cell phones to one of the uniforms, who jogged off.

  Jane looked pleased and said, “Thanks, Finny.”

  I smiled, happy I said something that they thought was helpful. I certainly didn't feel helpful since I didn't see anything. I was concentrating on making sure Oscar was ok.

  Then she looked at the senior detective as she said to me in a challenge to him, “You did better than you think, Finnegan.” Graves nodded at her then she turned back to me. “You need a ride home or...”

  Polly spoke up, “I've got her from here, thank you very much, Detective McLeary.” Then she shook her head at me and muttered, “Honestly.”

  I grinned at her consternation with Jane. See? It isn't just me.