No Longer Weak

by Lyra Parish

  I fell into a nightmare. Jesse chased me through the woods. The sounds of crisp leaves crunched with every step I took. I ran into blackness. I ran so hard I couldn’t catch enough breath. It burned like iced air. When I turned around to see whether she was behind me, she disappeared. I stopped running and searched for her until I heard the click of a gun and felt a coldness on my temple.

  “I’ll always find you, Jennifer. I’ll find you. I’ll find your sister. I’ll find Finnley. I’ll find Luke. All of you will be dead,” she whispered in my ear, then licked up my neck with a tongue long and slithering like a snake’s. I struggled to get away from her and screamed.

  “Shhh. Shhh. It’s going to be okay. Jennifer. It’s going to be okay,” Luke said. He had turned on the light and was shaking me awake. I sat up, tears streaming down my face. He opened his arms, and I fell into them.

  “I was helping Finnley set up the spare bedroom and heard you screaming. You’re okay,” he said. Luke spoke softly, as though I were a child.

  “The nightmares. Ever since—” I pulled away from him.

  “I wish I could take it all away. All the memories of what happened. I wish it wasn’t something that you had to live with every day, and I can’t help but blame myself for it.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I said.

  We hadn’t really talked about it since the day after I was rescued.

  “I wish a lot of things were different,” he said.

  I swallowed and looked up into his eyes. I knew he was referring to us.

  Finnley walked into the room and leaned against the doorframe. All the air seemed to escape from the room. Luke reached over and squeezed my shoulder. Finnley smiled and left the room.

  “We have to talk, Jennifer. I feel like I’ve been avoiding you. Avoiding seeing you. Avoiding everything that has to do with you.”

  I sucked in a sharp breath that cut as it went down and swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not. I’m not sorry for feeling the way I did for you, and I never will be. I know you’ve chosen my brother, and I really believe the two of you are meant for each other. That’s obvious. But I like to think that in an alternate universe, Jennifer Downs fell in love with and decided to spend the rest of her life with me.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” I said. It all seemed like too much.

  “Nothing at all.” He placed his hand on my shoulder and gently squeezed, then trailed his fingers down to my hand and squeezed again.

  “You woke something in me that I hadn’t felt in a long time, and though it sometimes pains me to look at you, I know that you’re happy, and that my brother is happy, and that makes me happy. I don’t fault you for loving him. He’s a wonderful guy. He would do anything for you, and I can feel the love flowing between you when you look at each other. It’s beautiful, and I hope one day I’ll get to experience that too. I’m not over you yet, and there are days when I can’t stop thinking about you, but I know it has to stop, and I have to let you go because you’re already gone.”

  I squeezed his hand back and stared into his deep blue eyes. “You’re going to make someone very happy one day, Luke.”

  It all happened way too fast. Luke grabbed the bottom of my chin, leaned in, and pressed his soft lips against mine. By reaction only, my lips moved against his, and then I pulled away and stood.

  “Luke. I’m sorry. I can’t,” I said, pressing my hand against my mouth.

  His eyes were full of hurt, and his face displayed too many emotions. “I just had to know.”

  I walked out of the room and stormed downstairs.

  I couldn’t. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t handle this.

  Finnley was downstairs laughing with Abbot about something, and as soon as he looked at me, he knew something was wrong. He rushed to me and grabbed my hand, then brought me into the living room.

  “What’s wrong?” His voice was a low growl.

  Before I could even open my mouth, Luke was standing at the top of the stairs staring down at us.

  Finnley’s nostrils flared, knowing what had happened without me even uttering a word. I knew rage was circulating through him.

  FINNLEY

  Twenty

  I glanced up at Luke, then back at Jennifer.

  “What did you do, Luke?”

  This had to stop. It couldn’t go on any longer.

  I shook my head, turned quickly, and climbed the stairs two at a time toward him.

  “I kissed her,” he said, smugly crossing his arms. He stood strong, not backing away from my bubbling rage.

  We had already discussed this previously. He had said he was over it, but clearly he wasn’t.

  I stood in front of him, then reared my hand back and allowed my anger to connect with his face.

  In the distance, I heard Jennifer gasp as Luke stumbled backward until his back crashed against a picture on the wall. Then his face contorted, and he was wrapping his arms around my waist, pushing me down on the ground. We wrestled with each other, throwing punches.

  “Stop being a dick, Luke,” I said as I straddled his chest and punched him repeatedly. “You’re an arsehole!” I screamed. Before I could continue, I felt strong hands on my shoulders, pulling me off him.

  “It’s not worth it,” Abbot said low in my ear.

  I breathed heavily. My knuckles burned and I smoothed back my wild hair. Luke pulled himself from the floor and ran toward me. Abbot stood in front of me and stared Luke down.

  “Don’t ya bloody do it,” Abbot said.

  Luke stared him down but knew not to even tempt Abbot, whose fists were like steel from all the fighting he did in London.

  “Not backing down? Ya know, maybe you and Finnley should fight it out. Might be good for the two of you,” Abbot said then stepped out of the way.

  Jennifer screamed and ran up the stairs as Luke’s fist connected with my face. I stumbled before planting my feet, and threw more punches. I slammed his body against the wall and held him by his throat.

  “You’re my bloody brother.” I stared into his eyes; his right one was already swollen from the beating, and the bruises were coming to the surface.

  “I deserve this, but I’m not sorry for loving her first,” Luke said to me, then proceeded to head butt me. Blood dripped from my nose, and my lip swelled up. I grabbed his shoulders and slammed his back against the wall. Pictures fell to the ground and the glass shattered.

  “Stop, please,” Jennifer said. She tried to come toward us to stop the beating, but Abbot held her back by her shoulders. We were relentless with our blows.

  “Stop this. You didn’t fucking love her first, Luke. And she doesn’t love you back. She never has,” I said, trying to stab him in the heart with my words. He wrapped his hands around my throat, and I instantly placed mine around his, both of us squeezing as hard as we could.

  “Stop! Please don’t do this!” Jennifer screamed. The sound of her desperate voice tore me apart. My world began to fade as Luke took all the air from my lungs, and I knew his was fading too.

  “Okay. Just kidding. That really is enough.” Abbot let go of Jennifer and broke us apart. Luke and I both huddled over, gasping for air.

  I stood up and cracked my knuckles. “You touch her again and I’ll fucking kill you.”

  Luke looked at me and knew I wasn’t joking. I glanced at Jennifer and sadness filled her eyes.

  “No you won’t,” Abbot said. I looked at him throwing darts in his direction.

  “Do it, Luke. And we will all find out whether I’m bluffing.” I walked away, my face and hands burning with pain. When Jennifer saw my face, she covered her mouth with her hands. Drops of blood stained my shirt and I needed to clean up.

  “Your sister will be here soon. Let’s get cleaned up for dinner,” I said, not waiting for a response. Luke and Abbot passed me as I walked toward the bedroom. I made eye contact with both of them and slammed the door behind me.

  I had so much anger and frustration building
inside me. I walked to the bathroom, turned on the hot water, then removed my shirt, when a few knocks echoed on the outside of the door.

  I walked into the bedroom with my arms crossed against my chest, waiting.

  Abbot entered with a smile. “The two of you are fucking insane,” he said, laughing.

  My nostrils flared.

  “It’s going to be okay, though. Spoke with your brother, and he really is sorry for being such a bastard, but not for kissing your fiancé. You really gave it to him, Finn. He might have two black eyes.”

  I wiped the blood away from my nose and continued to look at Abbot. “He deserved it. He said he was over it. That I could trust him. Then the first time they are alone, he fucking kisses her? Jennifer is already an emotional wreck. I don’t need him confusing or adding more pressure on her. She doesn’t feel that way about him. She never has.”

  “Then what are you worried about?”

  Abbot’s words echoed out as the door cracked open and Jennifer stepped in. The air in the room was heavy, unbreathable almost. “How about a little fucking control, Finnley? Did you see what you did to Luke? It killed me inside to watch that and not be able to stop it. Like Abbot said, you have nothing to worry about. I’m not going anywhere. That”—she pointed toward the living room—“was unnecessary.”

  Abbot burst in with hefty laughter, though nothing was funny. “I think she just told you off.”

  I walked back into the bathroom and slammed the door. I didn’t want to look at either of them. Luke had to know this wasn’t a game, that Jennifer was mine. He would have to control his emotions. I stood in front of the mirror, hovering over the sink and looking at the scratches, while feeling the tenderness on my face. Abbot swung the door open. Privacy didn’t exist in his world.

  “I thought instead of making a scene, I would tell you both what I’ve learned. The driver’s name was Darrel Freeman. I dialed the last number in his phone, and a familiar voice answered. Jesse. She asked if I had the van parked in the garage at the Elite building. I muttered it was done to shut her up. So we were the targets. She also asked whether Jennifer was taken care of, and I told her yes. The problem is, when none of these things happen, she will most likely spiral into an uncontrollable rage. I’ve dealt with psychopaths like her before. We must be a step ahead of her at all times. If we aren’t, someone could get hurt, or even killed.” Abbot glanced at Jennifer, then me.

  How many curve balls would get thrown at me today? How many could I catch? “I understand. We should prepare for what will happen next. How much time do you reckon we have?”

  “Twenty-four hours. Forty-eight at the most.” Abbot patted me on the shoulder then walked out of the bathroom.

  I turned back to the sink without acknowledging Jennifer. I couldn’t, not right now. I needed to calm down first.

  Jennifer stepped into the bathroom as I undressed and stepped into the shower. “Are you worried?” she asked.

  Blood mixed with the warm water that streamed down my body. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore that she was even talking. I didn’t want to say something I would regret.

  She pulled the glass door open and stared at me as I washed my hair. “Are you fucking worried?”

  Her eyes didn’t move from mine when I looked at her. “Worried about what?”

  There were so many things that I could be worried about at the moment: Jesse, Luke, and life in general. How could I answer that question?

  “That I’m going to leave you for him? Do you trust me at all? I don’t understand what your issue with this is. You know love better than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s not that easy to turn your feelings off. Let me reiterate, just in case you somehow forgot: I don’t want anyone but you. But let me say that beating your brother to a bloody pulp because he kissed me was unnecessary. I wanted to tell you because you needed to know, but I didn’t have the chance before you went into attack mode. You’re my fiancé, the man that I plan to spend the rest of my life with. I didn’t expect you to beat the shit out of him for a kiss that meant nothing to me. I promised to be honest. I’m disappointed with your lack of control.” She slammed the glass door closed, followed by the bathroom door.

  Her words repeated over and over in my head as I washed my burning bloody skin.

  You know love better than anyone …

  Jennifer had a point. I did know love, and I knew loving her was easy. Could I really fault Luke for falling in love with Jennifer? No. But I could fault him for making moves on my fiancé, especially since he’s my brother. Maybe he lost control, just like I had on his face.

  Though he was wrong, it would be my responsibility to make this right.

  JENNIFER

  Twenty-one

  I couldn’t believe they would fight each other like animals over a kiss. If I would have felt something—anything—when it had happened, I could have understood his reasoning. But I hadn’t. There was a complete void of emotions. Kissing me meant something for Luke, and that was where the problem lay.

  I picked up my cellphone and texted him, needing to make sure he was okay.

  Me: Luke, I’m so sorry.

  Luke: I’m not. I would do it all over again just to feel your mouth on mine. It’s something that I will remember and treasure for the rest of my life. I often think back to Paris and have too many what if’s left unanswered.

  Me: We can’t do this.

  Luke: I know. It won’t happen again.

  Me: You have to come back so we can talk about this like adults.

  Luke: No.

  For some reason, I felt like I had done something wrong, though I knew I hadn’t. Should I have told Finnley? Yes. There was no doubt about that, but then again, I hadn’t expected that reaction from either of them. Emotions were soaring, and though Abbot found the whole thing extremely comical, the rest of us knew how serious the situation was. I didn’t want to be the person who ended a brothers’ bond.

  The smells of Finnley filled the room. I looked over and saw him standing at the edge of the stairs. His face was pink from the fight, but somehow he had walked away with mere scratches and no black eyes. He glanced at me then walked into the kitchen. I leaned back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. This was a mess, and I couldn’t stand the tension.

  I stood and walked to the kitchen, where Finnley was pouring a glass of water.

  “What is your problem?” I asked, leaning on the door.

  Finnley took two steps toward me, completely erasing the space between us. He looked down at me, not saying a word, and that was more powerful than anything he could have said.

  “My problem is that I don’t like to share.”

  I swallowed and sucked in a deep breath. “You don’t have to,” I said. “But Luke is your brother. Your only brother.”

  “I don’t care who he is. I will not share you with anyone. He should have never done that. Ever. It’s disrespectful in every sense. It’s almost unforgiveable.” Finnley’s tone was harsh, full of anger, and he didn’t try to hold back how he felt. His walls were down.

  “I-I-I don’t expect you to.”

  He grabbed my chin between his fingers and forced me to look up at him.

  My arms fell beside my body, and I gasped.

  “I won’t,” he said, then leaned down, kissed my neck, and trailed kisses up to my ear. “So don’t expect me to. I will always react this way when it comes to you.”

  A chill swept over my body. Hearing him say those words made me melt from the inside out. He leaned his body against mine until my back rested against the doorframe. All I could smell was his clean body and soap that reminded me of fresh mountain air. His palms rested on the side of my neck. He pulled me closer to him, then dipped his head down and connected his lips with mine, but with more behind the kiss than before. Protection, hurt, and anger mixed together and created a combination of strong emotions that he poured into his touch.

  “What will you do when our love isn’t new anymore? When we fall into a routine
of just being with each other? When it doesn’t feel like this?” I asked.

  “I will never stop trying. Every day I want to win your love. Every day I want to fall in love with you all over again. Just because I will be married to you, doesn’t mean I won’t date you, court you, or go the extra mile to impress you for the rest of our lives. Isn’t that one of the most beautiful thoughts in the world? To be able to win your love every single day. I know that today I lost control. I know that I should have handled myself better, but when it comes to you, I lose myself.”

  I had no words. I swallowed and looked into his green eyes as love swirled within me.

  “Every day that you’re with me, I fall in love. I never want to be without you, Finn. I can’t. I wouldn’t be whole. This is my life now, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. And I’ve accepted Abbot. I’ve accepted Luke and the fact that I have a sister. I won’t lie; it’s a lot to take in all at once. Most of all, I’ve accepted your love and you. You’re mine forever.”

  “I love you, babe,” Finnley whispered over my mouth.

  “I love you more.”

  As Finnley dipped his head down to kiss me, the doorbell rang. We stared at each other, and it rang again. Finnley went to the front door and opened it. Charlie stood there with buckets of chicken, and pints of sides. Behind him stood the ghost of my mother. My nerves teetered on edge as Finnley instantly transformed into the perfect gentleman.

  “Thank you, Charlie. Caitlyn, welcome.” Finnley stepped to the side and allowed them both to come in. Abbot drifted down the stairs and helped Charlie with the plastic bags full of food.

  “Hi Cait!” I gave her a hug because Texans were huggers. Charlie set the food on the table, and I grabbed plates and silverware from the drawer. Finnley helped me place them around.

  “Charlie, you’ll stay for dinner, won’t you?” Finnley asked.

  “No, sir. I appreciate the offer,” Charlie said, shooting a wink in my direction.

  The smells of mashed potatoes, fried chicken, and corn filled the room. We passed around buckets and pints of sides, with spoons stuck inside them. We all acted as if nothing had happened just an hour earlier. I hated it, but understood it was an act. What kind of impression would that make for my sister?